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Universal Love and Romantic Love
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Ilya Shambat
Oct 25, 2022, 8:05:57 PM10/25/22
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W. H. Auden wrote, “The error born in every woman and every man not universal love but to be loved alone.”
The question to ask is, What do you mean by love?
I cannot be expected to love every woman the way I love Julia or Michelle. Nor can I be expected to love every child the way I love my daughter. There is however a viable definition of this, and it is as follows:
To understand other people and have good will and compassion toward them.
I have learned this from two ladies: Layo and Julia. The first was an occultist and the second was a Christian, but one thing that they both had in common was their belief in love. And what both of them would do is seek to understand the next person instead of judging them, and then based on that treat them with compassion.
Being loved alone is not an error. If you are married to someone, you should expect for them to love you alone. However even in case of marriage it can be useful to understand and have goodwill toward other people.
In all cases, it is important to know what is meant by love. It is valid to extend understanding and compassion to the next person. It is not valid to extend passion or partiality. With understanding and compassion, by all means make it universal. With romantic love, keep it for one special person.
The question to ask is, What do you mean by love?
I cannot be expected to love every woman the way I love Julia or Michelle. Nor can I be expected to love every child the way I love my daughter. There is however a viable definition of this, and it is as follows:
To understand other people and have good will and compassion toward them.
I have learned this from two ladies: Layo and Julia. The first was an occultist and the second was a Christian, but one thing that they both had in common was their belief in love. And what both of them would do is seek to understand the next person instead of judging them, and then based on that treat them with compassion.
Being loved alone is not an error. If you are married to someone, you should expect for them to love you alone. However even in case of marriage it can be useful to understand and have goodwill toward other people.
In all cases, it is important to know what is meant by love. It is valid to extend understanding and compassion to the next person. It is not valid to extend passion or partiality. With understanding and compassion, by all means make it universal. With romantic love, keep it for one special person.
Ilya Shambat
Oct 30, 2022, 7:12:01 AM10/30/22
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There are proponents of universal love, and there are proponents of romantic love.
We are dealing here with two totally different, and unrelated, things.
On the one hand we see compassion and understanding. On the other hand we see passion and partiality. It is valid to extend compassion and understanding to everyone; it is valid to extend passion and partiality to some.
When Jesus command us to love our neighbor, he is not saying that we should feel passionate about every next person. He says that we should go to the bother of understanding the next person and relating to them with compassion and good will. After I started doing that, I developed compassion for a lot of people for whom I did not have compassion before, such as the Muslims and the “rednecks.” It has done wonders for my disposition. And I’ve also found out that compassion works much better than mere judgmentalism.
Some people are more naturally compassionate than others. Even if it is not a part of your nature, it can be learned. Go to the bother of figuring out where the next person is coming from and then relate to them from that premise.
The error of universal love, by itself, is lack of personal loyalty. The error of romantic love, by itself, is failure to consider the rest of the world. When the two get confused, we get marital infidelity and promiscuity. But when you practice both correctly, you have both meaningful relationships and a positive impact upon the rest of the world.
There is a place for universal love, and there is a place for romantic love. The two places are totally different. Romantic love is meant for inside the home; universal love is meant for outside the home. Have the correct place for both and have the full life.
We are dealing here with two totally different, and unrelated, things.
On the one hand we see compassion and understanding. On the other hand we see passion and partiality. It is valid to extend compassion and understanding to everyone; it is valid to extend passion and partiality to some.
When Jesus command us to love our neighbor, he is not saying that we should feel passionate about every next person. He says that we should go to the bother of understanding the next person and relating to them with compassion and good will. After I started doing that, I developed compassion for a lot of people for whom I did not have compassion before, such as the Muslims and the “rednecks.” It has done wonders for my disposition. And I’ve also found out that compassion works much better than mere judgmentalism.
Some people are more naturally compassionate than others. Even if it is not a part of your nature, it can be learned. Go to the bother of figuring out where the next person is coming from and then relate to them from that premise.
The error of universal love, by itself, is lack of personal loyalty. The error of romantic love, by itself, is failure to consider the rest of the world. When the two get confused, we get marital infidelity and promiscuity. But when you practice both correctly, you have both meaningful relationships and a positive impact upon the rest of the world.
There is a place for universal love, and there is a place for romantic love. The two places are totally different. Romantic love is meant for inside the home; universal love is meant for outside the home. Have the correct place for both and have the full life.
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