The Ankle Slasher Under the Car
Trish Rucker
and from one of my best friends. Both of them have friends who
are nurses at Atlanta emergency rooms. As the story goes, women
in Atlanta at Northlake Mall and Lenox Square (another large mall)
have been assaulted lately by men who use a "unique" method. The
men wait underneath the car until the victim begins to get in.
Then they slash her ankles and assault (rape/rob) her.
I read the same story in Jan Harold Brunvand's THE BABY TRAIN.
This morning, over coffee, I was flipping through the local
paper. In this morning's PARADE section, there is an article
about teens' views on sex and violence. One of the young women
(Karen Zimmerman, 17, East Hartford, Conn.) writes:
"... my parents say you should park your car under
a light. And when you leave the mall, you have to
make sure that no one's under your car, because there
have been times when people have been under the car,
and they slit your ankles so they can steal your car.
My parents always tell me to look under the car as
I'm coming toward it, before I'm there."
Hmmm. Seems I've heard that one somewhere before! :)
--
************************************************************
Please respond to my "everyday" Internet address (different
from the address listed above): trish....@rsbbs.uucp
trish....@rsbbs.atl.ga.us
If you were in my movie, you could be the detective.
- Suzanne Vega
************************************************************
Joel M. DeYoung
: I first heard this urban legend a few years ago from my mother
: and from one of my best friends. Both of them have friends who
: are nurses at Atlanta emergency rooms. As the story goes, women
: in Atlanta at Northlake Mall and Lenox Square (another large mall)
: have been assaulted lately by men who use a "unique" method. The
: men wait underneath the car until the victim begins to get in.
: Then they slash her ankles and assault (rape/rob) her.
: I read the same story in Jan Harold Brunvand's THE BABY TRAIN.
: This morning, over coffee, I was flipping through the local
: paper. In this morning's PARADE section, there is an article
: about teens' views on sex and violence. One of the young women
: (Karen Zimmerman, 17, East Hartford, Conn.) writes:
: "... my parents say you should park your car under
: a light. And when you leave the mall, you have to
: make sure that no one's under your car, because there
: have been times when people have been under the car,
: and they slit your ankles so they can steal your car.
: My parents always tell me to look under the car as
: I'm coming toward it, before I'm there."
: Hmmm. Seems I've heard that one somewhere before! :)
Sounds like a UL to me. I've heard the same story from dead serious
concerned friends about McCain Mall in North Little Rock, Arkansas. I know
people that have actually stopped going there just because of such stories.
Joel "Look under the car if it'll make you feel better" DeYoung
John Switzer
Agnes Moorehead gets slashed on the ankles by a knife-wielding, six-inch
high guy in a spacesuit. Wonder if this is where this UL started,
or whether people in the 1800s were worried about being slashed on
the ankles by villains hiding underneath their buckboards. Hmmm,
sounds like a good topic for a research paper.
John "not a topic for a good research paper, though" Switzer
--
John Switzer | "When I was six I was attacked by a ram.
| I was nearly killed." -- President Clinton,
CompuServe: 74076,1250 | as he awarded the Young American Medal for
Internet: j...@netcom.com | Bravery to seven youngsters.
Seth Redmore
up in the Post-Gazette. And, of course, my girlfriend's sister
said that one of her friend's friends had it happen to her. (No lie.)
Seth "Sure. Slash me. Just be prepared for the 9mm 115grn JHP's coming
through the floorpan." Redmore
lrud...@vax.clarku.edu
(Robert J. Wade) asked:
>does anyone know if there is a turbo kit available for quad4 engines?
>if so please email me.
>thanks.
Sorry, I don't know, but I've got a similar question myself.
Trish Rucker (tri...@mind.org) has recently quoted the rotogravure
Sunday supplement, PARADE, in which Karen Zimmerman, of
East Hartford, says
>: "... my parents say you should park your car under
>: a light. And when you leave the mall, you have to
>: make sure that no one's under your car, because there
>: have been times when people have been under the car,
>: and they slit your ankles so they can steal your car.
>: My parents always tell me to look under the car as
>: I'm coming toward it, before I'm there."
And dey...@mksol.dseg.ti.com (Joel M. DeYoung) says some of his Arkansan
friends have stopped going to the McKain Mall because of such stories.
So, does anyone know if there's a hydraulic suspension kit (like in the
old Citroen ID and DS) available for my Mazda 323? I'd like to be able
to leave her bottomed out on the ground at the mall so no one can get
underneath. Of course I'd have to be careful always to remember to
pump her up again before driving off.
Lee "what Achilles heel?" Rudolph
William Jacobs
that in October 91 women in Aurora and Joliet, Illinois were panicked over
rumors that "young men, as an initiation test for gang membership, were hiding
under cars in a shopping mall, slashing the ankles of women walking by, and
sexually assaulting them when they had fallen" They say the story has been
traced back to Fargo in 1978. (Does anyone have that reference?) As a final
twist the official denials of the Aurora rumor were interpretted as an offical
cover-up.
Bill "See, the magazine is worth something afterall" jacobs
--
William Jacobs | "Nor should it be thought of as akin to
Astronomy Dept., San Diego State | Jazz." -- Ravi Shankar
bja...@mintaka.sdsu.edu | Disclaimer: I prefer nutella to peanut
Exclaimer: They're coming this way! | butter, smooth or crunchy.
Phil Gustafson
>
>So, does anyone know if there's a hydraulic suspension kit (like in the
>old Citroen ID and DS) available for my Mazda 323? I'd like to be able
>to leave her bottomed out on the ground at the mall so no one can get
>underneath. Of course I'd have to be careful always to remember to
>pump her up again before driving off.
>
since the SM (don't ask) model of the early 70's (or late 60's in a
political sense), so authentic frog bits and pieces will be hard to come by.
I suggest you check out the ads in "Low Rider" magazine, which is not
hard to find in these parts. The suspensions advertized can be adjusted
quickly enough that the car will briefly slip the surly bonds going
up and make a satisfying sparky thunk going down.
Your idea seems quite sound to me. Most muggers will lose all enthusiasm
for ankle-slashing after being hopped upon once or twice by a Chevrolet.
Phil "Then again, you might just write to Tom McCahill" Gustafson
--
| ph...@rahul.net Phil Gustafson 408-286-1749 |
| Only people who die very young learn all they really need to know |
| in kindergarten. (W. Kaminer) |
JR Wilner
I believe the only dealer of them left in the U.S. is John Stout in West Chester, Pennsylvania. (That's near Wilmington, DE/Philadelphia, PA). They are very
cool, and Stout sells them with these awesome Clarion audio systems, as featuredin Car & Driver in (I think) the January or February 1993 issues.
And yes-the new ones still drop to the ground when parked. Kind of a
classy low-rider. I wonder if you can make it hop up and down or ride on three
wheels.....
Jonathan Wilner
Daniel Burstein
>In article <2AUG93....@vax.clarku.edu> lrud...@vax.clarku.edu writes:
>>
>>So, does anyone know if there's a hydraulic suspension kit (like in the
>>old Citroen ID and DS) available for my Mazda 323? I'd like to be able
>>to leave her bottomed out on the ground at the mall so no one can get
>>underneath. Of course I'd have to be careful always to remember to
>>pump her up again before driving off.
>>
>Unfortunately, no Citroens have beem imported in significant quantities
>since the SM (don't ask) model of the early 70's (or late 60's in a
>political sense), so authentic frog bits and pieces will be hard to come by.
>Your idea seems quite sound to me. Most muggers will lose all enthusiasm
>for ankle-slashing after being hopped upon once or twice by a Chevrolet.
what -I'm- looking for is a hydraulic jack and pinion (?) which will take
my car and slide it sideways into a parking spot..... or better yet, will
flip it on end so I can fit into those spots which are just -that little
bit too small- for my car to fit into....
Sir Lunchalot du Sac
In article <2AUG93....@vax.clarku.edu>, lrud...@vax.clarku.edu
beats me ta da punch:
|>So, does anyone know if there's a hydraulic suspension kit (like in the
|>old Citroen ID and DS) available for my Mazda 323? I'd like to be able
|>to leave her bottomed out on the ground at the mall so no one can get
|>underneath. Of course I'd have to be careful always to remember to
|>pump her up again before driving off.
Naaah. Hook the suspension controls up to the car alarm such that one
can lower the car at will, like down onto whomever is under there when
you want to get in.
--
Nolan "Love dem French lemons" Hinshaw
Internet: no...@twg.com Dingalingnet: (415)962-7197
lrud...@vax.clarku.edu
beaten to the punch ('sall right, Nolan, it was only Screaming Purple
Jesus with a twist), bounces back gamely
:
>|>[I had asked:]
>|>So, does anyone know if there's a hydraulic suspension kit (like in the
>|>old Citroen ID and DS) available for my Mazda 323? I'd like to be able
>|>to leave her bottomed out on the ground at the mall so no one can get
>|>underneath. Of course I'd have to be careful always to remember to
>|>pump her up again before driving off.
>Naaah. Hook the suspension controls up to the car alarm such that one
>can lower the car at will, like down onto whomever is under there when
>you want to get in.
>
This is brilliant! And as another benefit, how much less obnoxious
than having my high-brights signal S-O-S while the horn plays "Fanfare
for the Common Man" it will be, to simply have my car jump up and down
a few times when I can't otherwise remember where I've parked it!
Not really an Olde New England thing to do, but we must move along into
the sixth millenium.
Has anyone seen news reports of car wash employees, engaged in cleaning
the rear window from the inside, being taken home by station wagon drivers
lately? (If you had one of them in residence, they could protect you from
all kinds of slashers and you wouldn't need fancy hardware.)
Lee "2CV" Rudolph
Richard N Kitchen
In a previous article, no...@lurch.twg.com (Sir Lunchalot du Sac) says:
>
>In article <2AUG93....@vax.clarku.edu>, lrud...@vax.clarku.edu
>beats me ta da punch:
>|>So, does anyone know if there's a hydraulic suspension kit (like in the
>|>old Citroen ID and DS) available for my Mazda 323? I'd like to be able
>|>to leave her bottomed out on the ground at the mall so no one can get
>|>underneath. Of course I'd have to be careful always to remember to
>|>pump her up again before driving off.
>
>Naaah. Hook the suspension controls up to the car alarm such that one
>can lower the car at will, like down onto whomever is under there when
>you want to get in.
This may be effective, but what if the perpetrator's name isn't Will?
Rick "Triumph of the Jack" Kitchen
>
>--
>Nolan "Love dem French lemons" Hinshaw
>Internet: no...@twg.com Dingalingnet: (415)962-7197
>
>
--
Rick Kitchen da...@cleveland.freenet.edu
"I don't know what it is about you that makes me want you except that I
loathe you. But I loathe lots of men, and they don't make me feel like
this." --Margo Cody, "Black Tie Affair"
Ray Depew
> Your idea seems quite sound to me. Most muggers will lose all enthusiasm
> for ankle-slashing after being hopped upon once or twice by a Chevrolet.
Can't you just see it now? The lady walks up to her silver T-Bird with
the optional Instant Air Shocks, punches the appropriate code on the keypad
next to the door handle, and the car hops up and down three times, then
pauses for an instant to level itself before unlocking the door. She gets
in and drives away. Where her car was, is a crushed body, knife still in
hand, blood oozing from the corner of the mouth.
"Ford: where your safety starts OUTSIDE the car."
Ewwwwwwwwwwww.
Ray Depew
Integrated Circuits Business Division
Hewlett Packard Co, Fort Collins, Colorado
r...@hpfiqa.fc.hp.com
Pete Young
: I wonder if you can make it hop up and down or ride on three wheels
It is possible with the GS and CX (don't know about the BX) to change
a wheel without using the jack. Park one wheel on the kerb and put
the suspension into high position, and the car will lift one wheel
clear of the ground (depending on which one you parked on the kerb).
--
____________________________________________________________________
Pete Young p...@fmg.bt.co.uk Phone +44 473 227151
"Most people prefer entertaining nonsense to unexciting reality"
Sean Reifschneider
>In a previous article cross-posted far and wide, rjw...@rainbow.ecn.purdue.edu
>old Citroen ID and DS) available for my Mazda 323? I'd like to be able
>to leave her bottomed out on the ground at the mall so no one can get
Nah, just exchange it for a Mazda RX-7 and add some ground effects. Any car
with ground clearance less than 6 inches should do well. :)
Sean
--
"Science exists to lend belief to sci-fi movies."
"Masturbation -- the power on test cycle for your genitals." -- My SO
"You can lead a horse to water, but if you can teach a penis to read, you've
really got something." -- Me
Sean Reifschneider, Supreme hack
ja...@accum.com
Fury
r...@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Ray Depew) writes:
> Can't you just see it now? The lady walks up to her silver T-Bird with
> the optional Instant Air Shocks, punches the appropriate code on the keypad
> next to the door handle, and the car hops up and down three times, then
> pauses for an instant to level itself before unlocking the door. She gets
> in and drives away. Where her car was, is a crushed body, knife still in
> hand, blood oozing from the corner of the mouth.
No, wait... the knife is dangling from the handle. Or better yet, the
lady drives away, leaving a crushed dog behind, with (scrawled in
blood, of course) the message on her door: Dogs can lie under cars too.
Or maybe I'm just confused...
Jane "AFU withdrawal symptoms?" Deering
fu...@dartmouth.edu
John Switzer
>
>> Your idea seems quite sound to me. Most muggers will lose all enthusiasm
>> for ankle-slashing after being hopped upon once or twice by a Chevrolet.
>
>Can't you just see it now? The lady walks up to her silver T-Bird with
>the optional Instant Air Shocks, punches the appropriate code on the keypad
>next to the door handle, and the car hops up and down three times, then
>pauses for an instant to level itself before unlocking the door. She gets
>in and drives away. Where her car was, is a crushed body, knife still in
>hand, blood oozing from the corner of the mouth.
>
>"Ford: where your safety starts OUTSIDE the car."
And for those extra special areas, you could get the "Mad Max" edition,
complete with spikes on the car's undercarriage.
Paul Tomblin
>No, wait... the knife is dangling from the handle. Or better yet, the
>lady drives away, leaving a crushed dog behind, with (scrawled in
>blood, of course) the message on her door: Dogs can lie under cars too.
But it would sure help to get those cats out of the engine compartment.
Paul "Doncha hate having to scrape cat parts out of your fan belt?" Tomblin
--
Paul Tomblin - formerly {pt{omblin},news}@{geovision.}gvc.com
"But alt.religion.kibology is DEADLY SERIOUS!!!" - Kibo
Gerald Belton
LR>the rear window from the inside, being taken home by station wagon drivers
LR>lately?
This happened to a friend of mine. Actually, I think it was a
friend-of-a-friend.
* SLMR 2.1 * Support your medical examiner, die strangely.
----
The Ozone Hole BBS * SKYDIVE New Orleans! * (504)891-3142 * V.32bis/HST
Janet Christian
>JR Wilner (jrwi...@sneezy.cc.utexas.edu) wrote:
>
>: I wonder if you can make it hop up and down or ride on three wheels
>
>It is possible with the GS and CX (don't know about the BX) to change
>a wheel without using the jack. Park one wheel on the kerb and put
>the suspension into high position, and the car will lift one wheel
>clear of the ground (depending on which one you parked on the kerb).
>
>--
period of heavy rain, the "low water crossings" around the city were
all running pretty deep. Tom approached one crossing, where an older
lady sat in her car, sizing up just how deep the water was and whether
or not her car would make it across. Tom started across, jacking up
the Citroen as he went, and lowering it as he got to the other side.
The old lady saw that the water never got above the bottom of his car
doors, so she tried to follow him across, only to swamp out in the
middle of the crossing.
Janet "and Tom never even told her what had happened" Christian
--
Janet Christian jan...@netcom.com
Never argue with a Scorpio -- it's frustrating and you'll
lose anyway. I might let you win, for chocolate, though...
Drew Lawson
j...@netcom.com (John Switzer) writes:
>This thread reminds me of the classic Twilight Zone episode in which
>Agnes Moorehead gets slashed on the ankles by a knife-wielding, six-inch
>high guy in a spacesuit. Wonder if this is where this UL started,
>or whether people in the 1800s were worried about being slashed on
>the ankles by villains hiding underneath their buckboards. Hmmm,
>sounds like a good topic for a research paper.
This one actually was reasonable a couple decades ago (was that the
60's?) before the advent of compact cars. It used to be fairly easy to
get under a car without it being jacked up.
Perhaps it is valid still in places with a lot of pick-ups, but ain't
nobody hiding under an Escort and getting out quickly.
Drew "low clearance and small back seats" Lawson
--
+--------------------+-------------------------------------------+
| Drew Lawson | I had to sell my internal organs |
| law...@acuson.com | Just to pay the rent. |
| | -- Weird Al (When I was Your Age) |
Clancy
>Trish Rucker (tri...@mind.org) has recently quoted the rotogravure
>Sunday supplement, PARADE, in which Karen Zimmerman, of
>East Hartford, says
>>: "... my parents say you should park your car under
>>: a light. And when you leave the mall, you have to
>>: make sure that no one's under your car, because there
>>: have been times when people have been under the car,
>>: and they slit your ankles so they can steal your car.
>>: My parents always tell me to look under the car as
>>: I'm coming toward it, before I'm there."
This is completely ridiculous. Somebody under a car is at
an extreme disadvantage. If you're worried, you should worry
about somebody walking up behind you and hitting you in the
back of the head while you're reaching for you're keys.
ez00...@judy.ucdavis.edu
>>Sorry, I don't know, but I've got a similar question myself.
>>Trish Rucker (tri...@mind.org) has recently quoted the rotogravure
>>Sunday supplement, PARADE, in which Karen Zimmerman, of
>>East Hartford, says
>>>: "... my parents say you should park your car under
>>>: a light. And when you leave the mall, you have to
>>>: make sure that no one's under your car, because there
>>>: have been times when people have been under the car,
>>>: and they slit your ankles so they can steal your car.
>>>: My parents always tell me to look under the car as
>>>: I'm coming toward it, before I'm there."
>
>This is completely ridiculous. Somebody under a car is at
Not to mention that the thief runs the risk of 2nd degree burns from
the exhaust system, or the risk of a bath of 10W30 oil from a leaking
engine. It is probably not very comfy down there. :)
But really, the only cars that have enough clearance for someone to hide
under them are minivans. So unless you have one, don't worry about
someone hiding under your vehicle.
Bruce Tindall
>Not to mention that the thief runs the risk of 2nd degree burns from
>the exhaust system, or the risk of a bath of 10W30 oil from a leaking
>engine. It is probably not very comfy down there. :)
But it's possible (though certainly not comfy) to survive being
attached to the underside of a running car, at least for a few miles.
Witness the people who were smuggled out of East Germany in the
1960s (ges.gesch.) by this method.
Bruce "Unter den Lincoln" Tindall
--
The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the University of
North Carolina at Chapel Hill, the Campus Office for Information
Technology, or the Experimental Bulletin Board Service.
internet: laUNChpad.unc.edu or 152.2.22.80
Michael Johnson
No, it isn't. It really does happen. The theory such slime operate under is
that after they've cut the tendons in your ankle with a razor blade, you'll
be too busy bleeding and being crippled to offer them much resistance when
they come out from under the car, relieve you of your keys, and drive off
in your car.
Mind you, you should ALSO be worried about someone walking up behind you and
hitting you in the back of the head, but that's no reason to trivialize the
risk from other styles of attack.
Michael Johnson, Relay Technology, Inc. mic...@maine.maine.edu
"I will choose the path that's clear. I will choose Free Will." -- Neil Peart
Kim Dyer
Bruce....@launchpad.unc.edu (Bruce Tindall) writes:
>But it's possible (though certainly not comfy) to survive being
>attached to the underside of a running car, at least for a few miles.
>Witness the people who were smuggled out of East Germany in the
>1960s (ges.gesch.) by this method.
off the ground (in general) and had MUCH less in the way of pipes
and other junk under there. Today's cars are MUCH lower to the
ground.
Jonathan Papai
>cmi...@chpc.utexas.edu (Clancy) says:
>>This is completely ridiculous. Somebody under a car is at
>>an extreme disadvantage. If you're worried, you should worry
>>about somebody walking up behind you and hitting you in the
>>back of the head while you're reaching for you're keys.
>
>No, it isn't. It really does happen. The theory such slime operate under is
>that after they've cut the tendons in your ankle with a razor blade, you'll
>be too busy bleeding and being crippled to offer them much resistance when
>they come out from under the car, relieve you of your keys, and drive off
>in your car.
Care to cite _one_ case, if it "really does happen?" Huh?
I didn't think so.
Have you ever cut a tendon with a razor blade? Tendons are pretty
tough, good luck doing it quickly.
>Mind you, you should ALSO be worried about someone walking up behind you and
>hitting you in the back of the head, but that's no reason to trivialize the
>risk from other styles of attack.
OK, a reason to trivialize it is that it never happens, how about that?
>"I will choose the path that's clear. I will choose Free Will." -- Neil Peart
Yeah...right. That's the guy who sings about oak trees talking, isn't he?
What is it with the automotive usenet groups and refering
to criminals as 'turds' and 'slime?'
Jon "I prefer 'alleged turds' " Papai
Joe Huesmann
I agree! Rubbish! Any thief is welcome to slash my ankles from underneath
my car. That is, if he can fit himself down there... Mustang, dropped about
1.5". About 4" of clearance, if he's lucky :)
Joe
------------------- ----------------
| | / \
| -------------- / /------\ \
| | | / \ | Joseph E. Huesmann
| -----------\ | | | |
| \ | | | | net...@wam.umd.edu
------------\ | | | | |
| | | \ / | 1989 GT
------------/ / ---- \ \------/ /
| / | | \ /
---------------- ---- ----------------
John Switzer
>>Not to mention that the thief runs the risk of 2nd degree burns from
>>the exhaust system, or the risk of a bath of 10W30 oil from a leaking
>>engine. It is probably not very comfy down there. :)
>
>But it's possible (though certainly not comfy) to survive being
>attached to the underside of a running car, at least for a few miles.
>Witness the people who were smuggled out of East Germany in the
>1960s (ges.gesch.) by this method.
The Mission Impossible guys did this all the time, and of course it's
deriguer for ninjas.
--
John Switzer | Open letter to Republicans in Congress:
| "Next time you've got a chance to bite Clinton's
CompuServe: 74076,1250 | 'hand of friendship,' do the country a favor and
Internet: j...@netcom.com | take it off at the arm instead. Thanks."
lrud...@vax.clarku.edu
>What is it with the automotive usenet groups and refering
>to criminals as 'turds' and 'slime?'
As one of the local septic system maintainers explained to me once, while
slipping the Magic Straw (TM) of his honeywagon into our tank, when
your system's working well, turds fall to the bottom and later slime rises
to the top.
Lee "I have no ideas about automotive usenet groups, I just wanted
to talk about Magic Straws and honeywagons" Rudolph
Terry Chan
Michael Johnson <MIC...@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes:
-No, it isn't. It really does happen. The theory such slime operate under is
-that after they've cut the tendons in your ankle with a razor blade, you'll
-be too busy bleeding and being crippled to offer them much resistance when
-they come out from under the car, relieve you of your keys, and drive off
-in your car.
Is this the "New York Method" that I keep hearing about?
So, got any evidence to suggest that it really does happen?
Terry "Aside from hearsay and innuendo, but I expect 'em anyway" Chan
--
Energy and Environment Division | Internet: TWC...@lbl.gov
Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory | "Teeee Neeee Teeee."
Berkeley, California USA 94720 | -- George of the Jungle
Terry Chan
->>Not to mention that the thief runs the risk of 2nd degree burns from
->>the exhaust system, or the risk of a bath of 10W30 oil from a leaking
->>engine. It is probably not very comfy down there. :)
Bruce....@launchpad.unc.edu (Bruce Tindall) writes:
->But it's possible (though certainly not comfy) to survive being
->attached to the underside of a running car, at least for a few miles.
->Witness the people who were smuggled out of East Germany in the
->1960s (ges.gesch.) by this method.
But not all cars are created equal. Not all countries are as
fortunate as the US to make the "Ankle Slashing Package" with
extra suspension an option for consumers.
j...@netcom.com (John Switzer) writes:
-The Mission Impossible guys did this all the time, and of course it's
-deriguer for ninjas.
Necessary too. Btw, the evil Krusty the Klown doll did it too.
I saw it on an episode of the Simpsons so it must be true.
Terry "USA! USA!" Chan
Andy Holyer
...
: >>: My parents always tell me to look under the car as
: >>: I'm coming toward it, before I'm there."
: This is completely ridiculous. Somebody under a car is at
: an extreme disadvantage. If you're worried, you should worry
: about somebody walking up behind you and hitting you in the
: back of the head while you're reaching for you're keys.
Or while you're bending down to peer under the car....
Sorry. Couldn't resist it.
--
&ndy Holyer, School of Cognitive and | Now seeking work -
Computing Studies, University of Sussex, | cv/resume available by return
Brighton, UK | of eMail.
Gene Haldeman
>
>No, it isn't. It really does happen. The theory such slime operate under is
>that after they've cut the tendons in your ankle with a razor blade, you'll
>be too busy bleeding and being crippled to offer them much resistance when
>they come out from under the car, relieve you of your keys, and drive off
>in your car.
That's not the worst of it, though. Once you're crippled and unable to
move, they force you to lick a stamp with Mickey Mouse on it, and attach
it to an envelope that says "republic" where the zip code should be. I
really think we should all take more care in parking lots. Those turds!
D.M.Procida
<MIC...@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes:
>No, it isn't. It really does happen. The theory such slime operate under is
>that after they've cut the tendons in your ankle with a razor blade, you'll
>be too busy bleeding and being crippled to offer them much resistance when
>they come out from under the car, relieve you of your keys, and drive off
>in your car.
Hmmm. This is a very interesting article, in many ways. If I may, I
would like to probe into the anatomy of your words, if I can do so
without disturbing their soul.
So: let's start with 'slime'. Many people have remarked how modern
cars are too low and nasty to get underneath comfortably and quickly,
or to be able to slash adequately at the ankles. However, you make the
excellent point that while a *person* might have trouble doing this,
*slime* is very well adapted to oozing under things. So slime might
well be able to carry out such an attack. The problem is that I fail
to see how slime could wield a razor-blade, or drive off in your car.
Secondly, you write 'The theory such slime operate under...' This
leads me into some confusion. I thought these slime operated under
cars, but now you say they operate under theories. Is that a kind of
American car (maybe with a high underbody)?
Perhaps you are making a different kind of point. Let us construct an
metaphor, where the car is a metaphor for the theory, and the ground
is a metaphor for the praxis. Maybe this should be the other way
round, though either way I'm having trouble trying to fit the slime in
anywhere. I might be misunderstanding the nature of slime (does slime
not need to be fitted in, being such that it finds its own way?).
I'm sure some of the other top structuralists on afu will be able to
help me out.
Daniele "I shall blunt the razor's edge of urban legend on the
ankle-socks of plausibility" Procida
--
The Awkward Moments have recorded a 45-minute demonstration tape of 14
of their Modern Rock & Roll songs. Yours for #2.50, inc p&p. Includes
fierce anti-post modern songs, the true story of Jesus' life in a
submarine, and tales of social mishap and awkwardness and optimism.
Michael Johnson
>
>In article <93221.174...@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> Michael Johnson
><MIC...@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes:
>
>>No, it isn't. It really does happen. The theory such slime operate under is
>>that after they've cut the tendons in your ankle with a razor blade, you'll
>>be too busy bleeding and being crippled to offer them much resistance when
>>they come out from under the car, relieve you of your keys, and drive off
>>in your car.
>
>Hmmm. This is a very interesting article, in many ways. If I may, I
>would like to probe into the anatomy of your words, if I can do so
>without disturbing their soul.
>
[sarcasm deleted]
All of this bullshit notwithstanding, and regardless of the fact that someone
cross-posted this thread to alt.folklore.urban, I personally would rather
take a moment (as I approach my car) to glance under adjacent Cadillacs for
someone intent on doing harm than to end up bleeding and possibly crippled.
And by the way, while I personally cannot cite any individual cases, I was
told this (long before this discussion started) by a person I consider to be
a reputable source, an expert on personal safety.
Followups to /dev/null unless you've got something constructive to say.
Sharen A. Rund
: In article <93221.174...@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> Michael Johnson
: <MIC...@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes:
: >No, it isn't. It really does happen. The theory such slime operate under is
: >that after they've cut the tendons in your ankle with a razor blade, you'll
: >be too busy bleeding and being crippled to offer them much resistance when
: >they come out from under the car, relieve you of your keys, and drive off
: >in your car.
>This is completely ridiculous. Somebody under a car is at
>an extreme disadvantage. If you're worried, you should worry
>about somebody walking up behind you and hitting you in the
>back of the head while you're reaching for you're keys.
The point here, especially for women, but for all people who drive a
half way decent looking car - when going to your car, BE AWARE of
everything around you - _have_ your keys in your hand ready to open
the car door and lock the door as you're getting in
If you 'stroll' around, gawking at things, acting like a tourist,
you're almost asking for someone to come up & mug you and/or
steal your car
--
____________ __ ____________ "They that can give up essential
\_____ / /_ \ \ _____/ liberty to obtain a little
\_____ \____/ \____/ _____/ temporary safety deserve
\_____ _____/ neither liberty nor safety."
\___________ ___________/ --Benjamin Franklin
/ \ ALL disclaimers apply ....
~~~~~~
John Switzer
>Clancy (cmi...@chpc.utexas.edu) wrote:
>...
>: >>: My parents always tell me to look under the car as
>: >>: I'm coming toward it, before I'm there."
>
>: This is completely ridiculous. Somebody under a car is at
>: an extreme disadvantage. If you're worried, you should worry
>: about somebody walking up behind you and hitting you in the
>: back of the head while you're reaching for you're keys.
>
>Or while you're bending down to peer under the car....
I've heard that the *real* clever criminals hide underneath your
car and wait until you bend down to look under it. They then pluck your
eyeballs out with tweezer tongs and leave you writhing in the dust as they
drive away.
John "well, that's what I heard!" Switzer
John Switzer
>The point here, especially for women, but for all people who drive a
>half way decent looking car - when going to your car, BE AWARE of
>everything around you - _have_ your keys in your hand ready to open
>the car door and lock the door as you're getting in
>
>If you 'stroll' around, gawking at things, acting like a tourist,
>you're almost asking for someone to come up & mug you and/or
>steal your car
The best way I ever heard this phrased is from a police officer holding
a crime prevention seminar: "On the streets, you can be either prey or
predator - if you look like a predator, chances are you won't be prey."
lrud...@vax.clarku.edu
issue with D.M.Procida's analysis of MJ's earlier post that includes
the words "No, it isn't. It really does happen."
>All of this bullshit notwithstanding, and regardless of the fact that someone
>cross-posted this thread to alt.folklore.urban,
[actually, someone cross-posted this thread FROM alt.folklore.urban
TO wreck.autos]
>I personally would rather
>take a moment (as I approach my car) to glance under adjacent Cadillacs for
>someone intent on doing harm than to end up bleeding and possibly crippled.
>
>And by the way, while I personally cannot cite any individual cases, I was
>told this (long before this discussion started) by a person I consider to be
>a reputable source, an expert on personal safety.
Karen Zimmerman, of East Hartford, whose squib in Parade Magazine was quoted
from Trish Rucker at the beginning of the current thread, at least _named_
the persons who warned her against the slasher under the car (her parents).
Who's your source? Where does she or he get her or his expertise in general,
and the story about ankle-slashers in particular? Times, dates, places? As
it stands, you're just peddling another friend-of-a-friend story.
>
>Followups to /dev/null unless you've got something constructive to say.
What, you think Daniele was being deconstructive?
Lee "even a story from the World Weekly News would be a start" Rudolph
Dave Brower, DBMS hack, [510] 748-3418
>All of this bullshit notwithstanding, and regardless of the fact that
>someone cross-posted this thread to alt.folklore.urban, I personally
>would rather take a moment (as I approach my car) to glance under
>adjacent Cadillacs for someone intent on doing harm than to end up
>bleeding and possibly crippled.
>And by the way, while I personally cannot cite any individual cases,
>I was told this (long before this discussion started) by a person I
>consider to be a reputable source, an expert on personal safety.
This is, as the say in alt.folklore.urban, a classic useless "friend
of a friend (FOAF) attribution.
The first paragraph therefore says, "hey, it's *smart* to change your
behaviour to adapt to a mythical fear."
uh huh, right.
(OK, if not mythical, statistically meaningless in absence of a
significant number of meaningful cites.)
-dB
--
Brower's law of system analysis: "The closer you look, the worse it gets."
rda...@meediv.lanl.gov
<MIC...@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes:
>
>[sarcasm deleted]
>
>All of this bullshit notwithstanding, and regardless of the fact that
someone
>cross-posted this thread to alt.folklore.urban, I personally would rather
>take a moment (as I approach my car) to glance under adjacent Cadillacs
for
>someone intent on doing harm than to end up bleeding and possibly
crippled.
[new sarcasm added]
Another thing to do is to wedge a folded matchbook underneath the hood of
your car so it will fall out if the hood is opened. Makes it easy to tell
if someone has stuck a bomb under there.:-)
Doug Zolmer
|> If you 'stroll' around, gawking at things, acting like a tourist,
|> you're almost asking for someone to come up & mug you and/or
|> steal your car
|>
Sheesh! The problem isn't the people who are "asking to be mugged"; rather,
the problem is the _person who does the mugging_. Why does that person
feel compelled to mug/steal the car? Desperation caused by poverty or drugs?
Or is the person a sociopath/psychopath? If so, why isn't he being treated
instead of wondering the streets?
That's a sad commentary of life in the U.S. Innocently walking up to my
car, is the same as screaming out "Hey, over here! Free car! Take my
cash! Here are my credit cards!" Give me a break! Lets face facts; the
golden land of opportunity is a thing of the past. Life in America
is dangerous because of uncontrolled social decay caused by poor education,
poverty (the standard of living is dropping fast in the U.S.), racism,
drugs and (dare I say it) too much gun freedom. The sky-high murder rates
are just the starting symptoms of a much bigger problem.
Before you accuse me of U.S. bashing, let me state outright that exactly
the same problems exist in Canada (albeit on a smaller scale). Canada is
no paradise. We have our share of murders (including serial killers (Karla
and Paul Teale (watch "A Current Affair"))), burglaries, rapes and riots.
--
Doug Zolmer Internet: dw...@bnr.ca Disclaimer: My opinions only
Bell-Northern Research Ltd. Ottawa, Ontario, Canada | Conform :-
Dept. 7Q21 - Service Control Point - Number Translation Services | Moooo!
Clancy
>>Not to mention that the thief runs the risk of 2nd degree burns from
>>the exhaust system, or the risk of a bath of 10W30 oil from a leaking
>>engine. It is probably not very comfy down there. :)
>
>But it's possible (though certainly not comfy) to survive being
>attached to the underside of a running car, at least for a few miles.
>Witness the people who were smuggled out of East Germany in the
>1960s (ges.gesch.) by this method.
>
Must be this cross-post w/ alt.folklore.urban.
No. There would not be enough room for most humans, unless the
vehicle was altered to make it possible.
Clancy
>(Clancy) says:
>>
>>>Sorry, I don't know, but I've got a similar question myself.
>>>>: and they slit your ankles so they can steal your car.
>>
>
>that after they've cut the tendons in your ankle with a razor blade, you'll
>be too busy bleeding and being crippled to offer them much resistance when
>they come out from under the car, relieve you of your keys, and drive off
>in your car.
>
>Mind you, you should ALSO be worried about someone walking up behind you and
>hitting you in the back of the head, but that's no reason to trivialize the
>risk from other styles of attack.
>
No. It's really very easy to steal a car and professionals do it well
and quickly without interacting with a driver.
Anybody that could survive what I would do to them after attempting
to cut through my Teju skin boots can have the piece of shit I drive.
Ray Depew
I visited a youth camp for a day last week, and repeated (at least 3 times)
a marvelous story about a new automobile-personal-safety device, that just
happened to be identical to the one being discussed here: you know, the
"car hops up and down on slime/turd/person-with-evil-intentions" device.
The kids were VERY impressed, highly amused and slightly incredulous, and
asked how I'd found out about it. I answered, in all honesty, "Well, I
read about it on a computerized news group [so it must be true!]." Hey,
so what if I read about it in my own posting?
I now throw myself at the mercy of the court. Be nice to me.
Regards
Ray "but i thought praxis exploded!" Depew
Integrated Circuits Business Division
Hewlett Packard Co, Fort Collins, Colorado
r...@hpfiqa.fc.hp.com
Jonathan Papai
>No. It's really very easy to steal a car and professionals do it well
>and quickly without interacting with a driver.
That would be the New York Method, Bob.
>Anybody that could survive what I would do to them after attempting
>to cut through my Teju skin boots can have the piece of shit I drive.
I understand. The turds and slime are kept busy stealing
pieces of shit. Is Teju related to Candiru?
Jon "scat" Papai
bbi...@austin.ibm.com
> Thank God I live in N.H., where if a `criminal element type' person were
>to threaten you with severe, if not deadly bodily harm and you shoot IT
>stone cold, you're likely to get a medal. And if you don't kill it, and
>said perp tries to sue, they'll throw it out of court.
>
> At least the gubmint of N.H. realizes that the right of the citizen to
>carry thwarts crime, not increases it. Will the Massachusetts gubmint
>ever wake up? (rhetorical question)
I've heard that N.H. is one of the last truely 'stick by the Constitution, the people aren't
stupid' states. I have never understood the 'Concealed Weapons Licence'. To me that does two
things, 1) Lets the Government collect extra tax, and 2) Let's the government know who has the
guns in case one day, they want to come collecting. A criminal will most likely not have a
Concealed Weapons License, why should I? (Outside of the fact the the common Attitude in Government
is that the people are too stupid and not to be trusted with responsibility). People don't seem
to realize that the 2nd Amendment is to allow citizens to protect their family and property and
to keep a free state. It doesnt say diddly about hunting. (Keeping a Free State does not
necessarily mean fighting other countries.)
Brad
Richard Joltes
[regarding the disadvantage of being under the car while attacking someone]
>No, it isn't. It really does happen. The theory such slime operate under is
>that after they've cut the tendons in your ankle with a razor blade, you'll
>be too busy bleeding and being crippled to offer them much resistance when
>they come out from under the car, relieve you of your keys, and drive off
>in your car.
Okay, this could well be a newbie troll...but what the hell...
Can you cite one, just one, legitimate news article that confirms this has
actually happened? If you can, I think Jan Harold Brunvand would love to talk
with you. I'm not talking some Weakley World News article, but something worth
more than a roll of used toilet paper.
The "slasher under the car" UL (urban legend for the rec.autos readers) has
been around for years, and it's still unconfirmed. Of course, the battle cry
of "it could have happened, so it *must* be true" could be used here, but we
all know it's a pretty stupid argument!
>Mind you, you should ALSO be worried about someone walking up behind you and
>hitting you in the back of the head, but that's no reason to trivialize the
>risk from other styles of attack.
First, approach any modern compact or midsize car that's sitting on a level
surface (as most mall parking lots are wont to be). Now try sliding under it.
Having some trouble? Stuck on the exhaust pipe, maybe? Clothes caught on
some protrusion? Are you a little overweight? Too bad!
Okay, now you're under there. Your quarry approaches. You swing (with all
the momentum you can build up considering the awkward position you're in)
and manage to cut this woman's leg (maybe you hit the tendon, maybe not). She
falls to the ground, screaming like a loon. You pop out from under the car.
What? Stuck again? Reach back under, free your pants, get that piece of
gravel out of your knee, and try again. She's still screaming. People are
starting to notice. A few minutes later you manage to work your way out, and
there's some guy there with a baseball bat. Or, your victim has managed to
crawl away and hide behind another car.
A better scenario is that you miss with your knife, the victim spots you,
and you look up to find she (or he) is a 350lb brawler, who looks down, grins,
and starts jumping up & down on the front fender...feel those ribs CRACK!
C'mon guys, the species "tendonius slashus" would be bred out of existance
after the first generation. It's a stupid method for attacking someone, as
just about anyone with any self-defense training would tell you. You are at
a disadvantage because you have only one method of attack, and no "plan b" if
it fails. Considering the cover that could be offered by neighboring cars,
the "sneak up and smack somebody on the noggin while they're unlocking their
doors" method is much more effective.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dick "feeling flattened?" Joltes |jol...@husc.harvard.edu
Manager, Microcomputing and Hardware, Computer Services|jol...@husc.BITNET
Harvard University Science Center |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It was generally considered by everyone else in the kingdom that the only
thing that might slow Greebo the cat down was a direct meteorite strike."
--Terry Pratchett, _Wyrd Sisters_
Valarie Cook
lrud...@vax.clarku.edu writes:
>In a previous article, PA...@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Jonathan Papai) wrote:
>>What is it with the automotive usenet groups and refering
>>to criminals as 'turds' and 'slime?'
>
>As one of the local septic system maintainers explained to me once, while
>slipping the Magic Straw (TM) of his honeywagon into our tank, when
>your system's working well, turds fall to the bottom and later slime rises
>to the top.
For some reason, I thought of William (James Tuscaloosa Kirk) Shatner's
old series "T. J. Hooker" when I read this. His character on the series
used to refer to the badguys as either "sleaze" (alternatively,
"sleazeballs"), "slime", or "scum". He did this so consistently that my
husband and I worked out a heirarchy for these various classes of
criminals. I think sleazeballs were the creme de la creme of the
underworld, the scum were the middle class, and the slime were the
exploited masses.
Okay, I realize I just admitted we watched TJHooker all the time. So
sue me. Heather Locklear (or was it Heather Thomas?) was on the show,
too.
--
******************************************************************
Valarie Cook, who speaks for herself only.
Technical Support, Auburn University coo...@auducadm.auburn.edu
******************************************************************
lrud...@vax.clarku.edu
>stupid' states. I have never understood the 'Concealed Weapons Licence'. To me that does two
>things
Where do you stand on Concealed Carriage-Return Licenses?
Lee "80 Columns or Die" Rudolph
Jeffrey E. Thompson
>In article <1993Aug10.1...@butch.lmsc.lockheed.com>, sha...@zuni.litc.lockheed.com (Sharen A. Rund) writes:
>|> If you 'stroll' around, gawking at things, acting like a tourist,
>|> you're almost asking for someone to come up & mug you and/or
>|> steal your car
>|>
>Sheesh! The problem isn't the people who are "asking to be mugged"; rather,
>the problem is the _person who does the mugging_. Why does that person
>feel compelled to mug/steal the car? Desperation caused by poverty or drugs?
>Or is the person a sociopath/psychopath? If so, why isn't he being treated
>instead of wondering the streets?
>That's a sad commentary of life in the U.S. Innocently walking up to my
>car, is the same as screaming out "Hey, over here! Free car! Take my
>cash! Here are my credit cards!" Give me a break! Lets face facts; the
>golden land of opportunity is a thing of the past. Life in America
>is dangerous because of uncontrolled social decay caused by poor education,
>poverty (the standard of living is dropping fast in the U.S.), racism,
>drugs and (dare I say it) too much gun freedom. The sky-high murder rates
>are just the starting symptoms of a much bigger problem.
In my presonal opinion it is a lack of gun freedom that causes
most of the problems. That and a judicial system where criminals are
turned into cult heroes and victims are treated with skepticism
and no sympathy. If I personally had enough gun freedom to just
blow away somebody who tried to mug me I would feel safer and
would probably make the streets safer for other people. The
kind of gun freedom that I assume you are talking about (the
ability of normal people to buy a gun) would have very little
impact on the crime being comitted in the US IMHO. It would probably
reduce "crimes of passion" or other spontaneous attacks, but
most criminals probably don't get their guns from the local
sporting goods store. Revamping the judicial and criminal
system would be much more effective.
Racism is a two way street in America. The "minorities" want
to "preserve their cultural heritage". Bullshit. I happen
to be a white male and for whatever it's worth white males used
to own slaves. It's part of my cultural heritage along with
a white Eurocentric viewpoint, but unfortunately for me that
is politically incorrect. I don't want any slaves and think
the idea is appaling, but I could make a good argument about
part of my curtural heritage being missing. In a country made
up of African-Americans, Jewish-Americans, Hispanic-Americans
and the rest of the ***-Americans nobody but the white middle
class males and females (and more the males in the popular
mindset) is left of be just American and deal with America's
problems. The power has left the hands of the majority and
fallen into the hands of the old men and the high pressure
special interest groups, leaving everybody else out in the cold.
And I don't know how to get it back.
Jeff
smi...@iguana.dev.prodigy.com
is their psychological content (whether they're true or not is
irrelevant).
It's certainly true, as the old cliche holds, that the US has a
"love affair with the automobile." But love affairs are not simple
things, and this one, I think, has a generous dose of repressed
hatred mixed up in it.
Consider, for example, how gratifying film audiences find the
endlessly elaborated ways Hollywood has found to destroy cars:
they go off cliffs and into compactors; they're crushed, shredded,
drowned, burned, buried and blown up. Not even women are treated
*this* badly in movies.
Perhaps, on some unconscious level, we realize what they've done to
us and hate them for the incubi they are ( cars, I mean, not women).
And the lurking Ankle Slasher is a dissociated personification
of the car itself. Consider the rich symbolic import of what he does:
he slashes our ankles -- that is, cuts our feet off; which is, in a sense, just
what our hyper-automobilized society has done to us.
The castratory overtones of this open up quite a range of possibilities,
too, of course. The car as symbolic penis is a psychoanalytic commonplace;
what does a fantasy of symbolic castration, or perhaps symbolic violation,
by this two-ton tool imply?
I leave it to your free associations.
--Michael Smith
Richard N Kitchen
In a previous article, smi...@iguana.dev.prodigy.com () says:
>Perhaps, on some unconscious level, we realize what they've done to
>us and hate them for the incubi they are ( cars, I mean, not women).
Of course not. Women are succubi.
Rick "I used to date one" Kitchen
--
Rick Kitchen da...@cleveland.freenet.edu
"I felt like I was in the room all by myself when I was talking to
her."
--Margo Cody, "Black Tie Affair"
David Criswell
>
>All of this bullshit notwithstanding,
good afu motto of the week
>and regardless of the fact
better afu motto of the week
[...]
>And by the way, while I personally cannot cite any individual cases, I was
>told this (long before this discussion started) by a person I consider to be
>a reputable source,
best afu motto of the week
>an expert on personal safety.
>
>Followups to /dev/null unless you've got something constructive to say.
>
>Michael Johnson, Relay Technology, Inc. mic...@maine.maine.edu
>"I will choose the path that's clear. I will choose Free Will." -- Neil Peart
That should read "I will choose a Bathysphere. I will choose 'Freewill'."
Peart wrote this shortly after "Freewill" became the first
submersible vessel to reach the bottom of the Marianas Trench.
Dave "I'd hide under cars for money, but the turds and slime make it
unpleasant" Criswell
Tony Wong
>
>That's a sad commentary of life in the U.S. Innocently walking up to my
>car, is the same as screaming out "Hey, over here! Free car! Take my
>cash! Here are my credit cards!" Give me a break! Lets face facts; the
>golden land of opportunity is a thing of the past. Life in America
>is dangerous because of uncontrolled social decay caused by poor education,
>poverty (the standard of living is dropping fast in the U.S.), racism,
>drugs and (dare I say it) too much gun freedom. The sky-high murder rates
>are just the starting symptoms of a much bigger problem.
The biggest problem is the destruction of the family in the name of
open-mindedness and liberal dogma. The family unit was strong from
the 50's and before. Back then, children were disciplined in both
home and school, and taught what the basic moral laws were: that you
respected other people and their property. (This was not perfect, I'll
admit, with racism especially). It worked though, the divorce rate was
low, the drug problem was nil, crime was also low. Really, the poor
education, poverty, and crime you talk about are all symptoms of a
lack of moral values.
I won't even touch the gun freedom statement.
--
Anthony K.T. Wong | -Bubblegum Crash Support Group
Hughes Missile Systems Co. | -Fone Bone Fan Club
email: ktw...@igate1.hac.com | -"shirow" on #anime!
.....................#include <standard.disclaimer>...............
D.M.Procida
thom...@crystal.mie.clarkson.edu (Jeffrey E. Thompson) writes:
> In my presonal opinion it is a lack of gun freedom that causes
> most of the problems.
Look pal. Here in afu we have been studying sonals for years, so don't
you come round mouthing off your pre-sonal opinions, ok?
> Racism is a two way street in America.
Well, America has a lot of everything, so why not some two-way
streets?
> The "minorities" want
> to "preserve their cultural heritage".
Oh shit, guys, here comes some more postmodernism. Death to quotation
marks around other people's nouns!
[I've deleted some rantings]
> the idea is appaling, but I could make a good argument about
> part of my curtural heritage being missing.
I think you have mis-typed 'cortical'. But don't worry, lots of people
manage to get along with some minor damage to the brain, and on the
net people will hardly notice anyway.
> In a country made
> up of African-Americans, Jewish-Americans, Hispanic-Americans
> and the rest of the ***-Americans nobody but the white middle
> class males and females (and more the males in the popular
> mindset) is left of be just American and deal with America's
> problems.
Just who *are* these mythical American-Americans you miss so much? And
from where did they spring?
> The power has left the hands of the majority and
Well probably their hands were too full of guns at the time.
> fallen into the hands of the old men and the high pressure
> special interest groups, leaving everybody else out in the cold.
> And I don't know how to get it back.
Oh, I suppose you could kill them all or something. That would be ok.
Maybe you could call it the 'Urinal Solution', given that you'll be
saving society from falling into the toilet.
ObUL: T. Some Americans have such a poor grasp of history that they
think it's possible to be an American who's not a ***-American. But
not all.
Daniele "History in the making. But I'm glad he's not at *my*
university" Procida
--
The Awkward Moments have recorded a 45-minute demonstration tape of 14
of their Modern Rock & Roll songs. Yours for #2.50, inc p&p. Wouldn't
you like to hear a savage attack on post-enlightenment thought that
starts "Derrida Baudrillard One Two Three Four"?
Heather Walden
>us and hate them for the incubi they are ( cars, I mean, not women).
>And the lurking Ankle Slasher is a dissociated personification
>of the car itself. Consider the rich symbolic import of what he does:
>he slashes our ankles -- that is, cuts our feet off; which is, in a sense, just
>what our hyper-automobilized society has done to us.
>The castratory overtones of this open up quite a range of possibilities,
>too, of course. The car as symbolic penis is a psychoanalytic commonplace;
>what does a fantasy of symbolic castration, or perhaps symbolic violation,
>by this two-ton tool imply?
So that's what it is! I always thought it was a carry-over from the
monsters-under-the-bed. . . :)
Heather Walden
Matthew J. Harper
Of course, the cars back then were *auite* a bit higher off the ground than
most vehicles on the road today. Hell, even more recent: I removed the drive
shaft on my old '71 duster & replaced the universal without ever jacking
the car up. Couldn't do that with any car I've owned since. (Not that it's
a bad thing, mind you. I can afford jack stands now :-)
-Matth
--
Matthew J. Harper ! Progress Software Corp. ! {disclaimer.i}
God created heaven and earth to grow barley and hops. Now he homebrews !-)
smi...@iguana.dev.prodigy.com
in Message-ID: <93222.093...@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
writes:
>All of this bullshit notwithstanding, and regardless of the fact that someone
>cross-posted this thread to alt.folklore.urban, I personally would rather
>take a moment (as I approach my car) to glance under adjacent Cadillacs for
>someone intent on doing harm than to end up bleeding and possibly crippled.
This adds a new wrinkle to the psychoanalytic interpretation of the fantasy.
The danger, it seems, is not from a personification of one's *own* car, but
from a personification of one's neighbor's *bigger* car.
Aha. Things are starting to fall into place.
--Michael Smith
smi...@iguana.dev.prodigy.com
in Message-ID: <jrsCBJ...@netcom.com>
writes:
>a crime prevention seminar: "On the streets, you can be either prey or
>predator - if you look like a predator, chances are you won't be prey."
So where can one obtain a predator outfit? A costume store? What kind
of predator is it best to look like? Presumably not an aquatic one -- legs
would ruin the effect. On the other hand something like a grizzly bear
seems a bit, well, *obvious* -- not to mention uncomfortable in warm weather.
The predator getup in the movies of that name would probably be pretty
effective, but laborious to put on and take off.
Maybe one of those raptor thingies from _Jurassic Park_. The tail could be
detachable so it wouldn't bunch up behind you in your car.
Short people could be shewmice, who are notoriously fierce in spite of their
diminutive stature.
Any statistics on this? "Last year in Detroit there were *zero* muggings of
individuals dressed as wolverines."
--Michael Smith
R Dabney
writes:
>The biggest problem is the destruction of the family in the name of
>open-mindedness and liberal dogma. The family unit was strong from
>the 50's and before.
Like Germany in the '30s. No open-minded liberals back then. Ahh, the good
old daze.
> Back then, children were disciplined in both
>home and school, and taught what the basic moral laws were: that you
>respected other people and their property. (This was not perfect, I'll
>admit, with racism especially). It worked though, the divorce rate was
>low, the drug problem was nil, crime was also low. Really, the poor
>education, poverty, and crime you talk about are all symptoms of a
>lack of moral values.
Don't forget TeeVee and that slut Murphy Brown. Yikes!! It's DQ. Poor
education, poverty and crime all sound like symptoms of lack of money.
smi...@iguana.dev.prodigy.com
in Message-ID: <thompsje....@crystal.mie.clarkson.edu>
writes:
[....]
> The power has left the hands of the majority and
> special interest groups, leaving everybody else out in the cold.
> And I don't know how to get it back.
Forget it, sonny. Us old guys have got you right where we want you,
and we're not about to let go. Cackle, cackle.
--Michael "Methuselah" Smith
Robert Hettmansperger
wrote:
>
> The biggest problem is the destruction of the family in the name of
> open-mindedness and liberal dogma. The family unit was strong from
> the 50's and before. Back then, children were disciplined in both
> home and school, and taught what the basic moral laws were: that you
> respected other people and their property. (This was not perfect, I'll
> admit, with racism especially). It worked though, the divorce rate was
> low, the drug problem was nil, crime was also low. Really, the poor
> education, poverty, and crime you talk about are all symptoms of a
> lack of moral values.
>
make it sound like there was never poverty, lack of education, crime, or
drug use in this country before. Read some history of turn of the century
NYC for some fun accounts of *real* squalor. Read up on Chicago (and other
cities) during prohibition for interesting accounts of crime violence and
the drug (alcohol) trade. Honestly, I think you've been watching too much
"Leave it to Beaver".
Now enough of this and back to autos (what kind of car did the Cleaver's
have, anyway?).
-Bob
Robert Hettmansperger
> open-mindedness and liberal dogma. The family unit was strong from
> the 50's and before. Back then, children were disciplined in both
> home and school, and taught what the basic moral laws were: that you
> respected other people and their property. (This was not perfect, I'll
> admit, with racism especially). It worked though, the divorce rate was
> low, the drug problem was nil, crime was also low. Really, the poor
> education, poverty, and crime you talk about are all symptoms of a
> lack of moral values.
Ok...wrong newsgroup I know, BUT! You can't be serious! You make it sound
like there was never poverty, lack of education, drug problems, or crime
before. Read up on New York City around the turn of the Century for fun
stories of *real* squalor. Or, read about Chicago (and other cities)
during Prohibition (gang violence and a widespread blackmarket drug
(alcohol) business). I think you've been watching too much "Leave it to
Beaver".
-Bob
Stephen M. Webb
>
>Oh, I suppose you could kill them all or something. That would be ok.
>Maybe you could call it the 'Urinal Solution', given that you'll be
>saving society from falling into the toilet.
I heard on the radio a while back that, ounce for ounce, cat feces have
twice the nutritional value for humans as dog feces do.
I saw a book in the bookstore giving step-by-step instructions on how to
train your cat to use the toilet instead of a litter box (I know, this
subject was brought up in AFU some time ago). It came with an order
form so you could get your cat its very own "training seat" as an aid.
The seat saves cats from falling in to the toilet.
Perhaps this society scat is four times as filling as fido's?
--
Stephen M. Webb ------- Roly-poly Fishheads ------- ste...@teleride.on.ca
Canada: a part of the United States where people are so smart they've never
paid any taxes to Washington.
Ray Depew
[psychobabble deleted]
prodigy.com? ***PRODIGY?*** Lemme see that header again:
> smi...@iguana.dev.prodigy.com at Prodigy Services Co.
Sheesh! They'll let anybody in here!
ObUL: I heard that Prodigy steals confidential stuff off of people's disk
drives and blackmails them with it. Apparently, that's how the Iran-Contra
scandal broke. Also the Clarence Thomas - Anita Hill thing. And the
various US Atty Gen'l candidates who were fooling with the wages of
their (illegal alien) hired help.
Regards
Ray "wouldn't touch prodigy with a 3-nanosecond pole" Depew
Ad absurdum per aspera
> Sheesh! They'll let anybody in here!
At least they finally quit calling their node "Trintex." (One of
the eponymous corporate trinity that founded it got cold feet
before the service was offered as "Prodigy," but the net name
lived on...)
Joe "3.14 Shergold points for naming the three without a cheat sheet" Chew
Peter Alan Dutton
>The point here, especially for women, but for all people who drive a
>half way decent looking car - when going to your car, BE AWARE of
>everything around you - _have_ your keys in your hand ready to open
>the car door and lock the door as you're getting in
But aren't men more likely than women to be victims of violent crime?
Either way, there's no need to bring sex into this discussion (or
gender, neither).
>If you 'stroll' around, gawking at things, acting like a tourist,
>you're almost asking for someone to come up & mug you and/or
>steal your car
And isn't it a UL that tourists are more likely to be the victims
of crime than locals? I hear the warning "don't act like a tourist",
but I don't believe that it would increase or decrease your risk of
being attacked. Any figures?
Peter "Please mug me and steal my car?" D!
Sylvain Louboutin
>And isn't it a UL that tourists are more likely to be the victims
>of crime than locals? I hear the warning "don't act like a tourist",
>but I don't believe that it would increase or decrease your risk of
>being attacked. Any figures?
try to put yourself in the shoes of a bad guy for a minute... a
tourists are more likely than locals to be carrying money with them
(people do not always do the most sensible things when travelling such
as limiting the amount of cash they are carrying) or might very well be
carrying valuable things such as camera/camcorder/etc.; besides if
you are after credit cards, foreigners might need more time to have the
stolen card cancelled/reported as stolen (doesn't it require reporting
to the branch which issued it? at least s/he won't necessarily know
where to go to report it). If on top of it, the said tourist comes
from a place where crime is less of a problem than in USA (quite
likely), s/he will be less cautious, or at least not as aware as the
local are of the places to avoid. So I would rather believe that
tourits (or idenfiable as such) are more likely to have problems...
--
%%Sylvain R.Y. Louboutin, phone:(+353-1)7021539, e-mail:slou...@dsg.cs.tcd.ie
%%Distributed System Group, O'Reilly Institute, room F.35, fax:(+353-1)6772204
%%Department of Computer Science, Trinity College, Dublin 2, -Ireland- ASK-18
Alan J Rosenthal
>of crime than locals?
I think tourists are a wiser target for a few reasons. They may have lots of
money with them, sufficient for their entire trip. In the case of stealing the
contents of a car, they may have other things there, such as sufficient
clothing for their entire trip, that normal people wouldn't have. If it's
their own car rather than a rental, it will probably also have a full supply
of whatever a normal car has inside it that's worth stealing.
I was really irritated that the car we rented in California had a bumper
sticker with the name of the rental company, announcing that it was a rental
car. Hey, break into this car.
A tourist may be less likely to be able to lodge a complaint with police, less
likely to be around at trial time in the future to testify, or whatever. The
first applies particularly to tourists with a language barrier or similar.
A tourist may not know the "good" and "bad" parts of town so their presence in
the "bad" part of town does not indicate that they are capable of coping with
the situation there.
(There ought to be a joke combining the joke "Q: What do lawyers use for
birth control? A: Their personality." and my strange construction of having
a language barrier.)
Alan "Travel as a resident, not as a tourist. Approach strange situations with
Beginner's mind. Observe, don't assume." Rosenthal
Heather Walden
shopping last night, and when I went to open my car, I noticed that I wasn't
standing any closer than 18 - 24" from the side of the car. Now if you're 5'
10", your arms should be about 2'2" each from fingertip to fingertip, give
or take a little depending on the breadth of your shoulders. You'd be able
to slash my ankles, but only if you were right at the edge, where I could
see you whether I was looking or not. And you probably couldn't get a
really good shot, since I'd have to be standing right beside where your
shoulder was, where your length-range was at it's maximum (but where your
leverage might not be at its best).
So I'm not worried.
Heather "no, I had nothing better to think about last night" Walden
Tommy Marcus McGuire
[...]
>Any statistics on this? "Last year in Detroit there were *zero* muggings of
>individuals dressed as wolverines."
>
>--Michael Smith
>
I have no joke, I just felt the urge to quote:
"...I carry a badger."
-----
Tommy McGuire
mcg...@cs.utexas.edu
mcg...@austin.ibm.com
"...I will append an appropriate disclaimer to outgoing public information,
identifying it as personal and as independent of IBM...."
"Squeeeeeel!"
R Clement
A mobster who wants to lie low fakes his own death, including framing
someone for the 'murder'. That person serves his whole sentence, and
is released. The 'murderer' then tracks down the original mobster, attends
a party, pulls out a gun and shoots him dead before shocked witnesses.
When the police arrive, they find he has just committed a murder for which
he has already served his sentence, and have to let him go.
Cheers,
Ross-c
Sarah Skovronsky
Geez--I just heard this one from my sweetheart last night. He told it in
the context of a situiation puzzle, or "21 Questions" game. Basically he
just told the last part ("A man shoots another man at a party blah
blah...he is found guilty, but goes free. Why?"). You're supposed to
guess the story behind the murder. I've noticed that a lot of these
things involve dead bodies...
Sarah "A man is found hanging from the rafters of a barn..." Skovronsky
--
************************************************************************
* Sarah Skovronsky star...@u.washington.edu *
* "Sample my FIST, you community theater reject!" --TV's Frank, MST3K *
**********fnord!********furrfu!********hi-keeba!********meep!***********
S. Mudgett aka little gator
>I heard on the radio a while back that, ounce for ounce, cat feces have
>twice the nutritional value for humans as dog feces do.
cats require far more protein in their diet than dogs do, this may have
something to do with it.
most dogs like to eat cat feces.
gator's deep shit cookies: so convincing that dogs will eat them.
--
-- little gator aka s. mudgett email: s...@harvee.billerica.ma.us
-- friend of a gator is a friend of mine
Bruce Tindall
>When the police arrive, they find he has just committed a murder for which
>he has already served his sentence, and have to let him go.
Most excellent UL.
Cross-post it to misc.legal: Dewey, Cheatham, Slack, Teel, Cramer, & Howe
will come up with a bunch of reasons why it either is true, or would be
true IF THE SUPREME court didn't always violate THE constitution FOR
the united STATES FOR america.
Bruce "send lawyers, guns, and lawful money" Tindall
--
The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the University of
North Carolina at Chapel Hill, the Campus Office for Information
Technology, or the Experimental Bulletin Board Service.
internet: laUNChpad.unc.edu or 152.2.22.80
Hans Rancke-Madsen
>ros...@scs.leeds.ac.uk (R Clement) writes:
>>Here's a UL that I heard some time ago. Anyone else heard it?
>>A mobster who wants to lie low fakes his own death, including framing
>>someone for the 'murder'. That person serves his whole sentence, and
>>is released. The 'murderer' then tracks down the original mobster, attends
>>a party, pulls out a gun and shoots him dead before shocked witnesses.
>>When the police arrive, they find he has just committed a murder for which
>>he has already served his sentence, and have to let him go.
>Geez--I just heard this one from my sweetheart last night. He told it in
>the context of a situiation puzzle, or "21 Questions" game. Basically he
>just told the last part ("A man shoots another man at a party blah
>blah...he is found guilty, but goes free. Why?").
I'm not an expert on American law, but I'm willing to bet that he will be
hit with a Murder One rap. While he's waiting in the death cell he just might
have time to win his suit for wrongful arrest (or whatever the technical
term is) for the _first_ conviction. Or not.
Mind you, a jury might find him not guilty based on that story (some juries
do strange things). But if he is found guilty he won't get far with that
'I've already paid' stuff.
Hans Rancke
University of Copenhagen
ran...@diku.dk
------------
"I used to argue the matter at first, but I'm wiser now. Facts
are stubborn things, but not half so stubborn as fallacies."
- Stella Maynard in "Anne of the Island"
obri...@meena.cc.uregina.ca
>>drugs and (dare I say it) too much gun freedom. The sky-high murder rates
>>are just the starting symptoms of a much bigger problem.
>
> turned into cult heroes and victims are treated with skepticism
> and no sympathy. If I personally had enough gun freedom to just
> blow away somebody who tried to mug me I would feel safer and
> would probably make the streets safer for other people. The
Hmmmm......well, in *my* presonal opinion, you are either trolling
or are a frootloop of wondrous proportions. Do you ever have
uncontrollable urges to paint a red "S" on your chest and change
clothes in phone booths?
> to be a white male and for whatever it's worth white males used
> to own slaves. It's part of my cultural heritage along with
> a white Eurocentric viewpoint, but unfortunately for me that
> part of my curtural heritage being missing. In a country made
Sterilize them, quick, before they take over the world!
> up of African-Americans, Jewish-Americans, Hispanic-Americans
> and the rest of the ***-Americans nobody but the white middle
> class males and females (and more the males in the popular
> mindset) is left of be just American and deal with America's
Perhaps you should take your gun and shoot a few of them to even
out the balance?
> problems. The power has left the hands of the majority and
> fallen into the hands of the old men and the high pressure
> special interest groups, leaving everybody else out in the cold.
Power has *always* belonged to "the old men etc" Anything else
is fooling yourself.
Jeff
obri...@meena.cc.uregina.ca
>>drugs and (dare I say it) too much gun freedom. The sky-high murder rates
>>are just the starting symptoms of a much bigger problem.
>
>The biggest problem is the destruction of the family in the name of
>open-mindedness and liberal dogma. The family unit was strong from
[....some really amazing nonsense deleted....]
>low, the drug problem was nil, crime was also low. Really, the poor
>education, poverty, and crime you talk about are all symptoms of a
>lack of moral values.
>
No, no - the problem is a lack of guns. Everybody needs more guns.
If every single human being (and maybe some of the dogs, too, but
only the nicer ones) in the entire US of A carried a really big
gun all the time moral decline would no longer be a problem.
>I won't even touch the gun freedom statement.
Why, chicken?
>
>--
>Anthony K.T. Wong | -Bubblegum Crash Support Group
Jeff "will decline morals for food" O'Brien
obri...@meena.cc.uregina.ca
I heard that about 20 years ago, phrased as a brain teaser ("Why
did the guy get off?") Doubt it's true - have never heard it as
an Urban Legend.
Jeff
obri...@meena.cc.uregina.ca
>
>I heard on the radio a while back that, ounce for ounce, cat feces have
>twice the nutritional value for humans as dog feces do.
>
Okay - who thinks up this shit, anyway?
>I saw a book in the bookstore giving step-by-step instructions on how to
>train your cat to use the toilet instead of a litter box (I know, this
>subject was brought up in AFU some time ago). It came with an order
>form so you could get your cat its very own "training seat" as an aid.
>The seat saves cats from falling in to the toilet.
>
Mind you, most cats produce significantly less feces after
they've been drowned. There's definitely solution in there
somewhere.
>
>--
>Stephen M. Webb ------- Roly-poly Fishheads ------- ste...@teleride.on.ca
>
Jeff "will not eat cat shit for food" O'Brien
John Switzer
writes:
>In a previous article, ros...@scs.leeds.ac.uk (R Clement) wrote:
>>Here's a UL that I heard some time ago. Anyone else heard it?
>>
>>A mobster who wants to lie low fakes his own death, including framing
>>someone for the 'murder'. That person serves his whole sentence, and
>>is released. The 'murderer' then tracks down the original mobster, attends
>>a party, pulls out a gun and shoots him dead before shocked witnesses.
>>
>>When the police arrive, they find he has just committed a murder for which
>>he has already served his sentence, and have to let him go.
>I heard that about 20 years ago, phrased as a brain teaser ("Why
>did the guy get off?") Doubt it's true - have never heard it as
>an Urban Legend.
Besides, double jeopardy prohibits people from being tried twice
for the same crime (unless you work for the LAPD, of course). In this
case, there are two crimes - the first murder of the mobster and
the second murder of the same mobster. Same victim, different dates,
times, circumstances, murder weapon, etc.
--
John Switzer | Open letter to Republicans in Congress:
| "Next time you've got a chance to bite Clinton's
CompuServe: 74076,1250 | 'hand of friendship,' do the country a favor and
Internet: j...@netcom.com | take it off at the arm instead. Thanks."
John Switzer
>>
>>I heard on the radio a while back that, ounce for ounce, cat feces have
>>twice the nutritional value for humans as dog feces do.
>
> Okay - who thinks up this shit, anyway?
Grad students desperate for a thesis topic?
John "very proud of the fact he didn't make a cheap-shot
'feces topic' joke" Switzer
Ted Frank
>>I heard on the radio a while back that, ounce for ounce, cat feces have
>>twice the nutritional value for humans as dog feces do.
>
> Okay - who thinks up this shit, anyway?
I don't think it's the *thinking* that results in nutritional value.
--
ted frank | "You won't settle for putting Susan B. Anthony
th...@kimbark.uchicago.edu | on the new dollar then?"
the u of c law school | -- Justice Rehnquist, to Ruth Bader Ginsburg in
standard disclaimers | a 1978 sex-discrimination case oral argument
Ted Frank
>In article <13AUG93....@meena.cc.uregina.ca> obri...@meena.cc.uregina.ca
>writes:
>>In a previous article, ros...@scs.leeds.ac.uk (R Clement) wrote:
>>>A mobster who wants to lie low fakes his own death, including framing
>>>someone for the 'murder'. That person serves his whole sentence, and
>>>is released. The 'murderer' then tracks down the original mobster, attends
>>>a party, pulls out a gun and shoots him dead before shocked witnesses.
>>>
>>>When the police arrive, they find he has just committed a murder for which
>>>he has already served his sentence, and have to let him go.
>
>>I heard that about 20 years ago, phrased as a brain teaser ("Why
>>did the guy get off?") Doubt it's true - have never heard it as
>>an Urban Legend.
>
>Besides, double jeopardy prohibits people from being tried twice
>for the same crime (unless you work for the LAPD, of course). In this
>case, there are two crimes - the first murder of the mobster and
>the second murder of the same mobster. Same victim, different dates,
>times, circumstances, murder weapon, etc.
I heard that it was because he was a midget who lived on an upper floor.
When the ice melted from the body heat, he hung himself.
Terry Chan
->In my presonal opinion it is a lack of gun freedom that causes
->most of the problems. That and a judicial system where criminals are
->turned into cult heroes and victims are treated with skepticism
->and no sympathy.
Not to mention the other social problems of poor spelling, tedious
writing, and posting to inappropriate newsgroups.
Terry "Imminent Death of the Net Predicted. To arms!" Chan
--
Energy and Environment Division | Internet: TWC...@lbl.gov
Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory | "Teeee Neeee Teeee."
Berkeley, California USA 94720 | -- George of the Jungle
Denis McKeon
>
>I saw a book in the bookstore giving step-by-step instructions on how to
>train your cat to use the toilet instead of a litter box (I know, this
>subject was brought up in AFU some time ago). It came with an order
>form so you could get your cat its very own "training seat" as an aid.
>The seat saves cats from falling in to the toilet.
The "training seat" product exists, and I was able to train a young male
cat to use it. The intent of the seat is to provide a transition for
the cat from a normal litter box to an unadorned seat, not to prevent
the cat from falling into the toilet. Note that the training process is
much easier for all concerned if you can dedicate a toilet solely to the
cat's use for a few weeks.
The "seat" is actually a light plastic insert that covers the toilet
bowl completely. The cat does not actually sit, but rather straddles
the bowl. To start, you put the insert in place over the bowl, put some
litter (preferably lightly used litter) atop the insert, remove the
litter box completely from the house, and scrub the previous litter box
area with bleach or anything that will cut the ammoniac smell.
Then introduce the cat to the new litter spot by placing the cat atop
the insert, and perhaps by locking a reluctant cat into the bathroom.
The cat should excrete into the familiar smelling litter even though it
is now atop the toilet bowl.
After the cat has gotten used to the new litter "box" spot above the
toilet bowl, you cut a small hole into the middle of the plastic insert.
As the cat gets used to the sound of litter and excreta splashing into
the toilet bowl, you gradually make the hole bigger and eventually
remove the insert completely.
At that point there's no insert, no litter, and (should be) no smell.
All you have to do is to remember to leave the toilet lid up and the
bathroom door open. The preferred seat position is a function of the
cat's and resident human's preferences and trainability. :-)
Look for the "seat" in large pet supply stores. For a good brief
technical reference on cats, see "Veterinary Aspects of Feline Behavior"
by Bonnie Beaver, DVM (yes, that's really her name, honest.)
--
Denis McKeon
gal...@chtm.eece.unm.edu
Robert Scott
cheatham, and howe" as though they thought it were a recent invention;
someone else pointed out that it's much older, but i don't remember
them giving a specific source. i have a vague memory of seeing this
joke used in some old comedy movie or short with someone like the
marx brothers or the ritz brothers or the howard brothers; does anyone
else remember something like this? (isn't lasner the one who's full
of this sort of useless information?)
-james dolan
Ted Frank
Not in any of the Marx Bros. movies (though it may have been in the
Groucho & Chico radio show "Shyster, Flywheel, & Shyster.") Their
law firm of choice was "Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga,
& McCormick."
Ted "Jamison, you left out the body of the letter" Frank
Bill Welch
--
Bill Welch | Yes, I'm a straightforward sort of person.
bi...@moonmoth.demon.co.uk | Nothing obscure, paradoxical or self-referential
FidoNet 2:250/414 | about my messages. No indeed. Not even this one.
Bill Welch
Drew Lawson
dm...@ukc.ac.uk (D.M.Procida) writes:
>In article <thompsje....@crystal.mie.clarkson.edu>
>thom...@crystal.mie.clarkson.edu (Jeffrey E. Thompson) writes:
>Just who *are* these mythical American-Americans you miss so much? And
>from where did they spring?
>ObUL: T. Some Americans have such a poor grasp of history that they
>think it's possible to be an American who's not a ***-American. But
>not all.
Well, Daniele, it _is_ possible, but "Jeffery Thompson" sounds like a
little _too_ European a name for him to qualify.
Drew "Or was the Thompson nation part of the Iroquois?" Lawson
--
+--------------------+-------------------------------------------+
| Drew Lawson | I had to sell my internal organs |
| law...@acuson.com | Just to pay the rent. |
| | -- Weird Al (When I was Your Age) |
Drew Lawson
Michael Johnson <MIC...@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes:
>And by the way, while I personally cannot cite any individual cases, I was
>told this (long before this discussion started) by a person I consider to be
>a reputable source, an expert on personal safety.
>
>Followups to /dev/null unless you've got something constructive to say.
Welcome back to Folklore 101, class. Today we will be examining
'UL Denial,' the phenomenon in which a person reacts to being informed
that his story is a recirculated urban legend.
Classic examples include 'reference to unimpeachable source':
- ". . . but the police officer told be about blue star tattoos."
- "My roommate's sister is a nurse, so she should know."
- "Hey! This is my _grandmother_ we're talking about."
- "I was told this by a person I consider to be a reputable source"
Tomorrow we will be discussing psychopaths who like to hide in strange
places -- under cars (Ankle Slashers), under beds (The Murdered
Roommate), the 1960's (snopes/Lasner), etc.
Drew "class dismissed" Lawson
Drew Lawson
bo...@cc.bellcore.com (Robert Hettmansperger) writes:
>Honestly, I think you've been watching too much
>"Leave it to Beaver".
>
>Now enough of this and back to autos (what kind of car did the Cleaver's
>have, anyway?).
Didn't the Cleavers live bext door to Lizzy Borden?
Drew "when she was what she had done" Lawson
Drew Lawson
dw...@bnr.ca (Doug Zolmer) writes:
>Sheesh! The problem isn't the people who are "asking to be mugged"; rather,
>the problem is the _person who does the mugging_. Why does that person
>feel compelled to mug/steal the car? Desperation caused by poverty or drugs?
>Or is the person a sociopath/psychopath? If so, why isn't he being treated
>instead of wondering the streets?
I don't know. There is a lot on the streets to wonder about. Aside
from dramatic natural formations (Grand Canyon, etc), the streets are
my favorite places for wondering. Sometimes I wander for hours
wondering about the variety I encounter.
Drew "in a state of wonderment" Lawson
Drew Lawson
thom...@crystal.mie.clarkson.edu (Jeffrey E. Thompson) writes:
> In my presonal opinion it is a lack of gun freedom that causes
> most of the problems. That and a judicial system where criminals are
> turned into cult heroes and victims are treated with skepticism
> and no sympathy. If I personally had enough gun freedom to just
> blow away somebody who tried to mug me I would feel safer and
> would probably make the streets safer for other people.
That just might work.
Just remember that you requested it when someone blows your face off
with a shotgun because he thought that _you_ looked like a danger.
In the long term, the situation would stabilize. I mean, you'd
probably be justified in blowing away anybody who pulled out a gun in
your presence (they could be planning on shooting you). Ultimately,
all the "judge & jury" types who pull out their guns would be worm
food, and the streets would go back to being safe.
Drew "Rambo's like this are the reason people feel
the need for gun control laws in the first place" Lawson
Drew Lawson
Michael Johnson <MIC...@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes:
>In article <1993Aug9.2...@chpc.utexas.edu>, cmi...@chpc.utexas.edu
>(Clancy) says:
>>This is completely ridiculous. Somebody under a car is at
>>an extreme disadvantage.
>No, it isn't. It really does happen.
Could you document a single incident which does NOT involve something
overheard in an elevator?
>The theory such slime operate under is
>that after they've cut the tendons in your ankle with a razor blade, you'll
>be too busy bleeding and being crippled to offer them much resistance when
>they come out from under the car, relieve you of your keys, and drive off
>in your car.
Yes, that is the typical story. While it is possible, it doesn't seem
likely. More importantly, it doesn't seem to have happened to anybody
in areas which document attacks.
>Mind you, you should ALSO be worried about someone walking up behind you and
>hitting you in the back of the head, but that's no reason to trivialize the
>risk from other styles of attack.
Thank you for providing an example of the typical style of
defense/propogation of urban legends. Next time you can tell us how
the attackers take advantage of your disability by applying LSD laced
"Blue Star" tatoo-transfers to their victims.
Drew "Johnny Gilbert, what do we have as parting gifts?" Lawson
lrud...@vax.clarku.edu
>In article <thompsje....@crystal.mie.clarkson.edu>
> thom...@crystal.mie.clarkson.edu (Jeffrey E. Thompson) writes:
>
>> In my presonal opinion it is a lack of gun freedom that causes
>> most of the problems. That and a judicial system where criminals are
>> turned into cult heroes and victims are treated with skepticism
>> and no sympathy. If I personally had enough gun freedom to just
>> blow away somebody who tried to mug me I would feel safer and
>> would probably make the streets safer for other people.
>
>
>That just might work.
>
>Just remember that you requested it when someone blows your face off
>with a shotgun because he thought that _you_ looked like a danger.
I just saw someone circulating a draft affidavit for all of us potential
murder victims who oppose capital punishment to carry with us: it
requests that (after our deaths by murder) our killers, if caught, tried,
and convicted, not be sentenced to death. If this sort of thing catches on,
there could be a different flavor for Jeffrey E. Thompson--requesting that
(after his face is blown off by a mistaken non-criminal) his face-blower-off
be treated in some appropriate manner (mandatory gun handling classes,
new glasses, Prozac, reward--whatever) not to include punishment.
Lee "if flamed, do not put flamer in killfile" Rudolph
Sandra Loosemore
firm of Bideawhile & Slow.
-Sandra