Monty Python and the Lord of the Rings.
SupraJulie
trilogy. Then, for some reason, I started to think about Monty Python. Then I
started to think, what would happpen if the cast of Monty Python would do the
Lord of the Rings movie (disturbing, but humorous). Here's some of what I came
up with.
**************************************************************************
********************
Frodo, Sam, and Pippin are making their way from Hobbiton when they hear the
sound of hoofs coming down the road.
They hide.
Peering from their hiding spots they see a ringwraith skipping down the road at
full speed with a little snaga orc running behind banging two halves of a
coconut together.
**************************************************************************
********************
After the death of Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gilmli set him in the boat
upon the river Rauros. Just as the are about to caste the boat off and let it
go over the falls they hear a voice.....
Boromir: I'm.....not dead.... yet.....
(he sits up)
Boromir: Infact... I think I may..... pull through.....
(pulls a couple of arrows out of him)
Boromir: Actually.... I am feeling a good bit better.
(he stands and tries to get into their boat)
Boromir: I think I will be able to come with you guys.
Aragorn hits Boromir on the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking him
unconscious. They push him back into the other boat, they caste it off and
Boromir goes plumiting over the falls.
**************************************************************************
********************
The Hobbits return home only to find that it is being held under the thumb of
Saruman.
Pipin: (to one of Saruman's ruffians): Excuse me, are you a Dundling?
Ruffian: Ofcourse I am a Dundling! 'Ow else do you think I got this
outrageously ugly?
Pipin: Then what are you doing in The Shire?
Ruffian: Mind yer own damn business!
**************************************************************************
********************
Or if you like 'The Hobbit'.............
Gandalf: (to the dwarves and Bilbo when speaking of The Lonely Mountain')
Death!
Death awaits ye! With big sharp pointed teeth.........
**************************************************************************
********************
Well there you go. I have more if you guess express interest. It's only a stab
in the dark though. I am not sure you guys even know what Monty Python is. If
you have atleast seen 'The Holy Grail' I hope you may get a chuckle.
~Julie
Katherine Pengelly
> Last night at work I was thinking about the up coming Lord of the Rings
movie
> trilogy. Then, for some reason, I started to think about Monty Python.
Then I
> started to think, what would happpen if the cast of Monty Python would do
the
> Lord of the Rings movie (disturbing, but humorous). Here's some of what I
came
> up with.
ok... here's my thought
Scene:
In the court of Theoden, the scene where Gandalf reveals the treachery of
Greimer Wormtongue:
Griemer (sp?)(to gandalf)
"Oh! Oh! ... Don't you oppress me... you see, he's opressing me... Come and
see the violence inherant in the system"...
I'm sure I'll think of a better one soon... I love monty python
Kat
--- --- ---
Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
- JRR Tolkien
Marcel
How about Sam buying Bill from Bill Fearny, and then taking it back upon
discovering he had been sold a pony that had ceaded to be.
--
Um Bongo, Um Bongo, they drink it in the Congo.
Way down deep in the middle of the jungle
A hippo took an apricot, a guava and a mango
He mixed them all together and he danced a dainty tango
The rhino said "I know, we'll call it Um Bongo".
Um Bongo, Um Bongo, they drink it in the Congo.
The python picked the passion fruit, the marmoset the mandarin
The parrot painted packets that the whole caboodle landed in
So when it comes to sun and fun and goodness in the jungle
They all prefer the sunny funny one they call Um Bongo.
Katherine Pengelly <kat.pe...@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
news:scnjg8.pt2.ln@fruitibix...
elyse
supra...@aol.com (SupraJulie) wrote:
> Last night at work I was thinking about the up coming Lord of the
Rings movie
> trilogy. Then, for some reason, I started to think about Monty
Python. Then I
> started to think, what would happpen if the cast of Monty Python
would do the
> Lord of the Rings movie (disturbing, but humorous). Here's some of
what I came
> up with.
Here are two more (maybe not so great...):
Eowyn to Aragorn: "Oh, please spank me! I've been very naughty!"
Instead of a giant spider, Sam and Frodo find a particularly viscous
bunny at the top of Cirith Ungol. Of course, instead of a phial,
Galadriel would have given Frodo a hand grenade.
>
--
Eruve
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Öjevind Lång
>Last night at work I was thinking about the up coming Lord of the Rings
movie
>trilogy. Then, for some reason, I started to think about Monty Python. Then
I
>started to think, what would happpen if the cast of Monty Python would do
the
>Lord of the Rings movie (disturbing, but humorous). Here's some of what I
came
>up with.
Here is one of mine: "It's not pining, it's passed on. This Balrog is no
more. It's ceased to be. It's expired. It's gone to meet its maker. This is
a late Balrog. It's a stiff. Bereft of life it rests in peace. It would be
pushing up the mallorns if you hadn't nailed it to the perch. It's rung down
the curtain and joined the choir invisible. It's an ex-Balrog."
Öjevind
Jon
Öjevind Lång <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
>It's an ex-Balrog."
Impossible
'Nobody expects the Spanish balrogs'..
One day son - all this could be your's...
Jon.
--
_ _ _
/ \ / \ / \ jgh...@argonet.co.uk * j...@acornarcade.com
( J | o | n )http://www.argonet.co.uk/users/jghall/
\_/ \_/ \_/ 7, High Street, Balrog Cuttings, TEUNC.
Stephen Axcell
SupraJulie <supra...@aol.com> wrote:
>Last night at work I was thinking about the up coming Lord of the Rings movie
>trilogy. Then, for some reason, I started to think about Monty Python. Then I
>started to think, what would happpen if the cast of Monty Python would do the
>Lord of the Rings movie (disturbing, but humorous). Here's some of what I came
>up with.
********************************************************************
Bilbo: Some people thought I was mad building a hole in the swamp. I
built the first one. It sank. I built another one. It sank as
well. But the third one is the finest hole in the land. And you are
going to go down there, marry that girl, and get her
enormous.... tracts of land.
Frodo: But I don't want all that. I just want to..... want
to.... sing....
********************************************************************
The Company meet up with the Ents at Isengard. Gimli (yes OK, this one
is tenous) starts singing:
#I'm a lumberjack and I'm...
(various screams, snapping, squelching and tearing sounds as Treebeard
overhears)
********************************************************************
Gimli meets up with Legolas in Helm's Deep
Legolas: So what is your count?
Gimli: 3476. I do get carried a way a bit when I am in
this..... idiom.
********************************************************************
The Balrog and Gandalf are on the bridge in Moria. Gandalf skips
backwards and forwards, slapping the Balrog across the face with two
herrings. The Balrog pulls out a sturgeon and slaps Gandalf off the
bridge.
********************************************************************
Saruman emerges from Orthanc to confront Gandalf.
Gandalf: Be warned, his voice still has power.
Saruman: Ni.
********************************************************************
More will come, I suppose.
--
GianD1124
>see the violence inherant in the system"...
>
picking up on that python scene....
Minas Tirith peasant gathering filth:
"Oh, King, eh, very nice! And 'ow did you become King?"
Aragorn:
"I bear the sword that was broken forged anew. I am Elessar the Elfstone of the
house of Isildur......"
peasant (cutting in):
"Look, you can't go around calling yourself King just because some elvish bink
made you a sword. You need a mandate from the masses!!"
Araogorn:
"Shut up!"
peasant:
"If I went around claiming I was Emperor because I had a piece of green glass,
they'd think I was looney!!"
The Minas Tirith Knights (led by Pippin)
((music))
We're Knights of the Silver and Sable
We dance when e'er we're able
Between our quests we sequin vests
And impersonate Clark Gable
...and so forth
Gian
SupraJulie
*************************************************
Grishnak:Bloody Uruk-hai and your Uruk-hai secret hand shakes. You wouldn't let
me join, would you?
*************************************************
When Aragorn mets the mouth of Sauron:
MOS: I blow my nose at you, you so called Aragorn-king, you and all your sucky
Gondor ki-nig-its! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of
elderberries!
Aragorn: Is there anyone else in there I can talk to?
And perhaps when the forces of Sauron lay seige to Minas Tirith they would
catapult a cow into the city as apposed to all of those heads.......
*************************************************
Just a thought. Given there are very few women in Python probably all the
female characters, save one, would be played by male. So picture, if you would,
Galadriel played by the ever talented Eric Idle, or perhaps the forces of Rohan
would all be men pretending to be women pretending to be men ala the stoning in
'Life of Brian.'
~Julie
Russ
Well, the WK could become the killer rabbit and various good guys could get
creamed by it. That is, until Eowyn comes along with the Holy Hand Grenade.
Or:
Gandalf: "Your ring's destroyed"
Sauron: "No, it's not"
And Dol Amorth's men are the Knight's who say Ni.
Mouth of Sauron to Aragorn: "Your mother wears army boots and your breath
smells of elderberrys. If you do not leave, I will taunt you a second time.
(In fact, I recommend that all forces of evil, including orcs, be given french
accents)
Russ
podocarpus
accents)
vous avez vraiment des préjuges contre les français, vous, hein?
Mika-Petri Lauronen
**************************************************************************
The Orcs in Moria: "It's a Balrog!"
Gandalf: "No it isn't." (Takes off the wings)
The Orcs: "Well, we did the wings. But it's a Balrog!"
**************************************************************************
A scene:
The defenders of Helm's Deep shooting orcs with cows.
**************************************************************************
A bundle of hobbits are having a feast. Suddenly the Death
comes in: "You are all dead."
The master of the feast, triumphantly: "How come we all
died at the same time?"
Death (pointing) "The salmon mousse."
The master: "Oh my dear. I am so embarrassed."
**************************************************************************
Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry hide in the bushes while the
ringwraith is sniffing the air. Suddenly, the ringwraith points
right at the hobbits with his sword:
"Okay. Come out and give me all of your lupins!"
**************************************************************************
The Balrog steps on the bridge in Moria. He is faced by
Gandalf, leaning on a sword.
Gandalf says, very slowly: "None shall pass."
Balrog shrugs and lobs Gandalf's arm off. The fellowship screams
in terror, but Gandalf lifts his sword: "It's just a flesh wound."
**************************************************************************
Okay, now I stop. This is becoming TOO Montynesque.
*******************************************************
* Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try. -- YODA -- *
*******************************************************
Mika-Petr...@oulu.fi
elyse
supra...@aol.com (SupraJulie) wrote:
> Last night at work I was thinking about the up coming Lord of the
Rings movie
> trilogy. Then, for some reason, I started to think about Monty
Python.
Another attempt:
Beregond leads a famished Pippen to the butteries and inquires what
might be had at that time of morning. The answer:
"We've got spam and eggs, eggs and spam, spam and spam, eggss bacon
sausage and spam..."
SupraJulie
Here exerts from scenes which were cut out of the story:
*******************************************************
The *real* reason Shagrat really killed Gorbag:
Gorbag:Guys, I want you to start calling me Loretta.
Snaga:Why do you want to be Loretta, Gorbag?
Gorbag: Because.... I want to have babies.
Shagrat: You want to have babies!?!?
Gorbag: Every Orc should have the right to have babies if he wants them...
Shagrat: I'm not talking about rights. It's just not possible. What are you
going to do with he fetis? Going to keep it in a box?
Snaga: It's symbolic of our struggle against oppression!
Shagrat: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.
Gorbag: *sniff* *sob*
*******************************************************
How the vandualized statue of the king came to have the writing all over it:
We see the Orc, Snaga, writing 'Nazgul-hai u lug-ishi' on the statue in red
paint when a Nazgul flies down and lands behind him.
Nazgul: See here! What does that say?
Snaga: It says, 'Ringwraiths go home'!
Nazgul: (reading) Ringwraith people into the tower? It should say, 'Nazguli u
lata lug sha lat.' Now write that 100 times.
We see Snaga writing into the the wee morning hours (which ofcourse look just
like night in Mordor). He finishes and puts down the brush.
Nazgul: Alright now don't do it again.
*******************************************************
Pipin: Are you a Orc of Mordor?
Ugluk: Piss off! We're the fighting Uruk-hai! The only ones we hate more than
the horse-breeders are the bloody Orcs of Mordor, and the Mordor Orcs, and the
Misty Mountain Orcs, and the Snaga Orcs, and the Orcs of Cirith Ungol, and the
Cirith Ungol Orcs, and the fighting Uruk-hai..... No, wait. We're the fighting
Uruk-hai!
*******************************************************
Enjoy! Sorry my Black Speach in the second bit was so bad, but I tired.
~Julie
Jason
SupraJulie <supra...@aol.com> wrote:
> Just a thought. Given there are very few women in Python probably all the
> female characters, save one, would be played by male. So picture, if you
would,
Two, actually. Connie Booth and Carol Cleveland.
Kboy
Conrad Dunkerson
news:392eee6d...@news.btinternet.com...
> Stop.....This is getting SILLY.....
Silliness?!?!
On alt.fan.tolkien?
Sacrilege! This must be stopped.
Mark Kicksee
> Last night at work I was thinking about the up coming Lord of the Rings movie
> trilogy. Then, for some reason, I started to think about Monty Python. Then I
> started to think, what would happpen if the cast of Monty Python would do the
> Lord of the Rings movie (disturbing, but humorous).
I'll try a stab at an often-overlooked scene:
**********
Aragorn: The Tree in the Court of the Fountain is still withered and barren. When
shall I see a sign that it will ever be otherwise?
Gandalf: Turn your face from the green world, and look where all seems barren and
cold!
Aragorn (turning): Where?
Gandalf (pointing): Over there, behind the rock.
Aragorn: All I see is a funny little man with a cart.
Gandalf (calling to the stranger): What manner of man are you?
Stranger: Me? I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber.
**********
And who can forget this scene?
**********
Gandalf: The words are in the elven-tongue of the West of Middle-Earth in the
Elder Days. They say only: The Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. To enter, say
aaaaaaghhhhhh...
Gimli: What was that?
Gandalf: To enter, say aaaaaaghhhhhh...
Aragorn: What does it mean, "aaaaaaghhhhhh"?
Gandalf: Hm. He must have died while carving it.
Boromir: If he were dying, he wouldn't bother to write "aaaaaaghhhhhh", he'd just
say it!
Gandalf: Well that's what's carved in the rock!
Pippin: Aaaghhh.
Merry: Aaaaghhhh!
Sam: Ooooh!
Frodo: No, no, you're not doing it properly. It's "aaaaaaghhhhhh".
Sam: No, I'm not saying "aaaaaaghhhhhh", what's written on the rock, I'm saying
"Oooh!" as in surprise and alarm.
Frodo: Oh, you mean more like "Ah!".
Sam: That's it.
(a tentacle grabs Frodo's leg)
Frodo: AAAHH!
**********
Or this?
**********
(Gandalf stops on the bridge, and turns around. The balrog steps forward.)
Gandalf: Who would cross the Bridge of Khazad-dum must answer me these questions
three, ere the other side he see. What, is your name?
(The balrog looks confused)
**********
This scene was only narrated in brief in the council of Elrond. Naturally Gloin
left out some details:
**********
Nazgul: As a small token only of your friendship Sauron asks this: that you should
find this thief, and get from him, willing or no, a little ring, the least of
rings, that once he stole.
Dain: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be too keen. Ah, I've already
got the One, you see?
Nazgul: Already got the One? (to himself: Already got the One?) Are you sure
you've already got the One?
Dain: Oh, yes, it's a very nice. (whispers to dwarves behind him: I told them we
already got the One)
(dwarves snicker)
Nazgul: May I have a look?
Dain: No. You are a undead type.
Nazgul: Well, what are you, then?
Dain: I'm a dwarf, why do you think I have this outrageous beard, you silly rider
thing?! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
**********
I should watch those movies again some time.
Jn...@bigpond.com
SupraJulie wrote:
> Last night at work I was thinking about the up coming Lord of the Rings movie
> trilogy. Then, for some reason, I started to think about Monty Python. Then I
> started to think, what would happpen if the cast of Monty Python would do the
> Lord of the Rings movie (disturbing, but humorous). Here's some of what I came
> up with.
>
Öjevind Lång
Farmer: "Ar. That's because of Harold. Now Harold is that most dangerous of
all creatures - an intelligent Balrog. He has convinced the Balrogs that
they can fly."
Tourist: "Really?"
Farmer: "Ar. Look at that Balrog mother pushing its child out of the tree to
make it fly."
SPLAT [Both men avert their faces in horror.]
Öjevind
Russ
writes:
>Stop.....This is getting SILLY.....
Ni.
Russ
Michael Mastro II
"elyse" <elys...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:8glvlu$5ie$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
> In article <20000525105739...@ng-ci1.aol.com>,
> supra...@aol.com (SupraJulie) wrote:
> > Last night at work I was thinking about the up coming Lord of the
> Rings movie
> > trilogy. Then, for some reason, I started to think about Monty
> Python.
>
Gordon McManus
SupraJulie <supra...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000525105739...@ng-ci1.aol.com...
. Then I
> started to think, what would happpen if the cast of Monty Python would do
the
Hobbit'.............
>
> Gandalf: (to the dwarves and Bilbo when speaking of The Lonely Mountain')
> Death!
> Death awaits ye! With big sharp pointed teeth.........
>
> It's only a stab
> in the dark though.
(Which is incedentaly what you might getting if you don't stop making the
funnies about our beloved Tolkien) - JOKE
Have you ever seen any of the BBC's "Blackadder" series. I can imagine
Blackadder as Frodo and Baldrick as Sam.
Lets see the rest of your Monty Python musings.
Gordon McManus
SupraJulie
>Blackadder as Frodo and Baldrick as Sam.
>Lets see the rest of your Monty Python musings.
>
>Gordon McManus
Yes, I have. I am a real big fan of British comedy. I could most certainly see
that. unfortunatly it's been a long time since I have seen any episodes of
Blackadder, otherwise I would have to start making up bits with Blackadder too,
~Julie
A & L Lowe
elyse <elys...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:8gk3ik$rfn$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
> In article <20000525105739...@ng-ci1.aol.com>,
> supra...@aol.com (SupraJulie) wrote:
> > Last night at work I was thinking about the up coming Lord of the
> Rings movie
> > trilogy. Then, for some reason, I started to think about Monty
> Python. Then I
> > started to think, what would happpen if the cast of Monty Python
> would do the
> > Lord of the Rings movie (disturbing, but humorous). Here's some of
> what I came
> > up with.
> <snip some great ideas>
> Here are two more (maybe not so great...):
>
> Eowyn to Aragorn: "Oh, please spank me! I've been very naughty!"
>
> Instead of a giant spider, Sam and Frodo find a particularly viscous
> bunny at the top of Cirith Ungol. Of course, instead of a phial,
> Galadriel would have given Frodo a hand grenade.
>
> >
>
Paul Shenton
"Russ" <mcr...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000526211214...@nso-ch.aol.com...
We are no longer the posters to alt.fan.tolkien who say "NI".
Morgil
from the walls of a torture chamber. Sam starts to sing:
" Always look on the bright side of life (whistles)..."
______
Aragorn to Celeborn:
"Is your wife a goer, you know what I mean, nudge nudge..."
______
"Hobbit es una quadrubbelo. E todos un grandes rivers com Anduinos.
-Hobbit is a quadroped. It lives in great rivers such as Anduin.
Hobbits are however quite dangerous. So if you see them where
people are swimming you must yell: Look out there are Hobbits!"
______
Crowning of Aragorn.
"I never wanted to do this in the first place. I always wanted to be...
A lumberjack!"
Hope you like `em,
(sir) Morgil (not so brave)
SupraJulie
>
Oh! Ickytickyphtanfzoomboingnralimnum is so hard to day. *sigh*
~Julie
>ni<
Jason
reading aloud The Joke -- which has been painstakingly translated into the
Southron tongue."
____________
Boromir stumbles toward Aragorn, plucking a black-feathered arrow from his
side. As he collapses in the ranger's arms, the dying warrior manages to gasp
one final word: "It's".
____________
Chapter 7: "In the House of Tom Bombadil" renamed to "And Now for Something
Completely Different".
Morgil
SupraJulie kirjoitti viestissä
<20000527081609...@ng-fn1.aol.com>...
>Yes, I have. I am a real big fan of British comedy.
>unfortunatly it's been a long time since I have seen any episodes of
>Blackadder, otherwise I would have to start making up bits with Blackadder
too,
It´s not as easy. Maybe Silmarillion with Blackadder works better...
Feanor: So he stole my Stones. We´ll see about that. We will go to
Middle-Earth to get them back. This swear I, the Black...
Vegetable! -No, this swear I the Black Adder.
Morgil
Stephen Axcell
******************************************************************
The Popular People's Front for the liberation of the Haradrim is
holding a meeting.
"So what has Sauron ever done for us then?"
"Provided social cohesion?"
"Yes but...."
"Security for our homelands?"
"Excellent food distribution?"
"A sense of purpose in our otherwise dull lives?"
"A chance to be in a major novel?"
"Yes, I'll give you..."
"Nice big swords?"
"And shields?"
"OK, so apart from social cohesion, security for our homelands,
excellent food distribution, a chance to be in a major novel, and nice
big swords and shields, what has Sauron ever done for us?"
**********************************************************************
--
Paul Shenton
Raven
news:vx2Y4.5$sl5...@read2.inet.fi...
> >Yes, I have. I am a real big fan of British comedy.
> Me too. How about Young Ones as the four hobbits?
Then we could put some of the atmosphere of "Yes, Prime Minister"
into Edoras and into Denethor's Citadel. And into the Mayor elections
in the Shire.
Harabanar.
Jason
Raven <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote in message
news:o_gY4.944$z23....@news.get2net.dk...
Raven
news:20000525105739...@ng-ci1.aol.com...
> Well there you go. I have more if you guess express interest. It's
> only a stab in the dark though. I am not sure you guys even know
> what Monty Python is. If you have atleast seen 'The Holy Grail' I
> hope you may get a chuckle.
The Hobbits quail at the cruel screech of the Nazgūl in the Woody
End. The camera rises above the woods and zooms onto one of them. He
has a small blackboard and a bullhorn, and is dragging his fingernails
across the blackboard. Suddenly he ses the camera, and looks
embarrassed.
Battle is raging on the Pelennor. Suddenly a soldier of Gondor
reaches into his pack, retrieves a pistol, and opens fire on the
Southrons. The Southrons cry 'foul, foul', complaining that ME is a
*medieval* world, and firearms have no place in it. A heated debate
then ensues, as everybody stops fighting and begin quarrelling over
whether ME is or is not a medieval world. The Gondorian commander
chastises the sheepish-looking gunman for using an anachronistic weapon.
The Southron commander accepts the Gondorian commander's apology.
During the siege of Minas Tirith, Sauron's army catapults heads in to
the City. The Gondorians reply by catapulting cows at the besiegers.
The besiegers then begin catapulting oliphaunts into the City, the
beasts trumpeting as they come sailing through the air. Denethor
surrenders, because he cannot stand this cruelty to animals.
This one has little to do with Monty Python, but anybody who has some
experience with Rick Giles (may that genius rest in peace) should get
the joke: The Witch-king removes his cloak and hood, revealing himself
as none other than Chalkie the schoolteacher.
If Chalkie and Grandma had a hostile encounter, I wonder who would
win. Maybe on the Pelennor fields we should get the answer. Grandma in
the role of Éowyn, anyone? Bashing the Witch-king/Chalkie over the head
with her brolly, after Stinker, with a fat smile, has hit him on the
shin with his camera?
Corvus.
NeilYfan
The Comfy Chair if he does not tell all he knows.
GANDALF 2000
Mika-Petri Lauronen
***
The Fellowship stumbles upon a bunch of Gondorian men, holding a
strange-looking creature as a captive.
Gondorians: "She's a Balrog! A Balrog! Burn her! Burn her!"
Gandalf: "She is no Balrog!"
Gondorians: "A Balrog! Burn her! Burn her!"
Gandalf takes off the wings of the poor creature.
Gondorians (quietly): "Well... we did the wings. But she's a Balrog!"
***
Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry are hiding in a ditch, while a ringwraith
is sniffing at the air. Suddenly, the ringwraith turns to the hobbits,
pointing its sword at them:
"Okay! Get out of there and hand me all of your lupins."
***
The Balrog advances on the bridge of Moria. It is confronted by
Gandalf, leaning on a sword.
Gandalf: "None shall pass."
The Balrog: "I am Balrog, the ruler of this place."
Gandalf: "None shall pass."
The Balrog shakes its head and lobs off Gandalf's arm. The Fellowship
gasps in terror. Gandalf looks at the stump, saying:
"It's just a flesh wound."
***
A new wizard arrives at the councel meeting. He is greeted by drinking
wizards, wearing shorts and fedoras.
Saruman: "Hi all, this is Sarkie, our new history wizard."
All: "Hi!"
Saruman: "This is Sarkie, our ring wizard. This is Sarkie, our fire
magic wizard. This is Sarkie, our animal wizard..."
***
The hobbits return to the Shire, which has been changed. There's a
heavy smoke hanging above it, and the chimneys stick up to the sky.
The Shire Minister of Silly Walks passes by, walking silly. There's a
line of gas cooker engineers at the Prancing Pony. A long line of
hobbit children is walking out from a catholic hobbit home, while a
protestant hobbit boasts how much better his religion is.
***
Okay, I think I'd better stop now...
"To see a World in a Grain of Sand / And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand / And Eternity in an hour"
-- William Blake --
The Fuzz
Eomer was a real pissed cur
Who was very rarely stable.
Elessar, Elessar was a boozy beggar
Who could drink you under the table.
The Nine Nazgul could out consume
Amroth or Nimrodel,
And Legolas was a beery arse
Who was just as shloshed as Smeagol.
There's nothing Gimli couldn't teach ye 'bout the raising of the wrist;
Saruman himself was permanently pissed.
Tom Bombadil, of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Sauron, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Goldberry, Goldberry was a sucker for the Sherry
Grima was fond of a glass.
Gandalf the Grey, of a bar would say:
"I'm afraid I cannot pass".
Yes, Saruman himself is particularly missed
A lovely little wizard but a bugger when he's pissed!
======
Or perhaps...
A license? For your bet Balrog, Eric the Balrog?
No.
No?
Eric the half-Balrog. He had an accident.
--
-"And after that, my guess is you'll never hear from him again"-
Visit FuzzWeb, and find out all about me!
http://www.ozemail.com.au/~randrgrant
| *The Fuzz*
\ / mmmmm...spamalicious!
-- O O -- Guess what to remove if you *really*
/ \ want to e-mail me...
_| |_ randrSPAMAL...@ozemail.com.au
Öjevind Lång
Wheelbarrow Repair Man!
Öjevind
Stug
> Have you ever seen any of the BBC's "Blackadder" series. I can imagine
> Blackadder as Frodo and Baldrick as Sam.
"Have you ever been to Mordor, Baldric? It's a ghastly place--you have to have a pint
of phlegm in your through just to pronounce the place-names."
Stug
--
"I don't know half of you half as well as I would like; and I like less than half of
you half as well as you deserve". -- BB
lynn davidson
and write a script for a comedy ...im not being stupid,i just really see the humour in it
....
SupraJulie
*************************************************
We see a crowd of Gondorians chase Aragorn to a pit where he is hiding with an
old man.
Crowd: The king! The king!
Aragorn: I'm not your king! Go away!
Old man: I didn't say a bloody word for 13 years till he came along.
Ioreth: (steps forward) 'The hands of the king are the hands of a healer.'
Crowd: The king! The king!
I know, it's weak, but I am sleepy.
~Julie
Justin Alistair Lowde
USg...@ozemail.com.au> writes
>My first post to the group, hope you like it...
>
>Eomer was a real pissed cur
>Who was very rarely stable.
Magnificent. I have committed it to memory already.
--
Ali
Andrea Wojtewicz
"Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote in message
news:9PCX4.1053$b55....@nntpserver.swip.net...
Balrogs and come up with a masterpiece.
Andrea ( wipes away tears of laughter)
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>Ojevind, you've outdone yourself! You've found the most relevant skit for
>Balrogs and come up with a masterpiece.
>
>Andrea ( wipes away tears of laughter)
Thanks, Andrea. :-)
Öjevind
Ossė
"Paul Shenton" <lpsh...@home.com> skrev i melding
news:bkgY4.69244$nB3.2...@news1.rdc2.on.home.com...
Andrea Wojtewicz
"Morgil" <rim...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:vx2Y4.5$sl5...@read2.inet.fi...
>
> >Yes, I have. I am a real big fan of British comedy.
> Me too. How about Young Ones as the four hobbits?
>
receive one of their TV channels and used to see The Young One's
occasionally. I thought they were pretty funny. Are they still on anywhere?
Andrea
Andrea Wojtewicz
"NeilYfan" <neil...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000529225347...@ng-cn1.aol.com...
> How about this one Aragorn and Gandalf capture Gollum, and threaten him
with
> The Comfy Chair if he does not tell all he knows.
>
Andrea ; )
SupraJulie
No! No! You have said the word that the posters of alt.fan.tolkien can not
hear!
(covers ears)
Wait a minute.... This is getting silly.....
~Julie
Morgil
SupraJulie kirjoitti viestissä
<20000608134454...@ng-fv1.aol.com>...
close down this NG
Morgil
Kylie Johnson
It would be mean to close the NG.... Oh no! I said it! Aaargh! I
said it again!
;)=
Ahma
>He is no longer the Nazgul who says NI.
He is now the Nazgul who says Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-ptang zoom-boing-
ghzm-zoowlieh!
Ni!
--
Ahma with big nasty pointy teeth!
Paul Shenton
"Ahma" <ekro...@fastermail.com> wrote in message
news:8F51EF0BB...@195.197.108.44...
Shhh!
Ni!
SHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Paul, aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh. Oooooooooh.