Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.
Dismiss
Humor from the Net
1 view
Skip to first unread message
Bill McCray
Apr 16, 2015, 8:50:34 PM4/16/15
to
Centimeter: Grandma arrived last night and I was centimeter at the
station.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the
minds of either.
Bill McCray
Apr 17, 2015, 9:34:44 PM4/17/15
to
Karate: A form of martial arts in which people who have had years
and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some
of the worst movies in the history of the world.
Wolf: A man who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of
pursuit.
Bill McCray
Apr 18, 2015, 8:28:20 PM4/18/15
to
Career Girl: A woman who goes out and earns a man's salary instead
of staying home and taking it away from him.
Elixir: Sis got a dog and when he's excited, elixir.
Bill McCray
Apr 19, 2015, 9:54:33 PM4/19/15
to
Ruminate: The hotel clerk said that our family wouldn't all fit in
room 9, but that there was plenty of ruminate.
Toad: Pulled.
Bill McCray
Apr 20, 2015, 9:12:51 PM4/20/15
to
"You are under arrest, I fear,
Conspiring with Ang Suu, my dear!"
"Oh, no, sir, not me,
I'd never oppose thee.
I just metaphor a mug of beer!"
Bill McCray
Apr 21, 2015, 9:51:52 PM4/21/15
to
There once was a bread maker, Bob,
Who was fired by his boss with a sob.
"I would like to know
Why you let me go."
"Every day you would loaf on the job."
Bill McCray
Apr 22, 2015, 9:35:50 PM4/22/15
to
Once an aide to Lord Arthur of Dale
Choked on ice and became rather pale
Said Lord Arthur, "I think
I'll add some to my drink
Perhaps what ails my aide aids my ale."
Bill McCray
Apr 23, 2015, 10:37:38 PM4/23/15
to
Won't you please use the word sense requires
To precisely explain your desires
When you put on a wheel
You'll find lug nuts ideal
You'll find dough nuts just put on spare tires
Bill McCray
Apr 25, 2015, 9:24:23 AM4/25/15
to
TOM SWIFTIES:
"I can't imagine what happened to those loaves of bread," Tom
wondered.
"I'm looking for that yellow Billie Rubin," said Tom with a jaundiced
eye.
"Our paper comes out every seven days," Tom whispered weakly.
"I had radiation therapy," he said glowingly.
"You won't get a penny from me when I die," Tom said willfully.
"Why do you think I have marital problems?" laughed Bill Clinton
hilariously.
"Here is the fourth Timex I have found this week," Tom said
watchfully.
"I didn't see that French 'No Smoking' sign," fumed Tom defensively.
"William was green with envy," Tom said billiously.
Bill McCray
Apr 25, 2015, 10:36:44 PM4/25/15
to
BLOOPERS, SIGNS AND HEADLINES:
David Dickinson, talking about an antique door-knocker on Bargain
Hunt, said to expert Nigel Smith: "You're a bit of a knockers man."
"Yes," he replied. "I've come across quite a few in my time."
A GRATEFUL NATION BURIES SAM RAYBURN
"Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on
'Destructive Pests.' A large number were present."
LEGALIZED OUTHOUSES AIRED BY LEGISLATURE
0 new messages