julia viva la left right

[marika]

Here's something she wrote shortly before she died

I've been without sleep for 2 or 3 days,
and finally got a few hours nap this morning,
maybe your emails helped.

i'm feeling isolated,
and the nap brought another one of those damn dreams about dying
so I'm just working on my message...

I think the dying dreams are myself trying to get myself off my ass...
and myself asking Jezebelle's questions - what is the purpose of life,
and what is the purpose of MY life.

Now that i have the training, resources, education and ability
to manifest whatever it is that I want it to be...

What do I want to manifest?!?!

I need to get practicing on the piano and hammered dulcimer.
I need to work on the guitar & voice and lay down some tracks on a cd
before the smog changes my voice timbre to something squeaky or weirder than
it already is.

patience. that one got me when that guy poked me about it...
"just you and me out here"...

How do I learn not to let people upset me when they poke like that,
I still let them get me, and why?
I even know that they're doing it with hurtful intentions...
and I let it hurt...to make them feel fulfilled?

but my first thought when i saw his message was,
this thing's only been posted for 24 hours, dude.

My message is that of a practiced, trained, studied intellectual shaman.
Not everybody is able to even absorb or understand the message,
much less respond.

It's there for posterity more than for a playmate today,
though, being stuck at home
(not driving much because of post-concussive symptoms
make it unpleasant)..

THAT is something I hope will change fast,
you know how I love to drive!!! road trip mama!

THANK YOU, ,

for being there, and for caring, even though I've stayed out of contact for
so long.
I Love you & I appreciate you
(learned that one from Nick, say it to my cats every day several times)

Inside the columbines posting on my runpage (which the photos all need to be
set up on Jezebelle's website)
for many reasons...and I haven't even gotten most of my photos ready to
post.

got this new digitial SLR to play with, have been taking very large photos
so everything I shot has to be resized before I can share it
(take big, 'cause you can always shrink, but you can't enlarge later & keep
resolution)

Love & hugs & purrs,

mk5000

"we don't do the first ballad until 47 minutes into our set and then the
rest of the show is right in their face again. There are portions of the
show a sober person can enjoy, but I'm not gonna make any bones about it.
our show is more fun when you've had a few beers. I think any concert
is"--Kenny Chesney