Yooper Humor
Melissa and Victor Libby
In an effort to poke fun at the natives of Michigan's Upper Peninsula
(of which I am a member), I am compiling Yooper jokes for my web page.
If you have any good ones (and not too off color) please drop me a note
Thanks, Melissa
http://www.trend1.com/~mvzlibby/melissa.html
Frank R. Borger
In article <323CAC...@zola.trend1.com>, mvzl...@zola.trend1.com says...
How many Yoopers does it take to eat muskrat?
Two! One to eat and one to watch for traffic.
Frank R. Borger - Physicist ___ "Have the accordion player sound the
Michael Reese - U of Chicago |___ charge!" - "He can't sir, he took a
Center for Radiation Therapy | |_) _ bullet in the bellows during 'Lady
net: Fr...@rover.uchicago.edu | \|_) of Spain.'" - "Good!" Dave Barry
ph: 312-791-8075 fa: 791-3697 |_)
-Schumacher,P.D.
Melissa and Victor Libby <mvzl...@zola.trend1.com> wrote:
>In an effort to poke fun at the natives of Michigan's Upper Peninsula
>(of which I am a member), I am compiling Yooper jokes for my web page.
>If you have any good ones (and not too off color) please drop me a note
>Thanks, Melissa
>http://www.trend1.com/~mvzlibby/melissa.html
Toivo traveled from Traprock Valley to Dallas to attend an
agricultural event. Before his return trip he was sitting
at the bar and met a gregarious Texan. The Texan took a look
at Toivo and decided that Toivo was beneath him.
"I've got 300 square miles of grazing land west of Kileen!", said
the Texan.
"Yah, I got a couple acres in 'da valley.", said Toivo.
The Texan started to laugh and pronounced, "I've got 10000 head
of cattle grazing on that land."
Toivo retorted, "Yah, I got a couple 'o milking cows."
The Texan declared, "I can drive all day and all night and STILL
not reach the other end of my property!".
Toivo piped up, "Yah, I gotta pick-up like that too."
Mark J. Bobak
In article <323CAC...@zola.trend1.com>,
Melissa and Victor Libby <mvzl...@zola.trend1.com> wrote:
>In an effort to poke fun at the natives of Michigan's Upper Peninsula
>(of which I am a member), I am compiling Yooper jokes for my web page.
>If you have any good ones (and not too off color) please drop me a note
Hi Melissa,
I got these off the net a few weeks ago. They are Michigan jokes, not
specifically UP jokes, but many of them could be said to apply to the UP.
Here you go:
YOU MIGHT BE FROM MICHIGAN IF...
================================
...your definition of summer is "three bad months of skiing".
...your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake.
...your car came standard with snow tires.
...you got an employee/family discount on that car.
...you have ever gotten sunburn and frostbite in the same week.
...you can identify an Ohio accent.
...your home town didn't lynch blacks, but was known to string up
the occasional Toyota owner.
...you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheel came off
your bike.
...you can't read the label of an alkaline battery without thinking
"right fielder, number six".
...you can't talk about your home town without pointing at the
palm of your hand.
...you don't understand what the big deal is about Chicago.
...when asked if you've ever been to Europe, you say, "No, but I've
been to Ann Arbor."
..."Down South" means Toledo.
...you have *any* idea who Bob Ufer was.
...you can't look at an octopus without thinking about hockey.
..."Coast to Coast" means Muskegon to Port Huron.
..."Big Three" might either mean Ford, GM, Chrysler, or
Domino's, Little Caesar's, Hungry Howie's.
...you know what "Yoopers" and "Lopers" are, and which ones are
also called "Trolls".
...the Big Mac is something you walk across on Labor Day.
...you can spell "Mackinac" from memory, *and* know when not to
spell it that way.
...you can travel freely to Ontario, but need a passport to go to Ohio.
...a random coin in your pocket has a 50/50 chance of being Canadian.
...your kids ever had a Little League game snowed out.
...the trees in your backyard have spigots.
...you don't understand the reason behind the slogan "Yes, there
really is a Kalamazoo!"
...you bake with "soda" and drink "pop".
...you know what a patsie is.
...you can spell "Hamtramck" right on the first try.
...if you drive 75 on the freeway and always pass on the right.
...you can sip Vernor's without gagging.
-Mark
--
Mark J. Bobak, Application Developer
Advanced Vehicle & Computer Aided Engineering Systems Department
Process Leadership, Ford Motor Company
mbo...@ford.com
Jim Carr
Melissa and Victor Libby <mvzl...@zola.trend1.com> writes:
>
>If you have any good ones (and not too off color) please drop me a note
Hmmm. I know one that starts "Eino and Toivo go hunting".
What is your definition of off color?
--
James A. Carr <j...@scri.fsu.edu> | Raw data, like raw sewage, needs
http://www.scri.fsu.edu/~jac | some processing before it can be
Supercomputer Computations Res. Inst. | spread around. The opposite is
Florida State, Tallahassee FL 32306 | true of theories. -- JAC
Bill Mackenzie
Heard this one from a couple of Yoopers this weekend.
Two Yoopers head for the Motor City. When they get across the bridge they see a sign
that reads "DETROIT LEFT." So they turn around and go home.
Bill Mackenzie
--
For all my friends at PETA
Love to eat dem mousies
Mousies what I love to eat
Bite dey little heads off
Nibble on dey tiny feet
B. Kliban
Frank R. Borger
Eino just got married and he and his wife are driving down
to Saginaw for their honeymoon. As they are driving, his
wife slides over next to him, and he starts rubbing her leg.
Se says, "Honey, now that we're married you can go a lot
further than that!"
So Eino drove all the way to Detroit
prvalko
Frank R. Borger (fr...@rover.uchicago.edu) wrote:
: In article <323CAC...@zola.trend1.com>, mvzl...@zola.trend1.com says...
: >
: >In an effort to poke fun at the natives of Michigan's Upper Peninsula
: >(of which I am a member), I am compiling Yooper jokes for my web page.
: >Thanks, Melissa
Two ladies from Ishpeming thought it would be fun if they hired a carriage
to take a ride one evening. The old lumberjack that owned the horse and
antique buggy agreed as he'd already spent his Social Security check
in the liquor isle of the Red Owl IGA.
It was a lovely UP night and the Milky Way twinkled above as they
clopped through the woods. Suddenly, the horse let loose with a
gusher to rival Taquamenum Falls.
The ladies thought it would be impolite to notice the horse's flood, so
they talked about the stars.
"Oh look!" said one, "Where's the Big Dipper?"
The old lumberjack turned around and said, "To hell with the dipper,
just let it fall on the ground."
=paul=
Thomas Michael Trusock
Jim Carr (j...@margit.scri.fsu.edu) wrote:
: Melissa and Victor Libby <mvzl...@zola.trend1.com> writes:
: >
: >If you have any good ones (and not too off color) please drop me a note
<Yooper accent on>
Anio is a lumberjack, and Toivo, well eee sells chain saws. One day, T is
in A's shop, and e says, "wat da heck is des here chain zaws anyways?" A
responds, "Wat, u a lumberjack, and u ain't never used no chain zaw?" T-
"nope" A-"well, ere, take dis one out in da woods wit you tomorrow, and I
gurantee u will cut tree times de amount of wood ya usually do."
Well, A is gone all the next day, and at the end of the day, he comes
strolling into T's shop. "Dis ere chain zaw ain't no good! I cut and I cut
and I cut, an I only got one tird de amount of wood I usually do!"
T-"Dere must be sumptin wrong wit it, ere let me see it" T- grabs the
chain saw and starts it up "GZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" A- "Whats dat noise?"
<Yooper accent off>
I went to school at MTU up there, and these are my favorite jokes. If you
want some more, just let me know! :)
BTW, I am just a troll who still misses the UP!
--
"We are Pentium of Borg. Motorola is futile. Cyrix is Irrelevant.
You will be estimated."
Tom Trusock - Educator and Tech Consultant: Ubly Community Schools
Bob Gilreath
: In article <323CAC...@zola.trend1.com>, mvzl...@zola.trend1.com says...
: >
: >In an effort to poke fun at the natives of Michigan's Upper Peninsula
: >(of which I am a member), I am compiling Yooper jokes for my web page.
: >http://www.trend1.com/~mvzlibby/melissa.html
here's my favorite.
Toivo and Eino left Hubbell one afternoon heading for Shop-ko
in Marquette.
They got as far as champion before the car broke down.
They worked on the car for a while, but couldn't get it
going again, by this time it was pretty late.
They walked up the road a bit to the first farmhouse on the left.
They asked the woman inside for help, she said she couldn't help
them with the car, but they could stay the night and get help
in the morning.
The next day they got up thanked the woman, got thier car fixed
went on to shop-ko and went home.
NINE MONTHS Later......
Toivo goes over to Eino's house....
Toivo: Eino do you remember the day we went to shop-ko and da
car broke down?
Eino: Ya Toivi I do.
Toivo: Eino do you remember the nice farmer lady dat helped us?
Eino: Ya Toivo I do.
Toivo: Eino did you walk in your sleep dat night?
Eino: Ya Toivo I did.
Toivo: Eino did you sleep with da farmer lady dat night?
Eino: Ya Toivi I did.
Toivo: Eino.... did you tell her your name was TOIVO?
Eino: uh..... ya Toivo I did
Toivo: Thanks she died and willed me da farm!.
;-)
Bob
prvalko
Bob Gilreath (bo...@mtu.edu) wrote:
: Toivo: Thanks she died and willed me da farm!.
Oh these are good! :-)
Here's one...
A few years back I was was working at the lumber camp just outside of
Iron Mountain. There was the usual assortment of Finns and French
Canadians working there, and boy did those fellas ever butcher the
language. But that's another story!
This French trapper came through the camp and took a lot of heat from
the lumberjacks because he seemed so frail. Considering a pair of
lumberjacks weighed about a quarter-ton, he was.
He told us about the time he came upon a bear while checking his trap
line.
"I not scare! Shotgun on my arm, shell in my hand. Then she old bear
come chase Jacques! I not scare, shotgun on my arm, shell in my hand.
I run fast, she old bear run fast! I not scare, shotgun on my arm,
shell in my hand! Bear chase Jacques up tree! I not scare, shotgun on
my arm, shell in my hand! She old bear start climb up at Jacques! I
not scare but I so damn mad I crap my pants!"
=paul=
Pam Johnson
I'm a transplanted Italian Yooper from Iron Mountain. Don't have a joke,
but love hearing about the UP. Miss the place, have to get up there one
of these days! I have family in Iron Mountain, Marquette, and Munising.
Pam Johnson
Chris Webb
Two Yoopers are roofing a house, when a big wind comes along and blows
down their
ladder. Well, it gets dark and they still have not figured out a way down,
when the first
Yooper gets an idea. He says, "Hey. I got this flashlight. I'll shine it
on the ground and
you can climb down the beam of light, set up the ladder, and then I'll
climb down."
The second Yooper says, "No way. I'll get half the way down and you'll
shut off the light."
***
This joke may have had ethnically specific names, but I forgot what they
were. ;-)
AJENTOFT
Pam Johnson <john...@cs.uwp.edu> wrote:
Glad to hear there's another Yooper out there -- I'm from Marquette
but am now living/going to school in Lower Michigan. Are you by any
chance related to Corinne (Cori) Johnson?
-Amy
Tom Ahonen
Eino and Toivo were working at the logging camp in Tula when spring
breakup came. As was the custom, the headed into Hurley.
One night, Eino got a bit too drunk and to make a long story short, a
bunch of lumberjacks from another camp took him out back, beat him up,
and took all his money. When Eino woke up, he found himself in the
hospital - on a cot in a store room no less. Well, Eino needed to go, so
he yelled, "Nurse - Nurse! Come quick, I godda take a helluva pee!"
The nurse showed up and explained that since he didn't have any money,
they had put Eino in the store room. And - that he wasn't to be
screaming such things at the top of his lungs in the hospital. They
worked out a system where Eino would either yell, "Nurse - number one"
or "Nurse - number two" depending on the circumstances.
Toivo learned of Eino's fate and went looking for the lumberjacks who
beat him up. At things went, thought, Toivo also got beat up and ended
up in the store room. When he woke up, he looked over and saw his friend
Eino.
Toivo - Holy Reist, Eino - I went for after dose guys who beating up on
yoos, but dey beating up on me toos.
Eino - Don't cho worry bout notings, Toivo. Dis gud hospital and I got a
gud ting worked our vit da nurses.
Toivo - Dat gud, Eino, cuz I godda take a helluva pee.
Eino - Oh - I got data all worked out, Toivo - just you watch. Nurse,
Nurse! Come quick. My friend Toivo's godda take a helluva pee, but he
ain't got no number yet!
Frank R. Borger
In article <cmwebb-2709...@xcsmac13.xcs.mtu.edu>, cmw...@mtu.edu
says...
>
>Two Yoopers are roofing a house,
Reminds me of the two Yooper brothers that were putting siding
on their house. The older one started on the east side, the other
on the west side. After a while, the older brother walked over
to the west side to watch his younger brother, (who was dumb as
a house,) and see how his work was going.
His younger brother would carefully look at each siding nail, and
would throw away about half of them.
"Why are ya trowing away all da nails?" asked the old brother.
"Because da got da heads on da wrong end!" said the younger brother.
"Stupid," said the older brother, "I can use dem on MY side of the
house!"
Peter D. Schumacher
All-
I won't post it here, but if you're interested in a joke
involving [insert ethnic character here], a cow, a lift
bridge and soapy water give me a short post.
Pete
Naperville, IL pdschu...@lucent.com
Frank R. Borger
In article <52p6pc$6...@ssbunews.ih.lucent.com>, ps...@ihgp16.ih.att.com
says...
>
>All-
>
>I won't post it here, but if you're interested in a joke
>involving [insert ethnic character here], a cow, a lift
>bridge and soapy water give me a short post.
I think that would qualify as a Duluther joke!
Steven Walton
[body of housing joke <snipped>]
: "Stupid," said the older brother, "I can use dem on MY side of the
: house!"
There is a wonderful old Laurel & Hardy routine that re-enacts this
exact scene. Sorry, I dunno which movie.
SW
Frank R. Borger
In article <52tudj$5...@chass.utoronto.ca>, swa...@chass.utoronto.ca says...
"Don't bother to shade your eyes, just plagarize"
(Oops, I slipped and attributed that one. Oh well....
FRB