Painter v13.0 - When NATURAL MEDIA gets out of control
Nathan Marciniak
We at Metacreations have long advertised Painter as the premiere "Natural Media™" program for bitmap editing. Until now that was just a clever advertising slogan. Now we really mean it. We've implemented new features in our latest release of Painter v13.0 that will make artists, if you will excuse the expression, shit their pants! Read on!
Real Hand™
Upon installing Painter 13 on your computer you will be asked to scan
an image of your drawing hand using the included 3D Laser Scanner (not
included in the student version) The model of your hand will be processed
by Painter and a 3d wire frame model will be generated matching the shape
of your hand as closely as possible. After that you must scan the
palm and back of the same drawing hand. The resulting image will
be mapped as closely as possible onto the wire frame resulting in a incredibly
lifelike replica of your hand.
After your hand has been digitized you will be able to see it on the screen, holding your brush of choice while you paint on the canvas! Now instead of a pesky little cursor you will see your hand drawing live on screen! Be advised this feature requires the 5 Ghz 3D video card from Synthetic Vision®.
The Real Hand™ Preferences menu will allow you to control the following parameters:
*Grip Style - Choose how you hold your brush!
*Hand Height - controls the distance of your hand from the canvas-
affects "Smearing"
*Skin tone - change the Hue\Saturation of your skin
*Cuticle Dryness - adjust from Heavy on the Lotion to Been
Touching Cardboard All Day
*Tool Pressure - Controls the relative downward force on the brush
*Eraser flip animation on\off - Toggles animation used when flipping
stylus over to use the eraser end
*Ink Retention Threshold - affects how much paint is retained on the
areas of the hand touching the canvas
Real Art Sounds™
In Painter 13 you will be able not only to SEE the dazzling drawings
flowing from your brush, but you will also be able to HEAR them!
Listen how the pencil scratches its way across the paper! The sounds
range from the quiet watercolor brush to the airbrush with real air compressor
hiss and hum! Sounds change based on the tool used, the paper texture,
pressure, speed and angle of contact. Now when you cut and paste
you will really HEAR a razor slicing through paper and the squishy sound
of rubber cement! Painter 13 creates the Natural Media™ experience
as if you were drawing with REAL WORLD TOOLS!
Real Mess™
Painter 13 breaks the conventional mold and gives users the ability
to faithfully recreate artwork like the masters. Now when you use
the eraser tool authentic eraser dust sprays from your brush!
Use the Blow Schnibbles command to whisk them away or keep them on the
canvas for new and wild effects. You will also leave behind blotches
of color if your Real Hand™ touches the paper. Great for pencils,
pastels and charcoal drawings! A future Plug-In will allow users
to use their own fingerprints! Charcoals crumble and snap in half before
your eyes! The pencil brush gets dull but you can use the Real Sharpener™
to put a fine point on it again! (In Real Art Sounds you can pick
either the sound of a hand crank sharpener or an electric model!)
Real Art Supplies™
All of Painter 13's tools will be rendered in 3d and be shown in your
Real Hand™'s grasp! With the new Natural Media Palette™ you won't
have to pick colors from boring little square swatches! You will
be able to draw color from onscreen ink wells, watercolor trays, tubes
of paint and buckets! Be careful, your Real Hand™ can knock these
over and they may spill on your canvas! No other program recreates
the true art experience like Painter 13! Wash your brush inside the
onscreen water bucket or use it to create cool watercolor effects!
Real Mistakes™
Painter 13 has increased efficiency and speed by eliminating UNDOs
entirely! If you make a mistake you will have to try your best to
erase it or cut and paste a new area of canvas over the error. Or
you may create a new document. No other program has this great feature!
With Painter 13 you can really screw up, just like in the real world!
We've also changed our much loved Floater feature and replaced it with
Acetates. Now you can place sheet of clear acetate over your canvas
and paint on it. You can even control the light glare amount, concentration,
and color! Acetate becoming too scratched? Use the new Plastic
Polisher brush to buff it up!
We hope these new features increase your creativity and fun while using Painter! Also check our web page where you can download the latest bug list and 13.01 patch! (20MB) From all of us at Metacreations, happy Natural Media™!
Nathan Marciniak
(Wholly unassociated with Metacreations)
chita jing
Nathan Marciniak <sar...@execpc.com> wrote in article
<6do9u9$t...@newsops.execpc.com>...
> Dear Computer Artists,
>
> We at Metacreations have long advertised Painter as the premiere "Natural
Media™" program for bitmap editing. Until now that
> was just a clever advertising slogan. Now we really mean it. We've
implemented new features in our latest release of
> Painter v13.0 that will make artists, if you will excuse the expression,
shit their pants! Read on!
<snipped for bandwidth only>
Nathan, this is a SCREAM! <RRRRRROFL>
Nathan Marciniak
Tom Tilney sez:
-------------------------------------
Hey Nathan,
That's really quite good. Now what version do you have to get to to get the organic CPU. Not too sure I want to wait around
though. What do you think will come
first; the cpu or cmyk?
:) --Tom
--------------------------------------
Well Organic CPU support with new Hairy Logic® won't be coming until the 13.5 patch, but don't worry - you still will be able
to download 4 patches until then!
What's a cmyk? I think you'll find that on the Painter 13 DVD disc under the "Funky Ass Brushes" folder.
Nathan Marciniak
Martin Eager
Nathan Marciniak wrote:
>Dear Computer Artists,
[snipped loads of excellent stuff]
Love it!
But will it conveniently list a record of your most recently composed
creations on the File menu? ;)
Martin
@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@
@ Martin Eager Runic Design, Web Design @
@ http://www.users.dircon.co.uk/~raindog/ http://www.runic.com @
@ rai...@dircon.co.uk mar...@runic.com @
@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@=@
Jenny Reiswig
We have discovered that version 13.01 does not scan left hands
correctly.
Those of you who have been disoriented by the appearance of your right
hand floating on the screen where your left hand moves may now download
a new patch, or, you may wish to try a new handedness-reorientation
add-in which will help you develop right-handed mousing and tableting
skills. An added feature of the left-hand patch is the automatic
inclusion of your wristwatch, allowing you to have constant access to
the time of day or night. An Indi-Glo(TM) feature for the watch is
being planned for those of you who prefer to work in the dark.
This is fun!
Mark Borok
In article <6do9u9$t...@newsops.execpc.com>, Nathan Marciniak
<sar...@execpc.com> wrote:
> --------------DD48A41B4E5AD83AD819EE5E
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1
> Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
>
> Dear Computer Artists,
>
> We at Metacreations have long advertised Painter as the premiere
"Natural Media™" program for bitmap editing. Until now that
> was just a clever advertising slogan. Now we really mean it. We've
implemented new features in our latest release of
> Painter v13.0 that will make artists, if you will excuse the expression,
shit their pants! Read on!
>
WOW! I am IMPRESSED! That was terrific. Here are some more improvements,
planned for version 13.1579954
InstaAge! Now you can select the rate at which your painting ages - see it
fade and yellow before your eyes!
New Egg Tempera and Fresco brushes - mix virtual pigments with virtual
egg-yolk or virtual plaster. An added feature -"Leonardo", allows you to
watch your masterpiece dissolve just like DaVinci's famous "Last Supper".
MisPlace - unique to Painter. Moves your files randomly around in your
directories for that "Where the #@%@#$ did I put that thing?" experience.
Dada - turn this feature on and no matter what brush you use, the result
will be the word "dada" repeated over and over. Subversive!
Virtual Crit - have a virtual art teacher or critic trash your work using
incomprehensible academic jargon. You'll never decontextualize an
intertextual trope again!
Manifesto Generator - what artist wants to actually make art, when you can
write manifestos about the kind of art you would create if you actually
had time to make art?
Fractal Vandal - this plug-in filter will unexpectedly attack your
painting with a virtual knife or splash it with paint.
Fractal Art Thief - comes with Fractal Vandal. Will trasnfer your Painter
files to the computer of a wealthy Japanese art collector, then delete the
originals.
Keep it up.
--Mark
--
Mark Borok
"Restless Graphics"
Animation and multimedia design
http://www.mindspring.com/~mborok
Remove "spamless" from email address to respond
Nathan Marciniak
Martin Eager asks:
_____________________________________________
"But will it conveniently list a record of your most recently composed
creations on the File menu?"
At Metacreations we are always listening to user feedback and striving to make our software better for you. But we have to
draw the line somewhere. Our programmers don't have time to include complex features like a recent file list and there are
no plans for that or this silly CMYK thing you people keep whining about. It's a Natural Media™ program fer cripes sakes!
Besides, once you install Painter 13 you will be too busy downloading bug fixes, pricing memory upgrades and rebooting your
computer to create any new files.
Happy painting!
MC
Nathan Marciniak
Also, Painter v13.1579955 will include the "Basquiat Filter" which turns your most impressive piece of art into sloppy,
unrecognizable crap. It will then inject heroin into your Real Hand™ and eventually crash the computer for good.
MC
Martin Eager
Nathan Marciniak wrote:
*cackle*
Martin
Nathan Marciniak
Where the heck is Kenny A. Chaffin's reply!?
Kenny A. Chaffin
In article <6e2ouf$r...@newsops.execpc.com>, sar...@execpc.com says...
> Where the heck is Kenny A. Chaffin's reply!?
>
>
Welll......I guess you got me. I thought you were serious, but then....
<grin>
--
KAC
Website Design, Programming, Graphics --> http://www.kacweb.com
ke...@kacweb.com
Nathan Marciniak
-------------------
"Welll......I guess you got me. I thought you were serious, but then....
<grin>"
Hey, I am ALWAYS serious! No joking around for me, nosireee!
Nathan Marciniak
Nathan Marciniak
-------------------------
Nathan,
I hear through some scuttlebut there is a beta with the smell of turp and linseed oil imbedded. You seen it yet?
MC regrets that this scuttlebut has escaped our walls. We suspect a recently-fired and disgruntled programmer has leaked top
secret Painter developments on the internet. When we find him we will surely apply the Burned Paper Plug-In to his house.
Certainly the concept of Natural Media™ odors has crossed our minds, and now that the secret is out, yes a future version of
Painter MAY include Real Smell™. We have contracted a company to design a odor-emitting monitor that will hopefully be able
to fill the user's nostrils with the smell of a real artist's studio! It may be years before a working model is produced,
however. We feel that the power of scent should not be the sole property of Vogue magazine advertisements.
MC
Mark Borok
In article <6e41ne$r...@newsops.execpc.com>, Nathan Marciniak
<sar...@execpc.com> wrote:
> -------------------------
> Nathan,
> I hear through some scuttlebut there is a beta with the smell of turp
and linseed oil imbedded. You seen it yet?
> ---------------------------
> yes a future version of
> Painter MAY include Real Smell™. We have contracted a company to design
a odor-emitting monitor that will hopefully be able
> to fill the user's nostrils with the smell of a real artist's studio!
Will it also cause severe health problems due to prolonged exposure?
Because if it doesn't, I don't want any. Nothing but the best for me, yes
sir!
> MC
Gaale Klein
Nathan -
Thank you! I love it. Well done!
Came back to read again after a day of Painter crashes.
Gaale