Abzorposition 1 - new sex position (not SPAM)
abzorba
Sutra, nor in Joy of Sex, so I am laying (sorry) claim to it. Imagine
the vanilla missionary position. Now all the male has to do is reverse
his position, that is, his head is down near her feet, and his feet
are near her head. That’s it! It’s simple, safe, and fun! Of course,
it’s not QUITE that simple if you are a microweiniac, like some of the
posters who will be writing in to say it’s not the real thing. The
female may have to help with getting roger in the right angle, but
that’s not asking too much. And it’s slower than the other positions,
but that’s a nice variation.
What does the girl get from this? Well, this is the abzorposition’s
SPECIAL appeal. There is something missing from ALL the other
positions. In none of them can the female get a clear view of the
man’s bum. She is denied this, although the man in the “a la negresse”
position can see hers to great advantage. That’s just not fair, which
is why I expect feminists all over the world will rally to support
abzorpositionism as not only necessary, but compulsory. In the
abzorposition 1, the female not only has a clear view of the man’s
bum, but it is the ONLY thing of him that she sees! And for many men,
that may be their sole asset.
I have memories of making love in this way for the first time, and
asking gf what she thought of this new experience. She said: “It was
like a strange, beautiful but awesome beast, split in twain, like a
giant moon moving up and down across my fields, a Frankensteinian
metronome, travelling to who knows where…” or words to that effect.
(She was very poetic).
I believe that, as one can patent human genetic material, I can patent
a sex position, so you will have to pay me to do it. But as a special
opening offer, I am inviting you to try this out with your partner,
and report back here.
Oh, and to be OT, what will we call it?
Myles (It’s not even in Wikipedia!) Paulsen
Peter Duncanson (BrE)
<myle...@yahoo.com.au> wrote:
>In my youth, I invented a new sex position! It’s not in the Kama
>Sutra, nor in Joy of Sex, so I am laying (sorry) claim to it.
>
>I have memories of making love in this way for the first time, and
>asking gf what she thought of this new experience. She said: “It was
>like a strange, beautiful but awesome beast, split in twain, like a
>giant moon moving up and down across my fields, a Frankensteinian
>metronome, travelling to who knows where…” or words to that effect.
>(She was very poetic).
>
>I believe that, as one can patent human genetic material, I can patent
>a sex position, so you will have to pay me to do it. But as a special
>opening offer, I am inviting you to try this out with your partner,
>and report back here.
>
Forget about trying to patent it. There is probably prior art. There are
other business opportunities.
Firstly, bum/butt-tattooing.
Secondly, a specialised social networking site to compete with Facebook:
Bumbook or Buttbook.
Thirdly, anything to prevent farting. In the position you describe the
woman seems to be particularly exposed to unwanted gaseous emissions.
>Oh, and to be OT, what will we call it?
>
>Myles (It’s not even in Wikipedia!) Paulsen
--
Peter Duncanson, UK
(in alt.usage.english)
Bill Marcum
On 2010-12-17, abzorba <myle...@yahoo.com.au> wrote:
>
> I have memories of making love in this way for the first time, and
> asking gf what she thought of this new experience. She said: “It was
> like a strange, beautiful but awesome beast, split in twain, like a
> giant moon moving up and down across my fields, a Frankensteinian
> metronome, travelling to who knows where…” or words to that effect.
> (She was very poetic).
>
> I believe that, as one can patent human genetic material, I can patent
> a sex position, so you will have to pay me to do it. But as a special
> opening offer, I am inviting you to try this out with your partner,
> and report back here.
>
Metronome.
--
A bureaucracy's success is determined by its rebels.
Peter Duncanson (BrE)
<myle...@yahoo.com.au> wrote:
>In my youth, I invented a new sex position! It’s not in the Kama
>Sutra, nor in Joy of Sex, so I am laying (sorry) claim to it. Imagine
>the vanilla missionary position. Now all the male has to do is reverse
>his position, that is, his head is down near her feet, and his feet
>are near her head. That’s it! It’s simple, safe, and fun! Of course,
>it’s not QUITE that simple if you are a microweiniac, like some of the
>posters who will be writing in to say it’s not the real thing. The
>female may have to help with getting roger in the right angle, but
>that’s not asking too much. And it’s slower than the other positions,
>but that’s a nice variation.
>
<snip>
>
>I have memories of making love in this way for the first time, and
>asking gf what she thought of this new experience. She said: “It was
>like a strange, beautiful but awesome beast, split in twain, like a
>giant moon moving up and down across my fields, a Frankensteinian
>metronome, travelling to who knows where…” or words to that effect.
>(She was very poetic).
<snip>
>Oh, and to be OT, what will we call it?
>
The "Full Moon" position.
http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/moon?view=uk
moon
verb
2 [no object] informal expose one's buttocks to someone in order to
insult or amuse them.
abzorba
wrote:
> On Fri, 17 Dec 2010 02:45:49 -0800 (PST), abzorba
>
>
>
>
>
> <myles...@yahoo.com.au> wrote:
> >In my youth, I invented a new sex position! It’s not in the Kama
> >Sutra, nor in Joy of Sex, so I am laying (sorry) claim to it. Imagine
> >the vanilla missionary position. Now all the male has to do is reverse
> >his position, that is, his head is down near her feet, and his feet
> >are near her head. That’s it! It’s simple, safe, and fun! Of course,
> >it’s not QUITE that simple if you are a microweiniac, like some of the
> >posters who will be writing in to say it’s not the real thing. The
> >female may have to help with getting roger in the right angle, but
> >that’s not asking too much. And it’s slower than the other positions,
> >but that’s a nice variation.
>
> <snip>
>
> >I have memories of making love in this way for the first time, and
> >asking gf what she thought of this new experience. She said: “It was
> >like a strange, beautiful but awesome beast, split in twain, like a
> >giant moon moving up and down across my fields, a Frankensteinian
> >metronome, travelling to who knows where…” or words to that effect.
> >(She was very poetic).
> <snip>
> >Oh, and to be OT, what will we call it?
>
>
> moon
> verb
> 2 [no object] informal expose one's buttocks to someone in order to
> insult or amuse them.
>
> --
> Peter Duncanson, UK
>
> - Show quoted text -
Full moon position sounds good. I notice that no one has disuputed
that this is an ENTIRELY new position that has never been described
before, so if I cannot patent it, I will expect SOME credit for it. Dr
Abzorba's Full Moon Position might do it. Some males have averred
that it would be the most boring position there is, because the man
can see nothing but the end of the bed, or perhaps her feet if he
looks right and left, and can feel very little of her body. But, that
kind of teasing privation is part of the appeal of the position. And
there is something they have forgotten. As he lies there, she can very
readily cup his balls in her hand and ask him to work harder. The
effect is electrifying out of all proportion to the modesty of the
position.
The idea that bum tattoos could be devised which add to the
atomosphere is interesting. I know of case (once again from my youth)
in which this young bloke came back to his girlfriend after being away
for a couple of weeks, and found she had "Property of the Hell's
Angels" tattooted neatly on her buns. Must have been quite a night!.
Myles (Or perhaps a BIG SMILEY FACE with its tongue sticking out?)
Paulsen
David DeLaney
>Full moon position sounds good. I notice that no one has disuputed
>that this is an ENTIRELY new position that has never been described
>before, so if I cannot patent it, I will expect SOME credit for it.
Every generation thinks they've invented sex AND all the variations it contains.
Dave "this is your GRANDMOTHER we're talking about" DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney posting from d...@vic.com "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://www.vic.com/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ & Magic / I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.
abzorba
> abzorba <myles...@yahoo.com.au> wrote:
> >Full moon position sounds good. I notice that no one has disuputed
> >that this is an ENTIRELY new position that has never been described
> >before, so if I cannot patent it, I will expect SOME credit for it.
>
> Every generation thinks they've invented sex AND all the variations it contains.
>
time. Ahh...did you ACTUALLY ever read somewhere that somebody (and in
EVERY generation) said that they had invented Sex, and ALL the
variations it contains, or are you just making that up?
In any case, I did not aver that no one in the history of the world
had ever adopted Dr Abzorba's Full Moon Postition, I said:
"In my youth, I invented a new sex position! It’s not in the Kama
Sutra, nor in Joy of Sex, so I am laying (sorry) claim to it." I added
later that it was not in Wikipedia, either. That may not be formally
"inventing", but for the purposes of this froup, it comes close
enough. It is the fate of every thread in this newsgroup that it
either ends up being about food, or simply disappears under a morass
of meaningless quibbles. Sex is an interesting topic, so let's keep
the discussion of it here interesting as well.
Myles (abzorba's mentor) Paulsen
Agnorasi
Say arn't you afraid that someone is going to knock at your door who
you won't know and never invited and push their way iin and try to
rape you? why havnt you been burgled yet? and who's protecting you?
abzorba
>
> - Show quoted text -
Ahh, a brief look at the posts this idiot makes will show you that
this is about as good (or bad) as it gets.
Myles (Medic! Vere iz you?) Paulsen
Agnorasi
>
> - Show quoted text -
As far as I'm aware everyone who writes here is NOT actually
representing their profession or their employers...except you perhaps?
and who would you work for now?
Peter Duncanson (BrE)
Dr Abzorba's Full Moon Position is a modification of the Missionary
Position. One missionary is the Reverend Moon of the Unification Church:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sun_Myung_Moon
Mike Lyle
And if one's out of luck, there's the <cross-thread alert>
altoo-frequent dismissionary position.
--
Mike.