Urban Legends Comix!

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Ron Asbestos Dippold

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Jun 10, 1993, 8:07:56 PM6/10/93
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I spotted this today in my local store, and it's in my hot little
hands. Followups to alt.folklore.urban.

Cover: "Weird! Startling! Uncanny! <big letters> Urban Legends(tm)"
Picture: Guy about to eat something on a stick... "Good Lord! That
ain't chicken -- It's a BATTER-FRIED RAT!" Suspiciously KFC-looking
buckets on table.

It's a two-issue miniseries edited by Sung Koo and Bob Schreck. The
introductory blurb gives a very brief description of urban legends,
comparing them to a well-polished lie.

Check out this in the legalese: "Urban Legends TM & (C) 1993 Dark
Horse Comics, Inc."


Contents (page numbers in front):

1 The Gator Gourmet by Alex Wald
Gators in the sewer! "...did I mention they taste just like
chicken?" And guess what they eat!

2 Quivering Cactus by Carole Sobocinski
Exploding tarantula-filled cactuses, oh my!

4 Stuck in the High Branches by Gary Leib
Cat "rescue" flings it into orbit.

5 King Kong vs. Godzilla by Arthur Adams
Were there two different conclusions to this film, with different
winners?

6 Spider in the Hairdo by Mitch O'Connell
GREAT treatment of this topic - one of those school health films.

8 Honey, I Cooked the Kid by Ivan Brunetti
Stoned hippies and babies and microwaves don't mix...

8 Horny Li'l Sumbitch by I.B.
Two! ULs in one. Green M&Ms make you horny, but they're actually made
from _cockroach shells!_

8 Rusty That Crazy-Ass Doberman Pinscher by I.B.
The Choking Doberman in only 4 panels

8 That's no Chihuahua, That's a Goddamn Rat by I.B.
Self-explanitory...

9 Cocksucker Blues by Peter Bagge
Famous rockstar collapses, has gallons of semen pumped from stomach!
"He's trying to break Elton's record".

10 After the Injection by Paul Nitsche
Just strange - idiopathic infactionangina

12 The Vanishing Hitchhiker by Sung Koo & Lenin Delsol
This ain't the V.H. I know. A foxy babe flags down bike riders.
But she's a ghost! And she only laughs after she tricks them into
decapitating themselves!

13 The Winning Ticket by Hilary Barta
Guy with winning ticket passes it around - a different one comes back!

14 Babysitter and the Psycho Caller by Richard Sala
That phone call - it came from the upstairs extension! Get out!

16 A True Urban Legend by Sung Koo & Paul Guinan
Pissing on the third rail can be fun!

18 Earwig by Mike Allred
Earwig likes to make its way through the ear canal to feed off the
brain and lay eggs. "You pulled the bug out of my left ear. Now I
have an earache... in my... right ear!"

19 Stairmaster, Ohh! by Matt Wagner
A stairmaster can be a... moving... experience!

20 Burnman by Sung Koo and Mark Ricketts
Guy burns himself, gets a hard-on. It's addictive, and now he looks
like a california raisin.

22 The Wrong Place at the Right Time by Warren Prindle and Bill Reinhold
Signs name in funeral registry, gets $10000!

24 How Sweet it Is by Sung Koo and John Kurtz
Two! ULs in one - a gum that contains spider eggs, and the "pimple"
that grew huge and eventually...

26 The Dog by Bernie Mireault
Fetch, Spot, fetch! But not off the balcony! aieeeeeee....

28 Baby in the Microwave by Evan Dorkin
This is hilarious, it deserves some extra recognition. "I'm not exact
on the details of this 'story', but since it is hearsay, based on rumor,
based on utter bullshit, forgive any 'artistic' license." Post-it note
on microwave: "Becky- please do not place Billy in the microwave,
Mrs. Nelson". Also - how you can stage your own re-creation with a
hot dog and tissue!

30 Biting Horses by Stuart Grais
Lethal rattlesnakes hiding in a merry-go-round! "Her dying words were,
'Daddy... sue this place--'".

31 The Turkey Neck by Terry Laban
Crazy kids place turkey neck in drunken dad's fly. Cat chews on it,
wife sees it, faints, breaks arm.

32 A Very Private Hell by Scott Musgrove
Man loses kidney in Peru!


I'm looking forward to the next issue...
--
God is dead and I want His job.

Malinda McCall

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Jun 11, 1993, 12:48:59 PM6/11/93
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You forgot "hamster in the microwave", or The Little Old Lady Who
Dried Her Poodle FiFi.

The Hook on the Doorhandle!

The Poisoned Aspirin! (oh--drat. That one is true.)

Best,
MM

S. Mudgett aka little gator

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Jun 11, 1993, 9:41:12 AM6/11/93
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In <rdippold.739757276@qualcom>, Ron "Asbestos" Dippold writes:
>I spotted this today in my local store, and it's in my hot little
>hands. Followups to alt.folklore.urban.
>
>1 The Gator Gourmet by Alex Wald
> Gators in the sewer! "...did I mention they taste just like
> chicken?" And guess what they eat!
lard-n-sugar?

--
-- little gator aka s. mudgett email: s...@harvee.billerica.ma.us
-- friend of a gator is a friend of mine

Ron Asbestos Dippold

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Jun 11, 1993, 6:14:11 PM6/11/93
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They've got one more issue to go, hopefully they'll get lots of other
FAQ material.
--
It won't work - I told Orville that, I told Wilbur that, and I'm telling you
now!

Vertiglenn

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Jun 12, 1993, 2:26:16 AM6/12/93
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In article <rdippold.739757276@qualcom> rdip...@qualcomm.com (Ron
"Asbestos" Dippold) writes:

>30 Biting Horses by Stuart Grais
> Lethal rattlesnakes hiding in a merry-go-round! "Her dying words were,
> 'Daddy... sue this place--'".

Sung wrote this one, too, the credits just went missing.

Sung says they wants electronic feedback, lots of it, so I'll pass any
mail or posts on to him, and he'll pass them to Bob.

[said elsewhere, but not to alt.folklore.urban]
#2, tentatively out in November will be 32 artists, no repeats, all
one-pagers. Known participants: Eddie Campbell, Jeff Smith, Dave Sim,
Chester Brown, Mary Fleener, Joe Matt, Ted McKeever, Chris Ware,
Archer Pruitt, Alex Ross, the Hernandez Bros., Larry Marder, and Don
Simpson. The cover will either be by Charles Burns or (Believe it or
Not!) Jim Lee. But it'll be great anyway :).

Possibles include Dave Stevens, Jill Thompson, and possibly one
written by Neil Gaiman (way tentative).

Pax ex machina,
Glenn
......................................................................
"We need your table for God! Go unconscious for the Lord!"
--- Milk
"According to a discarded rough draft, the Shadow was originally
going to possess the eerie power to 'cloud men's urine.'"
--- Troy Hickman, "Made-up Stuff is Stranger than Fiction"
g-car...@uchicago.edu, if you must know
......................................................................


Diane Kelly

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Jun 12, 1993, 10:25:32 AM6/12/93
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In article <rdippold.739757276@qualcom>, rdip...@qualcomm.com (Ron
"Asbestos" Dippold) writes:

|> Check out this in the legalese: "Urban Legends TM & (C) 1993 Dark
|> Horse Comics, Inc."
|>

|> 8 Honey, I Cooked the Kid by Ivan Brunetti

Oh my God! Ivan Brunetti's writing for commercial comics! Does this
mean all my old copies of our college comic book are worth something now?

Diane 'I went to school with that guy!' Kelly
Current resident of Duke Zoology

Warren Burstein

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Jun 11, 1993, 2:04:11 AM6/11/93
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In <rdippold.739757276@qualcom> rdip...@qualcomm.com (Ron "Asbestos" Dippold) writes:

22 The Wrong Place at the Right Time by Warren Prindle and Bill Reinhold
Signs name in funeral registry, gets $10000!

This is a new one for me. What's the UL?
--
/|/-\/-\ In real life, the Vice President chastises Murphey Brown
|__/__/_/ for her morals. Bill Clinton plays the sax on "Arsenio
|warren@ Hall." Though "Batman Returns" is fiction, it's not too
/ nysernet.org much stranger than truth - Caryn James, The New York Times

Andrew Bulhak

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Jun 14, 1993, 10:41:15 AM6/14/93
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Ron Asbestos Dippold (rdip...@qualcomm.com) wrote:

: God is dead and I want His job.

You can't have it, 'cause Kibo already took it.

+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Andrew Bulhak | The Fundamental Theorem of Kibology: |
| a...@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au | Everything has something to do with Kibo. |
| Monash Uni, Clayton, | The Spam Theorem: |
| Victoria, Australia | Adding anything to Spam will produce Spam. |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+

Ron Asbestos Dippold

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Jun 14, 1993, 5:15:08 PM6/14/93
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war...@vaccine.worlds.com (Warren Burstein) writes:
>In <rdippold.739757276@qualcom> rdip...@qualcomm.com (Ron "Asbestos" Dippold) writes:
> 22 The Wrong Place at the Right Time by Warren Prindle and Bill Reinhold
> Signs name in funeral registry, gets $10000!

>This is a new one for me. What's the UL?

A woman has to go to the bathroom reeeeally really bad, and the only
thing open just _happens_ to be a funeral hall. She goes in, passes a
body, and relieves herself in the restroom. She's leaving, but she
feels guilty, so she signs her name in the guest registry for the
funeral. A week later, she gets a registered letter with $10000 -
turns out he was a lonely old rich guy, and anyone who attended was to
get that much.

--
Ignorance is bliss, but it'll never replace sex.

John Switzer

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Jun 14, 1993, 6:11:39 PM6/14/93
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I had hoped someone else would ask about this, so as to spare myself the
embarrassment of seeing my ignorance who worldwide, but can someone explain
the "Stairmaster" urban legend to me? Perhaps I'm missing something obvious,
or perhaps it's too dirty for me, in my purity, to understand. Any
explanations appreciated, even if in rot13.
--
John Switzer | Why am I depressed?
| The local "easy listening" station
CompuServe: 74076,1250 | considers the Stones "Can't Get
Internet: j...@netcom.com | No Satisfaction" to be easy listening.

Ron Asbestos Dippold

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Jun 14, 1993, 7:21:49 PM6/14/93
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j...@netcom.com (John Switzer) writes:
>embarrassment of seeing my ignorance who worldwide, but can someone explain
>the "Stairmaster" urban legend to me? Perhaps I'm missing something obvious,

In the stairmaster story, as drawn by Matt Wagner, the lady brings
herself to orgasm on a stairmaster in a health club. Not explained
why, presumably the up and down rubbing motion - legs close together,
up / down / up / down. Maybe she was using ben-wa balls or thinking
of a snuff film. "They say she never came back to that club... but
they installed more stairmasters the very next day!"
--
A bird in the hand is bad table manners.

Brian Scearce

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Jun 15, 1993, 11:34:18 AM6/15/93
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In article <rdippold.739757276@qualcom> rdip...@qualcomm.com (Ron "Asbestos" Dippold) writes:
> _Honey, I Cooked the Kid_ by Ivan Brunetti
^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Obviously a nom de plume for Jan Brunvand.

Brian "John Brown" Scearce
--
Brian Scearce b...@sector7g.eng.sun.com
The above does not necessarily represent Sun policy.
I'm trying to get someone else to do my delegating for me.

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