Was Jesus like Pastor Frank - a poof
Rev Dr Dick Foot
Last weak at homeskool, me and my bruther was lookin at some pitchures of
Jezus, and we sawed he had reel long hairs on his haid. He looks like my
sister, Suzanna Beth. I askded my teachur (momma) if that means Jezus
were a gay old butt-sniffin' homo like my Paster Frank, "Gay Bobby,"
Bernhard Schornak, Hardenbergstr. 14, D-Augsburg 86165, Germany, cause
neither of theys never got marryed. But my Mumma did'nt no the
anser. Can you pleaze tell us?
Yours in Criyst Jezus,
- Billy-Joe
Dear Billy-Joe,
God bless you, young man, and thank you for bringing up this important
question. I understand it can be difficult when you see all those
photographs of Jesus in your Children's Bible and wonder whether you're
gazing upon our Beloved Savior, or just some scruffy hustler swishing
along in the Wigstock Parade.
Add to that Jesus' effeminate yearnings for such staples of the
homosexual agenda as so-called "peace," "love," and "compassion," and
it's perfectly understandable how an good, decent, conservative youngster
like yourself would start to out-and-out DESPISE the Lord.
Fortunately, there are perfectly rational reasons for why the earliest
known photographs of Jesus show him with girlishly elongated hairs.
First, what you must understand is that after Jesus accepted himself as
Lord and Saviour, and became the first Christian - what do you think was
the first thing he did? I'll give you a hint - It is a tradition that we
here at Broomleigh Baptist carry on to this very day! It is the first
thing the Holy Ghost whispers into your ear, the minute you get saved.
That's right, Billy-Joe. Jesus got a haircut.
The reason you see so many pictures of Jesus with long hair is because
those pictures were drawn by unsaved people. Most of them were drawn by
hell-bound, pasta-slurping, Mary-worshipping, hell-bound Catholics.
Jesus had short hair, Billy-Joe. And He was always clean-shaven for the
last three years of His life here on Earth. Can you imagine how painful
it must have been for Him to pluck His nose hairs with a wooden tweezers?
He did it for you, Billy. He did it because He loves you, not the way a
homosexual loves another man, but the way a Father loves his son. And you
must follow His example.
If the false images of Jesus with long hair are a stumbling block for
you, then just tear them out of your Bible. For a more accurate example
of what Jesus would look like if He were walking amongst us today, just
gaze on the portrait of our Godly President, George W. Bush, hanging in
the main sanctuary.
If you'd like to have the pictures of Jesus in your Bible replaced with
photographs of President Bush, then ask your mother to contact Youth
Pastor Geraint Davies MP. We have printed out several thousand copies of
a new children's Bible with the pictures already replaced.
God Bless You,
- Pastor
--
Rev Dr Pastor Dick F Foot MA, DD, FFD
The Guardian of English Christianity
Broomleigh Baptist Church AG (Zurich)
111 Lime Walk, Chelmsford CM2 9NJ, Great Britain
http://www.church.broomleigh.org/
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HellPope Huey
> Jesus had short hair, Billy-Joe. And He was always clean-shaven for the
> last three years of His life here on Earth. Can you imagine how painful
> it must have been for Him to pluck His nose hairs with a wooden tweezers?
> He did it for you, Billy. He did it because He loves you, not the way a
> homosexual loves another man, but the way a Father loves his son. And you
> must follow His example.
Its amazing how many people have tried to sell me nose hairs they
claimed came from His nose. I guess they just ran out of splinters from
the True CROSS after a while.
--
HellPope Huey
Tour manager of
The Honeydew All-Star Melon Slammers
Some rainy winter Sundays when there's a little boredom,
you should always carry a gun.
Not to shoot yourself, but to know exactly
that you're always making a choice.
~ Lina Wertmuller
Oh, come on.
If you can't laugh at the walking dead,
who can you laugh at?
~ Dan Fielding, "Night Court"