Americans don't hate everything that's French
PUSSSYKATT
Mon Dieu! Summer movies are doing little to improve war-wounded Franco-American
relations.
There's the cruel Merovingian in The Matrix Reloaded, an effete, wine-swilling
snob who declares that swearing in French is like "wiping your (behind) with
silk" and has zee gall to mistreat Italian bombshell Monica Bellucci.
And when the minds behind the remake of The In-Laws, opening today, wanted to
update the Latin dictator villain from the 1979 original, whom did they pick? A
French arms dealer, bien sūr.
All this new ammunition doesn't help matters, considering that the country
probably still holds a grudge against Hollywood for Kevin Kline's
oh-so-superior crook whose overripe accent smacked of Inspector Clouseau in
1995's French Kiss.
Not that we're trying to win a Nobel Peace Prize or anything. But in the
interest of improving relations with our French cousins, let us salute some of
their more admirable cultural icons.
--Catherine Deneuve. Some French imports are classics that American ingenuity
can't hope to improve upon. The Chanel handbag. The croissant. And Deneuve, who
at a magnifique 59 still reigns as le hot chick of Gallic cinema.
--The Coneheads. They're from FRANCE! Remember? These pointy-headed illegal
aliens from prehistoric Saturday Night Live days actually are from the planet
Remulak. But they had the comic je ne sais quoi that is lacking from such au
courant skits as "Wake Up Wakefield."
--Pepe Le Pew Oui, he stinks. But who hasn't fallen for the amorous cartoon
skunk's persistent pursuit of reluctant felines by using leftover Charles Boyer
pickup lines?
--Olivier Martinez. We don't know if he can act. Who even noticed while he
seduced Diane Lane's suburban homemaker and turned her into a quivering heap of
lust Jell-O in last year's Unfaithful? She didn't even deserve that Oscar
nomination. Any woman could have nailed that postcoital flush while lolling
naked with this hunk of French flesh.
--Capt. Renault One of the all-time-best French characters in one of the
all-time-best movies, 1942's Casablanca. Claude Rains' officer may be
duplicitous, smarmy and amoral. But he gets all the good catchphrases ("Round
up the usual suspects") and has an admirable weakness for Americans. No wonder
Humphrey Bogart's Rick decided to say au revoir to Ilsa and hang with Louis
instead.
--The Statue of Liberty. The green goddess who greets those huddled masses may
be the color of mal fromage these days. But name another dame who would look
half so good while holding a torch, wearing a crown and standing near suspect
water.
--Marcel Marceau. We hate mimes. Except French ones. The tight-lipped clown
also earns points for having the best line (actually, the ONLY line) in Mel
Brooks' Silent Movie (1976).
--Sophie Marceau Also known as the Marceau who speaks. She has been a Bond
girl, a Braveheart babe and successfully feigned romantic interest in David
Spade in Lost & Found (1999). No wonder men like her.
--Michael Vartan. We don't know for sure if Jennifer Garner dumped her cute
husband, Scott Foley, for her French-born Alias co-star. But we have dumped our
husbands, just in case he's still available.
--Luc Besson. Anyone who directed the stylishly violent La Femme Nikita (1990),
the wacked-out Fifth Element (1997) and divorced Milla Jovovich before anyone
knew they were married deserves special recognition.
--Audrey Tautou. She single-handedly brought the word "gamine" back into vogue
after starring in the enchanting romantic fantasy Amelie (2001). Too bad she
lost those flirty bangs.
--Jean Reno. His snooty special agent who bemoaned the lack of drinkable java
in this country (if only some thoughtful Manhattanite had directed him to the
nearest Starbucks) was the only reason to endure the gawd-awful Godzilla
(1998).
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AnthonyM1970
>can't hope to improve upon. The Chanel handbag. The croissant. And Deneuve,
>who
>at a magnifique 59 still reigns as le hot chick of Gallic cinema.
Damned right. She is still hot at almost 60.
Woodie69
--
Prozac... Schmozac... hasn't anyone heard of a martini?!?
CindyLover
> Not that we're trying to win a Nobel Peace Prize or anything. But in the
> interest of improving relations with our French cousins, let us salute some of
> their more admirable cultural icons.
Memo to Susan W.: Let us not forget Laetitia "God's gift to L'Oreal
and Victoria's Secret" Casta.
CindyLover