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FF3: Colosseum Betting List (repost)

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Albert Calis

unread,

Apr 3, 1997, 3:00:00 AM4/3/97

If anybody wants a personal copy of this list, then e-mail your request
to d040...@dc.seflin.org and I'll e-mail it to you.

Final Fantasy 3: Colosseum Betting List

By: Albert Calis

Completed and revised on February 19, 1997

This list is comprised of all the items that you win and the enemies that
you have to fight there for them. Almost all of the lesser items you bet
end up with you fighting Chupon and winning an Elixir. But I've
deciphered those items that, when you bet them, you can fight some rather
interesting monsters and possibly win some really cool items. They are
as follows:

Item Wagered Enemy fought Item Won
=======================================================================

Items and Consumables
----------------------------------------------------------------
Elixir Cactrot Rename Card
Fenix Down Cactrot Magicite
Rename Card Doom Drgn Marvel Shoes
Megalixir Siegfried(?) Tintinabar

Daggers and Dirks
----------------------------------------------------------------
Thief Knife Wart Puck Thief Glove
Assasin Test Rider Sword Breaker
Hardened Phase Murasame
Graedus Karkass Dirk
Valiant Knife Woolly Assasin
Striker Chupon * Striker
Stunner Test Rider Strato

Knives and Japanese Swords
----------------------------------------------------------------
Murasame Borras Aura
Aura Rhyos Strato
Strato Aquila Pearl Lance
Sky Render Scullion Aura Lance

Spears and Lances
----------------------------------------------------------------
Imp's Halberd Allosaurus Cat Hood
Pearl Lance Sky Base Strato
Aura Lance Land Worm Sky Render

Brushes
----------------------------------------------------------------
Rainbow Brush Test Rider Gravity Rod

Swords
----------------------------------------------------------------
Flame Sabre Evil Oscar Ogre Nix
Blizzard Scullion Ogre Nix
Thunder Blade Steroidite Ogre Nix
Break Blade Lethal Wpn Break Blade
Ogre Nix SrBehemoth Soul Sabre
Drainer Enuo Drainer
Soul Sabre Opinicus Falchion
Falchion Outsider Flame Shield
Crystal Borras Enhancer
Ragnarok Didalos Illumina
Illumina Scullion Scimitar
Scimitar Covert Ogre Nix
Atmaweapon GtBehemoth Graedus

Rods and Staffs
----------------------------------------------------------------
Heal Rod Pug Magus Rod
Punisher Opinicus Gravity Rod
Magus Rod Allosaurus Strato

Projectiles
----------------------------------------------------------------
Ninja Star Chaos Drgn Tack Star
Tack Star Opinicus Rising Sun

Special Weapons
----------------------------------------------------------------
Rising Sun Allosaurus Bone Club
Bone Club Test Rider Red Jacket
Sniper Borras Bone Club
Wing Edge Rhyos Sniper

Gambler Weapons
----------------------------------------------------------------
Doom Darts Opinicus Bone Club
Trump Allosaurus Trump
Fixed Dice Trixter Fire Knuckle

Claws and Knuckles
----------------------------------------------------------------
Fire Knuckle Tumbleweed Fire Knuckle
Dragon Claw Test Rider Sniper
Tiger Fangs Mantodea Fire Knuckle

Tools
----------------------------------------------------------------
Air Anchor Brontaur Zephyr Cape

Shields
----------------------------------------------------------------
Thunder Shield Outsider Genji Shield
Flame Shield IronHitman Ice Shield
Ice Shield Innoc Flame Shield
Force Shield Dark Force Thornlet
Tortoise Shield Steroidite Titanium Helmet
Aegis Shield Borras Tortoise Shield
Genji Shield Retainer Thunder Shield
Cursed Shield Didalos Cursed Ring
Paladin Shield Hemophyte Force Shield

Armor
----------------------------------------------------------------
Red Jacket Vectagoyle Red Jacket
Nutkin Suit Opinicus Genji Armor
Genji Armor Borras Air Anchor
Imp's Armor Rhyos Tortoise Shield
Moogle Suit Madam Nutkin Suit
Chocobo Suit Veteran Moogle Suit
Tabby Suit Vectaur Chocobo Suit
Behemoth Suit Outsider Snow Muffler
Minerva Armor Pug Czarina Gown
Czarina Gown Sky Base Minerva Armor
Force Armor SrBehemoth Force Armor
Snow Muffler Retainer Charm Bangle
Crystal Mail Covert Ice Shield
Mirage Vest Vectagoyle Red Jacket

Helmets
----------------------------------------------------------------
Thornlet Opinicus Mirage Vest
Red Cap Rhyos Coronet
Genji Helmet Fortis Crystal Helmet
Regal Crown Opinicus Genji Helmet
Coronet Evil Oscar Regal Crown
Cat Hood Hoover Merit Award
Crystal Helmet Dueller Diamond Helmet
Titanium Helmet Brachosaur Cat Hood

Relics
----------------------------------------------------------------
Cursed Ring Steroidite Air Anchor
Relic Ring Sky Base Charm Bangle
Blizzard Orb Allosaurus Rage Ring
Moogle Charm Outsider Charm Bangle
Rage Ring Allosaurus Blizzard Orb
Charm Bangle Retainer Dragon Horn
Gold Hairpin Evil Oscar Dragon Horn
Dragon Horn Rhyos Gold Hairpin
Hero Ring Rhyos Pod Bracelet
Pod Bracelet Hemophyte Hero Ring
Marvel Shoes Tyranosaur Tintinabar
Gauntlet Vectagoyle Thunder Shield
Genji Shield Hemophyte Thunder Shield
Sneak Ring Tap dancer Thief Glove
Thief Glove Harpy Dirk
Ribbon Dark Force Gold Hairpin
Memento Ring Chupon Memento Ring
Tintinabar Dark force Exp. Egg
Exp. Egg Steroidite Tintinabar
Economizer Vectagoyle Dragon Horn
Muscle Belt Allosaurus Crystal Orb
Crystal Orb Borras Gold Hairpin
Safety Bit Pug Dragon Horn
Merit Award Covert Rename Card
Gem Box SrBehemoth Economizer

* = For the Striker, if Shadow survived the collapse of the Floating
Continent, then you will fight him for the Striker and if you win, he'll
join your party, as well as you winning the Striker.

Any items not listed here means that if you bet that particular item, you
will battle Chupon and try to win an Elixir. This is basically the
entire list of all the important items. I might have missed one or two,
but I plan to find them and update the list when I do.

Enjoy! :-) \\
\\
--=========================================[|@|]:::::::::0
//
// Illumina
FINAL FANTASY GAMES RULE!!!!! :-)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_/_/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/_/_/_/_/
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/
_/_/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _| _/
_/ _/ _/_/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/ _| _/

_/_/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ //
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ ||
_/ _/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/_/ 0:::[#]=============--
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ ||
_/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ \\ (Short Sword)

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE FROM THE ALLMIGHTY BILL:

________
/ \ /|\
| * * | | |
| /_ | | |
| |______| | | |
\__________/ | |
|| | |
|\/\/\/\/| || \\\I///
| || |----||--------| |
|===||===| || |_|
\ || / ||
\ || / /||\
\||/ / / \ \
\/ / / \ \
__/ / \ \__
/___/ \___\

AND HIS GANG OF BILLIES

0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
--B-- --I-- --L-- --L-- --B-- --I-- --L-- --L-- --B-- --I-- --L-- --L--
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

Proud members of the National Coalition of Bills Everywhere (NCBE)
E-Mail address: bi...@ncbe.com
Website: http://www.ncbe.com/bill.html

"May all the Billies of the world unite!"

And also Bill's friend and favorite Disney character... *drum roll*

TIGGER!!!

_.- -.- -._ ..
.;;" .oe$$$eeu.. ,?;UU.
,+'!! e$$$$$$$R$$$$x ?xd$)
,' !~ u$$$$F,$$$by,?$"e $F" _ -
.,;,. ,dm :! $$$$$$d( )$( )?d$F _ - _
!?????X!!!!~!!!X!."?????$$$F'.::::::: - . - ~
+$$$$$m@`!! ~? `!kCCU$$$$ ::::::::: g~ ~ - _
"$BeCeW$:`~..__~x W$$$$$$$e `:::::'.$F ~
"****" ,``~~?$:=$$$$$$epppe$F`
, ' , ?W.""??$$FFF" *.
' . . ?$$e. ==+* ..$f
' . ' H!.?$$$$$$$$$$$f
. ' !!!! ?$$$$$$$$$$
. ~!!!!!? ?$$$$$$$f.
. ' !!!!~*..****C.-!:..
. - ~!!!:. ?!!~.$$$$$$$$$$.!!!!:` .
.- ~!::. !!!!!. ?X e$$$$$$$$$$$$.`!!! .! - _
. `~!?: ~!!!!! !!!!!!!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !! !! !?
' !!:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!`:$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$U ~ :!!!! !!~ `
.:::::... !!!!!!!!~~~~!!!!X $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !!!!!...:<~` `
+ ~~!!!!!!!!~~ ::!!!!!":$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$~ *~~!!!!*` .:!
::::::::!!!! "`~~!!~ *""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$~ !!!!!!!!!``
,"`~~!!!!!!~ : u$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$~ !!!!``" ;
. .... ~!!! . ..+ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$~ .!!!!!!?:::-
!!!!!!!!!!!!::::+ !!~~~~~ **""$$$$$$$$$$$$$* .+!!!!!!!!( ,
;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ !!!::.. ue$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!`` ~!!!!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!! . `~~! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$` :!!!!!!!!!!X`
~!!!!!!!!!! ....::!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !!!!!!!!!!~
`~!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!m$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !!!!!!!*`
`*~X!~* !!!!!!!*:$$$$$$$$$$$$$$~ ``((`
:!!:: ` "?I$$$$$$$$$$$`
`~!!!!!- e$$$$$$$$$$$$$~
' `*~! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$" .
.:!:. .: e$$$$$$$$$$$$$" ~ `
' `~!!!!!!~:$$$$$$$$$$$$* :* :! ......
::::::.. ~!!!` $$$$$$$$$$$$":!~ :!!` ` .!!!!!!!!!!
-~!!!!!!!!::..!! 8$$$$$$$$$$*.!!!..!!~ ..- :!!!!!!!~!!!~
' "~~!!!!!!!!! #$$$$$$$$*(!!!!!!!!!.+!~ :!!!!!~`- -`!
; `!!!!!!!."*$$**" `````"`!!!!!!! !!!!!~
.. .!!!!!~~` `!!!!`:!!!` '
`.:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~: !!!!!!!~ '
~!!!!!!!~~`~!!!!!!::: ~!!!!!! '
.:!!!!!!!!!!!!: `!!!!!_ '
:::::::!?!!!!!!!!!
:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~
`~!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~

And now, some famous and not-so-famous quotes:

"Now Meow, Not Woof, but GROWL, the language of humanity!"
--The Allmighty Murg
"Nothing is as grerat as a Yo Mama joke!"
--The Allmighty Bob
"You must look within for answers."
--Shadow, FF3
"It was so familiar....that voice!"
--Cecil, FF2
"Everobody knows me. What?! You never heard of Dr. Unne?"
--Dr. Unne, FF1
"Oh lady! Oh lady! Oh lady! Oh lady! Oh lady! Oh lady!
--The Animaniacs
"When 900 years old you age, look as good you will not, hmmm???"
--Yoda, Return of the Jedi
"War is good for business. Peace is good for business."
--34th and 35th Rules of Acquisition, DS9
"This is sick! You all sound like pages from a self-help booklet!"
--Kefka, FF3
"I am Zeromus. I AM the hatred!!"
--Zeromus, FF2
"I will make them PAY for what they done!"
--Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: First Contact
"This is CBS Evening News. Good Night."
--Dan Rather, CBS
"Now THAT'S what I call a close encounter!"
--Capt. Stephen Hillard, Independence Day

End of the quote section.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

We RPG lovers come in peace for mankind and have high hopes for the future.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

>>THE ALL-MIGHTY BOB<<

unread,

Apr 3, 1997, 3:00:00 AM4/3/97

This is a multi-part message in MIME format.

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Albert Calis wrote:
<snip>
> --The Allmighty Bob
<snip>

I would just like to point out that my name had been many things, but it
was NEVER "The Allmighty
Bob" ŻŻŻŻŻ

--------------4DC34266488E
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Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
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This message was brought 2 u by the all-mighty Bob...

/\/\/\
/ \
/ @ \
( >
\____) /
\______/

|
|
/|\
/ | \
/ | \
|
|
/ \
/ \
/ \

& all the little Bobbies.

O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O
/+\ /+\ /+\ /+\ /+\ /+\ /+\ /+\ /B\ /O\ /B\ /+\ /+\ /+\ /+\ /+\ /+\ /+\ /+\
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

There's nothing quite as funny as a "Yo mama" joke:

Yo mama joke #1: Yo mama's so fat, she say on a rainbow & skittles popped out.

Yo mama joke #2: Yo mama's so stupid, she bought a donut & brought it back because it had a hole in it.

Yo mama joke #3: Yo mama's so fat, when God said "let there be light" an angel came down & told her to move he big fat ass.

Yo mama joke #4: Yo mama's so hairy, Big Foot takes pictures of *her*.

Yo mama joke #5: Yo mama's like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn.

Yo mama joke #6: Yo mama's so fat, when we got through havin' sex, I rolled over twice and I was still on top.

Yo mama joke #7: Yo mama's so stupid, she stared at a carton of orange juice for 15 minutes because it had the word "Concentrate" on it.

Yo mama joke #8: I saw yo mama kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing and she said, "Moving."

Yo mama joke #9: Yo mama's so fat when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

Yo mama joke #10: Yo mama's so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama joke #11: Yo mama's so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama joke #12: Yo mama's so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo mama joke #13: Yo mama's so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the New World.

Yo mama joke #14: Yo mama's so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling "Free Willy"!

Yo mama joke #15: Yo mama's so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

Yo mama joke #16: Yo mama's so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

Yo mama joke #17: Yo mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it read's "one at a time, please."

Yo mama joke #18: Yo mama's so fat when she gets on the scale it says "we don't do livestock."

Yo mama joke #19: Yo mama's so fat she's got her own area code!

Yo mama joke #20: Yo mama's so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side!

Yo mama joke #21: Yo mama's so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

Yo mama joke #22: Yo mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo mama joke #23: Yo mama's so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace rolled her back in!

Yo mama joke #24: Yo mama's so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

Yo mama joke #25: Yo mama's so stupid she got hit by a parked car!

Yo mama joke #26: Yo mama's so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo mama joke #27: Yo mama's so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo mama joke #28: Yo mama's so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through

Yo mama joke #29: Yo mama's so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!

Yo mama joke #30: Yo mama's so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

Yo mama joke #31: Yo mama's so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, shr caused an eclipse.

Yo mama joke #32: Yo mama's so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama joke #33: Yo mama's so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama joke #34: Yo mama's so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran out with a spoon

Yo mama joke #35: Yo mama's so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head to make-up her mind

Yo mama joke #36: Yo mama's so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo mama joke #37: Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death!

Yo mama joke #38: Yo mama's so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama joke #39: Yo mama's so stupid she used to work quality control in an M&M factory, but they fired her because she took out all the ones with W's on them

Yo mama joke #40: Yo mama's so stupid she sold her car for gas money

Yo mama joke #41: Yo mama's so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight

Yo mama joke #42: Yo mama's so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911?"

Yo mama joke #43: Yo mama's so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

Yo mama joke #44: Yo mama's so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out

Yo mama joke #45: Yo mama's so stupid she stole free bread

Yo mama joke #46: Yo mama's so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl

Yo mama joke #47: Yo mama's so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check

Yo mama joke #48: Yo mama's so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back

Yo mama joke #49: Yo mama's so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners

Yo mama joke #50: Yo mama's so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train

Yo mama joke #51: Yo mama's so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."

Yo mama joke #52: Yo mama's so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch

Yo mama joke #53: Yo mama's so stupid she jumped out the window and went up

Yo mama joke #54: Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

Yo mama joke #55: Yo mama's so ugly when she entered an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama joke #56: Yo mama's so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning

Yo mama joke #57: Yo mama's so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo mama joke #58: Yo mama's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Yo mama joke #59: Yo mama's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo mama joke #60: Yo mama's so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo mama joke #61: Yo mama's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo mama joke #62: Yo mama's so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo mama joke #63: Yo mama's so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her

Yo mama joke #64: Yo mama's so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo mama joke #65: Yo mama's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday

Yo mama joke #66: Yo mama's so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

Yo mama joke #67: Yo mama's so ugly she made an onion cry

Yo mama joke #68: Yo mama's so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her

Yo mama joke #69: Yo mama's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone

Yo mama joke #70: Yo mama's so ugly people go as her for Halloween

Yo mama joke #71: Yo mama's so ugly she scares the roaches away

Yo mama joke #72: Yo mama's so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye

Yo mama joke #73: Yo mama's so old I told her to act her age, and she died

Yo mama joke #74: Yo mama's so old she has Jesus' phone number

Yo mama joke #75: Yo mama's so old her social security number is 2

Yo mama joke #76: Yo mama's so old that when she was in school there was no history class

Yo mama joke #77: Yo mama's so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks

Yo mama joke #78: Yo mama's so old Jesus is in her yearbook

Yo mama joke #79: Yo mama's so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook

Yo mama joke #80: Yo mama's so old her birth certificate expired

Yo mama joke #81: Yo mama's so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince

Yo mama joke #82: Yo mama's so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper

Yo mama joke #83: Yo mama's so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals

Yo mama joke #84: Yo mama's so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything"

Yo mama joke #85: Yo mama's so poor she can't afford to pay attention

Yo mama joke #86: Yo mama's so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers

Yo mama joke #87: Yo mama's so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

Yo mama joke #88: Yo mama's so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway

Yo mama joke #89: Yo mama's so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp

Yo mama joke #90: Yo mama's so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning

Yo mama joke #91: Yo mama's so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence

Yo mama joke #92: Yo mama's so short she can play handball on the curb

Yo mama joke #93: Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed

Yo mama joke #94: Yo mama's so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

Yo mama joke #95: Yo mama's so nasty She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh

Yo mama joke #96: Yo mama's so nasty she made speed stick slow down

Yo mama joke #97: Yo mama's so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection

Yo mama joke #98: Yo mama's so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth

Yo mama joke #99: Yo mama's so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan

Yo mama joke #100: Yo mama's so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt

Yo mama joke #101: Yo mama's so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change

Yo mama joke #102: Yo mama's so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her

Yo mama joke #103: Yo mama's so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs

Yo mama joke #104: Yo mama's so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared

Yo mama joke #105: Yo mama's so bald even a wig wouldn't help

Yo mama joke #106: Yo mama's so bald you can see whats on her mind

Yo mama joke #107: Yo mama's so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed

Yo mama joke #108: Yo mama's so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon

Yo mama joke #109: Yo mama's so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth

Yo mama joke #110: Yo mama's so flat she's jealous of the wall

Yo mama joke #111: Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving

Yo mama joke #112: Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future

Yo mama joke #113: Yo mama's got so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it

Yo mama joke #114: Yo mama's so stupid she's got green hair and thinks she's a tree.

Yo mama joke #115: Yo mama smells so bad her blood type is BO+

Yo mama joke #116: Yo momma's so fat, she sat on a quarter and got two dimes and a nickel

Yo mama joke #117: Yo mama's so fat she rolls off both sides of the bed

Yo mama joke #118: Yo mama's so old Jesus gave her an autographed Bible

Yo mama joke #119: Yo mama's so old, her social security number is a negative number

Yo mama joke #120: Yo mama's so short that when she tried out as a munchkin in Wizard of Oz, they told her to come back when she grew a foot taller

Yo mama joke #121: Yo mama's so ugly, she went out fully-clothed and they arrested her for indecent exposure

Yo mama joke #122: Yo mama's so slutty she pays people to do her

Yo mama joke #123: Yo mama's so smelly that they issue smog warnings when she farts

Yo mama joke #124: Yo mama's so fat that a light snack in her opinion is enough to feed
the 112th army infantry

Yo mama joke #125: Yo mama's so big and ugly that she visited Tokyo and everyone ran away screaming "Godzilla has returned!!!"

Yo mama joke #126: Yo mama's so fat she needs 5 toilets just to take a shit

Yo mama joke #127: Yo Mama's so fat that she started the Irish Potato Famine by having a craving for French Fries!

And to think, that started with just 4 jokes

& now for the quoteing portion of my sig:

Narshe is a neutral city. We want no war here. But that #@%!* Empire won't listen... --The guy in front of the armor shop in Narshe

Shut up!! --SABIN

it's not the dress that makes you look fat! It's the *fat* that makes you look fat! -Al, err, Clyde

Would you do it with a cat? Would you do it on a mat? -Some guy in my class

Here, John, feel it -Same guy as above.

?!?!?!...GAU! --GAU if you renamed him to ?!?!?! :-)

I just got a call from the doctor & umm... I'm dieing, I have Bulgaria. -Kelly

Well how long do you have Pumpkin? -Al

Untill Xmass morning, & the only known cure is a good Xmass present, you know in the 250-275 $ range. -Kelly

I am... the microwave... the microwave and I... are one... -KeFKa

Jefferson... We're on the voyage of the damned!-Al

Heed my words, for thou art fools... -Eurynomus - King of The Dragons

When a ship goes under the sea, it's called sinking -Guy

Butthead, I'm going to show you how much better the world would be if you were never born -Charley

I have me finger stuck in me bum... --Noel Herradura

My love is my sword --Dekar (I hope they never decide to have children (Ouch!))

The man on the throne is our king.-Zepel

It seems Maxim knows everything-The Man on the Throne

Is there a Guy here-(no name given)

I'm a genies you know, & I'm saying it will be safe so that's that.-Lexis

Didn't I just say I tries somthing different?!-Selan

Did it work?-Maxim

Evil's good...-Luke Drelick

It will do eggnog no good to watch his back... Eggnog will be dead, I assure you... -KeFKa

Here's some more quotes, Take a good look @ them and you'll see why I gave them the honor of of being in my sig.

TERRA...come one, let's go! Unless we stop Kefka all's lost! --The mysterious voice that says everything when you have an option of who's in your party & the game doesn't know who you have so it just puts these things (") around what it says in the text box

They're no stronger than humans, Gia. --Selan (speaking to Guy)

In most cases, the B button cancles the last choice you mde --Page 7 of the FF3US Instruction Booklet

And now for my favorits section of quotes:

Bob's old sig kicked so much ass! BRING IT BACK! -Luke Drelick

DOWN WITH 2 LINE SIG FILES!!! UP WITH 200 LINE SIG FILES!!! -ru...@plainfield.bypass.com

Long live the sig! --cron...@aol.com

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.... THE MICROWAVE SAGA!!! (originaly posted on alt.games.final-fantasy under the subject line "Hmmmm...")

KeFKa: I don't like this one bit...
well, I don't!
S-s-stop looking at me like that!
ALL OF YOU, STOP!
ecspecially you, Eggnog, I hope you die a horrible death...
ALL OF YOU! I HOPE YOU ALL DIE!

Draagn: What? What happened? Why are you complaining? What did Eggnog do?
Did I miss something?
What's wrong with this guy, anyway?

KeFKa: Eggnog... erherherher... yess... I'll get im' good, heh heh heh.
I have a feeling our friend Eggnog is going to have a little...
"accident" MWA HA HA HA HA!

Draagn: Hey, are you planning a conspiracy against the head of THC
International?
What do you have against him, anyway?
(Besides the fact that you're a little, um...never mind..)

KeFKa: SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!
The voices are all around.
Laughing and TAUNTING me with their death lyes.
It is now clear to me, that I am the unholy profit of satin,
and it is my mission hear on earth, to make sure that the death of
Eggnog, will bring upon a new age of, disease, death and suffering.

Eggnog: I'm here man. Come get me. The death of me won't stop them.
They're all around. And they're acting on their own power. I only gave
them the idea. They chose to play it out on their own. If you want me,
you know where to find me...

KeFKa: Sup, eggnog. Howzit goin'?
The reason I was acting weird before is that I fell asleep watching a
fire on TV. Later I found out it was a runing, burning, open microwave.
It was beaming intense radioactive waves into my brain for 9 hours.

Firesinger: Just thought that I would make things just
a LITTLE easier to read......
PS- Names that are ????? I don't know who wrote them.

Draagn: That was me. I fixed it.

KeFKa: Well I'am glad that's all cleared up. This series of posts was pretty cool. What shall we name it, just "Hmmmm..."?

>>THE ALL-MIGHTY BOB<<: How about we take a vote? I think we should call
it "The Microwave Saga" What do you think?

And the rest, is history

-----------------------------------------------------

Now, time for a little storie, I hope you haven't heard it before. It's "The Samurai championship and the reporter"

There was a samurai contest, and at the end a reporter decided to do his job
and report on it...
First, he talked to the 3rd place Samurai, "Why did you finish 3rd?"
The samurai replied, "Watch."
He opened a window, and a fly flew in. The Samurai swung his blade and
sliced the fly in half.
The reported gasped, and said "Wow, if 3rd place is THIS good, I cant wait
to see the 2nd place Samurai!"
So he went to talk to the 2nd place Samurai. He asked "Why did you finish 2nd?"
The Samurai replied, "Watch."
He opened a window and a fly flew in, and he swung twice and chopped it in
four pieces.
The reported gasped again, and said "Wow, if 2nd place is THIS good, I cant
wait to see the 1st place Samurai!"
So he went and asked the winning Samurai, "Why is it that you won the
tournament?"
The Samurai replied, "Watch."
He opened a window, and a fly flew in. The Samurai slashed at it, and it
flew away unscathed.
The reporter said "But, you didn't kill it!"
The Samurai replied "No, but It'll never have kids again."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Pan Datrick : Now on Sportscentral <G>... about 50 overpaid sports
stars stub
their toes, all are listed as doubtful for their next
games...
the NY Islanders win a game...that's right they win.
WIN I tell
you!!!... And in fight news..the stars of Final Fantasy
II take
on the Final Fantasy III all-stars in a battle royal at
Kefka's
Tower Casino and Resort Hotel...NEXT!
<theme music dah dah dah....dah dah dah>
Thief Olderman : Hello everybody alongside my tag team partner Pan
Datrick,
I'm Thief Olderman. Crisp Burnedman is in the
football
studios...but first our cover story, Pan?
Pan Datrick : Thanks, Thief... It's been about 3 years..but the stars
of
2 of SquareSoft's best RPGs will square off in a long
awaited
matchup. Though on the same label, this will be a
bloody,
violent grudge match.
Thief Olderman : That's right Pan, these two groups have wanted to see
who's
the dominant RPG party. This almost basketball-like
match
will pit 5 starters from each squad, with subs
waiting to
enter the fray. The first team with no players who
are not "Swooned" or "Wounded" will lose.
Pan Datrick : Now before we take you to the live action, let's get a
statement
from both teams promoters, Archenemy turned Squaresoft
rep,
Gesthal...
<at a press conference>
Gesthal : I can guarantee a fight worth the pay-per-view money. This
long
awaited battle will take place, even if someone breaks a
thumb
<nervous coughing>. Next question?
Spam McDonaldson : Yeah, uhh I'm looking forward to a good fight and I
agree
it's worth the money, but why is your hair grayer
and
sticking up more?
Gesthal : Hm.... excuse me, I have to defend myself of Magicite Fraud
<more nervous coughing>...
Pan Datrick : Well there you have it folks, and I've just been told
that the
opening ceremonies are about to kick off, so let's go
live to
Kefka's Tower Casino and Resort Hotel...
<at the arena>
P.A. : Lllllllladies and gentelmen...lets get ready to
rumblllllllllllle!!!
<frenzied cheering> speaking of rumble, anyone not want their
nachos?
my stomach wont stop <G>
Crowd : Boooooooo
P.A. : okok...And now, the Final Fantasy National Anthem, to be sung
by the
Narshe Moogle Choir... <clap clap clap>
Conductor : Kupo 1...kupo 2...<raises baton>
Moogles : "Oh my hero..so far away now...will I ev-er see your smile"
<EDITORS NOTE> Since you know the song and I might embarass myself by
getting
a line wrong, we'll stop now...
<crowd goes wild>
P.A. : Thank you, moogles...and now, your visiting Final Fantasy II
Allstars!
<mix of cheering and booing> Edge the Ninja...Rydia the
Caller...Rosa
the White Wizard...Kain the Dragoon...and the captain...Cecil
the
Paladin!!! <cheering>. The trainers are the Dwarven Nurses,
assistant
coaches Asura and Leviatan...and the head coach, at a lifetime
of 930
wins, 6 losses...theeeeeeeeee Elder!!! <cheering>
<arena goes dark, loud music playing with a laser show>
P.A. : And now... your 1995 Nintendo Power RPG award winners (I think
- Ed.)
The FiNaL FaNTaSY 3 aLL-STaRS!!!! <wild cheering and louder
music>
Edgar, King of Figaro <women screaming>..Sabin, pro
bodybuilder...
Celes, Magicite Knight....Locke, Thi..uh treasure hunter! <sigh
of
relief from crowd>...and the captain...the Greenhaired
Guardian...the
Emerald Eradicator...Terra!!! <crowd deafening>
P.A. : The trainer is Cid, assistant coach is Banon, and the head
coach...at
1,823,354 wins, 1 loss to his current team. The reformed and
destructive...Kefka!!!
Crisp Burnedman : You can feel the enthusiasm as the two squads hit
the
battlefield, ready to fight! Let's get to the coin
toss...
P.A. : And now..our official referee for the match..Crono!
Crono : When doomsday is averted, life gets slow. Oh well... FF3
captain,
call it in the air! <flips coin>
Terra : Heads!
<Sabin nudges Edgar and whispers something about the coin, Edgar
winks>
Crono : And...heads it is! <cheering> You may choose where the battle
takes place, thanks to HoloField! (c) Figaro Industries..
Terra : <confers with team> Fanatic's Tower, ref.
<teams get into position on the stairs>
Crono : GO!! <blows whistle, and a Big Chocobo appears> damn..wrong
whistle
<G>
<Sabin slides down about 5 bannisters, and comes face to face with
Edge>
Edge : Cop off my hair, will you? <draws swords>
Sabin : Oh, give it a rest <chanting Blitz>
Edge : Oh no you dont! <kicks Sabin in the stomach making him lose the
chant>
Sabin : Grrr... <pounces Edge with claws>
Edge : ergg...<slice> ARGH!! You've posioned me!
Got..to...find..Rosa...
<tries to stagger away, but Sabin trips him and he falls down a
flight
of stairs> I'm ok...really.
P.A. : Oooooh...Edge is in some trouble now...he'd better find some
Antdot and
FAST! Let's shift the camera's to another fight...
Kain : I will eradicate you, lowly thief!
Locke : ARGGH DONT CALL ME THAT!!! <throws daggers, but Kain jumps
high in the
air> Ahhh dammit, better find cover...
<Kain falls through the air with spear drawn, but hits floor as Locke
hides
in one of those doorways that go nowhere>
Locke : heheheheheh <thud> HAHAHAHAHAHA you unaccurate loser! <Kain
then
spears (as in hockey) Locke> OWOWOWOWOW my nads!!! <rolls
around>
Kain : Now I will not miss <jumps up and starts his descent, Locke
still
clutching himself in pain>
Locke : Uh oh (cough cough) I'd (cough) better do something... <In a
last
ditch effort, Locke sticks out his foot and gets Kain square
in the
nads, while Kain's foot does the same to Locke>
Kain & Locke : OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOW cough cough
P.A. : ewww...well, we'll come back to that later...I've recieved word
that
camera 11 spots the two captains going at it!!
Terra : <swords clanking> My Atmaweapon can kick your Crystal Sword's
ass
any day of the week!
Cecil : I think not, my dear <executes a parry, then a backslash,
catching
Terra on her shoulder pad>
Terra : OW! <crowd sounds concerned> oooh you piss me off! <mumbling>
Cecil : What are you doing, praying?
Terra : You slow moron, take this...ICE 2!
Cecil : eek <Cecil freezes, and Terra kicks the ice block down a few
flights
of stairs>
Terra : Ha! So there!
Unknown Voice : WHITE!
Terra : Huh? <turns around, and is blasted off the platform> Aaaah!
Rosa : Teach you to mess with my man! <unfreezes Cecil> There hon, now
you can
move.
Cecil : Thanx..oh by the by, what's for dinner?
Rosa : You expect me to cook after this? We'll get pizza or
something!
Cecil : oh..all right <kisses Rosa> See ya!
P.A. : Looking at the top floor, we could have our first Wounding!
Celes : Are you kidding me, little girl? <slashes with sword, while
Rydia
jumps out of the way>
Rydia : Little girl?!? I'll show you! <casts Virus>
Celes : Ugh <turns green>..Heal! <feels better> Give it up, you're
toast!
Rosa : <appearing from nowhere> EXIT! <Rosa and Rydia teleport to the
bottom
of the tower>
Celes : Aw man! Cheating witch!
P.A. : Let's check in on that neverending battle between Edge and
Sabin...
Edge : ..and this, and this..and this <throwing everything he owns at
Sabin>
Sabin : oooof <down to 100 hp> uh oh...time for a...SUPLEX! <grabs
Edge and
slams him down, before he can do anything about it>
Edge : Nooooo...<SWOON>
Sabin : Woohoo! yes! In your face, FF2!!! <does a sack-dance>
P.A. : Uh oh, and FF3 draws first blood, eliminating Edge <crowd goes
wild>
Now entering the battle for FF2... Yang, Karate Master!
Kain : Now you die, puny thief!
Locke : Ack! No way! My nads still hurt, c'mon man...
Kain : HA! <spears Locke like a fish>
Locke : Doh! <WOUNDED>
Kain : Hahaha...and now for the others...
P.A. : Oh no! Your own Locke has been wounded, which evens things up
again
<booing>, but never fear, now entering the fray...Shadow!
Shadow : Ok Kefka, let's not forget my contract's fine print blah blah
blah
Kefka : Ugh..FINE just fight you merc wanna-be
Sabin : <staggering about> Oh no, I'm out of this soon..better do some
damage
before-hand...
VOICE : Titan!
Sabin : AAAAAAaaaaah! <WOUNDED>
Rydia : hehehehehe <G>
P.A. : Oh dear..Sabin has been eliminated <loud booing>. Now in for
FF3..
Setzer! <cheering>
Kain : Hmm where to find someone to waste?
Shadow : Want a piece of this, loser??
Kain : Anytime, Darkman!
<Both jump high in the air, and begin fighting>
Terra : I say we stick together, our magic can conquer anything!
Celes : You got it girfriend, let's kick some ass!
<Both run into Rydia and Rosa>
P.A. : WOW! This will be a great sorceress duel for sure! But before
that...
Yang : I was hoping to face Sabin, but killing you will be pleasure
enough!
Setzer : Give it a rest, pony tail man! <throws razor-sharp cards>
Yang : Ha! <jumps out of the way> You think that can stop me?
Setzer : Not really..hows this <Slots come up Airship-Airship-Airship>
Yang : A slot machine?
Setzer : Yep! <Airship zooms by and bombards Yang>
Yang : ARGH <SWOONED>
P.A. : Setzer has taken Yang out! <thunderous cheers> Now in for the
FF2
squad....Edward the Bard! <laughing>
Edward : Oh I'm funny huh? Well then... <Does a Jack McDowell to the
crowd>
P.A. : Well, that was uncalled for <EG>
Kain : <out of breath> Damn this jumping around, I'll just gut you
like I did
to that thief, Locke!
Locke : <from locker room> I heard that!
Shadow : I work alone...the pleasure of wasting you will be mine
alone...
Kain : Yeah whatever <kicks Shadow in the side of the head, and Shadow
falls
down>
Shadow : ...not defeated yet!
Kain : YAAA! <jumps at Shadow, and Shadow rolls backwards, flipping
Kain over>
Shadow : <getting to feet> Now I've got you!
Kain : Not likely <goes airborne>
Shadow : Ha! The skies will never shield you from my wrath! <throws
20 ninja
stars directly at Kain>
Kain : NOOOO! <3 or 4 pick him off and he falls earthward> ::SPLAT::
<SWOONED>
Shadow : <Standing on edge of platform> Ha! How the mighty have
fallen!
Edward : <from behind> NOOO! Why you! <knocks Shadow off the platform>
Shadow : AAAHHH! <WOUNDED>
P.A. : Unbelievable! Shortly after Shadow defeats Kain, Edward rushes
Shadow
from behind and defeats him <loud booing and chanting of
'bulls**t'>
The final subs are coming in for each team..for FF3 it's
Cyan...and
for FF2..why, I don't believe it. From the Moon Palace, out of
retirement..FuSoYa!!!! <crowd in stunned disbelief>
Terra : <exausted> ugh..I've had enough of this..ready Celes?
Celes : Anytime!
Rydia : What? Rosa, what are they doing? <Terra and Celes double
blast Rydia>
ACK! <SWOONED>
<Airhorn sounds>
P.A. : That means its sudden death time..all remaining players will
meet on a
level playing field for the final battle!
<players line up>
P.A. : Remaining for FF2...Cecil, Edward, Rosa, and FuSoYa <silence
from crowd>
P.A. : And for FF3...Terra, Celes, Setzer, Edgar, and Cyan! <cheering>
<the battle begins!>
Edgar : You pitiful excuse for royalty! I'll destroy you!
Edward : Ha! <sings Charm song> Now you're under my control!
Edgar : Nope, I already have enough charm <G> Autocrossbow!
Edward : <tries to Hide, doesn't work> AGGGH! <SWOONED>
<crowd on its feet!>
Setzer : Let's wager how long you'll last, old man!
FuSoYa : Puny blueling! <Casts Nuke>
Setzer : Well...this sucks! AAAAAH <WOUNDED>
Cyan : You fight well, Paladin, but victory shall be mine!
Cecil : Your battle prowess is too weak, old one! <slashes Cyan>
Cyan : Hmm...that deserves a..RETORT!
Cecil : OOF <falls down>
Cyan : And that does it for thee, paladin! <turns away>
Cecil : Not likely! <bites Cyan on the arm!>
Cyan : Ouch-eth! What happened to thy chivalry?
Cecil : Sorry, I had a Black Knight flashback...I miss fighting
dirty...oh
well, where was I? Ohhh yeah <slashes Cyan>
Cyan : Good! You were boring me to death whining about your past
anyway
<WOUNDED>
Edgar : Too bad, I'm not as chivalrous! <Chainsaw's Cecil's sword-arm
off>
Cecil : Uhm...well, at least I'm resourceful! <bleeds all over Edgar's
eyes,
blinding him>
Edgar : Hey! OWOWOWOWOWOOWOW! Now I have to put on more medication
and face
treatment crap to look my beautifulest! <swings wildly,
connects with
Cecil>
Cecil : Oh man...beaten by a pretty-boy <SWOONED>
Rosa : Hey Figaro-boy! Look behind you!
Edgar : Huh? What? <looks behind him, but Rosa was in front of him>
DOH!
<WOUNDED>
P.A. : Unbelieveable! It's down to a wizard's duel!
Terra : They're whispering! What do we do???
Celes : Don't worry, I got an idea :D <Casts Cure3 on Terra>
Rosa : Sorry! I need those HP more <casts Wall on Terra, giving Rosa
the HP>
FuSoYa : Rosa NOOOOO! <casts Nuke on Terra exactly when the Wall
activates>
Rosa : Ahhh..that feels good..now to <sees spell careening towards
her> D'OH!
<SWOON>
FuSoYa : Good trickery, but both of your magics cannot stop me!
<casting a
spell slowly...>
Terra : He's right you know <whispers something to Celes>
Celes : <Giggle> Good idea, ok on 3...1..2..3!!! <Celes & Terra rush
at him>
FuSoYa : Hey! I thought we were having a spell fight!!! OWOWOW <Terra
& Celes
begin administering a good old-fashioned beatdown>
Terra : And you thought we had scruples about beating an old man! HA!
Celes : Take this! <Both kick him in the ribs, and stomp on his neck>
FuSoYa : Dammit! You've broken my concentration! <casts a wild Meteo
that
affects everyone>
=+=+ KABOOM +=+=
<Silent crowd, no one on the battle field moves...>
Celes : ... <WOUNDED>
Terra : Ugh..that sucked big time...<gets up slowly>
FuSoYa : Oh no...victory is within my gr...<SWOON, as Terra kicks him
in the
nads>
Terra : Looks like there was a disadvantage after all, wizard <grins
evilly>

<crowd goes wild, loud music and lasers continue>
Crono : Ladies and gentlemen..your winners...and NEW Final Fantasy
Champs...
Final Fantasy 3!!!!!!!
Pan Datrick : All I can say is...wow! I've never seen such a brutal
contest
before. Thief?
Thief Olderman : Unbelievable! We'll never see anything like this
again..
until Final Fantasy 4 makes its debut <EG>
Pan Datrick : Until then, for Crisp and Thief, I'm Pan Datrick, so
long from
Sportscentral! <theme music>

Follow... The Bunny...
For The Bunny ... Knows The Truth...
The Bunny Hurts When In Pain,
The Bunny Cries When In Hurt,
The Bunny Feels,
Like No Other

The following is a post from The Man you once knew as Murgorath, I just put it here 'cause I thought it would be interesting

Rule #1:
Never, Ever, Ever Talk To Yourself. Here is why.
It ruins you.
No it doesn't, it strengthens your resolve and turns you into a new
man!
Rule #2:
Never, Ever, Ever Contradict Yourself. Here is why.
Contradicting yourself is bad!
It's not bad, it's just..
It's bad! YOU are bad!
If I'm bad, you're bad because you are me.
You're bad if I'm bad so there!
I'm bad.
I'm good.
We can't be both!
Uh, Rule #3:
Never, Ever, Ever Hold Inner Conversations With Yourself. Here is why.
It muddles your posting!
THAT I agree with. Very good.
SO why are ya doing it?
Why are YOU?
Because you are?
Because I am? I am you!
You are me!
Yes...
Good understandings...
Great!
Rot in hell!
What?
Hey!
Shut Up!
You Shut Up!
Oh go to hell...
Ergh, Rule #4:
Rot In Hell!!!
Shut up self, Rule #4....
GO Fuck yourself!
Profanity, Self. Shut Up!
Rule #4:
Hey! I do that!
Forget it....
RULE NUMBER FUCKING FOUR:
NEVER EVER EVER READ MY CONTRADICTARY POSTS?

Who's idea was it to post this, anyway?
Yours.
Mine!? Yours!
Yours is mine and mine is yours...
I'm gonna press send!
No you aren't! So there!
ERgh, must fight myself... Press send... There!
NooooooooO!!!!!!!

Santa is just a different way of spelling Satan

Bob has spoken.

--------------4DC34266488E--

Umarou

unread,

Apr 4, 1997, 3:00:00 AM4/4/97

It looks nicer in notepad then on a browser
d040...@dc.seflin.org (Albert Calis) writes: > If anybody wants a personal copy of this list, then e-mail your request

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