Real(tm) Folklore
The Polymath
I know the following stories are true because they happened to me ... or I
happened to them ... um ... anyway:
When I first got interested in computers I was entirely self-taught. I'd
read the manuals in the terminal room at CSUN and try to make stuff work.
One day I was fiddling with FORTRAN and trying to write to a file (this
was on a CDC 3300 running KRONOS, as I recall). I set up my deck of cards
following the manual and ran the program. It seemed ok, so I ran it again
-- and it bombed. After much head scratching, I finally went to one of
the head gurus who'd helped me before. He started reading through the
deck. After about three cards his jaw dropped and he turned white. "My
God!," he said, "You've opened a file on the master disk! It's
99% full! [the disk, that is]"
I told him I'd just done what the manuals said. The next day, all the
manuals were gone from the terminal room. I kid you not. (-:
These two aren't really easter eggs, but they existed at the time:
One of my first jobs involved analyzing the OMSI Pascal compiler with a
view to porting it to another system. Two comments I found in the
compiler's source code were:
Expression syntax too grotesque. (On failing to parse an
arithmetic expression).
Well, shit. After all that work. (After a page of code trying to
figure out a floating point
expression).
Then there was the year I got the card punches to print lace cards that
spelled out MERRY XMAS and mailed them to all my friends. (Well, I
thought they were clever (-: ).
This one happened to a co-worker at Rockwell's Shuttle Avionics
Development Lab (ADL). He was having some problems with a shuttle
computer peripheral and asked the duty tech for advice. "You've got to go
into the mock-up and flip the switch," was the response. So, off he went
to the Space Shuttle mock-up to flip the switch. Of course, as he found
out, the Shuttle's cabin is literally _coated_ with switches. The tech
hadn't even told him which one, let alone where it was. (-:
I can't claim to have actually seen this one, but the L.A. Times reported,
some time in the late '60s, that the following sign hung in the UCLA
computer room:
ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! DAS COMPUTENMACHINE IST NICHT FUR
GEFINGERPOKEN UND MITTENGRABBEN! IST EASY SNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK,
BLOWEN FUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT PITZENSPARKEN! IST NICHT FUR
GEWERKEN BY DAS DUMBKOPFEN! DAS RUBBERNECKEN SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS
HANTS IN DAS POCKETS, RELAXEN UND VATCH DAS BLINKENLIGHTS!
It must be true, or I wouldn't still remember it after 20 years. (-:
--
The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe, holl...@ttidca.tti.com) Illegitimis non
Citicorp(+)TTI Carborundum
3100 Ocean Park Blvd. (213) 450-9111, x2483
Santa Monica, CA 90405 {csun | philabs | psivax}!ttidca!hollombe
Howard A. Landman x61391
> BLOWEN FUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT PITZENSPARKEN! IST NICHT FUR
I remember that as "SPITZENSPARKEN".
Howard A. Landman
landman%han...@eng.sun.com
Alan M. Hoffman
I've got a copy of that sign hanging over my desk. It reads as follows:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ACHTUNG!
Alles Lookenspeepers
Das computenmachine ist nicht fur gefinger poken und mitten grabben.
Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen, und poppencorken mit
spettzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pokets--relaxen und watch das
blinkenlights.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Of course, your results may vary . . .
---------------------------------------------------------- OO OO OOO OOOO
Alan M. Hoffman/UCS Operations OO OO OO OO
ARPA: ahof...@skat.usc.edu Compuserve: 74066,1363 OO OO OO OO
UUCP: uunet!usc!ahoffman Phone: (818) 548-5182 OOO OOO OOOO
Sharon Fisher
>some time in the late '60s, that the following sign hung in the UCLA
>computer room:
>
> ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! DAS COMPUTENMACHINE IST NICHT FUR
> GEFINGERPOKEN UND MITTENGRABBEN! IST EASY SNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK,
> BLOWEN FUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT PITZENSPARKEN! IST NICHT FUR
> GEWERKEN BY DAS DUMBKOPFEN! DAS RUBBERNECKEN SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS
> HANTS IN DAS POCKETS, RELAXEN UND VATCH DAS BLINKENLIGHTS!
This was fairly common, actually. I saw it about 1976 in a computer
center in upstate New York.
Roger Hayes
>>Seen in a computer room:
>>
>> ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! DAS COMPUTENMACHINE IST NICHT FUR
>> GEFINGERPOKEN UND MITTENGRABBEN! IST EASY SNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK,
>> BLOWEN FUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT PITZENSPARKEN! IST NICHT FUR
>> GEWERKEN BY DAS DUMBKOPFEN! DAS RUBBERNECKEN SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS
>> HANTS IN DAS POCKETS, RELAXEN UND VATCH DAS BLINKENLIGHTS!
>
I first saw a sign of this genre in 1972 -- it was on a mechanical dimmer
board in the South Eugene High School theater. This board was a real
bear; the master dimmer had a short through the handle, so fade-to-black
was done by two stagehands using hands, elbows, knees and feet to move
all of the individual dimmers more-or-less simultaneously. Back when
stages were wood and stagehands were iron...
If you like this, you should pay attention to xerox folklore -- you know,
like the "swing.. as desired by the customer ..as designed by engineering
..as installed" one or the "You want it WHEN?!?!" one. Good stuff; often
telling commentary on the workplace.
Roger Hayes
r_h...@eng.sun.com
Disclaimer: GMAB.
Charles Green
>In (a long chain of articles) (several people) write:
>>>Seen in a computer room:
>>> ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! DAS COMPUTENMACHINE IST NICHT FUR
A former fellow programmer here, who professed to know German, made a point of
trying to translate this for our edification. He got a few of the words, but
was stumped by most of it.
This was the same fellow who had a beer stein emblazoned with "Hackerbrau".
And saw no association to the computer industry - to him a "hack" was a
cab driver...
--
{decuac.dec.com,cucstud,sundc}!c3pe!charles ex::!echo Boo:
Leonard Erickson
>In article <129...@sun.Eng.Sun.COM> r_h...@sun.UUCP (Roger Hayes) writes:
>>In (a long chain of articles) (several people) write:
>>>>Seen in a computer room:
>>>> ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! DAS COMPUTENMACHINE IST NICHT FUR
>A former fellow programmer here, who professed to know German, made a point of
>trying to translate this for our edification. He got a few of the words, but
>was stumped by most of it.
We had a similar sign hanging on a piece weird equipment (an old SilTec sorter)
except that it said "Instrumenten" rather than "Computenmachine".
Our company is owned by a German company. One day a plant tour came through.
Those of us working on the machine were about ready to die when we realized
that all these important Germans were looking at the sign. But we tried our
best to keep working as if nothing unusual was happening.
The next day the sign was gone and we never did have the guts to ask why
or what the Germans (The BOARD OF DIRECTORS!!) had thought.
--
Leonard Erickson ...!tektronix!reed!percival!bucket!leonard
CIS: [70465,203]
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools.
Let's start with typewriters." -- Solomon Short
Douglas W. Jones,201H MLH,3193350740,3193382879
> cha...@c3pe.UUCP (Charles Green) writes:
>
>>>>> ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! DAS COMPUTENMACHINE IST NICHT FUR
>
>
> Those of us working on the machine were about ready to die when we realized
> that all these important Germans were looking at the sign. But we tried our
> best to keep working as if nothing unusual was happening.
An old friend of mine, Frank Maberry (now at the U. of Illinois) used to
work at the Baylor hospital computer center in Texas. The people working
there got annoyed at the number of times IBM sales reps came through with
prospective customers, so he says that they put up a needlepoint sampler,
nicely framed, over the console. It was a quote from the science fiction
story "When Harlie was One":
IBM
You BM
We all BM
for IBM
Frank says that IBM didn't bring many customers through after that.
Doug Jones
jo...@herky.cs.uiowa.edu