outernet tales - part two of lost bloggers of the outernet

[triple o]

outernet tales
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this boy of yrs
must be

spittin chips
u cut so many corners

give me his blog address

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powderfinger
'passenger'
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hello young man

if u'll just
turn yr

webcam on

so i can see out yr viewport

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ok
point and click

on any star that takes yr fancy

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and again

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right stop

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motorhead
'paranoid'
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mellow out man

i see a star in yr viewport

i recognise

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?
'to58'
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nirvana
'on a plain'
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a distinctive colour

it's umm

a fast food world

just point at it and click

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there ya go

think yr in orbit

around a mc donalds franchise

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no man
i cant read yr images of th stars

i get thru th outernet

like i can read
the real thing but

th advertising stars
are distinctive

why so much crap
hangs around em

i'll send th bill to yr mother

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an only child
and she pleaded with th higher ups

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pj harvey
'i think i'm a mother'
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yeah alright
but is he ever gunna do anything

special

i already know
u think he;s special

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but he's just another lost blogger

out there in th void

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glad i could be of help

no maam

they arent all that

easy

to find

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little bugger was only lost three months

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must of put a flea

in someone's ear

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cause i read yr blog and

ya hadntf found anythign interestign and

yr drive

mad space ship drive

that takes us across th universe

in th blink of an eye

was unused

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massive attack
'protection'
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wot was he doing

piloting a ship by himself

his psychic potential was under five percent

and he missed his

planet of destination

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poor little boy

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u and a thousand others

every day

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ya gotta keep clicking an

find a way back

and then yr trail
is

a ring

and anyone can take yr journey

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it's cheating
to have us come in and

bail ya out

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unless ya found somethin special

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that mad bastard

he didnt get lost

that other guy

that found their trading base

didnt get lost at all

didnt fool us man

he followed th alien's trail

along with th hunters

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arrived first and

managed to follow himt o next hop

felt comfortabel cause

all th hops were under

thirty light yrs

safe enough

till he found em

and panicked

took a big jump and

where th fuck am i ?

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six yrs

wanderin th outer reaches

of unknown space

let alone

known

but i found him so

we've got his trail

and th backup crews can

follow it up

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gettin u home

was a coup

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we knew u

foudn hteir trading base but

coudl never recognise th stars

where u kept landing

not even th big buggers

betelgeuse

is tiny to some standards

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i lobbe din

ah yeah

anoither bleu planet fo rmy tally

oh

a guy twenty light yrs distant

a

lost blogger

who's psychic potential has gone over

ninety percent

log into yr blog and

hi dude

we've found ya

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six yrs

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a little more training and

they 'll send u out to do my job

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though i dont always

have to move

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do re mi
'track 13'
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third hop and

i see a star i recognise

thru yr webcam

stop man

i know where u are

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and beat his computer by

milliseconds

they so fast

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when th ships computer says

this is unknown space

it cant

recognise anything

is when it gets interesting

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dont know how far i've jumped

i missed my target star

in orbit around some other star

with everything moving

it happens

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take small hop
fifty light yrs

to a safe destination

dont feel liek another rollercoaster ride thanks and

wait for th ship

to look around

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harvey danger
'flagpole sitta'
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still lost

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but not out of touch just

th fuckin universe is

big

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i log onto th outernet

and register

as a lost blogger

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didnt mean to be out here

just travelling from

a to b and

my ship's survival stocks are good and

it;s random number generator

is th latest download

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i can let it

spin th numbers or

i can point and click

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most let th machine do it

but it depends how lost u are

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th best
random number generator

machine inteliigence

hasnt past

99.99%

psychic potential

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and hwen yr

a couple thosuand million light yrs from home

a degre eof arc

a millionth of a drgee off

can put u on th other side of

the unknown universe

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tenacious d
'hard fucking'
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george
'run'
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ya may as well wander

and let th magic take u where it will

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if it's special enough

a hunter will come along

for th bounty

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th closer

th random number generator download gets

th more th music

gets magic but

the magic has it;s own agenda

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th intelligence
buried in th chaos

that einstein
smart bugger

for every action
there's an equal and opposite reaction

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plug th number generator into th computer and
let it spit nonsense and

it makes more sense than i do

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till i took th programming course in tech and

had my

random number generator installed

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preset studio keepers
'solsbury hill'(dur)
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flat line

random number generator

can i

knock down that

flaw

th magic says no

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the all

everything
everywhere

everywhen
and all made of

nothing

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i understand yr secrets universe but

havin th bottom level
of th operating system

is only so helpful

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Röyksopp
'Kings Of Convenience - I Don't Know What I Can Save You From' (REMIX)
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perhaps

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it does help me find the
lost bloggers

of the outernet

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it always seem to be

they hit an epiphany

in their blog

and start writin decent clues

to th song

that;s about to play

when they find that

one thing that

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oh
i recognise that star

huge bloated orb though it be

th remnants of a supernova

th best mc donalds restaurant

in th unknown universe

so many have ppl

have fronted th counter and

got back because

they saw th

fuckin huge star

they blew up

to advertise th joint

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th oens who
didnt have to bee helped home

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the red hot chilli peppers
'track no04'
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outraged

so many other species

how many stars
we threw into that fire

and how far back in time

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but hey

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we spot em here and there

when they collapse

they go a bit black and

still make good markers

fuck space is big

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th music of th spheres

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we sing to th stars and

if it songs back shit

in th psychic ether

then th hunters

vie for th contract

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whole phrases

c
omin back distorted

from a dyson sphere

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cake
'going the distance'
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where are u travelling ?

no destination huh

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too many of our travellers

are bein sucked into orbit

around yr sphere

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some of em
have their image

of th known universe

disappear and

disappear

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we've posted warnings but

yr travelling
three quarters of light speed and

so slow

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a solar system mass

and size

in one body

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the stranglers
'gold and brown'
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th early reports

thought u were a black hole

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till our
film

cameras

caught u

opening th poles

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still

it's th biggest space ship

i've ever laid eyes on and

u answered th pyschic hail

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ya cant attack this thing

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worse than our

super huge destroyers

what are ya gunna hurt ?

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throw a star

into it;s gullet

when th pole is open and

it'll just eject

wot it doesnt want

out th other pole

and as we suspected

it can

swap poles

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it wants

to stay under light speed

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kanye west
'golddigger'(ft jamie foxxx)
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depends really

on how much of our resources

u wanna suck

on yr way thru

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not my fault

u got five lanes of traffic

blocked

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th mean distance
between stars

in this sector yr in
is less than five light yrs

so
th more or less
run of th mill humanity

all th thirty percent psychics

fly from star to star

easy as

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humanity is bitching

on how much yr gulping

as ya pass by

a lot of us

in this sector and

too many mummies

callin our service

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noosha fox
's-s-s single bed'
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if it doesnt mattter

where u are

cause yr happy in yr dyson sphere

can i interest you in this

rift

it's not cleaned out yet

these are the
mass specs

our guys are confident they can shift yr

whole ball

and you'd be doin us a favour

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some of us

humans like to live

where th rocks

have been cleaned out

safer than bein in normal space and

much safer than livin on a planet

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land fallin on their heads

24/7

fuckin dark ages man

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u ppl are above that

built this huge

artifact

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budgie
'Napoleon Bona- Part One / Napoleon Bona- Part Two
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well

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we either shift u or

knock u over

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and it;s only

one planetary system's mass

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we find
thousands of times

more than that
every day

just in ppl gettin lost

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th countless trillians of us

yr kiddin man

half of humanity doesnt fill out th census

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we've gotten fined

in every census they've had

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if u wanna invoke th galactic council and

ask for arbitration

remember who their policemen are

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singularis harmonis pi porcus

my name

my species name

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it's pronounced in th english tongue

one harmonius (spoken number of pi) pig

u cant address us as

one pig

is against th law

for an alien

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we are

one harmonius eternal pigs

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mudvayne
'death blooms'
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let us move u along

to th rift

there's still enough mass

in there

to keep you lot fed and happy

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trade ?

sorry a human custom

we put th question symbol

after th sentence

is dumb

?trade

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we can use u as a

vacuum cleaner

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clean space sells at a premium

+++

it;s fuckin empty

rare as

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th ambassadors will

come to

talk more

thank you for your

time

+++

they'll go in th rift

they dont believe we can shift them

they're only

eight y one light yrs

from th mc donalds star

but they dont know it

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tom petty
'free falling'
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i wonder if

th ppl inside that thing

even look outside

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nuthin much can harm it

a dinosaur

of th deep black

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they must live

on th inside of th ball

but

they screen good enough

we cant tell

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and lookin

one of th poles

all ya see is fire

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maybe a real smart

plasma

i dunno man

just feels warm in there

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a giant vacuum cleaner

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hope th fuckin pirates
cant hire ya

to go clean up that dust cloud

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th pirate raft
would love to hit th

acadamey

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city high
'caramel'(song for you)
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th hidden space city

with tetraplegia standing guard

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well

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it's a temporary assignment

she tells me

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triple agent

one of ours

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we have th secret

of th lowest circle

of magic

the fundamental

ALL

is

nothing

has to

to bee infinite

and this makes us very happy pigs

for which we are thankfull

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th ultimate equation

with everything there is
on one side of th line

equaling

zero

on th other

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gorillaz
'feels good'
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ah man
th music

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huge head rush

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anything is possible

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even
th lost blogger

millions of light yrs from
any other human

and still
logging onto

the outernet
to chase decent four d porn and

relate to his or her
fellow humans

i draw th lien at eight sexes

it's all just sex isnt it

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young man

u're th first

who's blog i've ben asked to look into

becaus ehis lady and gentlemen friends

on th internet

sorry

my manners

outernet

are bitchin because

it;s affectign their sex life

+++
jewel
'the new wild west
+++

mother indeed

jeez they tell some lies

i read his blog

watched th fun and

interesting
social arrangement he had and

put three and four together

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time to
pack a bong and

suck down a coffee and

pick a direction

any direction

it's all good

till th phone rings

with th next case or

contract

instantaneous messaging

can be annoying

when yr spinning

in

cleaned space

that's just been vacuumed

groovin on th music and

tryin to remember th name of th guy
who invented th

first bong

that ya could pull a cone on in freefall

it'll come to me

learned it often enough growin up

so many cones smoked in yr honour brother

here's to magic drugs and

spiritual awareness

let there be light

.
.
.

one of many

high priest of kuta

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p.s.

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powderfinger
'dont panic'
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p.p.s

fuck recycling

.
.
.

triple o

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icehouse
'love in motion'(with chrissie amphlett)
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