Pets taunting.... A short story.(adult)
James hong
"taunting attacker" but what is it doing to taunt the mob? Here's a little
story to give ya a chuckle.
****************
The Magician Maddock had just gained the 4th level of skill in the Guild of
Magicians. He goes to the Academy and purchase his new spells and begins
studying. He heard that Water is the best pet for a young magician due to
their fast regenerative powers and fierce Ice spells. After studying his
new spells and purchasing some reagents, he heads out to the Commonlands to
continue with his training.
Once he arrives at the East Commons, he takes a piece of malachite from his
backpack and cast his summon pet spell. In a blaze of green energy and rift
is formed in the air in front of him as a small water elemental drops out of
the rift. The water elemental floats around a bit then seems to focus on
Maddock and it settles itself behind him. Maddock smiles in satisfaction as
he notes that the pet appears to be a strong warrior.
"Pet, what is your name?"
"I am Karabener, Master."
Such a polite little thing, thinks Maddock. "Well. Pet follow me."
"Following, Master."
Maddock runs past the desert area and follows the path to the 1st inn.
There he sits and practices his new meditation skill to recoup the large
expense of mana from summoning Karabener.
Suddenly Maddock feels a sharp pain on his shoulder as a black wolf leaps
from the inns opened window and bites him. Karabener immediately attacks
the black wolf. The black wolf takes off out the window with Karabener
chasing it down. It sends him a telepathic message, "Taunting enemy,
Master." He hears a faint "You son of a bitch! Get your ass back here!
I'll fuck you and your mom up for messing with my master, you piece of
shit!"
He feels a sense of satisfaction as the wolf goes down to the watery
warrior. Now he knows that his pet will protect him even when he's busy
meditating. Getting up from his sitting position, he heads out to see
Karabener coming back to the inn. A bit further, the remains of the wolf is
lying on the ground in a soggy pile. A young half-elf bard is standing over
it. He notices that her cute pointed ears are red for some reason, and
wonders if she's diseased or not.
As Maddock butchers the wolf for its fur and meat, she says, "Wow, that's a
nice pet you have there. A bit of a mouth on it though huh?"
"The 'son of a bitch thing'? Pets get mad at people who attack their
masters is all. Although you're right, a magician shouldn't have a pet that
talks like a barbarian warrior." He turns to Karabener, "Pet, no taunt."
"As you wish, Master."
For the next few weeks, Maddock and his water pet kills all of the spiders
and wolves around the 1st inn. After Maddock achieves his 7th level of
skill, he attempts to take on a rattler. Unfortunately, he sees that
Karabener is almost dying in this battle and the snake hasn't even lost half
its life. He bravely jumps into the fray to take the snakes attention from
his loyal pet. But even with his mighty staff sweeping the air, the poor
magician's lack of dexterity proves to be his undoing as he misses his first
two swings. The snake connects with both hits and poisons Maddock on the
second bite. maddock feels his consciousness slipping from him. he had to
make a decision, "Pet, health report!"
"I am at 14% health, Sir."
Damn! Karab won't be able to take more than a hit or two. "Karab, can you
hold him?"
"Yes, Sir. I'll take him."
Maddock starts to back away from the snake, but as if realizing that Maddock
is the brains of the team, the snake follows him and continues to bite him.
Maddock is almost dead when he realized his mistake. He screams, "Karab,
taunt...." And faints. Karab continues his attack, but the snake got in
one final bite and Maddock dies.
****************
It takes maddock and a new pet a few more days to earn enough experience to
achieve his eighth level. In these last few days, Maddock has allowed his
pet the freedom to taunt and swear at the monsters they were fighting. But
he's hunting in the desert where no-one will hear his normally very polite
pets swear like a sailors on shore leave.
With a new spell level comes stronger pets. Deciding on staying with a
water pet since they've proven so useful, Maddock travels to the Northern
Desert of Ro, to hunt with some friends he's made in his travels.
He is invited into a team of hunters who are fighting the evil Cutthroats in
the desert. The team consists of a Erudin Wizard, Ballsburner, a human
paladin, Lancellot, a half rogue, Adela, a barbarian warrior, Ballzak and a
high elf cleric, Nightingale.
Ballsburner smirks at Maddock as he runs up to them with his pet, "teh,
second rate burner coming up dudez."
"Shut up Balls." says Lancellot. "Yo, Maddock, pull up some sand, and let
the dervish bashing begin my friend."
"hail all, and well met. so what's the plan?"
Ballsburner sneers at him, "What do you think? I pull it, they intercept it
then I kill it."
At the tone of disrespect for his master hits maddock's pet, Conon, it
responds in kind, "You dumbass E-turdin! Watch your fucking mouth or I'll
have to help you re-arrange your family tree!"
Ballsburner's mouth drops as a deep blush show through even on his dark
face. The rest of the party is laughing with Ballzak rolling on the ground
pounding the sand. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Ballzak says,"Where the
fuck did you get that piece of work, Maddock? heehee." Nightingale's pale
face grows bright red as she tries to maintain her holy composure, "Err,
yes. Such language from such a magical being!"
"Sorry guys. they're kinda protective. Pet, no taunt."
Conon was still going on as they were talking, "....so fuckin' dumb you
don't even know to take off your damn hood in the fucking desert, err, As
you wish, Master."
Lancellot, stands up and says, "hail dervish cutthroat."
Ballsburner, grumbles under his breath about low-bred humans, as he says,
"Pulling." And sends and ice bolt at the Dervish. The derv staggers a bit
then runs up the dune to take on Ballsburner. The melee'rs jump in front of
the wizard and starts engages it in combat with Ballzak throwing off a
stream of obscenities about the derv's dubious ancestry. Maddock points a
finger at the derv and says, "Pet attack!"
"Attacking enemy, Master"
"I'll teach you to interfere with me, Ballzak!" screams the derv. he gets
in two good attacks on Ballzak and the mighty barbarian staggers from this.
Nightingale steps back and begins to heal him.
Ballzak screams, "Lance, taunt him off! I'm getting pounded here."
Lancellot, with a look of disgust on his proud face, shouts at the derv,
"Your hair is crooked. Your mom was seen at the corner by the Freeport
slums offering her wares. Its said your father once dated...."
With a groan of disgust, Adela slides in behind the derv and shouts, "Damnit
lance this is how you taunt!" and he slips a fine steel dagger in the back
of the derv. With a shout of pain, the derv turns its attack on Adela,
after one or two hits, Adela's weak rogue-ish stamina has had it and he
pulls back from melee and the derv attempts to take on Ballzak again, when
the two casters unleashed their spells, fire and ice together and kills the
derv.
"My comrades will take revenge on you..."
Ballzak breathes a sigh as Nightingale begins healing him. "Maddock, let
your pet taunt again, will ya? At least we'll have two taunters in the
party then" He glares at Captain Goody, Lancellot.
"Sure, Pet, taunt."
"As you wish, ol fuck-- err, master."
The rest for a bit more then, Adela says, "Dervs up."
The battle goes better this time with Ballzak and Conon setting up a
scathing stream of scatological diarrhea at the poor dervish. She was
turning from Ballz to Conon and back trying to make them stop talking about
her breasts and what they how the cows would want their udders back. She
was so flustered that she wasn't even going after the two casters blasting
away at her.
Ballzak sits down next to Maddock after the fight, and says, "hey, you think
I can borrow your pet for when I head back to halas? it'll be great for
parties. What do you say, Conon? wanna follow me for a while?"
"My leader is Maddock, fuckwit..."
Opal
"James hong" <khaavren2@yahoo(dontfreakingspammeyoujerkhole).com>
wrote:
> You always hear your oh-so-polite pet always giving you a report that
its
> "taunting attacker" but what is it doing to taunt the mob? Here's a
little
> story to give ya a chuckle.
>
thanks, I enjoyed that! Well-written and funny, and true to the EQ
experience. :)
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Shortest Barbarian On The Block
>"taunting attacker" but what is it doing to taunt the mob? Here's a little
>story to give ya a chuckle.
::rolling with laughter:: For a moment there, I thought this was just gonna be
a somewhat vulgar battle recount, but boy was I wrong. That's just hilarious.
;D
"Your hair is crooked." ROFLMAO!!!! More Maddock, more!
Kay "What server are you on?" Anders
-----------------------------------------------------------------
<i>There are some things you can't share without
ending up liking each other, and knocking out a
twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.</i>
-- J.K. Rowlings
Slithey Tove
James hong wrote in message <83stqm$k6n$1...@nntp5.atl.mindspring.net>...
>You always hear your oh-so-polite pet always giving you a report that its
>"taunting attacker" but what is it doing to taunt the mob? Here's a little
>story to give ya a chuckle.
< rest deleted>
Absolutely hilarious! Thanks!
== Tove
Trest
Trest
James hong wrote in message <83stqm$k6n$1...@nntp5.atl.mindspring.net>...
Diablo69
now what about necro pets? :) hehe :)
Trest <sco...@peganet.com> wrote in message
news:83tr18$j86$1...@andromeda.peganet.net...