Cold War Condoms
Mark Shaw
================
Sometime in the '70's, an order was placed by the Soviet Government
with the Trojan corporation. The order called for 10,000 condoms, size 8"
diameter and 16" long. As you know, any business dealings with the Soviet
Union had to be approved by the Department of State, and so Trojan
forwarded the order along to the politicians. After much debate, State
decided to allow Trojan to fill the order, but they added one requirement
to the order. "When you print the packages," State directed Trojan,
"include the following statement."
"U.S. Standard Size - Medium"
Who says the Cold war was all about weapons!
================
(I presume that the word "diameter" in the third line above should
really be "circumference.)
Anyone heard this before? It ain't in the FAQ.
I give it an "Fb."
---
Mark "somewhere between medium and extra-small" Shaw
My opinions only
PGP public key available at ftp.netcom.com:/pub/ms/mshaw
Andrew Rogers
> Sometime in the '70's, an order was placed by the Soviet Government
> with the Trojan corporation...
> I give it an "Fb."
I give it a "rehashing of an ancient Playboy Party Joke which
I'll bet was already years old when Playboy printed it".
Andrew
Daan Sandee
>
> Sometime in the '70's, an order was placed by the Soviet Government
>diameter and 16" long. As you know, any business dealings with the Soviet
>Union had to be approved by the Department of State, and so Trojan
>forwarded the order along to the politicians. After much debate, State
>decided to allow Trojan to fill the order, but they added one requirement
>to the order. "When you print the packages," State directed Trojan,
>"include the following statement."
>
> "U.S. Standard Size - Medium"
>
>Who says the Cold war was all about weapons!
This is not an urban legend, it's a joke. It was told as long ago as
WW2, when the Allies were shipping goods to the Soviets. The story
then was that the Soviets asked for condoms and Churchill ordered a
shipment of gun barrel coverings.
No, I do not have a cite from these days, but I assume it turns up on
rec.humor about every other week. As a joke. Apparently after fifty
years or so people start to believe it.
Daan Sandee san...@think.com
Burlington, MA
Lee Rudolph
[Sovs order maxiTrojans, Foggy Bottom OKs sale if rubbers marked "Medium"]
>Who says the Cold war was all about weapons!
and has a few comments and questions.
>(I presume that the word "diameter" in the third line above should
>really be "circumference.)
Only if you're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, in Indiana.
>Anyone heard this before? It ain't in the FAQ.
>
>I give it an "Fb."
We have indeed heard this before, though I don't have it archived;
I have a vague memory that the date was earlier than "the 1970s",
and that the condoms were to be marked "Small", not "Medium".
I wonder if it has popped back up now because of an item Dr. Dean
Edell discussed on his radio show recently, the new European
Economic Community condom standards (which, according the the
report he read, include both strength and dimension standards)?
We've also heard before about Russian penes as used in diplomacy,
in my report on Legman II a bit over a year ago. Here are two
quotations from that report; the second is included in the hope
that some Northwestern AFUvian will track down this work by our
patron saint. (The grafts in question are clearly penile.)
Didn't a.f.u. have a thread about Khrushchev's reported shoe-pounding,
that migrated to a discussion of LBJ's supposed habits of phallic
intimidation? Compare this to a supposed true anecdote describing
an orgy at which ``{\it An elderly woman about to go into a professional
belly-dance makes the unruffled request: `I only want to ask the
gentlemen to show their appreciation, if any, in the old Russian
style. When we danced during those suppers I was telling you about,
the men always took out their penises and banged them on the table
to indicate their approval. Any girl who failed to please, was
squirted with soda-water or drenched in champagne}'' (p. 632.)
``Jokes on animal grafts (Tale Type 660, Motif X1721.2) have been
excellently studied by Dr. Jan Harold Brunvand, in {\it Northwest
Folklore} (1965) No 2: p. 10-12, with examples.'' (p. 640)
Lee "Legmaniac" Rudolph
Old Man Kensey
[snip: Russians order extra-large size condoms; US company fills order,
stamps "American standard size: medium"]
> Who says the Cold war was all about weapons!
>
> Anyone heard this before? It ain't in the FAQ.
Data point: Trojans are not made by a "Trojan company," but by
Carter-Wallace (check "Who Owns What" in the World Almanac for others,
some surprising). -- Joe
--
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ken...@cstone.net | 410 E. Water St. | may not be those of Cornerstone
On-Site Service & | Charlottesville, VA | Networks, Inc.
Technical Support | 804.984.5600 | http://www.cstone.net/~kensey
Rhenda Iris Strub
> Sometime in the '70's, an order was placed by the Soviet Government
> with the Trojan corporation. The order called for 10,000 condoms,
> size 8" diameter and 16" long. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
My stars! Did they also buy 10,000 gerbils?
Rhenda "or maybe they were for Rasputin's clan" Strub
--
rhe...@rapidnet.com
Founder, Entropic Freedom Foundation (TM)
Struggling to Repeal the Second Law of Thermodynamics
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. --Earl Weaver
Toby Barrett
j...@cstone.net (Old Man Kensey) wrote:
>In article <4kjea4$c...@spock.asic.sc.ti.com>, ms...@asic.sc.ti.com wrote:
>
>[snip: Russians order extra-large size condoms; US company fills order,
>stamps "American standard size: medium"]
>
>Data point: Trojans are not made by a "Trojan company," but by
>Carter-Wallace (check "Who Owns What" in the World Almanac for others,
>some surprising). -- Joe
I heard this story sometime back, in a pub, but it was a request made to
Churchill during World-War 2 and the condom manufacturer was Durex (part of
the London Rubber Company, if my memory serves me correctly).
Toby "Something witty done by Churchill? Must be true" Barrett
______________________________________________________toby...@nortel.co.uk
Toby Barrett +44 1279 402934, Nortel Ltd, London Road, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK
ian.m...@treebranch.com
> >[snip: Russians order extra-large size condoms; US company fills
> order,
> >stamps "American standard size: medium"]
> >[snip]
> >
> >Data point: Trojans are not made by a "Trojan company," but by
> >Carter-Wallace (check "Who Owns What" in the World Almanac for
> others,
> >some surprising). -- Joe
>
> I heard this story sometime back, in a pub, but it was a request
> made to
> Churchill during World-War 2 and the condom manufacturer was Durex
> (part of
> the London Rubber Company, if my memory serves me correctly).
I took a Propaganda class at CUNY and a professor said it was stunt pulled in
the VietNam war as well. The US would leave oversized condoms around to
demoralize the enemy.
-Ion
ann logue
>I took a Propaganda class at CUNY and a professor said it was stunt pulled in
>the VietNam war as well. The US would leave oversized condoms around to
>demoralize the enemy.
>
>-Ion
>
In the Lonely Planet travel guide to Japan, it lists toiletries that
people can buy in Japan and others that they should bring because
the local equivalents may not be to their liking. On the list is
condoms; it says in the book that Japanese condoms are smaller
than those sold in the United States.
If this is true, then regular-sized U.S. condoms should have been
enough to demoralize an Asian enemy in World War II and in Vietnam.
All I bought in a Japanese pharmacy was salve for an insect bite.
Annie
ian.m...@treebranch.com
I thought this was relevant to a current thread. It appeared in 'Time Out'
London Apr. 3-10 '96. p.10
"A man posing as a doctor was spotted as an imposter when he stood
helplessly by during an emergency call to a desperately sick patient.
Justin Greystoke Barnes, a computer specialist who had no medical
qualifications, 'created havoc' during his time on the wards, a General Medical
Council hearing was told."
In a different article in the same rag they tell how the Brit govt is trying to
offload the tainted beef on homeless shelters, 3/4 of which have angrily
refused.
Stepping into the ring is also Solgar, the Vitamin co., who are trying to boost
sales by pointing out that their vitamin gel-caps use US beef gelatin.
-Ion
"So what."
Jennifer S. Mullen
>I took a Propaganda class at CUNY and a professor said it was stunt pulled in
>the VietNam war as well. The US would leave oversized condoms around to
>demoralize the enemy.
This would assume that penis size is considered as important in all
other nations as the UL indicates it is in the USA.
-J"your dick may be bigger, but my machine gun is more lethal"M
--
Jennifer S. Mullen
http://www.powertie.org/~jen/
Dave Wilton
>
>In article <4kjea4$c...@spock.asic.sc.ti.com> ms...@asic.sc.ti.com
writes:
>>
>>Soviet Union had to be approved by the Department of State, and so
>>Trojan forwarded the order along to the politicians. After much
>>debate, State decided to allow Trojan to fill the order, but they
>>added one requirement to the order. "When you print the packages,"
This could not be true. The State Dept would never do such an
ungentlemanly thing, and if we are to believe Senator McCarthy and last
Sunday's Washington Post, the commie-infested State Dept would have
ordered that "XXX-Large" be printed on the packages. The CIA on the
other hand...
>then was that the Soviets asked for condoms and Churchill ordered a
>shipment of gun barrel coverings.
Don't know the truth about this one, but the converse is true. In the
Gulf War--and likely other wars too--soldiers commonly used condoms as
gun barrel coverings (to keep the sand out).
--Dave Wilton
dwi...@ix.netcom.com
Judy Johnson
>I took a Propaganda class at CUNY and a professor said it was stunt
pulled in
>the VietNam war as well. The US would leave oversized condoms around to
>demoralize the enemy.
>
This was used in the movie "Air America", where the US military
intelligence pilots were asked to drop the oversized condoms over enemy
positions.
Judy "movies and ULs go together so well" Johnson
Hugh Young
[giant condoms marked "US - medium" sent to USSR story snipped]
>This is not an urban legend, it's a joke. ... I assume it turns up on
>rec.humor about every other week. As a joke. Apparently after fifty
>years or so people start to believe it.
I hadn't realised there was a hard-and-fast distinction. Most ULs have a
punchline that makes us smile or laugh. Most jokes are told as if they
were true and the best ones are possible. Nor did I realise that the flow
is always from joke to UL and never the other way.
--
Hugh Young ***************************
Pukerua Bay * Your overnight editor *
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Derek Tearne
Hugh Young <hu...@young.wn.planet.gen.nz> wrote:
>In <4kn19o$6...@bone.think.com> san...@think.com (Daan Sandee) wrote:
>
>>This is not an urban legend, it's a joke. ... I assume it turns up on
>>rec.humor about every other week. As a joke. Apparently after fifty
>>years or so people start to believe it.
>
>I hadn't realised there was a hard-and-fast distinction. Most ULs have a
>punchline that makes us smile or laugh. Most jokes are told as if they
>were true and the best ones are possible.
The difference between a joke and an urban legend is frequently the difference
between 'there was this guy who' and 'this happened to my mate Sam's sister -
really, it did'.
Jokes are often told as 'true' although it is clear that they aren't.
Urban legends are passed on as absolute fact, completely true and real.
They are given voracity by having happened to someone close by, but just
far enough away to be difficult to track down.
>Nor did I realise that the flow
>is always from joke to UL and never the other way.
The flow probably does go the other way. I'm sure several stand-up comedians
use Urban Legends as the seeds for their jokes.
The difference being that a joke, even when told as though it was a true
event (a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theatre) is clearly
fiction and doesn't affect the route one takes to or from the theatre. An
Urban Legend however is given that extra level of reality that may cause
people to change their behaviour to avoid the same thing happening to them.
--
Derek Tearne. -- http://webservices.comp.vuw.ac.nz/artsLink/ManyHands/
Some of the more environmentally aware dinosaurs were worried about the
consequences of an accident with the new Iridium enriched fusion reactor.
"If it goes off only the cockroaches and mammals will survive..." they said.
Chris Anderson
> In the Lonely Planet travel guide to Japan, it lists toiletries that
> people can buy in Japan and others that they should bring because
> the local equivalents may not be to their liking. On the list is
> condoms; it says in the book that Japanese condoms are smaller
> than those sold in the United States.
>
> If this is true, then regular-sized U.S. condoms should have been
> enough to demoralize an Asian enemy in World War II and in Vietnam.
>
> All I bought in a Japanese pharmacy was salve for an insect bite.
The story that I've heard, from a friend who lived there for 4 years, was that
there were three sizes: medium, large, and "American".
Chris
Fred J. Drinkwater
IIRC, there was some testimony before a US congressional committee on the
subject of family planning, contraception, etc. which contained the following
approximate exchange:
Congressperson: So, the failure rate of condoms could be reduced if they
were sold in some range of sizes?
Witness: We think so, but the marketing people tell us that ordinary size
labels won't work. We'd have to label them "Large", "Extra-large" and
"Super-Colossal" in order to get men to buy them.
Anybody have access to a searchable Congressional Record or some other
place which might have preserved this dialogue?
Fred "I'll have a dozen Medium-Colossal" Drinkwater
danie016
pulled in
>>the VietNam war as well. The US would leave oversized condoms around
to
>>demoralize the enemy.
>>
>>-Ion
>>
>
>people can buy in Japan and others that they should bring because
>the local equivalents may not be to their liking. On the list is
>condoms; it says in the book that Japanese condoms are smaller
>than those sold in the United States.
>
>If this is true, then regular-sized U.S. condoms should have been
>enough to demoralize an Asian enemy in World War II and in Vietnam.
>
>All I bought in a Japanese pharmacy was salve for an insect bite.
>
My own experience:
I dropped by the local Planned Parenthood office here in Durham to pick
up a supply of the objects in question (PP sells 'em for 10 cents
apiece; 10 fucks for a buck). They usually have an assortment of brands,
colors, lubricated, non-, etc.
There was this brand I hadn't seen before, and the wrapper advertised it
as "Super-thin" or some such, so I grabbed a few of those.
Later, as I was preparing to make use of the above , I noticed "Product
of Japan" on the label. Ooooh, exotic, said I.
Then I put it on.
Or, tried, rather.
Now, I don't claim to be John Holmes or Jeff Stryker or anything, but
the damned thing just plain wouldn't go on my, uh, majestic wattabongo.
Now, this may not be true for all Japanese brands, but this kind was
distinctly smaller than plain ol' Trojans. I don't remember the brand
name, but I'll go home and look, if I didn't throw them all away.
Edward Rice
drin...@adobe.com (Fred J. Drinkwater) wrote:
> Anybody have access to a searchable Congressional Record or some other
> place which might have preserved this dialogue?
You do. Try www.thomas.gov, or www.loc.gov.
The Hobbit
>
> I took a Propaganda class at CUNY and a professor said it was stunt pulled in
> the VietNam war as well. The US would leave oversized condoms around to
> demoralize the enemy.
... c'mon now... I thought that the US was the only place where males were
obsessed with size... supposedly other places (especially Oriental places)
"know" that it's not the meat, it's the motion..
... Dana "Super-Colossal, if you must know" Netz
--
= Dana A. Netz, Engineer, Daddy, Carpenter, Tinkerer, Computer Geek, Hobbit =
== Posting from the Jemez Mountains, Land of Enchantment, New Mexico, USA ==
=== "All I know is, everything you know is wrong." -- "Happy" Harry Cox ===
==== Check out my home page! http://ees-www.lanl.gov/netz/ ====
Thomas Ost
>
>This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
>
>---------------------------------1573367132720
>Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
>Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
>
>I understand that condoms are often used to cover artillery muzzles in
>inclement weather. I even recall a story somewhere about using
regular condoms
>on Tank muzzles. Hmmmm. It's pretty easy to imagine what might
happen if any
>appreciable amount of ice or snow were to lodge in a gun barrel.
>
>While this might provide an explanation for the 8" diameter 16"
condoms, I
>think the rest of the story sounds extremely ULish...
>
The story I was told by older and supposedly smarter soldiers is that
with a condom on your rifle you would not get water down the barrel and
you might get your first shot off as a "silenced" shot. Never tried it
and it never made sense.
They work better on the human anatomy, my rifle condom always fell off.
A party balloon was better.
Rael A. Fenchurch
>The story that I've heard, from a friend who lived there for 4 years, was
>that there were three sizes: medium, large, and "American".
Correct, but the order is wrong. HTH.
Rael "and there should be "British" at the right end of the list" ...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--- Rael A. Fenchurch (ra...@midnight.org, http://www.midnight.org/rael/) ---
--- "I don't think compassion's the language of our time" ---
--- "Doubt or Die" ---
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Davis
>
> Chris Anderson (c...@unify.com) wrote:
> : In article <4l0ueo$f...@gate.vwco.com>, lo...@vwco.com (ann logue) wrote:snip
> : The story that I've heard, from a friend who lived there for 4 years, was that
> : there were three sizes: medium, large, and "American".
>
> subject of family planning, contraception, etc. which contained the following
> approximate exchange:
>
> Congressperson: So, the failure rate of condoms could be reduced if they
> were sold in some range of sizes?
>
> Witness: We think so, but the marketing people tell us that ordinary size
> labels won't work. We'd have to label them "Large", "Extra-large" and
> "Super-Colossal" in order to get men to buy them.
>
> place which might have preserved this dialogue?
>
.... They're always coming and going, going and coming.. and always too soon.
Madelyn Kahn, (Blazing Saddles)
ian.m...@treebranch.com
> Then I put it on.
> Or, tried, rather.
> Now, I don't claim to be John Holmes or Jeff Stryker or anything,
> but
> the damned thing just plain wouldn't go on my, uh, majestic
> wattabongo.
Maybe they were made for fingers.
-Ion
"What, a bongo?"
Russ Arcuri
> >The story that I've heard, from a friend who lived there for 4 years, was
> >that there were three sizes: medium, large, and "American".
To which ra...@midnight.org (Rael A. Fenchurch) replied:
> Correct, but the order is wrong. HTH.
>
> Rael "and there should be "British" at the right end of the list" ...
No problem... let's reverse the order, and add "British" to the right end:
American, large, medium, British.
Russ "be careful what you ask for" Arcuri
Dave Blake
<rar...@colgate.edu> writes
At the risk of damaging Anglo-American relations further - are you
saying that Americans are big pricks?
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Dave Blake
London, England
Richard Joseph Rodriguez Jr
: >> >that there were three sizes: medium, large, and "American".
: >> Correct, but the order is wrong. HTH.
: >> Rael "and there should be "British" at the right end of the list" ...
: >No problem... let's reverse the order, and add "British" to the right end:
: >American, large, medium, British.
: At the risk of damaging Anglo-American relations further - are you
: saying that Americans are big pricks?
This reminds me of a joke my family heard in Australia:
What's the difference between Toyota Land Cruisers and porcupines?
Pocupines have their pricks on the inside.
wescra...@gmail.com
I got mo' problems than you ho problems and I put daily many pills
In a few years a man will call a strike on newly formed towers. This man is a american and he will deny it all. Listen to me HE IS LYING. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
btw u lookin hecka fine ;)
Mark Shaw
--
Mark Shaw moc TOD liamg TA wahsnm
========================================================================
"All of my mistakes are giving me ideas." - Natalie Lileks