Microsoft programmer dies from Masturbating

[Patrick Onwards]

Why Microsoft Kills its own Programmers

Only a number

A very large database consisting of names of dead programmers and
their projects and/or code have leaked into the wild west we call the
Internet. To our deepest surprise these dead people were all assigned
a number. The first 3 digits meant the company name. We saw at first
hand most numbers starting with 666. For example a dead Windows
Presentations Foundation programmer was assigned
66608161978050520053884763990. Unfortunately these numbers have an
atrocious meaning. They where numbered with not only the company name
but also with the day of death when they had to die while these dead
programmers where just at the strongest parts of their lives. These
numbers make all among of us wonder! In the example the company 666
stands for Microsoft, and 05052005 for day of death. How is company
666 so accurately in predicting the death of a person? And how does
company 666 determine this numbers?

Cause of death

Most of these programmers died due to suicide or an accident rather
than a natural death. One programmer died a few days after his first
contact with company 666 because of a bacteria on his keyboard
probably anthrax like. Another Microsoft company 666 programmer fell
of a skyscraper. Another company 666 programmer was wrapped naked in
sheets under his bed mimicking a death from overmasturbation.

The Death List

We only picked a few examples, most people on the list have a date of
death over 10 years from now.

Why?

Perhaps Microsoft simply no longer needs anyone behind the date of
predicted death. E.g. Microsoft employee Mark Russinovich will die in
2021 July 19th according too the until now so accurate list. There
are more names, like Jeffry Richter.

Sexual reasons

It is known that people who murder and kill often, have increased
sexual levels and behaviour, because of the high levels of dopamine
released in the brain of a murderer on every kill.

Conclusion

The death of many Microsoft programmers is arranged in advance. The
people responsible for their deaths simply might have become addicted
'for the kill.' There is nothing that can be done.


Stay away from company designated 666.