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PENN STATE FOOTBALL JOKES
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N.R.A.
Jan 18, 2013, 8:59:08 PM1/18/13
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How come Penn State football players won’t drive a Japanese car?
They don’t think they’ll understand what’s said on the radio.
___________________________________
How do you get a former Penn State football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
___________________________________
A scrawny man at a bar in Town says to the guy sitting next to him, “Hey, you want to hear a really funny Penn State joke?” The guy replies, “Hey buddy. See the bartender? He played at Penn State. See those two huge guys to your left? They played at Penn State. See that group of big guys over at that table? All Penn State football players. Look at me. I’m 6’4, 235 and played at Penn State. Now are you sure you want to tell me your joke?”
The scrawny man says, “Nah. I don’t want to have to explain and repeat it 5 times.”
___________________________________
One day in an elementary school, a teacher asks her class if Penn State was their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, “What’s your favorite football team Jimmy?”
Little Jimmy says, “Ohio State.”
The teacher asks, “Well, why is that?”
Little Jimmy says, “Well, my dad is a Ohio State fan, my mom is a Ohio State fan, I guess that makes me a Ohio State fan.”
The teacher angered by his reply says, “If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?”
Little Jimmy says, “Well, I guess that would make me a Penn State fan.”
___________________________________
One foggy night, a Ohio State fan was heading north and a Penn State fan was driving south. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Penn State fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, “Man, I’m lucky to be alive!”
Likewise, the Ohio State fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Penn State fan walks over to the Ohio State fan and says, “Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals.”
The Ohio State fan thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I’m going to see if something else survived the wreck.”
The Ohio State fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel’s. He says to the Penn State, “I think this is another sign- we should toast to our newfound friendship.” The Penn State fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Penn State fan hands it back to the Ohio State fan and says, “Your turn!”
The Ohio State fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, “Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the cops to show up.”
___________________________________
Q: What’s the difference between a Penn State fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
___________________________________
Q: How many Penn State fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.
___________________________________
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the Penn State campus. That’s the last place you would find a football player.
___________________________________
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Penn State weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
___________________________________
Q: Why don’t Penn State fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
___________________________________
A Penn State fan walks into a doctor’s office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, “How can I help you?” The frog replies, “I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt.”
___________________________________
Q: Did you hear about the Penn State fan that locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn’t get his family out.
___________________________________
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Penn State campus?
A: A visitor.
___________________________________
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Penn State library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
___________________________________
Q: Did you hear about the fire in Penn State football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.
___________________________________
Q: Do you know why the Penn State football team should change its name to the “Opossums”?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
___________________________________
Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Penn State campus?
A: The officials had to check ID’s before letting anyone back on board.
___________________________________
Q: What does the average Penn State student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
___________________________________
Q: What should you do if you find three Penn State fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
___________________________________
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, “I will grant you one wish.” The General replied, “I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war.” The genie responded, “I’m not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish.” “Well,” the General responds, “then can you have Penn State win a bowl game this year?” After a moment, the genie says, “Let me see that map again.”
___________________________________
Q: How do you make Penn State cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
___________________________________
Q: What do you get when you cross a Penn State fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things that a pig will not do.
___________________________________
Q: How many Penn State freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it’s a sophomore course.
___________________________________
Penn State’s football practice was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
___________________________________
Q. What did the Penn State graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?
A. “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order, please?”
___________________________________
Did you hear about the Penn State fan who was so upset that Ohio State beat Penn State that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out his basement window?
___________________________________
It was reported that Penn State head football coach will only be dressing twenty players for the Ohio State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
___________________________________
Did you hear that the Penn State library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were destroyed. The football team was very upset because they hadn’t colored in two of them yet.
___________________________________
Q: How do you get a Penn State grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
___________________________________
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Ohio State grad, a Penn State grad, a Pitt grad, and a Michigan grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Pitt grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting “This is for the Pitt!” as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Michigan grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, “This is for the Michigan!” Seeing this the Ohio State grad walked over and shouted “This is for the Ohio State!” and pushed the Penn State fan off the side of the mountain.
I wonder, does Penn State have a hockey team too?
They don’t think they’ll understand what’s said on the radio.
___________________________________
How do you get a former Penn State football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
___________________________________
A scrawny man at a bar in Town says to the guy sitting next to him, “Hey, you want to hear a really funny Penn State joke?” The guy replies, “Hey buddy. See the bartender? He played at Penn State. See those two huge guys to your left? They played at Penn State. See that group of big guys over at that table? All Penn State football players. Look at me. I’m 6’4, 235 and played at Penn State. Now are you sure you want to tell me your joke?”
The scrawny man says, “Nah. I don’t want to have to explain and repeat it 5 times.”
___________________________________
One day in an elementary school, a teacher asks her class if Penn State was their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, “What’s your favorite football team Jimmy?”
Little Jimmy says, “Ohio State.”
The teacher asks, “Well, why is that?”
Little Jimmy says, “Well, my dad is a Ohio State fan, my mom is a Ohio State fan, I guess that makes me a Ohio State fan.”
The teacher angered by his reply says, “If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?”
Little Jimmy says, “Well, I guess that would make me a Penn State fan.”
___________________________________
One foggy night, a Ohio State fan was heading north and a Penn State fan was driving south. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Penn State fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, “Man, I’m lucky to be alive!”
Likewise, the Ohio State fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Penn State fan walks over to the Ohio State fan and says, “Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals.”
The Ohio State fan thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I’m going to see if something else survived the wreck.”
The Ohio State fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel’s. He says to the Penn State, “I think this is another sign- we should toast to our newfound friendship.” The Penn State fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Penn State fan hands it back to the Ohio State fan and says, “Your turn!”
The Ohio State fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, “Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the cops to show up.”
___________________________________
Q: What’s the difference between a Penn State fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
___________________________________
Q: How many Penn State fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.
___________________________________
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the Penn State campus. That’s the last place you would find a football player.
___________________________________
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Penn State weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
___________________________________
Q: Why don’t Penn State fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
___________________________________
A Penn State fan walks into a doctor’s office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, “How can I help you?” The frog replies, “I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt.”
___________________________________
Q: Did you hear about the Penn State fan that locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn’t get his family out.
___________________________________
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Penn State campus?
A: A visitor.
___________________________________
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Penn State library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
___________________________________
Q: Did you hear about the fire in Penn State football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.
___________________________________
Q: Do you know why the Penn State football team should change its name to the “Opossums”?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
___________________________________
Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Penn State campus?
A: The officials had to check ID’s before letting anyone back on board.
___________________________________
Q: What does the average Penn State student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
___________________________________
Q: What should you do if you find three Penn State fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
___________________________________
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, “I will grant you one wish.” The General replied, “I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war.” The genie responded, “I’m not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish.” “Well,” the General responds, “then can you have Penn State win a bowl game this year?” After a moment, the genie says, “Let me see that map again.”
___________________________________
Q: How do you make Penn State cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
___________________________________
Q: What do you get when you cross a Penn State fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things that a pig will not do.
___________________________________
Q: How many Penn State freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it’s a sophomore course.
___________________________________
Penn State’s football practice was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
___________________________________
Q. What did the Penn State graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?
A. “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order, please?”
___________________________________
Did you hear about the Penn State fan who was so upset that Ohio State beat Penn State that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out his basement window?
___________________________________
It was reported that Penn State head football coach will only be dressing twenty players for the Ohio State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
___________________________________
Did you hear that the Penn State library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were destroyed. The football team was very upset because they hadn’t colored in two of them yet.
___________________________________
Q: How do you get a Penn State grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
___________________________________
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Ohio State grad, a Penn State grad, a Pitt grad, and a Michigan grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Pitt grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting “This is for the Pitt!” as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Michigan grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, “This is for the Michigan!” Seeing this the Ohio State grad walked over and shouted “This is for the Ohio State!” and pushed the Penn State fan off the side of the mountain.
I wonder, does Penn State have a hockey team too?
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