Churchill Story
U-E68971-Paul Joslin
In message <kna3pj...@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM>, Peter "no .sigs" vdL
writes:
>[The doofuses that posted alleged "corrections" that were so
>plainly inferior in wit and wisdom, should consider the above
>advice of WC himself.]
>Does anyone have any other Churchill stories?
At an elegant dinner party, Churchill was seated next to an
overbearing woman. When he could stand her no more, he asked, "Would
you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
"Yes", she replied.
"How about five dollars?", Churchill countered.
"Of course not", she exclaimed, "What do you think I am, a common
whore?"
Churchill responded, "So I guess a blowjob is out of the question?"
OBInsideJoke: Why should PvdL have all the fun?
The Nashville Flash
million pounds?"
"Yes", she replied.
"Would you sleep with me for five pounds?", Churchill countered.
"Of course not", she exclaimed, "What kind of woman do you think I am?"
Churchill responded, "I thought we had already established that and were just
haggling over the price."
===============================================================================
"No hour of life is lost that is spent in the saddle." - Winston Churchill
The Nashville Flash - d...@vuse.vanderbilt.edu - DoD # 412
Robert M. Unverzagt
>At an elegant dinner party, Churchill was seated next to an overbearing woman.
>When he could stand her no more, he asked, "Would you sleep with a man for a
>million pounds?"
>
>"Yes", she replied.
>
>"Would you sleep with me for five pounds?", Churchill countered.
>
>"Of course not", she exclaimed, "What kind of woman do you think I am?"
>
>Churchill responded, "I thought we had already established that and were just
>haggling over the price."
>
This story is often (usually?) attributed to Benjamin Disraeli.
Shag
--
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Rob Unverzagt | "Laugh, clown, laugh..."
sh...@aerospace.aero.org |
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Robert M. Unverzagt
>In article <1992Jan17....@vuse.vanderbilt.edu> d...@vuse.vanderbilt.edu (The Nashville Flash) writes:
>>At an elegant dinner party, Churchill was seated next to an overbearing woman.
>>When he could stand her no more, he asked, "Would you sleep with a man for a
>>million pounds?"
>>
>>"Yes", she replied.
>>
>>"Would you sleep with me for five pounds?", Churchill countered.
>>
>>"Of course not", she exclaimed, "What kind of woman do you think I am?"
>>
>>Churchill responded, "I thought we had already established that and were just
>>haggling over the price."
>>
>
>This story is often (usually?) attributed to Benjamin Disraeli.
>
Or George Bernard Shaw. I can't remember which.
IC...@asuacad.bitnet
says:
>
>>This story is often (usually?) attributed to Benjamin Disraeli.
>>
>
>Or George Bernard Shaw. I can't remember which.
>
Loyd Means
Larry M Headlund
Politician A: You will either die on the gallows or the of the pox.
Politician B: That depends on if I embrace your principles or your
mistress.
For historical family reasons it is extermely unlikely that WSC
would make a joke about death from VD.
--
Larry Headlund l...@world.std.com Eikonal Systems (617) 482-3345
Ted Frank
Is there any way to set my kill file to wipe out the irony-impaired?
--
Ted Frank + "[P]laintiffs' activities in promoting talking cat were
1307 E 60 St, #109 + within legitimate exercise of city's taxing power."
U o' C Law Skool + -- Headnote from Miles v. City
Chi, IL 60637 + Council of Augusta, 710 F.2d 1542
Phil Gustafson
>
>Is there any way to set my kill file to wipe out the irony-impaired?
>--
As a famous comedian suggested, I tried turning up the "Brightness"
knob on my monitor. Didn't work.
--
|play: ph...@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG; {ames|pyramid|vsi1}!zorch!phil |
|work: phil@gsi; sgi!gsi!phil | Phil Gustafson |
|Widely recognized as a thoughtful poster of reliable information since 1985|
| Plagiarize! Why do you think the good Lord magiarize? |
Paul Falstad
>
>At an elegant dinner party, Churchill was seated next to an
>overbearing woman. When he could stand her no more, he asked, "Would
>you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
Thought you might be interested in this; I read it in "Dave Barry Slept Here".
The last bastion of goodness was Great Britain, a feisty, plucky little
island in the North Atlantic led by Prime Minister Winston Churchill, who
had won the respect and loyalty of the British people for his ability to
come up with clever insults at dinner parties. For example, there was the
famous one where this woman says to him, "Lord Churchill, you're drunk!"
And he replies, "Madam, I may be drunk, but BLEAAARRRGGGHHH" all over her
evening gown. Churchill used this gift of eloquence to rally his countrymen
when Britain was down to a three-day supply of pluck and a German invasion
seemed imminent. "We shall fight them on the beaches," he said. "We shall
fight them in the streets, and in the alleys, and in those things where
it's like a dead end, only there's like a circle at the end, you know?
Cul somethings."
--
Paul Falstad | 10 PRINT "PRINCETON CS"
pfal...@phoenix.princeton.edu | 20 GOTO 10
Brian Scearce
> As a famous comedian suggested, I tried turning up the "Brightness"
> knob on my monitor. Didn't work.
None of those knobs seem to work properly. I turned up the "volume"
on my television, and it stayed exactly the same size.
Brian "And Channel No. 5 smells the same as all the rest" Scearce
--
Brian Scearce (b...@robin.svl.cdc.com -or- robin!b...@shamash.cdc.com)
"Don't be surprised when a crack in the ice appears under your feet"
Any opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect CDC corporate policy.
Jack Campin
> Original Story:
>> Politician A: You will either die on the gallows or the of the pox.
>> Politician B: That depends on if I embrace your principles or your
>> mistress.
> For historical family reasons it is extermely unlikely that WSC
> would make a joke about death from VD.
This is said to have occurred in the early nineteenth century, in a session
of the British Parliament, but I don't remember who the parties were. The
way I remember it is:
- you will die of a pox, sir, or upon the gallows.
- that would depend on whether I were to embrace your mistress or your
principles.
They were a bit more careful about subjunctives in those days.
A good dictionary of quotations (which I don't have) should resolve this.
--
-- Jack Campin Computing Science Department, Glasgow University, 17 Lilybank
Gardens, Glasgow G12 8QQ, Scotland 041 339 8855 x6854 work 041 556 1878 home
JANET: ja...@dcs.glasgow.ac.uk BANG!net: via mcsun and ukc FAX: 041 330 4913
INTERNET: via nsfnet-relay.ac.uk BITNET: via UKACRL UUCP: ja...@glasgow.uucp
Stephen Kelley
-
- This is said to have occurred in the early nineteenth century, in a session
- of the British Parliament, but I don't remember who the parties were. The
- way I remember it is:
-
- - you will die of a pox, sir, or upon the gallows.
- - that would depend on whether I were to embrace your mistress or your
- principles.
-
Disraeli (as has been mentioned, I believe) and Gladstone.
Steve
and in the morning you'll still be a piece of luggage.
James Olsen
Sheesh! The 'VD' quote isn't from Churchill, Disraeli, or Gladstone.
It's from John Wilkes (1727-1797):
Earl of Sandwich: "'Pon my honour, Wilkes, I don't know whether you'll die
on the gallows or of the pox."
Wilkes: "That must depend, my lord, on whether I first embrace your
Lordship's principles, or your Lordship's mistresses."
Alan Fleming
>
>This is said to have occurred in the early nineteenth century, in a session
>
attributed to an unknown French Politician in the nineteenth century.
Perhaps it is another form of folklore...
Think Peace.
- Alan
alanf%days...@gatech.edu
Ted Frank
>Earl of Sandwich: "'Pon my honour, Wilkes, I don't know whether you'll die
> on the gallows or of the pox."
>
>Wilkes: "That must depend, my lord, on whether I first embrace your
I like this version better.
Rory Molinari
I posted it a few days ago. My only reference was _Doonesbury_ so it
may well be an UL.
Rory Molinari
mo...@csis.dit.csiro.au
Derek Tearne
>ph...@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG (Phil Gustafson) writes:
>> As a famous comedian suggested, I tried turning up the "Brightness"
>> knob on my monitor. Didn't work.
>
>None of those knobs seem to work properly. I turned up the "volume"
>on my television, and it stayed exactly the same size.
>
The channel select has little to do with bodies of water
The Foot brake in my car doesn't destroy my foot
(similarly hand brake)
The Clutch pedal releases my foot when I lift it.
Any more anyone?
Derek
--
Derek Tearne de...@fivegl.co.nz | If you don't try it for yourself
de...@fivegl.co.nz | you'll never know how much fun it
New Zealand. | is (or isn't).
Tom Streeter
>In article <39...@shamash.cdc.com> b...@svl.cdc.com (Brian Scearce) writes:
>>ph...@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG (Phil Gustafson) writes:
>>> As a famous comedian suggested, I tried turning up the "Brightness"
>>> knob on my monitor. Didn't work.
>>
>>None of those knobs seem to work properly. I turned up the "volume"
>>on my television, and it stayed exactly the same size.
>>
>The vertical hold on my T.V doesn't semm to make it levitate
>
>The channel select has little to do with bodies of water
>
>
>The Foot brake in my car doesn't destroy my foot
>(similarly hand brake)
>The Clutch pedal releases my foot when I lift it.
>
>Any more anyone?
>
>Derek
>
I see home pregnancy tests advertised, but I've never bought one becasue
I've never suspected that my home is pregnant.
I pressed the "play" button on my vcr, but it wasn't much of a game.
I constantly use light switches, but the lightbulbs never seem to
change.
--
Tom Streeter | stre...@cs.unca.edu
Dept. of Mass Communication | 704-251-6227
University of North Carolina at Asheville | Opinions expressed here are
Asheville, NC 28804 | mine alone.
may...@cemmva.cem.msu.edu
My return key doesn't send my ages-old AT&T anywhere.
The function keys don't make it function, if it did before...
The scroll lock won't keep parchment closed.
The tab key produces no low-grade colas.
The control key does not make my computer any easier to handle.
The alternate key offers no substitutes.
The period key has no lunar cycle.
The home key works OK, 'cuz I'm already home.
The escape key is the one I always push when I hear someone say "what's this
phone bill for $50.00 for?". So far, no luck....
And the power button stinks, I still work for minimum wage, and am no one's
superior...
Anything Else?
Anson "And where's the 'RAM' anyways?" Mayers
--
Fun fact 6: Fun fact 6 is false.
Anson Arson Bill Bob Moses Ivan Gary Luther Eugene Joe-Bob Jobo Ansonaroni
Andrew Hackard
>The Foot brake in my car doesn't destroy my foot
>(similarly hand brake)
>The Clutch pedal releases my foot when I lift it.
>
>Any more anyone?
Yeah, I tried the gear shift, but when I checked back there I still had the
same old luggage. (It hadn't even moved!)
--
--Andrew Disclaimer: As usual, I wasn't consulted.
an...@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu
"It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim..."
bill nelson
>I constantly use light switches, but the lightbulbs never seem to
>change.
You are just thinking about them wrong. They are "light" switches.
Why do you think they screw them to the wall?
Bill "How do you tell whether your living room is actually alive?" Nelson
The Hepburn
|>
|>
|> I constantly use light switches, but the lightbulbs never seem to
|> change.
|>
|>
Speaking of lights, how many of you "turn on" or "turn off" a light, and
how many of you "open" or "close" a light?
--
Alan Hepburn "The Democrats have formulated their strategy for
National Semiconductor the 1992 election campaign: they are going
Santa Clara, Ca to wait 'til 1996"
al...@berlioz.nsc.com
Charles Lasner
While possibly the variety with the on and off buttons, as opposed to the
flickable on/off handle that might/might not snap, we can't relate to the
gaslights with valves to be opened or closed, so we don't refer to the
electric lights that way.
This seems to be a carry-over from immigrants to the US who did use gaslights
or who grew up in families fromthe gaslight era. I can see multi-generational
spill-over from household usage long after needed, etc.
So, I will turn on/off a light, not open/close it, because it is electrically
controlled from a switch. In fact, I may turn on/off the water because my
sprinkling system is electrically controlled by a water solenoid valve.
(In Europe, do people open their PC's when they want to use them ? :-)
(Portables don't count.)
cjl
Cindy Kandolf
>Speaking of lights, how many of you "turn on" or "turn off" a light, an
None of the above. I "light" a light when i come into a room, and "outen"
it when i leave.
-Cindy Kandolf
ci...@solan.unit.no
Trondheim, Norway
(orignally from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, which explains the dialect 8-))
Claudio Calvelli
>This seems to be a carry-over from immigrants to the US who did use gaslights
>or who grew up in families fromthe gaslight era. I can see multi-generational
>spill-over from household usage long after needed, etc.
This makes sense. I turn a light on/off, my grandmother used to open/close
it (actually, aprire/chiudere, to be completely precise).
>(In Europe, do people open their PC's when they want to use them ? :-)
Not that I know. Personally, I turn it on or, better, set it to fire.
(For a real computer, only the first thing applies)
--
Claudio Calvelli - email: c...@dcs.ed.ac.uk - phone: +44-31-650-5165
"Sheesh! This is just my opinion, and may be an UL"
Anthony E. Siegman
>how many of you "open" or "close" a light?
Along the same line, how do I remember (mnemonically or whatever)
which of the "I" and the "O" on most modern toggle switches means "ON"
and which means "OFF"? Can't think of any sensible memory crutch for
this one.
Joseph M Knight
|> >In article <39...@shamash.cdc.com> b...@svl.cdc.com (Brian Scearce) writes:
|> >>ph...@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG (Phil Gustafson) writes:
|> >>> As a famous comedian suggested, I tried turning up the "Brightness"
|> >>> knob on my monitor. Didn't work.
|> >>
|> >>None of those knobs seem to work properly. I turned up the "volume"
|> >>on my television, and it stayed exactly the same size.
|> >>
|> >The vertical hold on my T.V doesn't semm to make it levitate
|> >
|> >The channel select has little to do with bodies of water
|> >
|> >
|> >The Foot brake in my car doesn't destroy my foot
|> >(similarly hand brake)
|> >The Clutch pedal releases my foot when I lift it.
|>
|> >
|>
|> I see home pregnancy tests advertised, but I've never bought one becasue
|> I've never suspected that my home is pregnant.
|>
|> I pressed the "play" button on my vcr, but it wasn't much of a game.
|>
|> I constantly use light switches, but the lightbulbs never seem to
|> change.
|>
|>
I always hear a strange buzzing sound when I push my doorbell.
I'm thinking of going to see a neurologist about this.
Lance Franklin
Well, I think it's actually "1" and "0", but I suppose you could think
"In-circuit" and "Out-of-circuit" for "I" and "O"
Lance
--
Lance T. Franklin +----------------------------------------------+
(l...@ncmicro.lonestar.org) | "You want I should bop you with this here |
NC Microproducts, Inc. | Lollipop?!?" The Fat Fury |
Richardson, Texas +----------------------------------------------+
Doug Rudoff
It's not "I" and "O", it's "1" and "0" (one and zero). Think binary
numbers. I assume it's that way for language indepedence.
--
Doug Rudoff Motorola, Seattle INTERNET:rud...@mdd.comm.mot.com
USENET:uunet!mdisea!rudoff
"Suppose the world was only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less
to make it a good joke, instead of a bad one?" - George Bernard Shaw
Mcirvin
>which of the "I" and the "O" on most modern toggle switches means "ON"
>and which means "OFF"? Can't think of any sensible memory crutch for
>this one.
I thought they were a 1 (one) and a 0 (zero). It makes sense if you
spend too much time around computers.
Matt McIrvin
Al Clark
>>how many of you "open" or "close" a light?
>
>which of the "I" and the "O" on most modern toggle switches means "ON"
>and which means "OFF"? Can't think of any sensible memory crutch for
>this one.
>
I just think of them as "1" and "0". That's true and false in the
C language. (Spoken in many computers).
--
Al - acl...@netcom.com - My opinions are my own.
*** Commit acts of random kindness and senseless beauty! ***
Bob Morris
>which of the "I" and the "O" on most modern toggle switches means "ON"
>and which means "OFF"? Can't think of any sensible memory crutch for
>this one.
Think of them as 1 "one" and 0 "zero". Think of the number as how many
times it is on. I suspect that's what their inventor had in mind...
Kate McDonnell
In article <1992Jan28....@cunixf.cc.columbia.edu>
lla...@watsun.cc.columbia.edu (Charles Lasner) writes:
>(In Europe, do people open their PC's when they want to use them ? :-)
>(Portables don't count.)
The French version of the Macintosh operating system uses
"demarrer", which I believe is the same verb used to mean
starting a car. Plus "redemarrer" for restart. In conversation
(in Quebec anyway), I'm sure you'd be understood if you said
"j'ai ouvert l'ordinateur".
--
Kate McDonnell
gre...@ozrout.UUCP
(ozrout!gre...@netserv.sobeco.com)
tuu
Exactly.. I think some of them actually look like an I, so we'll
take it as 'readable as either'..
I=1=TRUE=on, O=0=FALSE=off.
--
/unk...@ucscb.ucsc.edu Apple IIGS Forever!\
|WANT to get INFOCOM GAMES RERELEASED | Also will pass on -UNIX GS- |
\& ULTIMA VI GS written? ---mail me | & CHEAP CD info - mail me /
Eric Williams
> In article <1992Jan29....@EE.Stanford.EDU> sie...@EE.Stanford.EDU (Anthony E. Siegman) writes:
> >>Speaking of lights, how many of you "turn on" or "turn off" a light, and
> >>how many of you "open" or "close" a light?
> >and which means "OFF"?
> numbers. I assume it's that way for language indepedence.
Oh, come on! It's "|" and "O" (bar and circle), and it relates to open
and closed circuit states. Any EEs out there care to elaborate?
-------- er...@npri.com ---------- or ---------- ...uunet!uupsi!npri6!eric -----
You worked very hard on that, didn't you?
Eric C. Williams/ NPRI/ Alexandria, VA/ USA/ (703) 683-9090/ Usual disclaimers.
ROY...@slacvm.slac.stanford.edu
Indeed... it is "|" and "O", but the printer I just looked at has a
rocker type switch. When it is powered off the "O" is flush with
the case, while the "|" sticks out to where you can see it.
I'm so glad I'm clear on this now...
/x
Larry Huntley
>
>Oh, come on! It's "|" and "O" (bar and circle), and it relates to open
>and closed circuit states. Any EEs out there care to elaborate?
Okay.
| == 1 == True == On == Light == Noisy
O == 0 == False == Off == Dark == Quiet
For toggle switches, push the symbol for the action you want.
If you want the light (printer, etc.) to be 'ON', press the
'1' symbol; if it was 'OFF', it will now be 'ON'; if it was
already 'ON', it will still be 'ON', but you may have noticed
that the switch didn't move. Or you may not notice.
This works fine until we enter the realms of 'Negative Logic' -
in which case the following table would apply:
| == 1 == False == Off == Dark == Quiet
O == 0 == True == On == Light == Noisy
Or perhaps more easily thought of as:
| == 1 == Not True == Not On == Not Light == Not Noisy
(For C programmers)
| == ~1 == !TRUE == !On == !Light == !Noisy
Of course, other systems of logic may be equally valid.
Any questions?
--
Larry Huntley / Logic Automation Incorporated / Beaverton, Oregon
Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land.
hs...@vax.oxford.ac.uk
>>>Speaking of lights, how many of you "turn on" or "turn off" a light, and
>>>how many of you "open" or "close" a light?
>>
>> Along the same line, how do I remember (mnemonically or whatever)
>>which of the "I" and the "O" on most modern toggle switches means "ON"
>>and which means "OFF"? Can't think of any sensible memory crutch for
>>this one.
>
> It's not "I" and "O", it's "1" and "0" (one and zero). Think binary
> numbers. I assume it's that way for language indepedence.
In the UK, light switches operate the opposite way from those in the States
(or even elsewhere, for all I know). For lights controlled by a single switch,
down is on and up is off. Generally, I understand, American safety regs
require the switch to be up for on and down for off - presumably so that if
the pole breaks, the switch will fall to off rather than on.
And yet you guys can screw your plugs to the wall socket...
>
> --
> Doug Rudoff Motorola, Seattle INTERNET:rud...@mdd.comm.mot.com
> USENET:uunet!mdisea!rudoff
> "Suppose the world was only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less
> to make it a good joke, instead of a bad one?" - George Bernard Shaw
+--------------------------------------+---------------------------------------+
| Peter G. Q. Brooks HS...@UK.AC.OX.VAX | Kokoo koko kokko kokoon! |
| Health Services Research Unit | Koko kokkoko ? |
| Dept of Public Health & Primary Care | Koko kokko. |
| University of Oxford | Marjukka Grover, The Guardian |
+--------------------------------------+---------------------------------------+
ru...@sco.com
>which of the "I" and the "O" on most modern toggle switches means "ON"
>and which means "OFF"? Can't think of any sensible memory crutch for
>this one.
I remember it as 0 = no current, therefore off, and think of the 1
like the handle/contact in large mechanical/manual switches where
closing the handle completes the circuit & thereby turns the light
on.
-r
--
"are you still there?" -SCO auto attendant phone prompt
Phil Gustafson
According to the _Saturday Evening Post_ in 196mumble, the way to remember
the states of wall switches is to think of the Russian Officer, Colonel
Upizoff.
Ha.
ObUL: During his stay in Paris in 1779, Benjamin Franklin got rather in his
cups one night. His mistress of the week, Fifi "Oui, oui, monsieur" Pantoflard,
said: "Be`nji! Vous e^tes me`rdefacede'!" The quick-witted printer, inventor,
and statesman replied: "Ha. I'll be sober in the morning, but you'll
be pregnant for the next nine months!"
Phil "Shirtofsuet" Gustafson
--
|play: ph...@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG; {ames|pyramid|vsi1}!zorch!phil |
|work: phil@gsi; sgi!gsi!phil | Phil Gustafson |
|Widely recognized as a thoughtful poster of reliable information since 1985|
| Plagiarize! Why do you think the good Lord magiarize? |
Ted Frank
>ObUL: During his stay in Paris in 1779, Benjamin Franklin got rather in his
>cups one night. His mistress of the week, Fifi "Oui, oui, monsieur" Pantoflard,
>said: "Be`nji! Vous e^tes me`rdefacede'!" The quick-witted printer, inventor,
>and statesman replied: "Ha. I'll be sober in the morning, but you'll
>be pregnant for the next nine months!"
>
At a remarkably raucous law school party Saturday night, a new hero of
the first-year law class pulled the classic Churchill line on a fellow
student. But he didn't throw up on her.
--
Ted Frank + "Realistically, a person is dead when there has been
1307 E 60 St, #109 + complete decapitation of the head."
U o' C Law Skool + -- Gray v. Sawyer, 247 S.W.2d 496 (1952)
Chi, IL 60637 + "Mmmm... purple." -- Homer Simpson