1975 vs 2005 | End Of The World, as Reported by the media! | Yor house so small | "tankity" | The LIttle Donkey's Amazing Feat[f3v2a9]
thejo...@radio.fm
Some websites I like:
http://gnosis-usa.com - Divine Knowledge of GOD. Interestingly, not a
religion. I like religion.
http://conjuror.com - Alexander's Online Magic Store. I like magic.
http://kvinternet.com - They offer free complete e-books and
wallpapers. I like reading.
http://jibjab.com - Satire. "Ahnuld for governor" & "this land is my
land" are good. I like parodies.
http://gamescraze.com - They offer free flash games. I like playing.
http://spyworld.com - "Our Spy Store offers spy equipment, spy tools
and spy gear". Shhhh! I like Spying.
http://bloglines.com - They offer free blog hosting. I like blogging.
http://linux.com | http://microsoft.com | http://amazon.com |
http://google.com
_______________________________________________________________________________
1975 vs 2005:
1975: Long hair
2005: Longing for hair
1975: Rolling Stones
2005: Kidney Stones
1975: Acid rock
2005: Acid reflux
1975: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2005: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1975: Going to a new, hip joint
2005: Receiving a new hip joint
1975: Screw the system
2005: Upgrade the system
1975: Disco
2005: Costco
1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2005: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1975: Passing the drivers' test
2005: Passing the vision test
If you relate to the former and just in case you weren't feeling too
old today, this will certainly change things... Each year the staff at
Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the
faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's
this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were
born in 1987..
They are too young to remember the first space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel",
or "de plane, Boss, de plane".
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
--
When The End Of The World Arrives How Will The Media Report It?
USA Today: WE'RE DEAD
The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN
Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE
Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE
Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER
Wired: THE LAST NEW THING
Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
Readers Digest: 'BYE
Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!
Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW
"ARMAGEDDON" DIET!
Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD
SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.
Sun: ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE!
America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES
--
Yor house so small...
Yor house so small, I put the key in, and it stabbed everybody
inside!!!
--
"tankity"
A small, rather poor country was preparing to go to war with its
neighbour. So poor was this country, that the army recruits weren't
even given guns. They were given broomsticks. "Here," said the sargent,
"Pretend this is a rifle. Point it at your target and say "Bangity
bang". "Now for the close work, you'll need to practise with
bayonets.", said the sargent, but the country was too poor to buy
actual bayonets, so the recruits were each issued a comb and a single
shoelace to tie the comb to the broomstick. And they trained with
combes, saying "Stabbity stab" as they jabbed with their combs.
War was declared on the neighbouring country, and the recruits, trained
to bangity bang and stabbity stab went out to the battlefield, The
battle raged, there was a lot of bangity banging and stabbity stabbing.
As the opponent walked on, the soldiers on the rear could hear a badly
wounded fellow mumbling to himself as he ran away from the front:
"Tankity tank!, tankity tank!, tankity tank!..."
-
The LIttle Donkey's Amazing Feat
One day a farmer's donkey fell into an abandoned well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be
covered up anyway; so it just wasn't worth it to him to try to retrieve
the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.
They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
Realizing what was happening, the donkey at first cried and wailed
horribly. Then, a few shovelfuls later, he quieted down completely. The
farmer peered down into the well, and was astounded by what he saw.
With every shovelful of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing
something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up on the new
layer of dirt. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on
top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty
soon, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off,
to the shock and astonishment of all the neighbors!
There's an important lesson to be learned here: Life is going to shovel
dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is
to not let it bury you, but to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells
just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!
Persevere!
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention this final tidbit: Once the donkey
climbed out of the well, he immediately bit the crap out of the farmer
who had tried to bury him. Which raises the true moral of this
story...... WHEN YOU TRY TO COVER YOUR ASS, IT ALWAYS COMES BACK AND
BITES YOU!!
--
Some websites I like:
http://gnosis-usa.com - Divine Knowledge of GOD. Interestingly, not a
religion. I like religion.
http://conjuror.com - Alexander's Online Magic Store. I like magic.
http://kvinternet.com - They offer free complete e-books and
wallpapers. I like reading.
http://jibjab.com - Satire. "Ahnuld for governor" & "this land is my
land" are good. I like parodies.
http://gamescraze.com - They offer free flash games. I like playing.
http://spyworld.com - "Our Spy Store offers spy equipment, spy tools
and spy gear". Shhhh! I like Spying.
http://bloglines.com - They offer free blog hosting. I like blogging.
http://linux.com | http://microsoft.com | http://amazon.com |
http://google.com
[f3v2a9]