Beatdown!
Burger King
me Burger King. I'm not comfortable with too much royal pompitude.
As a public service to this group, I have beaten down R. McDonald and I'm
taking over. His office has been cleared out and hosed down, and I've moved
in. He won't be bothering you any more. I'm just writing to say I pledge to
run this group honorably. I'm available for all administrative matters
effective immediately.
I also have some rather shocking information to disclose about his identity.
Turns out R. stood for Ruprecht, not Ronald. Ronald is his gene donor.
Ruprecht is an unauthorized clone of Ronald McDonald which was covertly
produced by the large fast food chain which bears his name. The real Ronald
is a pedophile and has been locked up.
When Ronald was caught, McDonald's Worldwide International thought they
could sidestep the impending scandal, and were desperate to avoid public
disclosure of Ronald's disgrace for obvious reasons. So they took some DNA
from a sample they recovered from a spoon he used to eat a Wendy's Frosty
and contracted with a renegade geneticist in Morocco to clone Ronald, and
thus we have Ruprecht.
In the meantime, Ronald, in custody but without his familiar costume,
realized that he had been tricked and abandoned. He angrily tried to reveal
his true identity to authorities, who had presumed the name resemblance with
the famous clown to be a coincidence. When Ronald procaimed his identity to
the court, the judge ordered a psychiatric evaluation and confinement in a
mental health facility. Eventually he was found guilty by reason of
insanity.
The unhappy clone Ruprecht exhibited several alarming tendencies as a result
of rather crude genetic work. McDonald's wanted an adult duplicate
immediately, so using some crude shortcuts, the lab bypassed the normal
growth process and produced an adult clown in three weeks. But he was a
troubled clown right from the start.
Certainly the followers of this forum must have suspected Ruprecht was
unstable. You may have noticed how he represented himself as several
separate ficticious individuals over time. It's not unreasonable to suspect
that he is suffering from a multiple personality disorder.
I supposed you could say that it's a shame, since he's a human being anyway,
even though he's a clone, and he's suffering, but.....
Screw that.
This was my opportunity to smack down that obnoxious Mcdonald's clown
imagery once and for all, do severe harm to the wicked McDonald's
International Worldwide megacorporation, and assert my unchallenged position
as the king of promotional imagery. I am the single most compelling symbol
in the world. I am, after all, the Burger King king.
All hail my hard shelled plastic royalty!
The clown is dead... Long live the King!
With fondest personal regards for my new subjects,
Your King,
BK
--
Jerry Sauk
"Burger King" <Burge...@burgerking.com> wrote in message
news:hs22bk$p4u$1...@speranza.aioe.org...
<yawn>
Burger King
"Jerry Sauk" <jerr...@hotmail.com> wrote
>>
>> The clown is dead... Long live the King!
>>
>> With fondest personal regards for my new subjects,
>>
>> Your King,
>>
>> BK
>
> <yawn>
>
>
Hi sqwertz.
Sincerely,
King