Humor from the Net

[Bill McCray]

Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became
quite thick and hard. Even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did
not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was quite a
spiritual person. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with
very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic
plagued with halitosis.

[Bill McCray]

Did you hear about the mining company executive who was famous for
personally going down into the mines to settle labor differences? He
took great relish (don't know, though, if it was sweet or kosher) in
that part of his job and often was heard singing on the elevator as
it lowered him down through the strata of rock, "Gonna take a
sedimental journey, gonna set my mine at ease ..."

[Bill McCray]

Bugsie had been sentenced to prison for a long time. They did not
know that he was a mechanical genius when they placed him in charge
of the chicken yard. He would go about picking up pieces of metal
and wood. He made an engine and some wings. One day, at roll call
they found that he had placed the engine and wings on the chicken
shed and flown the coop.

[Bill McCray]

My neighbor's son picked up a stray dog, and named it Sam. Some time
later, I was at their house and inquired about Sam. "Oh, the dog is
fine," my neighbor said. But she had a litter of puppies, and so we
fixed the problem. "Now we call her Sam Spayed."

[Bill McCray]

The Coast Guard spotted a smugglers' boat. The smugglers dumped all
their pot overboard, and it washed up on an island populated by sea
gulls, terns, and other sea birds. In a couple of days all over the
island there wasn't a tern left unstoned.

[Bill McCray]

I was hired to modernize the town's only department store. I had to
convince them that it was financially sound to add escalators, even
though they had adequate elevators. Every successful department
store executive should know that elevators have their ups and downs,
but escalators are a step in the right direction. My biggest error
was to recommend they redo the front in imported marble. Everybody
took it for granite.

[Bill McCray]

An old-school executive decided to see if considering his underlings'
opinions would improve his division's functioning. Having no
experience gathering this type of information he went to the local
business school and borrowed a large book he thought would help him.
The breadth of the topic caused him to spend every spare moment
studying the book. He lost his job after his fellow manager decided
he must have lost his ability to rely on his own experience. The sad
part was this occurred after he accidentally took the book out during
a meeting. We all know a polling tome flatters no boss.

[Bill McCray]

Sherry and Barbie got together on a regular basis, and they usually
discussed families or local gossip. One day they decided to change
things a bit and discuss important political issues; the Middle East,
Afghanistan, North Korea, etc. Barbie said, "But what about Red
China?"

Sherry responded, "Fantastic! it looks especially good on a white
tablecloth!"

[Bill McCray]

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor
announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following
evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I
looked forward to hearing them. The next evening, I was puzzled when
four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor
introduced them. "This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a
few bars and always looking for the key."

[Bill McCray]

Stagnation: A country of male deer.

Festival: I have math homework to do tonight, but festival I'm going
to watch TV.

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Wholesale: Where a gopher goes to buy a new home.