Songs about computers.
Isaac Rabinovitch
I really hate this damn machine,
I really wish they'd sell it.
It never does quite what I want,
But only what I tell it!
I no longer have a copy of *The Telnet Song*, which appeared in 85 or
therabouts in an ACM publication. It's all about the recursive problems
you can get into if you use TELNET (a network-style CU, I gather) to call
another machine, then use TELNET on *that* machine... Just as the problem
itself is recursive, the song is *also* recursive!
Anders Ellefsrud
> I no longer have a copy of *The Telnet Song*, which appeared in 85 or
> therabouts in an ACM publication. It's all about the recursive problems
> you can get into if you use TELNET (a network-style CU, I gather) to call
> another machine, then use TELNET on *that* machine... Just as the problem
> itself is recursive, the song is *also* recursive!
THE TELNET SONG ("Control-Uparrow Q.")
Words and music by The Great Quux (c) 1984 Guy L. Steele Jr.
A function of N. N = 4 is recommended.
EVERYBODY-SING (
There is a program called TELNET
that gets to another CPU.
Control-uparrow is the escape;
it's doubled to send it thorugh,
and "quit" is control-uparrow Q.
A hacker once used TELNET
to get to another CPU.
He knew he could quit whenever he wanted to:
all he had to do
was type control-uparrow Q.
FOR I = 1 TO N (
Instead the hacker used TELNET
to get to another CPU.
He knew he could quit whenever he wanted to:
all he had to do
was type FOR J = 1 TO 2^I ( control-uparrow ) Q.
)
The hacker soon grew bored of this,
and wanted to get back.
He sighed, and started the exponential
popping of the stack:
FOR I = N DOWNTO 1 (
The hacker flushed the TELNET
to the most distant CPU;
He couldn't log out until he had killed them all,
counting up powers of two:
He typed FOR J = 1 TO 2^I ( control-uparrow ) Q.
)
The hacker flushed the TELNET
to the other CPU;
He couldn't log out until he had killed them all,
counting up powers of two:
He typed control-uparrow Q.
SPOKEN ( Whew! )
The hacker's eyes was blood-shot;
his fingers, back and blue;
He wanted to log out and go home to bed,
and sleep for a day or two.
He typed L O G O U
SPOKEN (
T
carriage return.
)
The hacker was on a net-
work with only twenty CPU's.
But if he had TELNET-ed to them all,
he would not yet be thorough
with typing control-uparrow control-uparrow control-uparrow control-uparrow
control-uparrow control-uparrow control-uparrow Q!
)
WITH-CHORDS (TRANSPOSE (
G G G
G C C G
G C G Em
A7 D7
D7 D7 D7 G
FOR I = 1 TO N (
G G G
G C C G
G C G Em
A7 D7
D7 D Bm D Bm D Bm ... D7 G
)
C G
D G
C G Em A7
A7 D7
FOR I = N DOWNTO 1 (
G G G
G C C G
G C G Em
A7 D7
D7 D Bm D Bm D Bm ... D7 G
)
FOR I = 1 TO 2 (
G G G
G C C G
G C G Em
A7 D7
D7 D7 D7 G
)
G G G
G C C G
G C G Em
A7 D7
D7 D Bm
D Bm
D Bm
D Bm
D Bm
D Bm
D7 D7 G
)
Mark Crispin
Now, for a real trivia question:
Who invented the TELNET interface referred to in that song?
and Why was that interface designed that way?
First correct answer gets to call himself a true trivia buff.
_____ | ____ ___|___ /__ Mark Crispin, 206 842-2385, R90/6 pilot, DoD#0105
_|_|_ -|- || __|__ / / 6158 Lariat Loop NE "Gaijin! Gaijin!"
|_|_|_| |\-++- |===| / / Bainbridge Island, WA "Gaijin ha doko ka?"
--|-- /| |||| |___| /\ USA 98110-2098 "Niichan ha gaijin."
/|\ | |/\| _______ / \ "Chigau. Gaijin ja nai. Omae ha gaijin darou"
/ | \ | |__| / \ / \"Iie, boku ha nihonjin." "Souka. Yappari gaijin!"
Hee, dakedo UNIX nanka wo tsukatte, umaku ikanaku temo shiranai yo.
Eugene N. Miya
Rob...@src.dec.com of CPSR of the song White Collar Holler
about a John Henry versus the machine (computer).
--e. nobuo miya, NASA Ames Research Center, eug...@orville.nas.nasa.gov
{uunet,mailrus,other gateways}!ames!eugene
Allon Stern
Here's one my father wrote some years ago. It used to hang
on the door to the computer room in building 2 at Goddard Space Flight
Center (NASA).
(to the tune of POP goes the weasel)
CRASH! goes the System
Two specks of dust on a Winchester disk
No use to hope you missed them
That's the way computing goes--
CRASH! goes the system.
Go exchange the circuit boards
Try and use your wisdom
No way will you catch that bug--
CRASH! goes the system.
Our pride and joy has features galore
It takes a day to list them
And none of them can be used any more--
CRASH! goes the system.
Richard A. Schumacher
Does anyone know more verses to the song that Larry Niven
quoted in "A World Out Of Time"? It went in part:
Oh, we've got a new computer, but it's quite
a disappointment
'Cause it always gives the same insane advice:...
Mark E. Shoulson
Found this in a local fortune-cookie file.
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town
cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus <north pole > town
who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
be good
}
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town
cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus <north pole > town
who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | grep bad || good
for (goodness sake) { be good; }
~mark
o o o o o o o o o o o o
o o o o o o o
o o o o o o o o o o o N2KOT
Mark E. Shoulson: shou...@cunixf.cc.columbia.edu shou...@cunixc.bitnet
Matthew Braun
(Eugene N. Miya) writes:
|>I got the word from someone, and I forwarded them to Eric
|>Rob...@src.dec.com of CPSR of the song White Collar Holler
|>about a John Henry versus the machine (computer).
Hmmm. I'm wasn't aware that the WCH was about John Henry. I happen to remember
a song written a...while ago. It was on a record by "The Brothers Four," a
folk group from the sixties. (They hit it big with "Greensleves", or
"Green Fields", or something like that.) Anyway, when I was somewhere around
6 to 8 years old, I "acquired" (read: took) one of their albums from my Mom's
collection, and listened to it...a lot. She didn't miss it, I guess.
Anyway, I'm now somewhere (lost) in my 20's, so some of the words may not
be correct, and any corrections people can give would be appreciated
(the reason
for the post, instead of mail: hopeful corrections). It's a little bit dated
(ha!) but still kind of amusing. (Wish I still had the darn record...)
m@
So, here's the story of John Henry, the Thinkin' Man, by the Brothers Four
=========
(Sung:)
When John Henry was a little baby
He was sittin' on his Mammy's knee
Well he picked up a sliding rule, and a book on mathematics,
saying "Thinkin's gonna be the job for me."
saying "Thinkin's gonna be the job for me."
(Spoken:)
When John Henry was just a little baby,
He decided that when he grew up, he was gonna be a thinkin' man
So he decided to go to college and learn all about it.
He did, and he found out that there was:
Algebra and thinkin'
Geometry and thinkin'
Triginometry and thinkin'
Calculus and thinkin'
Philosopy and thinkin'
But English?
(Sung:)
Grammar's gonna be the death of me, Lord, Lord,
Grammar's gonna be the death of me.
(Spoken:)
Or the classics:
(Sung:)
Homer's gonna be the death of me, Lord, Lord
Homer's gonna be the death of me.
(Spoken:)
Well John Henry finished with college
and went out into the real world.
And, well, his first job was with the John Birch Society
Thinkin' up Communism.
After that he worked for the Ford Motor Company
That's right--he thought up the Edsel!
His next job was with the CIA
Thinking up excuses.
Now, as we all know, the government is very economy minded,
trying to cut down on costs.
Well, one day, they brought in an efficiency expert,
trying to cut down on manpower
He looked around, and hollered out:
(Sung:)
Automation! Automation!
Automation! Automation!
Now the expert said to John Henry
I'm gonna bring me a computer 'round
I'm gonna bring me a computer, an electronic brain, son
I'll bet it's gonna put the answer down!
Computers help to keep the payroll down.
Now the man who invented the computer
was from a place, called MIT
Well, he punched out cards,
and tapes by the yards,
Gonna nearer my God to me
gonna nearer my God to me
Well John Henry said to the inventor,
"All your tubes don't mean a damn
All your wires and your circuits,
they are just of modern work-its
Never ever gonna beat a thinkin' man.
They are never gonna beat a thinkin' man.
(Spoken:)
So the inventor proposed they have a contest
try to find out who was the better thinker
The inventor punched out a card for the computer...
John Henry stepped into isolation
Ralph Edwards ready with the question!
(The race--it's on!)
(Sung--Fast:)
John Henry started in a thinkin'
'Til his head rose cherry red
There was smoke from his ears,
and his eyes poured tears
And he thunk till his brain dropped dead
(think, thank, thunk?)
Thunk till his brain dropped dead...
(Slowly:)
They took John Henry to the Bug House
But still his legend grows...
Now, please don't get us wrong
There's a moral to this song:
Don't ever doubt the thinking power of Man
(or, on the other hand:)
Don't ever sell your stock
in I.B.M. :-)