More sillies (ot)

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katie

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Oct 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM10/23/99
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> More Pondering!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> 1. When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"?
>
> 2. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush
> hour?
>
> 3. Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?
>
> 4. Why is there a road sign that says "Braille Institute, Next
> Exit"?
>
> 5. Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
>
> 6. If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?
>
> 7. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
>
> 8. Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the
> difference between here and there?
>
> 9. When you go into a hotel you always see reception. Why do you
> never just see ception?
>
> 10. If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays
> the same?
>
> 11. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you
> could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the
> paper?
>
> 12. Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy
> fortune tellers take economists seriously?
>
> 13. If genetic scientists crossed a chicken with a zebra would
> they get a four-legged chicken with its own barcode?
>
> 14. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why
> practice?
>
> 15. Why is there always one in every crowd?
>
> 16. If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?
>
> 17. Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?
>
> 18. Why do hair shampoo instructions say "Lather. Rinse.
> Repeat"? If you did this, would you ever be able to stop?
>
> 19. Who decided "Hotpoint" would be a good name for a company
> that sells refrigerators?
>
> 20. How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
>
>

--
katie
--------------------------

Joney

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Oct 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM10/23/99
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Very good! I'd really like the bumps on the highway.


Kim

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Oct 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM10/24/99
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Oh don't you just wish! <g>
Kim
*****

Katie wished:


13. If genetic scientists crossed a chicken with a zebra would
>> they get a four-legged chicken with its own barcode?


Kim
Porch Dreamer
AFGS '99
(remove NOSPAM to reply)

Kim

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Oct 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM10/24/99
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Because one is all we can take!!! Muwahahaha!!!
Kim
*****

>katie wrote:
15. Why is there always one in every crowd?
>>

Mousie

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Oct 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM10/24/99
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As a matter of fact, a group of friends of mine and myself formed "The
Society of Procrastinators". It was formed initially so we could get some
funding from our university to form a society (like the squash society;
drama society etc). Unfortunately we all took so long in applying for
funding that we missed the deadline. Still, the name stuck and for the last
two years we have been trying to get a time to get together for a few drinks
etc.

A couple of weeks ago, we actually managed to meet (apart from one member
who said he was moving house that day). So, I would say that yes,
procrastinator's clubs do meet, but very rarely. We did plan another meeting
for this month, but I'll let you know when we DO meet (sometime in the year
2001 if all goes to schedule)

Mousie

> > 6. If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?

> katie
> --------------------------
>
>

Erica B

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Oct 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM10/24/99
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When something fades in the sunlight, where did the colors go?
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are
invisible.
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set
it to?
When we say our mind wanders - where does it go?
When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).
When you go into a hotel you always see reception. Why do you never just see
ception?
When you put a sheet over your head for Halloween, are you a ghost or a
mattress?
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to
play chess?
When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.
Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath?
Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?
Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?
Where do they get spring water in the other 3 seasons?
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
Where does your lap go when you stand up?
Where is Old Zealand?
Which came first? The woman or the department store?
Which is the other side of the street?
Who can I blame for my problems? Give me a minute; I'll find someone.
Who cares who's on board?
Who decided "Hotpoint" would be a good name for a company that sells
refrigerators?
Who killed the Dead Sea?
Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid
to have a chapter 11?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'asteroids?'
Why are highways built so close to the ground?
Why are light switches marked 'on' and 'off?' If they're on you can read them
if they are off you can't see to read them.
Why are raisins called raisins if they are only dried grapes? Why not just
call them dried grapes?
Why are some gay people so unhappy?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there pockets on men's pajama tops?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why are violets blue and not violet?
Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone?
Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders?
Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?
Why can't we tickle ourselves?
Why can't you make another word using all the letters in 'anagram?'
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why did the pot call the kettle black?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire
taller dancers?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do flamingos stand on only one leg?
Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why do hair shampoo instructions say, "Lather. Rinse. Repeat?" If you did

this, would you ever be able to stop?
Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?
Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren't made for jumping on?
Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed?
Do they feel perhaps that they'll need an alibi?
Why do people go to the unemployment office to find a job?
Why do people tell you when they are speechless?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
Why do pigs have curly tails?
Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?
Why do the signs that say 'slow children' have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Why do they call it life insurance?
Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?
Why do they call the piece of wood a two-by-four if it's only 1 3/4" x 3 1/2?"
Why do they call Wednesday hump day, when most people get laid on the weekends?

Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean
them?
Why do they make cars go so fast its illegal?
Why do they make scented toilet paper?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they put Braille on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in
telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?
Why do we call something sent by car a shipment and something sent by ship a
cargo?
Why do we call them restrooms when no one goes there to rest?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we have hot water heaters when hot water doesn't need to be heated?
Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?
Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them?
Why do we put shirts in a suitcase, and put suits in a garment bag?
Why do we say 'a pair of pants' when there is only one article of clothing
involved?
Why do we say something is out of whack? Can something be in whack?
Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game," when we are already there?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do wise guy and wise man mean entirely different things?
Why do you feet smell and your nose runs?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and
drive?
Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic?
Why does a dishtowel get wet when it dries?
Why does a grapefruit look nothing like a grape?
Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?
Why does the department of the interior administer America's parks when they
are outside?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Why don't they call mustaches mouthbrows?
Why don't they just make food stamps edible?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery?"
Why get even, when you can get odd?
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a
racecar not called a racist?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is clear considered a color?
Why is it called a 'building' when it is already built?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of superman's chest, but he ducks when the
gun is thrown at him?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice?'
Why is it that famous people are always born on holidays?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is it that only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that so many towns are named after their water towers?
Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on 'START?'
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but
when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down
the volume on the radio?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down
the volume on the radio?
Why is it when a house burns up, we say it burns down.
Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with
real lemons?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?


Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why is there a road sign that says "Braille Institute, Next Exit"?

Why is there always one in every crowd?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a speech, I end
it?
Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
Wink. I'll do the rest.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
You can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better
have a lot more to offer.
You can keep puking, long after you think you're finished.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them, and hope they
panic and give in.
You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up.
You know how most packages say 'open here.' What is the protocol if the
package says, 'open somewhere else?'
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why
can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
You shouldn't compare yourself to others; they are more screwed up than you
think.
You! Off my planet!
Your family won't always be there for you. Of course, if you win the lottery,
the ol' hag, the philanderer, the screw-up, and the missing one will be there
for 'you.'
Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot!

--------------------
On mounting a rising ground, which brought the figure of his fellow traveler in
relief against the sky, gigantic in height, and muffled in a cloak, Ichabod was
horror-struck, on perceiving that he was headless!
--------------------

Simon Sinclair

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Oct 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM10/24/99
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katie wrote in message

> > 1. When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"?

Perhaps.

Simon - Porch Snack-Runner and resident klutz


katie

unread,
Oct 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM10/24/99
to
you would! My husband used to drive that way. How we ever made it in one
place I never know.

--
katie
--------------------------
Joney wrote in message <7uu01n$9v7$1...@nntp6.atl.mindspring.net>...

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