TSOU - The Battle that Ended the Century
vonj...@hotmail.com
starting to recover. Even though greatly delayed, I now present:
The Shadow over Usenet
"The Battle that Ended the Century"
(This TSOU posting is dedicated to Governor of Minnesota Jesse "The
Body" Ventura)
Sources: _Miscellaneous Writings_, Arkham.
Synopsis: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to New York City on the eve
of the year 2001. In this corner, weighing in at 185 pounds, is the
Terror of the Plains, Twoooo-Guuun-Bob! And in this corner, weighing
in at 205 pounds, is the Wild Wolf of West Shokan, Knockout Bernie!
In the audience we have esteemed and honored individuals from across
the country on hand to witness this battle for the title. Now, let's
get ready to rumble!
Comments: Yes, I was dead serious with the above description. "The
Battle that Ended the Century" is indeed a humorous piece which might
be described as "Lovecraft's friends become professional wrestlers".
"Two-Gun Bob" is Robert E. Howard, inventor of Conan; "Knockout
Bernie" is Bernard Austin Dwyer, a renowned horror fan. A great deal
of fun is poked at various of Lovecraft's friends and enemies:
"Before the battle the auguries were determined by the venerated
Thibetan Lama Bill Lum Li, who evoked the primal serpent-god of Valusia
and found unmistakable signs of victory for both sides." (William Lumley,
a writer and occultist)
"Throughout the event notes were taken by M. le Comte d'Erlette
for a 200-volume novel-cycle in the Proustian manner, to be entitled
_Morning in September_" (August Derleth, who had shown HPL his MS. for
_Evening in Spring_"
"...illustrated by the well-known artist Klarkash-Ton (who
esoterically depicted the fighters as boneless fungi..." (Clark Ashton
Smith)
"...[the story of the fight] being revised by Horse Power Hateart."
(Don't think too hard on this one.)
The tale also features such figures as Teaberry Quince (Seabury
Quinn), Frank Chimesleep Short, Jr. (Frank Long), Ivar K. Rodent (Hugo
Gernsback, known to HPL as Hugo the Rat), and Otis Adelbert Kline (Otis
Adelbert Kline - a mistake by the authors).
This story seems to have been the work of Barlow, which Lovecraft
touched up and added many of the names which give the tale its humor.
The two of them then had fifty copies mailed to their correspondents
from Washington, DC, where it could not be linked to either of them.
Both Lovecraft and Barlow told their friends that they knew nothing
about it, but the manuscript and their letters to each other show
otherwise.
I'll leave it to someone else to track down Cohen's Garage, as I'm
pretty tired at this point. See everyone at chat. The story for next
week is "The Shadow out of Time" (and if someone knows what the six
deleted sentences were, please let us know). Bye!
Yrs.,
Daniel Harms
http://members.tripod.com/~danharms/
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