Some old, some new
Glen
stage on
which a number of instruments are set up. A door offstage opens and in
walk
Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones, John Lennon, Otis Redding, and
Buddy
Holly. Each musician picks up his favorite instrument and begins tuning
up.
All of the instruments are taken but, to Tom's immense pleasure, the drums.
He walks up to Jimi and says, "Man, so this is what heaven is like." Jimi
looks at him and says, "Heaven? You think this is heaven?" At that
moment,
Karen Carpenter walks in, takes her seat behind the drums, and calls out,
"Okay guys, 'Close to You'. One, two, three, four..."
-----
What do you call a drummer who doesn't have a girlfriend?
Homeless.
---
What does it mean when there is drool running out of both sides
of the drummer's mouth?
The stage is level.
---
How do you get a guitarist to play quieter?
Put sheet music in front of them.
---
What do you call someone that hangs out with musicians?
A vocalist.
---
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat miner.
---
How do you get two horns to play in unison?
Break one of them.
---
What's the difference between a puppy and a female vocalist?
Pat a puppy on the head and it quits whining.
-----
What's the difference between a large pizza and a jazz musician?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
--
What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality.
---
An explorer was traveling through deepest, darkest Africa with a native
guide. Off in the distance he heard drums pounding. The explorer was
visibly worried, so his guide told him, �There�s nothing to worry about.
When the drums stop, then it's time to worry." Gradually the drums
got louder, then all of a sudden, they stopped. With a trembling voice,
the explorer asked his guide what would happen next. With a trembling
voice, the guide answered, "bass solo".
----
Why did the drummer leave his sticks on the dashboard?
So he could park in the handicapped parking spot.
----
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant
that can store and play music. The " iTit " will cost from
$499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is
considered a major social breakthrough, because women are
always complaining about men staring at their breasts and
not listening to them.
Scott Dickson
> When the drums stop, then it's time to worry." Gradually the drums
> got louder, then all of a sudden, they stopped. With a trembling voice,
> the explorer asked his guide what would happen next. With a trembling
> voice, the guide answered, "bass solo".
>
> ----
>
> Why did the drummer leave his sticks on the dashboard?
>
> So he could park in the handicapped parking spot.
>
> ----
>
> Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant
> that can store and play music. The " iTit " will cost from
> $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is
> considered a major social breakthrough, because women are
> always complaining about men staring at their breasts and
> not listening to them.
But....Tom Fogerty was a Guitar Player......
Misifus
>> When the drums stop, then it's time to worry." Gradually the drums
>> got louder, then all of a sudden, they stopped. With a trembling voice,
>> the explorer asked his guide what would happen next. With a trembling
>> voice, the guide answered, "bass solo".
>>
>> ----
>>
>> Why did the drummer leave his sticks on the dashboard?
>>
>> So he could park in the handicapped parking spot.
>>
>> ----
>>
>> Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant
>> that can store and play music. The " iTit " will cost from
>> $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is
>> considered a major social breakthrough, because women are
>> always complaining about men staring at their breasts and
>> not listening to them.
>
> But....Tom Fogerty was a Guitar Player......
My first thought, too.
-Raf
--
Misifus-
Rafael Seibert
Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rafiii
home: http://www.rafandsioux.com
Steve Freides
-S-
Sir Lurksalot
"Glen" <gNOSPA...@ix.netcomNOSPAM.com> wrote in message
news:C62dnRaVM4uREpfW...@earthlink.com...
>
> Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant
> that can store and play music. The " iTit " will cost from
> $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is
> considered a major social breakthrough, because women are
> always complaining about men staring at their breasts and
> not listening to them.
>
My favorite! :-)
js
BW
> In my drunken tellings, It's Rikki Rocket from Poison."Glen" <gNOSPAMkr...@ix.netcomNOSPAM.com> wrote in message
How do you get the trombonist off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
How can you tell if it's a drummer knocking on your door?
The knock speeds up.
How can you tell if a chirp (chick singer) is knocking on your front
door?
She doesn't have her key, and even if she did, she wouldn't know when
to enter.
What's a quarter-tone?
Two piccolos playing in unison.
Perfect pitch?
When the banjo lands in the dumpster without hitting the sides.
Why are bagpipers always marching when they play?
They're trying to get away from the sound.
A guy decides he's finished with playing the accordion. Never wants to
see or hear it again. How to get rid of his box? He decides to go to a
busy mall, park in a busy area, leave the accordion in plain sight in
the back seat, and leave the car unlocked. Surely someone will take
it.
He does all the above. Goes into the mall, strolls for a couple of
hours, comes back out.
Two accordions in the back seat!
Happy holidays.
BW
Tim
> >> When the drums stop, then it's time to worry." Gradually the drums
> >> got louder, then all of a sudden, they stopped. With a trembling voice,
> >> the explorer asked his guide what would happen next. With a trembling
> >> voice, the guide answered, "bass solo".
>
> >> ----
>
> >> Why did the drummer leave his sticks on the dashboard?
>
> >> So he could park in the handicapped parking spot.
>
> >> ----
>
> >> Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant
> >> that can store and play music. The " iTit " will cost from
> >> $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is
> >> considered a major social breakthrough, because women are
> >> always complaining about men staring at their breasts and
> >> not listening to them.
>
> > But....Tom Fogerty was a Guitar Player......
>
> My first thought, too.
>
> -Raf
>
> --
> Misifus-
> Rafael Seibert
> Photos:http://www.flickr.com/photos/rafiii
>
> - Show quoted text -
That makes the joke even better.
Tim
>
> > - Show quoted text -
>
>
> - Show quoted text -
Actually, I'd origionally heard the joke using Bruce Gary of The Knack
instead of Fogerty.
Still funny though.