Eight hours of "Fair and Balanced" Faux News
Not impressed
OR
A RECKLESSLY CONCEIVED RUNNING DIARY OF ONE MAN'S THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING
THE FOX NEWS CHANNEL FOR NEARLY EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT
by William Rivers Pitt
"The lowest form of popular culture - lack of information, misinformation,
disinformation, and a contempt for the truth or the reality of most people's
lives - has overrun real journalism. Today, ordinary Americans are being
stuffed with garbage."
- Carl Bernstein
I have not yet needed to bother with Fox News.
If I want to mainline some good GOP ideology, I peruse the editorial page of
the Wall Street Journal, or the New Republic. If I want to get ugly, I
check out NewsMax.com. If I want to go to Hell, I peer into the jungles of
FreeRepublic.com.
I loathe and despise virtually all television news. Since the election, I
have treated pretty much all of it as a protracted attempt at damage
control. I know from the jump that Fox News is the main propaganda voice
for the GOP. I can get that propaganda in better form from other sources.
According to Roll Call, the new head of CNN sat down recently with GOP
Congressional leaders and asked them how he could attract a more politically
conservative viewership, thus expanding CNN's market share to it's former
glory. If I hear anyone ever again proclaim the existence of the 'Left-wing
Media,' I will light myself on fire.
It is likely that I have only watched perhaps 15 minutes of the Fox Channel
in total. The time has come to find out what the Fox News Experience is all
about.
Fox News is apparently doing something right, if CNN's brazenly public
embrace of the GOP chieftains is any indication. I must discover their
magic touch. Let's watch some TV.
- - - - -
10:56 am - Turn on Fox to see a pearl-festooned announcer named Patty Ann
Brown with a remarkable beehive hairdo talking about Steve Fosse's balloon
trip. I haven't seen a do like this since looking at the pictures of Jackie
at the JFK library.
10:58 am - The Condit coverage begins.
11:00 am - They have a female reporter standing on the Levy lawn getting
sprayed by the sprinklers. I wonder if this is where she saw her career
heading.
11:08 am - Graphic claims Levy neighbors are parking their cars around the
Levy house to block reporters. I needed to know that.
11:11 am - Many grinding seconds with a totally useless press conference
from DC police chief Ramsey. No evidence, no crime, no suspects, no
nothing, and yet the media tracks Condit like he's a fugitive Nazi.
11:16 am - It continues back at the studio.will the Levys sue Condit in
civil court? Will Condit be booted from Congress? Sixteen minutes in and I
want to gouge out my eyes.
11:18 am - At last, they move on to lightning strikes and the new Star Wars
movie. That was 20 minutes of nothing. The graphic spun up before the
commercial with the voice-over: "A fair and balanced report is coming up."
Well, praise Jesus.
11:20 am - Shark attacks in Florida and the Bahamas. The businessman who
was attacked in the Bahamas was named Krishna, and his wife is named Ave
Maria. I'm eating my own face.
11:27 am - A segment on the dangers of having a heart attack while working
out at a gym. Bear in mind that these Fox broadcasters are getting paid for
this. The graphic reads 'Killer Workout.'
11:30 am - Today's headlines: clones, Libby Dole might run for Jesse Helms'
seat, Shug Knight is free.
11:32 am - A new face: David Aspen talking about the dangers of being struck
by lightning.
11:35 am - First mention of Clinton! They're rebroadcasting a portion of
last night's Hannity & Colmes, and the subject of Bill's book is broached.
The segment is called 'Condit & Clinton.' Is Bill an honest man? No! His
book will be a self-serving grasp at a legacy that intends to rewrite
history! Who would buy this book?
Jack Kingston (R-GA) is calling Bill's memoir a 'How-To Manual' for
deceiving your wife and selling state secrets to foreign intelligence
services.
11:37 am - Back to Condit and the rally his supporters had for him in
California. They're all stunned that such a thing could exist.
11:38 am - The microburst of Clinton/Condit bashing has concluded. That was
amazing.
11:44 am - A Market report called 'Fox Stox.' Kill me.
11:46 am - They've got a weatherman dancing around the studio to the tune of
'Hot Fun in the Summertime.' He just said, "Yeah baby, sing it to poppa!"
11:47 am - A commercial for Bill O'Reilly's show: "Who's looking out for us,
the working people of America?" When was the last time you actually met a
working person, Bill? How's that trust fund treating you?
11:52 am - The new Star Wars movie!
11:53 am - They're running a phone poll: "Would you read Clinton's memoir?"
11:56 am - I've made it through the first hour. I counted seven mentions of
Bill Clinton, and 24 minutes of Condit coverage that offered absolutely
nothing in the way of news.
11:58 am - The 'Fair and Balanced' graphic is back.we report, you decide. I
might decide to walk into traffic before too long.
12:00 pm - A rehash of previous headlines, and the Condit show begins anew.
That reporter is still standing in the sprinklers on the Levy lawn. The
pro-Condit rally is getting lots of play, as are the Freepers who showed up
to bust it up. According to Fox, 65% believe Condit was involved in the
murder that hasn't been proven yet because no body has been found.
12:06 pm - First Bush sighting. He's on his working vacation down there in
Hell. 110 degrees in the shade in Crawford. Further proof that Bush is
Satan.
12:07 pm - A discussion on how police locate decomposing bodies. Yes,
they're talking about Chandra.
12:11 pm - Rehashing the old news, heavily spiced with commercials.
12:26 pm - Is Gary Condit's political career over? Is there such a thing as
'Doggy Profiling' that gives some pooches a bad name? Will I be begging for
death before this is over? Yes on all three.
12:28 pm - Cloning again. Breezy overview of the Academy of Science
roundtable on the subject.
12:29 pm - According to Fox, 75% of Americans think Bush's month-long
vacation is not too large a time to be off the job. Another random mention
of Clinton's name wedged in there.
12:36 pm - "As the search for Chandra gets cold, will the Levy family turn
up the heat?" We're back on Condit again, and a writer for the Nation named
David Corn is debasing himself and his magazine by participating in this
conversation.
They're running captions at the bottom of the screen titled "Fox Facts."
Among these facts: 70% of people say Condit isn't telling all he knows; 51%
say Condit is acting guilty; 47% think he should resign. It's a drumbeat
across the screen.
12:38 pm - A talking head named Cliff May, former RNC Communications
Director, claims that no one is using this story for political gain.
Fox Flash! The bombing of Iraq 'according to national policy.' We bombed
Iraq? Whahuh?
Cliff May: "Condit is not shameless enough to survive this." More Fox
Facts: 50% say the cops are giving Condit special treatment.
12:41 pm - Condit was just compared to Marion Barry. They are leaving no
stone unturned here on Fox.
12:42 pm - Condit microburst is concluded. Commercial break. My eyes are
beginning to feel dry and scratchy. A tremor shakes my hand.
12:44 pm - Was Tom Selleck drunk and disorderly on the streets of Manhattan?
They called him 'Magnum Pie-Eyed.' I wish for death.
12:48 pm - After an agonizing wait, filled with anticipation, they're
finally doing the story on 'Doggy Profiling' giving some loveable mutts a
bad name. The music in the background is 'Bow wow wow, yippie-yo,
yippie-yay.'
Oh my God. They stuffed some Fox reporter into a puffy padded suit and
sicced this massive bulldog/bull mastiff hybrid on him. This has been the
greatest moment of my life.
12:55 pm - Here comes a phone poll - What would you name Clinton's memoir?
I see this generating scads of intelligent dialog.
12:56 pm - Two hours down. A truly disturbing blizzard of Clinton, Condit
and cloning just paralyzed my higher brain functions.
12:59 pm - They've been lobbing teasers about the cloning debate all day.
Here comes the first real substance on it, given in the appearance of
straight reporting. The Fox Facts scroll on the bottom describes, in
chopped sentences, how one might go about creating a human clone. I hope
everyone at home is taking notes.
1:01 pm - Cloning conversation concludes, on to a 'tax revolt' happening in
Nashville, TN. The Governor of TN is daring to institute an income tax. I
guess these folks didn't get their check from Bush yet
1:03 pm - First mention of the missile defense plan. The Russians are in
Washington D.C. to talk turkey. I hope they don't mind if Bush peers into
their souls.
1:04 pm - Back to Chandra and Condit. They're rehashing the last two hours.
That reporter is still in the Levy yard.
1:09 pm - A 'Breaking News' graphic interrupts the Condit coverage. Have my
prayers been answered? No, the world isn't ending. An Italian scientist is
defending his desire to clone humans. His English is completely
indecipherable. Ever hear someone say 'spermatozoa' with a heavy Italian
accent? I didn't think so.
Still, this man deserves my thanks. He may be getting ready to breed
monsters, but at least he got Fox off the Condit story.
1:16 pm - We're back to Condit. That didn't take long. Two more talking
heads have appeared to regurgitate all the non-news that I've been listening
to. This is completely unreal.
1:18 pm - Condit rant over. They're back to 'What would you name Bill
Clinton's memoir.'
1:22 pm - I am logging on to the internet to check if any non-Condit-related
events have transpired. Lo and behold! CNN.com says we bombed Iraq, and
the story here was posted at 11:51am. We blew up a rocket launcher. With
the exception of that quick blurb at 12:38pm, Fox has made no mention of it
at all.
1:23 pm - I've fled the internet because Fox has callers on the air offering
potential Clinton memoir book titles. The suggestions:
"How to tell a lie and get away with it."
"Bill and Hillary's Greatest Blunders."
"Memoirs of an Unrepentant President."
The last caller gets on and froths all over the phone about Clinton. His
final remark: "Harlem is a good spot for him."
Wow. I hope a CNN executive saw that. These are the people they wish to
attract to the channel. Where is Willie Horton when you need him?
One caller squeezes in an impressive list of Clinton accomplishments and
dismisses the other titles that have been offered as partisan nonsense.
While he speaks, the Fox broadcasters smile and shake their heads.
1:26 pm - Back to the heat wave, the shark attack, a tad on cloning.
1:28 pm - A funny moment. Bob Villa of 'This Old House' fame is selling
some home refinancing firm. He's asking people to sell their mortgage to
this company so they can get cash and pay off credit card debt. Bob used to
build houses. Now he's taking them away.
1:29 pm - Condit. A car accident in California. Ave Maria, Krishna, and
the shark. The heat wave. Condit. Scary lightning.
1:36 pm - I need a context check, so I'm switching quickly to CNN. They are
focusing on the cloning debate.
1:39 pm - Back to Fox, and 'The Chandra mystery continues.' They have a
graphic up which reads, "What went wrong?" The fact that Condit hasn't
taken a second lie detector is damning proof of culpability, as far as Fox
is concerned.
1:43 pm - "It's amazing with the 24 hour news coverage that they haven't
started a grand jury investigation yet," says Fox person. Perhaps that is
because evidence is needed to present before a grand jury?
1:44 pm - Saith Fox: "It definitely wasn't a suicide because women who kill
themselves always make sure their bodies can be found." OK, lock the
bastard up.
1:45 pm - Condit screed over, back to the report about scary lightning.
Didn't we blow something up in Iraq today?
1:51 pm - More lightning, and a teaser for a show coming on at 6:00pm: 'The
Levy's turn up the heat.'
1:53 pm - Condit again.
1:54 pm - Kool and the Gang are reuniting. I just started scanning the Book
of Revelations. There's got to be something in there about this.
1:59 pm - Back to Condit again. That reporter is still in the Levy
driveway. Her parents must be very proud.
2:02 pm - Condit rant over, back to the headlines. Bush playing golf, the
TN anti-tax protest.
2:04 pm - Back to Condit. "Bill Clinton did it. Gary Condit did it. They
all get away with it." A talking head from Fox in Dallas claims Chief
Ramsey is protecting Gary Condit.
I need a break.
2:21 pm - Back from the store, they're talking about the heat wave.
2:24 pm - Sharks.
2:27 pm - A teaser about a segment where they will check out Wilt
Chamberlain's fabulous bachelor pad.
2:30 pm - Heat wave.
2:32 pm - More non-news about the cloning debate.
2:38 pm - They're walking through Wilt's house. I wonder if they'll find
Chandra in there. Background music: 'Love Shack' by the B-52s. I want to
die now, please.
2:41 pm - An expose about women who wear shirts that expose their belly
buttons. Background music: 'Stuck in the Middle with You.'
2:44 pm - Fox lets me know that a fair and balanced report is coming up
next. I wait with baited breath.
2:48 pm - The comeback of Kool & the Gang. Two Gang band members are in the
studio. Homogenization Breach! There are two African American males on the
set of Fox! These are the first non-Caucasians I have seen all day.
2:50 pm - Blurb at the bottom: Bush says US will not intervene in Mideast
until fighting stops. Seems to me his logic is badly reversed.
2:53 pm - Condit. It's the same stuff warmed over again.
3:03 pm - Top stories again. Hey! We bombed Iraq! Sharks. The heat.
And, of course, a story about a race in the UK involving riding mowers.
I'm halfway through this.
3:04 pm - Back to Condit. That reporter is still out on the Levy lawn.
Ramsey says the only reason the press is pursuing the case is because they
want to play up the sex angle. No, say the Foxies. It's about lies and
deception and obstruction of justice. So there.
Fox Fact: Chandra's mom, Susan Levy, is a community volunteer. She has a
son named Adam. A picture of Condit being pursued by cameras flashes on the
screen. The caption reads, 'Obstruction of Justice.'
3:11 pm - Sharks.
3:14 pm - Sean Hannity in the radio booth, ranting about how Condit is using
his father, Reverent Condit, to defend himself. Condit is using his family.
Hannity wants to know if the Reverend has read that Commandment - thou shalt
not commit adultery.
3:17 pm - Clinton again, and the poll question about naming his memoirs. A
mention of the cloning debate, which the Fox broadcaster refers to as "The
whole sheep thing."
3:21 pm - Sharks.
3:30 pm - Back to the 'tax revolt' in TN. They've shown this several times
now, and I count maybe fifty protesters. I've been to a number of Bush
protests that have drawn at least as many people. I assume that is not
newsworthy, however. Not one little bit.
Two car accidents, one involving a plane that crashed on a highway. Roger
Clinton has plead guilty to a misdemeanor reckless driving charge. The
republic is saved.
3:32 pm - The latest from Wall Street; everyone's waiting for Cisco's
earnings report.
3:34 pm - The Clinton book deal rises again. Caption at the bottom reads
'Scandal Storie$.'
3:37 pm - Back to Condit. What are the PR moves he can make to salvage his
career?
3:42 pm - They've got a publisher named Judith Regan on to talk about the
Clinton book. Regan has her own show on Fox, on Saturdays and Sundays.
Fox Fact: Clinton plans to write the book himself. I'm stunned.
3:46 pm - O'Reilly asks once again who is watching out for the working
folks.
3:50 pm - They're airing callers again who have suggestions for a title to
Clinton's memoir:
"I Beg Your Pardon."
"Feeling Your Pain."
"How to Lie, Cheat, Steal, and Get Away With It."
"A Leader's Contribution to America's Decay"
3:52 pm - Moment of unintentional high comedy: they're actually having a
conversation about why Clinton won't use these titles.
3:53 pm - Bill from Texas offers his suggestion, "Born to be President." He
then shouts at the top of his lungs, "We love you in Texas, Bill Clinton!"
How that got past the screeners is a mystery.
3:55 pm - Damn. Terry Keenan will be sitting in for Neil Cavuto at 4:00
p.m. I've been living for Cavuto!
I am reminded that this news is fair and balanced before they break for
commercial. Three more hours to go.
4:00 pm - Top stories: bacterial meningitis in college dorms; a bit on the
cloning debate with the caption, 'Cloning Humans?!?'
Interesting bit here. Businesses are positioning themselves to cash in on
the stem cell research. If Bush puts the kaibosh on that, these businesses
will not be pleased.
4:12 pm - This has been a straight Wall Street report thus far. Microsoft
seeks redress from the Supreme Court. Everyone is waiting for Cisco's
earnings report.
4:29 pm - Another blurb about the TN 'tax revolt' before a return to Wall
Street. It has been a full half an hour since anyone has mentioned Condit
or Clinton. I feel like I've been paroled.
5:00 pm - The vacation is over. John Gibson and the Big Story dive right
back into the Condit story, with a teaser about the Clinton memoir.
John Gibson has the most remarkable hair I have ever seen. It is this ivory
pompadour helmet that rises impossibly above his brow. As he reminds us
that is Day 99 of the Chandra search, I am mesmerized by the studio lights
glittering in his blond locks.
5:02 pm - They are rehashing the last six hours worth of coverage again.
Parrots do not get this redundant.
Did Chandra want Condit's baby? Did Chandra confront Condit's wife? Wendy
Murphy, a criminal defense attorney, stokes the soap opera fires to a
glowing blaze.
5:11 pm - The first commercial break from the Big Show. It has been wall to
wall Condit.
5:13 pm - Gibson is back, and the Condit crucifixion continues. A detective
from the NYPD adds to the talk about how there is nothing to talk about.
That reporter has been on the Levy lawn all day, but the Levy's aren't
talking.
5:16 pm - Another commercial break, but first: "The police say Condit is not
a suspect. Is he guilty in the court of public opinion?"
The fair and balanced graphic sails by.
5:20 pm - We're back, and it's Condit again.
Fox Fact: Obstruction of justice is a federal offense.
5:24 pm - Gibson raises the specter of a House ethics investigation.
Nothing is happening there, because the ethics board only investigates
Congresspeople who break the rules while acting in their official capacity.
Gibson finds this absurd.
5:27 pm - They have said nothing new about Condit all day. As we fade to
commercial, I realize that Gibson has just spent 27 minutes talking about
nothing at all.
5:30 pm - An ad for the Brit Hume show coming up at 6:00 p.m.: "Is Condit's
career over? A fair and balanced report."
5:31 pm - Top of the hour recap: Sharks; car crashes; the Roger Clinton
misdemeanor pleading; Rebecca Gayheart of 90210 fame is being sued for
running down a 9 year old boy with her car while talking on a cell phone.
5:32 pm - Cloning. Fairly straight report
5:42 pm - The Clinton book deal again. What will he have to do to sell it?
People won't want to read about his brokering of the Mideast peace accords.
They want to know about Monica, they want all the dirt Gibson refers to
Clinton supporters as "fawning droolers" who will accept everything he says.
6:00 pm - That was eighteen full minutes of sarcastic venom from Gibson
aimed at Clinton's book, which isn't due out until 2003. Good news for Fox.
They'll never run out of material with that kind of a timeline.
6:01 pm - Brit Hume, and the first story is not about Condit. I am jonesing
already. Instead, a recap of the cloning debate.
6:04 pm - Look out. Here's some real news. Ashcroft spoke at a meeting of
the ABA to defend his dumping of their traditional review of court
nominations. He points to a column from the Wall Street Journal, which
carried an analysis by the conservative Federalist Society that climed the
ABA leads wildly to the Left. The ABA president, Martha Bennet, calls the
report balderdash.
6:10 pm - A rebroadcast of Bush's comments regarding the Iraq bombing and
the state of the Mideast peace process. Some tasty Bush quotes:
"Sanity must prevail there before we get involved."
"It's important for people to get outside, and work."
6:12 pm - Unlike Clinton, Bush never takes a mulligan while playing golf.
He can't remember what the Patients Bill of Rights legislation is called.
He refers to it as, "The Gansky Something Something Bill." Then he told the
press guys to "get lost" and walked away. All the Fox broadcasters are
chuckling at the President's delicious wit.
6:13 pm - Back to Condit, and a total rehash of everything. 13 minutes of
other news was all they could give.
I can take no more.
- - - - - -
Before I try to add some perspective to this whole experience, let's break
it down by the numbers. According to my calculations:
There were 42 distinct occasions where the name 'Clinton' was raised, not
including an 18 minute rant by Gibson;
Bush was mentioned 14 times. They showed the same picture each time -
George on his golf cart;
Monica Lewinsky was mentioned twice, and her picture was shown once;
The missile defense program was mentioned once;
The tax cut was mentioned once;
The Iraq bombing was mentioned twice.
Perhaps the most astounding aspect of my quest into the land of Fox news is
this: I watched for exactly 437 minutes. Of that, by my calculations, 133
of those minutes were directed solely at rehashing the fact that Condit did
it, he did it, he did it.
That accounts for nearly a full third of the time I watched. By my
calculations, another third of the time was dedicated to the commercials
that were shown approximately every five minutes. The rest of the broadcast
dealt with shark attacks, heat waves, car crashes, tax revolts, the new Star
Wars movie, and the upcoming Clinton memoir.
I have seen the beast, and it is not fair and balanced. The GOP has a
marvelous voice in the Fox News Network. There is nothing in the media
realm even remotely this biased that is representative of the Left. I
wonder if Ted Turner truly knows what he is getting into with the new
director of CNN and his courtship of the Right.
One thing is sure. If CNN chooses to become an ancillary wing of the GOP
spin machine, the transformation should not be difficult. Get a reporter
camped out on the Levy's lawn and cut to her every hour. Flood the airwaves
with innuendo about Gary Condit. Fill the time with political opponents of
Bill Clinton.
I need a shower.
SGH Esquire
>Media,' I will light myself on fire.
I proclaim the existences of the "Left-wing Media."
Hey, care to explain why Dan Rather had to be forced to report the Levy story?
// I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend your right to say it
until threatened with some small object, such as a spoon. //
Certified Harley-Riding Yuppie Swine
'01 FLSTC
'00 Moto Guzzi Jackal
Not impressed
"SGH Esquire" <sghes...@aol.commode> wrote in message
news:20010808123151...@ng-ch1.aol.com...
Mary Campbell
> CONDIT, CLINTON, CLONES AND CONDIT
>
> OR
>
> A RECKLESSLY CONCEIVED RUNNING DIARY OF ONE MAN'S THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING
> THE FOX NEWS CHANNEL FOR NEARLY EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT
>
> by William Rivers Pitt
Hilarious (but scary). I've never watched Fox News and now, thank god, I
don't have to.
Who is this guy and where was this published? He has truly suffered for
his art!
Kris Baker
over to alt.true-crime? It's needed over there, also.
Kris
Not impressed wrote in message ...
Not impressed
I still need the source.
"Kris Baker" <kris....@prodigy.net> wrote in message
news:EWec7.4838$Qv7.54...@newssvr17.news.prodigy.com...
syvyn11
Strange, dude.
--
__________________________________
Duckman: Corny, what have I done?
Cornfed: When compared to mozart, not a hell of a lot.
"and you might say, MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE!"
Talking Heads, "once in a lifetime'
"Not impressed" <trw...@pacbell.net> wrote in message
news:Zdec7.18$6Y3....@news.pacbell.net...
SGH Esquire
>Hilarious (but scary). I've never watched Fox News and now, thank god, I
>don't have to.
>
It doesn't really matter whether you watch it. Fox has crushed CNN so badly
that now CNN wants to kiss up to the right. The people who run the networks
and cable stations and newspapers want money more than they want to push us to
the left, and they are starting to make an effort to tell it like it really is
instead of trying to deceive us. In my opinion, Rupert Murdoch has
single-handedly put an end to decades of liberal bias and outright lies in the
press, and he should be considered a national hero.
It's a national tragedy that our news has been warped for so long by an
extremist minority. God bless Fox.
Katherinedear
>story?
Maybe he was waiting to see if Condit was guilty of more than just having a
sleazy affair with an intern, a story, but not worth (MUCH) more time than
space-based weapons or the bush-cheney energy plan.
Katherinedear
>and cable stations and newspapers want money more than they want to push us
>to
>the left, and they are starting to make an effort to tell it like it really
>is
>instead of trying to deceive us.
Everything cited indicates they are not at all interested in telling it like it
is -- they are interested in telling the viewers what they want to hear to
increase their market share. Evil.
SGH Esquire
Maybe he was covering up for a Democrat.
Care to explain why every other major news outlet covered it?
SGH Esquire
>it
>is -- they are interested in telling the viewers what they want to hear to
>increase their market share. Evil.
"Everything cited?" Funny way to avoid citing anything.
They are clearly interested in presenting the view from the right as well as
that from the left, which is why they hired both Hannity and Colmes, both
Gingrich and Ferraro...
Your unfair, baseless claim that they are being dishonest is what is evil. But
then, liberals are the worst censors.
China Kate Sunflower
cannonballs, sghes...@aol.commode's motto is:
>Care to explain why every other major news outlet covered it?
Sex sells.
K.
--
"Boche had known a joiner who had stripped himself stark naked in the Rue Saint-
Martin and died doing the polka - he was an absinthe drinker." -- Emile Zola
Bob230
That is if you accept the writer's biased opinion. It's clear to me
that the poster watched Fox News with a preset bias against the
channel.
As a frequent Fox viewer I agree that the Condit news is getting
pretty stale. Everyone should just get off Condit's back. While I
find him personally disgusting he is just a reflection of his
constituency...just as Bob Barr, Barney Frank, Jesse Helms, and Teddy
Kennedy are reflections of their's. If the people of Condit's
congressional district like having a skirt chaser representing them
what business is it of ours? I don't care to see another bit of
Condit news unless something truly new (like a smoking gun) comes up.
Fox News' success shows that they have found a niche that badly needed
filling. Liberals are constantly railing against Rush Limbaugh and
Fox News...that's only two media outlets compared to how many on the
other side. The thing I like about Fox News is that it's one of the
few news organizations that has the guts to report on previously
untouchable subjects like the frauds and abuses of Jesse Jackson. For
a supposedly Republican mouthpiece...I sure have seen a lot of Rev.
Sharpton and a host of Liberal spin-meisters on Fox News.
Bob
gregorio cortez
> CONDIT, CLINTON, CLONES AND CONDIT
I won't hold my breath for an equally "non-partisan" review of CNN, MSNBC,
CBS, NBC, and ABC news coverage...
> "The lowest form of popular culture - lack of information, misinformation,
> disinformation, and a contempt for the truth or the reality of most
people's
> lives - has overrun real journalism. Today, ordinary Americans are being
> stuffed with garbage."
>
> - Carl Bernstein
That's hilarious!
A dumpster-load of hypocrisy from the original trash collector...
Ron Turner
>THE FOX NEWS CHANNEL FOR NEARLY EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT
>
>by William Rivers Pitt
So where did this come from?
>"The lowest form of popular culture - lack of information, misinformation,
>disinformation, and a contempt for the truth or the reality of most people's
>lives - has overrun real journalism. Today, ordinary Americans are being
>stuffed with garbage."
>
>- Carl Bernstein
He was talking about his own journalism, right?
>I have not yet needed to bother with Fox News.
>
Already got all the information in the world, huh? No need for diverse sources
of information. News bigot!
>If I want to mainline some good GOP ideology, I peruse the editorial page of
>the Wall Street Journal, or the New Republic.
The New Republic? Damn, where have I been.
>If I want to get ugly, I
>check out NewsMax.com.
He just didn't like their Bush Country t-shirts. Brings back the pain seeing
America bathed in Republican Red.
> If I want to go to Hell, I peer into the jungles of
>FreeRepublic.com.
Ok, ya got me. They are a bit whacked over there. But that's like that with
any forum. Should check out Rosie's.
>I loathe and despise virtually all television news.
Got NPR. Liberal dittohead doesn't need anything more.
>Since the election, I
>have treated pretty much all of it as a protracted attempt at damage
>control.
I wish. The media stubbornly refuses to fix it's fuck-up. Still playing with
goofy polls. Like pulling teeth to get election night coverage reforms from
them. And they won't even give up the Voter News Service.
>I know from the jump that Fox News is the main propaganda voice
>for the GOP. I can get that propaganda in better form from other sources.
Uh, huh. Uh, huh.
>According to Roll Call, the new head of CNN sat down recently with GOP
>Congressional leaders and asked them how he could attract a more politically
>conservative viewership, thus expanding CNN's market share to it's former
>glory.
Ah, now I see what this Manifesto is about. Just found out liberals are losers!
Freaking out that the Left-Wing Media is starting to bail out. While Rush
rules.....NPR drools. While "conservative" Fox News booms.....CNN tumbles.
Dan Rather's out of it. Geraldo's a goner. Conservatives are cool. And
that's really, really annoying.
>If I hear anyone ever again proclaim the existence of the 'Left-wing
>Media,' I will light myself on fire.
There is a Left-Wing Media! There is a Left-Wing Media. There is a Left-Wing
Media! Burn, baby, burn.
>Fox News is apparently doing something right, if CNN's brazenly public
>embrace of the GOP chieftains is any indication. I must discover their
>magic touch.
Yep. They must be doing something right. After liberals blab 24/7 about
conservatives being so damn out-of-touch.....then why is "Right-Wing" Fox soooo
popular?
>10:56 am - Turn on Fox to see a pearl-festooned announcer named Patty Ann
Brown with a remarkable beehive hairdo talking about Steve Fosse's balloon
>trip. I haven't seen a do like this since looking at the pictures of Jackie
>at the JFK library.
Five seconds into the gate and already making petty personal swipes. Really
mature.
>10:58 am - The Condit coverage begins.
And if ya flipped on the other channels they started the coverage earlier.
>11:00 am - They have a female reporter standing on the Levy lawn getting
>sprayed by the sprinklers. I wonder if this is where she saw her career
>heading.
More nastiness. No substance. What a surprise.
>11:08 am - Graphic claims Levy neighbors are parking their cars around the
>Levy house to block reporters. I needed to know that.
Maybe not. But others might've thought it was interesting. Another typical
liberal response. Everybody must agree!
>11:11 am - Many grinding seconds with a totally useless press conference
>from DC police chief Ramsey. No evidence, no crime, no suspects, no
>nothing, and yet the media tracks Condit like he's a fugitive Nazi.
He is a fugitive Nazi. Have you seen his hair?
>11:16 am - It continues back at the studio.will the Levys sue Condit in
>civil court? Will Condit be booted from Congress? Sixteen minutes in and I
>want to gouge out my eyes.
Feel free :-)
>11:18 am - At last, they move on to lightning strikes and the new Star Wars
>movie. That was 20 minutes of nothing.
Weird. Condit is nothing. But lightning strikes and Star Wars is serious?
Twisted logic.
> That was 20 minutes of nothing. The graphic spun up before the
>commercial with the voice-over: "A fair and balanced report is coming up."
>Well, praise Jesus.
Praise, Jesus? Tsk. Tsk. Don't bring the Lord into this. He might get
pissed.
>11:20 am - Shark attacks in Florida and the Bahamas. The businessman who
>was attacked in the Bahamas was named Krishna, and his wife is named Ave
>Maria. I'm eating my own face.
Sharks = scary. What's the big deal? But Krishna and Ave Maria? No way!
>11:27 am - A segment on the dangers of having a heart attack while working
>out at a gym. Bear in mind that these Fox broadcasters are getting paid for
>this. The graphic reads 'Killer Workout.'
Gotta love health news. Everything kills ya, today.
>11:30 am - Today's headlines: clones, Libby Dole might run for Jesse Helms'
>seat, Shug Knight is free.
We have met the future.....so who wants to go back?
>11:32 am - A new face: David Aspen talking about the dangers of being struck
>by lightning.
Bad. Very, very bad. Especially for your skin and hair.
>11:35 am - First mention of Clinton!
He's having an orgasm. Pretty rare.
>11:37 am - Back to Condit and the rally his supporters had for him in
>California. They're all stunned that such a thing could exist.
It is shocking. Didn't know people were that stupid. Even the OJ supporters
had the sense to stay out of the sun.
>11:38 am - The microburst of Clinton/Condit bashing has concluded. That was
amazing.
<lighting up the cigarette> Was it as good for you as it was for me?
>11:44 am - A Market report called 'Fox Stox.' Kill me.
Lots and lots of violence today. Joe Lieberman will not be happy.
>11:46 am - They've got a weatherman dancing around the studio to the tune of
>'Hot Fun in the Summertime.' He just said, "Yeah baby, sing it to poppa!"
Hey, I like him. Fuddy-duddy square.
>11:47 am - A commercial for Bill O'Reilly's show: "Who's looking out for us,
>the working people of America?" When was the last time you actually met a
>working person, Bill? How's that trust fund treating you?
Ahem, and you are a "working person". HA!
>11:52 am - The new Star Wars movie!
Attack of the Clones. Now I'm having violent thoughts, dammit.
>11:53 am - They're running a phone poll: "Would you read Clinton's memoir?"
It's like a 1-900 number. Geraldine Ferraro reads the Starr Report in her
sexy, throaty voice.
>11:56 am - I've made it through the first hour. I counted seven mentions of
>Bill Clinton, and 24 minutes of Condit coverage that offered absolutely
>nothing in the way of news.
It all depends on your definition of news. Some may want pork belly prices.
Others may want MSNBC-style Spring Break exposes. What IS news?
>11:58 am - The 'Fair and Balanced' graphic is back.we report, you decide. I
>might decide to walk into traffic before too long.
That'll be fun. Head for the semis.
According to Fox, 65% believe Condit was involved in the murder that hasn't
been proven yet because no body has been found.
And OJ's innocent. The Ramseys are nice folks. Free Mumia! Blah, blah blah.
>12:06 pm - First Bush sighting.
Never seen bush? What a surprise.
>He's on his working vacation down there in Hell. 110 degrees in the shade in
Crawford. Further proof that Bush is
>Satan.
And fifteen minutes later Schizo Liberals reverse course, do a huge backflip,
and accuse Bush of having a posh vacation in that 110 Hell Heat.
>12:07 pm - A discussion on how police locate decomposing bodies. Yes,
>they're talking about Chandra.
It's a very complicated technique. Usually involves kids playing outside and a
nasty odor wafting through the air.
>12:26 pm - Is Gary Condit's political career over? Is there such a thing as
>'Doggy Profiling' that gives some pooches a bad name? Will I be begging for
>death before this is over? Yes on all three.
Ah, so Gary Condit's career is over. So what's with the whining?
>12:29 pm - According to Fox, 75% of Americans think Bush's month-long
>vacation is not too large a time to be off the job. Another random mention
>of Clinton's name wedged in there.
Apparently liberals cringe at Clinton's name. Just hate it when it's brought
up.
Must be the shame and embarassment.
>12:36 pm - "As the search for Chandra gets cold, will the Levy family turn
>up the heat?" We're back on Condit again, and a writer for the Nation named
>David Corn is debasing himself and his magazine by participating in this
>conversation.
Hehe. More depression. Now "The Nation" is part of the vast right-wing
conspiracy. How long before Pacifica follows?
>They're running captions at the bottom of the screen titled "Fox Facts."
>Among these facts: 70% of people say Condit isn't telling all he knows; 51%
>say Condit is acting guilty; 47% think he should resign. It's a drumbeat
>across the screen.
Drum. Drum. Drum. That's the sound of a Dirty Democrat going down the drain.
>Fox Flash! The bombing of Iraq 'according to national policy.' We bombed
>Iraq? Whahuh?
Happens every day now. Boring. They're only Iraqis. Nobody cares. Fry em.
>Cliff May: "Condit is not shameless enough to survive this." More Fox
>Facts: 50% say the cops are giving Condit special treatment.
Only 50%? Damn.
>12:41 pm - Condit was just compared to Marion Barry. They are leaving no
>stone unturned here on Fox.
No kidding. Every Dirty Democrat in history is being dragged out for a
mention. No wonder the American people have said in polls that "Gary Condit is
the face of the Democratic Party"
>12:42 pm - Condit microburst is concluded. Commercial break. My eyes are
beginning to feel dry and scratchy.
Oh, crap. What's that Ben Stein commercial line about dry and scratchy eyes.
>A tremor shakes my hand.
Stop beating off.
>12:44 pm - Was Tom Selleck drunk and disorderly on the streets of Manhattan?
>They called him 'Magnum Pie-Eyed.' I wish for death.
Wow. Now that is news. Didn't hear anything about that.
>Oh my God. They stuffed some Fox reporter into a puffy padded suit and
>sicced this massive bulldog/bull mastiff hybrid on him. This has been the
>greatest moment of my life.
I hope it wasn't outside in that scorching heat. Ouch.
>12:55 pm - Here comes a phone poll - What would you name Clinton's memoir?
>I see this generating scads of intelligent dialog.
Fox News talks to the people......and boy is it scary.
>12:56 pm - Two hours down. A truly disturbing blizzard of Clinton, Condit
>and cloning just paralyzed my higher brain functions.
They've been paralyzed for quite some time now.
>12:59 pm - They've been lobbing teasers about the cloning debate all day.
>Here comes the first real substance on it, given in the appearance of
>straight reporting. The Fox Facts scroll on the bottom describes, in
>chopped sentences, how one might go about creating a human clone. I hope
>everyone at home is taking notes.
Should they be taking notes? It's hard to maintain a straight face and talk
substance when you've got a funny-looking guy from a cult talking about his
plans for the Mother Ship.
>1:01 pm - Cloning conversation concludes, on to a 'tax revolt' happening in
>Nashville, TN. The Governor of TN is daring to institute an income tax. I
>guess these folks didn't get their check from Bush yet
Hopefully these brave patriots will stop the forces of Evil from trying to rob
taxpayers some more.
>1:04 pm - Back to Chandra and Condit. They're rehashing the last two hours.
>That reporter is still in the Levy yard.
She's become a Yard Gnome.
Ever hear someone say 'spermatozoa' with a heavy Italian accent?
Do pornos count?
>Still, this man deserves my thanks. He may be getting ready to breed
>monsters, but at least he got Fox off the Condit story.
From one Nazi to another.
>1:16 pm - We're back to Condit. That didn't take long. Two more talking
>heads have appeared to regurgitate all the non-news that I've been listening
>to. This is completely unreal.
Non-news. They report. You decided.
>1:18 pm - Condit rant over. They're back to 'What would you name Bill
>Clinton's memoir.'
Fun story of the day, apparently. Lots and lots of great suggestions.
>1:22 pm - I am logging on to the internet to check if any non-Condit-related
>events have transpired. Lo and behold! CNN.com says we bombed Iraq, and
>the story here was posted at 11:51am. We blew up a rocket launcher. With
>the exception of that quick blurb at 12:38pm, Fox has made no mention of it
>at all.
But did CNN or MSNBC did mention it too onair? Why single out Fox News? And
what more is there to know? Bomb drops. The End.
>The last caller gets on and froths all over the phone about Clinton. His
>final remark: "Harlem is a good spot for him."
But it's ok for left-wingers to froth, right?
>Wow. I hope a CNN executive saw that. These are the people they wish to
>attract to the channel.
They are America. Where are the liberal Americans? Can't find them anywhere.
Are they a Nixonian "Silent Majority"?
>Where is Willie Horton when you need him?
Ya mean the poor "victim" monster that liberals drool over. Republicans should
not abuse homicidal maniacs. Those meanies.
>One caller squeezes in an impressive list of Clinton accomplishments and
>dismisses the other titles that have been offered as partisan nonsense.
>While he speaks, the Fox broadcasters smile and shake their heads.
Gotta smile otherwise the liberal will snap. Don't want that to happen. Mad
Cows are dangerous!
>1:28 pm - A funny moment. Bob Villa of 'This Old House' fame is selling
>some home refinancing firm. He's asking people to sell their mortgage to
>this company so they can get cash and pay off credit card debt. Bob used to
>build houses. Now he's taking them away.
He was always a sell-out crook. Didn't even know how to use a hammer. Phony.
>1:36 pm - I need a context check, so I'm switching quickly to CNN. They are
>focusing on the cloning debate.
After Fox News already handled it. Losers.
>1:39 pm - Back to Fox, and 'The Chandra mystery continues.' They have a
>graphic up which reads, "What went wrong?" The fact that Condit hasn't
>taken a second lie detector is damning proof of culpability, as far as Fox
>is concerned.
It is? Why is he afraid of having his name cleared instantly. He's passed
one. Why not just whiz past the second official one. And see the look of
shock on everybody's faces when he gets cleared. Or is he guilty..... Why so
scared?
>1:43 pm - "It's amazing with the 24 hour news coverage that they haven't
>started a grand jury investigation yet," says Fox person. Perhaps that is
>because evidence is needed to present before a grand jury?
There's lots and lots of evidence for a grand jury. Don't need much to get
those babies started up. But the cops are playing it cool, don't want to rock
the political boat. Dirty Democrats must be protected at all costs!
OK, lock the bastard up.
Yep.
>1:59 pm - Back to Condit again. That reporter is still in the Levy
>driveway. Her parents must be very proud.
Better than writing internet rants, anyway. It's a loney job, but somebody's
gotta do it.
>I need a break. 2:21 pm - Back from the store, they're talking about the heat
wave.
Grabbed a twinkie at the 711?
>2:24 pm - Sharks.
Democrats!
>2:27 pm - A teaser about a segment where they will check out Wilt
>Chamberlain's fabulous bachelor pad.
It's a sacred shrine. Clinton would be proud.
>2:32 pm - More non-news about the cloning debate.
Still wondering what non-news is. Sharks and lightning and Kool and Wilt
Chamberlain. But cloning and Condit is non-news?
>2:38 pm - They're walking through Wilt's house. I wonder if they'll find
>Chandra in there. Background music: 'Love Shack' by the B-52s. I want to
>die now, please.
Love Shack? The theme for Shaft should be playing.
>2:41 pm - An expose about women who wear shirts that expose their belly
>buttons. Background music: 'Stuck in the Middle with You.'
Uh, oh. Drifing off into MSNBC material, here. Satan can't be far behind.
> I wait with baited breath.
Baited Breath? Is that like a Bianca Blow Job?
>2:48 pm - The comeback of Kool & the Gang. Two Gang band members are in the
>studio. Homogenization Breach! There are two African American males on the
>set of Fox! These are the first non-Caucasians I have seen all day.
Except for the slaves working in his basement. But liberals always ignore "the
help"
>2:50 pm - Blurb at the bottom: Bush says US will not intervene in Mideast
>until fighting stops. Seems to me his logic is badly reversed.
Volunteering for a peacekeeping mission? No? What a surprise.
>2:53 pm - Condit. It's the same stuff warmed over again.
Still yummy.
>3:04 pm - Back to Condit. That reporter is still out on the Levy lawn.
>Ramsey says the only reason the press is pursuing the case is because they
>want to play up the sex angle. No, say the Foxies. It's about lies and
>deception and obstruction of justice. So there.
And it's about sex. They're just kidding themselves.
>Fox Fact: Chandra's mom, Susan Levy, is a community volunteer. She has a
>son named Adam. A picture of Condit being pursued by cameras flashes on the
>screen. The caption reads, 'Obstruction of Justice.'
Any dirt on Adam? He's the only Levy family member who hasn't spoken out.
>3:11 pm - Sharks.
Democrats! This is starting to get fun.
>3:14 pm - Sean Hannity in the radio booth, ranting about how Condit is using
>his father, Reverent Condit, to defend himself. Condit is using his family.
>Hannity wants to know if the Reverend has read that Commandment - thou shalt
>not commit adultery.
It is a good point. Seems like Reverend Man is just as arrogant as Sonny Boy.
And ever notice how bad Hannity's hair looks in the radio booth. I guess he
needs an army of stylists before doing his tv-show.
>3:17 pm - Clinton again, and the poll question about naming his memoirs. A
>mention of the cloning debate, which the Fox broadcaster refers to as "The
>whole sheep thing."
Hehe. Now that was funny.
>3:21 pm - Sharks.
Democrats! Makes a great drinking game.
>3:30 pm - Back to the 'tax revolt' in TN. They've shown this several times
>now, and I count maybe fifty protesters. I've been to a number of Bush
>protests that have drawn at least as many people. I assume that is not
>newsworthy, however. Not one little bit.
And?
>Two car accidents, one involving a plane that crashed on a highway. Roger
>Clinton has plead guilty to a misdemeanor reckless driving charge. The
>republic is saved.
Wait until Roger Clinton starts singing for his supper. Be afraid.
>3:34 pm - The Clinton book deal rises again. Caption at the bottom reads
>'Scandal Storie$.'
It is amusing. Clinton blabbed 24/7 about negative press. Apparently he wanted
to save all the dirt for his own book deal, lol.
>3:37 pm - Back to Condit. What are the PR moves he can make to salvage his
>career?
Maybe find Chandra Levy and prove he didn't kill her ass.
>3:42 pm - They've got a publisher named Judith Regan on to talk about the
>Clinton book. Regan has her own show on Fox, on Saturdays and Sundays.
She's a hot babe. Very successful.
>Fox Fact: Clinton plans to write the book himself. I'm stunned.
Me too. He won't write the thing himself. Have a team of editors and ghost
writers for that job.
>3:46 pm - O'Reilly asks once again who is watching out for the working
>folks.
Not the Democrats.
>3:52 pm - Moment of unintentional high comedy: they're actually having a
>conversation about why Clinton won't use these titles.
Because he has no sense of fun.
>3:53 pm - Bill from Texas offers his suggestion, "Born to be President." He
>then shouts at the top of his lungs, "We love you in Texas, Bill Clinton!"
>How that got past the screeners is a mystery.