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"It's A Privilege Not To Have To Care About Those Things"
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Lenona
Jun 3, 2023, 1:35:19 PM6/3/23
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(I posted some of this elsewhere in March of 2020.)
Turns out that the 2020 article actually had 44 bad home habits listed, not 35.
https://www.loveproperty.com/gallerylist/93582/35-bad-home-habits-you-need-to-stop-right-now
Anyway, here's a new, different one.
"It's A Privilege Not To Have To Care About Those Things" — This Woman Went Viral For Calling Out Men Who Say That Women "Like To Clean More"
https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lifestyle-buzz/it-s-a-privilege-not-to-have-to-care-about-those-things-this-woman-went-viral-for-calling-out-men-who-say-that-women-like-to-clean-more/ar-AA1c0hws
Sad to say, no one really says what I did three years ago - that 1) yes, there really is a LARGE, undeniable minimum of housework that truly needs to be done, not just for the sake of the health of the people who live there, but for any visitor's sake, whether it's a guest or an employee, and 2) people shouldn't be using childish excuses to steal their partner's/roommate's leisure time when they know it's wrong to do that in any other circumstance - such as a workplace.
Except maybe somewhere in the 165 comments.
On Saturday, March 7, 2020 at 10:42:05 AM UTC-5, lenona wrote:
> I'm in a rush, but at least you won't have to click more than once to see all of these.
>
> I hope and pray that if nothing else, the coronavirus scare will get adult slobs, male and female alike, to understand that just as you have to wash your hands several times a day, even BEFORE this crisis, you simply cannot postpone all the little, time-consuming indoor cleaning chores either just because you, personally, don't see or smell anything bad. As in: No, you can't leave dishes in the sink for hours; no, you can't dust and vacuum only once a month - usually. (Little kids may think adults are crazy and stupid to worry about things they can't even see without a microscope - and mean and unfair to force kids to clean every day - but we expect them to take our word on it, don't we? What's the difference?)
>
> My point is that if a sloppy adult really believes that it's the neat spouse/roommate who needs to change his/her standards, chances are that is completely wrong. After all, it takes just one transparent plastic bag on the floor to result in a broken leg, and just because any guests you have over may be too polite to say anything, doesn't mean they aren't offended by what they can see and smell.
>
> And it's VERY wrong for any adult who likes a reasonably clean house to act as though the other adult should do most of the time-consuming work just because "you don't hate it as much as I do." When you were little, you wouldn't have tolerated that argument from an older sibling who didn't even offer to pay you for it - and chances are, your parents wouldn't have allowed it either. So what's the difference when you're grown up? Stealing other people's leisure time is just plain wrong. (A kid might just as well argue to a sibling: "You don't hate book reports the way I do, so YOU'RE going to do my book reports for me.")
Turns out that the 2020 article actually had 44 bad home habits listed, not 35.
https://www.loveproperty.com/gallerylist/93582/35-bad-home-habits-you-need-to-stop-right-now
Anyway, here's a new, different one.
"It's A Privilege Not To Have To Care About Those Things" — This Woman Went Viral For Calling Out Men Who Say That Women "Like To Clean More"
https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lifestyle-buzz/it-s-a-privilege-not-to-have-to-care-about-those-things-this-woman-went-viral-for-calling-out-men-who-say-that-women-like-to-clean-more/ar-AA1c0hws
Sad to say, no one really says what I did three years ago - that 1) yes, there really is a LARGE, undeniable minimum of housework that truly needs to be done, not just for the sake of the health of the people who live there, but for any visitor's sake, whether it's a guest or an employee, and 2) people shouldn't be using childish excuses to steal their partner's/roommate's leisure time when they know it's wrong to do that in any other circumstance - such as a workplace.
Except maybe somewhere in the 165 comments.
On Saturday, March 7, 2020 at 10:42:05 AM UTC-5, lenona wrote:
> I'm in a rush, but at least you won't have to click more than once to see all of these.
>
> I hope and pray that if nothing else, the coronavirus scare will get adult slobs, male and female alike, to understand that just as you have to wash your hands several times a day, even BEFORE this crisis, you simply cannot postpone all the little, time-consuming indoor cleaning chores either just because you, personally, don't see or smell anything bad. As in: No, you can't leave dishes in the sink for hours; no, you can't dust and vacuum only once a month - usually. (Little kids may think adults are crazy and stupid to worry about things they can't even see without a microscope - and mean and unfair to force kids to clean every day - but we expect them to take our word on it, don't we? What's the difference?)
>
> My point is that if a sloppy adult really believes that it's the neat spouse/roommate who needs to change his/her standards, chances are that is completely wrong. After all, it takes just one transparent plastic bag on the floor to result in a broken leg, and just because any guests you have over may be too polite to say anything, doesn't mean they aren't offended by what they can see and smell.
>
> And it's VERY wrong for any adult who likes a reasonably clean house to act as though the other adult should do most of the time-consuming work just because "you don't hate it as much as I do." When you were little, you wouldn't have tolerated that argument from an older sibling who didn't even offer to pay you for it - and chances are, your parents wouldn't have allowed it either. So what's the difference when you're grown up? Stealing other people's leisure time is just plain wrong. (A kid might just as well argue to a sibling: "You don't hate book reports the way I do, so YOU'RE going to do my book reports for me.")
Lenona
Dec 1, 2023, 4:37:10 PM12/1/23
to
I stumbled on this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/188985n/bitchy_mum_on_facebook/?sort=new
Comment by McMerseybird:
"Momma's boys are more common than you might think.
"Many women on this subreddit talk about how awful their grandbaby crazy mother-in-law is. When reading those posts, you just see all the patterns. A mother who wants to keep her son for herself. And these OP's boyfriends and husbands are total momma's boys who refuse to stand up to their mother and who allow their mother to harass their girlfriend/wife.
"I used to be a bit of a momma's boy as a child and teenager. Fortunately, I realised this as a teenager. I realised that I didn't want to be like that forever. And I realised that I wouldn't want to put a partner through dating a momma's boy. So I tried to become more independent, taught myself to do household chores and decided that I would never allow my mum to disrespect my future girlfriend/wife.
"Now that I am an adult... Well, mum definitely struggled and still struggles with the fact that she is no longer the most important woman in my life. But that's a her problem.
"When I started dating, she always said that this woman wasn't right for me, that that woman would probably cheat on me... Fortunately, I never listened to my mother's dating advice.
"My mum is grandbaby crazy and believes in patriarchal 'woman = mother' bullshit. She tried to say very disrespectful things to my girlfriend about how she must want kids and give my mum grandbabies. Momma's boys let this happen, but I set boundaries and made it clear that mum had to shut the fuck up about her grandbaby fever and that she had to stop making sexist comments about my girlfriend if she didn't want me to stop visiting her.
"When people find out that I genuinely do 50% of household chores or even a little bit more than half, people assume that my parents raised me well when it comes to domestic labour. But that isn't the case. My mum always did everything and never expected me to do chores. Which is why I started to do some chores on my own as a 16, 17 year old teenager. I wanted to ensure that I would never become a useless man who expected his partner to do 100% of domestic labour.
"My mother is nowhere as bad as some of the MIL's of the OP's here. My mother is nothing compared to those examples. And I have never been a momma's boy as an adult. Only as a child and teenager. But still, when reading those really extreme stories on this subreddit, I can recognise the dynamic immediately. A mother who wants to be the most important or the only woman in her son's life. And a son who was spoiled rotten by his mommy and who cannot break free from this dynamic, which makes him a horrible partner for his girlfriend/wife."
Objective_Lion_6059
"Wow! Thank you for sharing! You sound like an amazing human and partner to your girlfriend. If only these mamma's boys could learn some common sense like you did and break the cycle."
McMerseybird
"I'm not an amazing human or partner. I'm just doing what should be the bare minimum. Prioritising my girlfriend, doing my fair share of domestic labour and calling my mother out on her sexist 'woman = mother' comments about and towards my girlfriend."
https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/188985n/bitchy_mum_on_facebook/?sort=new
Comment by McMerseybird:
"Momma's boys are more common than you might think.
"Many women on this subreddit talk about how awful their grandbaby crazy mother-in-law is. When reading those posts, you just see all the patterns. A mother who wants to keep her son for herself. And these OP's boyfriends and husbands are total momma's boys who refuse to stand up to their mother and who allow their mother to harass their girlfriend/wife.
"I used to be a bit of a momma's boy as a child and teenager. Fortunately, I realised this as a teenager. I realised that I didn't want to be like that forever. And I realised that I wouldn't want to put a partner through dating a momma's boy. So I tried to become more independent, taught myself to do household chores and decided that I would never allow my mum to disrespect my future girlfriend/wife.
"Now that I am an adult... Well, mum definitely struggled and still struggles with the fact that she is no longer the most important woman in my life. But that's a her problem.
"When I started dating, she always said that this woman wasn't right for me, that that woman would probably cheat on me... Fortunately, I never listened to my mother's dating advice.
"My mum is grandbaby crazy and believes in patriarchal 'woman = mother' bullshit. She tried to say very disrespectful things to my girlfriend about how she must want kids and give my mum grandbabies. Momma's boys let this happen, but I set boundaries and made it clear that mum had to shut the fuck up about her grandbaby fever and that she had to stop making sexist comments about my girlfriend if she didn't want me to stop visiting her.
"When people find out that I genuinely do 50% of household chores or even a little bit more than half, people assume that my parents raised me well when it comes to domestic labour. But that isn't the case. My mum always did everything and never expected me to do chores. Which is why I started to do some chores on my own as a 16, 17 year old teenager. I wanted to ensure that I would never become a useless man who expected his partner to do 100% of domestic labour.
"My mother is nowhere as bad as some of the MIL's of the OP's here. My mother is nothing compared to those examples. And I have never been a momma's boy as an adult. Only as a child and teenager. But still, when reading those really extreme stories on this subreddit, I can recognise the dynamic immediately. A mother who wants to be the most important or the only woman in her son's life. And a son who was spoiled rotten by his mommy and who cannot break free from this dynamic, which makes him a horrible partner for his girlfriend/wife."
Objective_Lion_6059
"Wow! Thank you for sharing! You sound like an amazing human and partner to your girlfriend. If only these mamma's boys could learn some common sense like you did and break the cycle."
McMerseybird
"I'm not an amazing human or partner. I'm just doing what should be the bare minimum. Prioritising my girlfriend, doing my fair share of domestic labour and calling my mother out on her sexist 'woman = mother' comments about and towards my girlfriend."
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