The Watchers
Nick Tussing
>
>"Long time I fell, and he fell with me. His annoying laughter was about me,
>and I had to stuck broccoli in my ears, when he started singing that Eru-
>awful song. And then we plunged into that damn lake again..."
>
>Morgil Blackhope
>
"Here you shall stay, and rest from your many labors," quoth Aruman, alias
the
Mad Hatter. "You shall stay here until the end."
"What end is that?" asked Sam and Barney together.
"Well in your case, 'Barney' -- since that's what you're calling yourself
these days, Bombadil -- until the end of your stupid TV show. As for you,"
he
turned to Sam, "I will keep you here until you give me the Ring. Yes, with
it
I will overthrow Sauron and have all the breasts and broccoli for myself!"
--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Dragon Balrog Baritone, Lord
High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Editor of Sauron's Diary, and All that
other Goond Struff, Member, TEUNC
Groly to Tyope, and Deeath to Google!
Mailandnews.com sux
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Öjevind Lång
>>"Long time I fell, and he fell with me. His annoying laughter was about
me,
>>and I had to stuck broccoli in my ears, when he started singing that Eru-
>>awful song. And then we plunged into that damn lake again..."
>>
>>Morgil Blackhope
>>
>
>"Here you shall stay, and rest from your many labors," quoth Aruman, alias
>the
>Mad Hatter. "You shall stay here until the end."
>
>"What end is that?" asked Sam and Barney together.
>
>"Well in your case, 'Barney' -- since that's what you're calling yourself
>these days, Bombadil -- until the end of your stupid TV show. As for you,"
>he
>turned to Sam, "I will keep you here until you give me the Ring. Yes, with
>it
>I will overthrow Sauron and have all the breasts and broccoli for myself!"
Sam struggled with himself. He noticed how his hand, as if by its own
volition, crept ever nearer the Ring in its chain around his neck. He forced
it to stop. For a moment, perfectly balanced between Aruman's impatient
voice telling him to hand over the Ring and his own desire to put it on, he
writhed, tormented. Suddenly he was aware of himself again, Sam, neither the
Voice nor the Finger: free to choose, and with one remaining instant to do
so. He sighed and bent his head.
At that moment the White Rabbit turned up again, blew a trumpet and cried
self-importantly: "Come along, everyone! The King is expecting you!"
"Which king?" asked Barney-Bombadil stupidly.
"The King of Hearts, of course!"
Öjevind
Nick Tussing
>volition, crept ever nearer the Ring in its chain around his neck. He forced
>it to stop. For a moment, perfectly balanced between Aruman's impatient
>voice telling him to hand over the Ring and his own desire to put it on, he
>writhed, tormented. Suddenly he was aware of himself again, Sam, neither the
>Voice nor the Finger: free to choose, and with one remaining instant to do
>so. He sighed and bent his head.
> At that moment the White Rabbit turned up again, blew a trumpet and cried
>self-importantly: "Come along, everyone! The King is expecting you!"
> "Which king?" asked Barney-Bombadil stupidly.
> "The King of Hearts, of course!"
AS the King of Hearts appeared before them in all his awesome splendor, he
spak these wordës: "What! No babes? Send this lot to Deeanna Troll --
except
for you of course," he added, turning to Sam. "Can I have the Ring back?"
Morgil Blackhope
Nick Tussing kirjoitti viestissä <3AD5...@MailAndNews.com>...
>Sam struggled with himself. He noticed how his hand, as if by its own
>volition, crept ever nearer the Ring in its chain around his neck. He
forced
>it to stop. For a moment, perfectly balanced between Aruman's impatient
>voice telling him to hand over the Ring and his own desire to put it on, he
>writhed, tormented. Suddenly he was aware of himself again, Sam, neither
the
>Voice nor the Finger: free to choose, and with one remaining instant to do
>so. He sighed and bent his head.
> At that moment the White Rabbit turned up again, blew a trumpet and cried
>self-importantly: "Come along, everyone! The King is expecting you!"
> "Which king?" asked Barney-Bombadil stupidly.
> "The King of Hearts, of course!"
>AS the King of Hearts appeared before them in all his awesome splendor, he
spak these wordës: "What! No babes? Send this lot to Deeanna Troll --
except
for you of course," he added, turning to Sam. "Can I have the Ring back?"
Butt befour Sam colud answer, King´s minstrel, the Great Elton stepped
forward and begun to sing: "Goodbye Mordor´s Rose, may you ever
glow in the dark...", and when they heard these words they knew that
Deeanna Troll had met her destiny.
Morgil Blackhope of Blackhope,Blackhope,Blackhope,Morestel&Schwarz
Nick Tussing
>forward and begun to sing: "Goodbye Mordor´s Rose, may you ever
>glow in the dark...", and when they heard these words they knew that
>Deeanna Troll had met her destiny.
>
>Morgil Blackhope of Blackhope,Blackhope,Blackhope,Morestel&Schwarz
>
The Artist Formerly Known As Bombadil was purple with contempt. "You call
that singing!?!?" he grupmhed. "Wait till you hear this." Even as the
Elves
stopped up their ears at the sound of the Black Speech (those ethnocentric
little racists), so, and with far better reason, did all who had the
misfortune to be in B-B's vicinity.
Morgil Blackhope
Nick Tussing kirjoitti viestissä <3ADA...@MailAndNews.com>...
>Butt befour Sam colud answer, King´s minstrel, the Great Elton stepped
>forward and begun to sing: "Goodbye Mordor´s Rose, may you ever
>glow in the dark...", and when they heard these words they knew that
>Deeanna Troll had met her destiny.
>
>The Artist Formerly Known As Bombadil was purple with contempt. "You call
that singing!?!?" he grupmhed. "Wait till you hear this." Even as the
Elves
stopped up their ears at the sound of the Black Speech (those ethnocentric
little racists), so, and with far better reason, did all who had the
misfortune to be in B-B's vicinity.
"Off with his head!" cried Shelob, the new Queen of Hearts, but nobody
could hear her. That is - nobody except...
...
... Frodo!
Whose magical Ring made him immune aganst sonic intrusions(it says
so in the manual). Frodo tackled Mr. Symbol from behind and he
collapsed on the floor. Frodo lifted Sting for a deathly blow, but Pity held
his hand. Pity, whose whole name was Reepetycheepety, the leader of
all Talking Mice held Frodo´s hand and said to him:
"No! There´s no Honour in this."
"But I hate him!" said Frodo. "And his singing drives everyone mad.
Truly he deserveths to die."
"Most singers in Top 20 lists do. And many who die in aircraft accidets
would have deserved to live. Can you give them life?"
"By Eru, with this Power given to me I WILL!" cried Frodo and lifted
the Ring.
The earth shook and thunder roamed. Then they could see a group of
people of all races walking toward them.
Morgil Blackhope
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>
>"Off with his head!" cried Shelob, the new Queen of Hearts, but nobody
>could hear her. That is - nobody except...
>...
>... Frodo!
> Whose magical Ring made him immune aganst sonic intrusions(it says
>so in the manual). Frodo tackled Mr. Symbol from behind and he
>collapsed on the floor. Frodo lifted Sting for a deathly blow, but Pity
held
>his hand. Pity, whose whole name was Reepetycheepety, the leader of
>all Talking Mice held Frodo´s hand and said to him:
> "No! There´s no Honour in this."
> "But I hate him!" said Frodo. "And his singing drives everyone mad.
>Truly he deserveths to die."
> "Most singers in Top 20 lists do. And many who die in aircraft accidets
>would have deserved to live. Can you give them life?"
> "By Eru, with this Power given to me I WILL!" cried Frodo and lifted
>the Ring.
>
>The earth shook and thunder roamed. Then they could see a group of
>people of all races walking toward them.
And the people of all races cried unto Frodo as with one voice: "Lo! By
Eru's will, the Knight of Hearts hath already done the deed thou hast
contemplated! Behold, he is verily dead!" And they pointed at the immobile
Bombadil, who lay on the ground like one who had once been a proud
blancmange but now had been deprived of all the dignity and splendour that
had belonged to him ere his knickers were bent.
Öjevind
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>The Artist Formerly Known As Bombadil was purple with contempt. "You >call
that singing!?!?" he grupmhed. "Wait till you hear this." Even as the
Elves
stopped up their ears at the sound of the Black Speech (those ethnocentric
little racists), so, and with far better reason, did all who had the
>misfortune to be in B-B's vicinity.
Barney-Bombadil strummed his lute and began to sing:
"Hey! Dol! Bingle moll! Hop along, my panties!
Hobbits! Orcs! Nazgūl all! Let us play our antics!
Old Barney Bombadil is a funny fellow,
Light pink his undies are, and his stockings yellow.
Hey! now! Come hoy now! Look inside my trousers!
What can be inside them now - cute little mousers?
Where are my high-heeled boots, where, do I wonder,
Up, down, near or far, here, there or yonder?
Come now, merry lads! Come and let us frolic!
Old Barney likes his fun! Come and -"
The Knight of Hearts, who was lurking in the shadows, could take no more. He
pulled out a Sig Sauer P 226 and shot Bombadil dead.
Öjevind
Nick Tussing
>And the people of all races cried unto Frodo as with one voice: "Lo! By
>Eru's will, the Knight of Hearts hath already done the deed thou hast
>contemplated! Behold, he is verily dead!" And they pointed at the immobile
>Bombadil, who lay on the ground like one who had once been a proud
>blancmange but now had been deprived of all the dignity and splendour that
>had belonged to him ere his knickers were bent.
THen there was rejoiivng in the land of Moreor, there was jubikating in the
cities of Wonderland; the peoples of Lothlórien danced, the nations of Poker
clapped their hands. And jsut when the celbrebations were at heir most
tumultuous...
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>THen there was rejoiivng in the land of Moreor, there was jubikating in
>the cities of Wonderland; the peoples of Lothlórien danced, the nations >of
Poker clapped their hands. And jsut when the celbrebations were at >heir
most tumultuous...
Sam kicked Frodo in the butt HARD.
Öjevind
Morgil Blackhope
Öjevind Lång kirjoitti viestissä ...
"Hey, whyd´cha do dat for?" complained the Butt.
Morgil Blackhope
Morgil Blackhope
Morgil Blackhope kirjoitti viestissä
<9bcra0$8kqef$1...@ID-81911.news.dfncis.de>...
Sam was so stupendified that he forgot his intentions to give Frodo
another kick. Then he realised the reason for this strange phenomenon.
"Pardon me, Master Frodo, but why do you have a Troll-purse in your
back-pocket, Sir?" asked Sam in loud enough voice for all to hear.
Everyone now gathered around Frodo, who was trying to find some
explanation, but in vain. Then out of the shadows appeared the familiar
figure of Sherlock Holmes. "You know my method, Watson," he spoketh.
"The Talking Purse proves it clearly that Mr. Baggins here, did indeed
murder the late Deeanna Troll, in order to gain possession of the Ring,
which she had in turn stolen from her secret lover, Sauron, by replacing
it with the fake ring Mr. Gamgee is holding. Furthermore, it should be
noted that Sauron indeed knew all this, but tried to cover it up, to avoid
domestic disturbances with his ladyfriend, Shelob.
Isn´t this true, Mr. Sauron?"
Morgil Udundil Blackhope
Meneldil
>
>
> Sam was so stupendified that he forgot his intentions to give Frodo
> another kick. Then he realised the reason for this strange phenomenon.
>
> "Pardon me, Master Frodo, but why do you have a Troll-purse in your
> back-pocket, Sir?" asked Sam in loud enough voice for all to hear.
>
> Everyone now gathered around Frodo, who was trying to find some
> explanation, but in vain. Then out of the shadows appeared the familiar
> figure of Sherlock Holmes. "You know my method, Watson," he spoketh.
> "The Talking Purse proves it clearly that Mr. Baggins here, did indeed
> murder the late Deeanna Troll, in order to gain possession of the Ring,
> which she had in turn stolen from her secret lover, Sauron, by replacing
> it with the fake ring Mr. Gamgee is holding. Furthermore, it should be
> noted that Sauron indeed knew all this, but tried to cover it up, to avoid
> domestic disturbances with his ladyfriend, Shelob.
> Isn´t this true, Mr. Sauron?"
>
And while they stood waiting for Sauron's response, a creature with a
most dreadful visage appeared, and they heard a voice that spake words
that chilled them to the bone:
"I'm Bauglir. Morgoth Morales Bauglir. Attorney-at-law. I
represent Mr. Sauron."
They stood in silence, too stunned to react, while the apparition
continued:
"I put it to you, Mr. Holmes, that your so-called conclusions are nothing
but an unprovoked flame war against my client. In other words, Mr.
Holmes, you are a TROLL. Deanna Troll, as a matter of fact. Isn't that
so, Mr. Holmes?"
Nick Tussing
<znomp>
>Sam was so stupendified that he forgot his intentions to give Frodo
>another kick. Then he realised the reason for this strange phenomenon.
>
>"Pardon me, Master Frodo, but why do you have a Troll-purse in your
>back-pocket, Sir?" asked Sam in loud enough voice for all to hear.
>
>Everyone now gathered around Frodo, who was trying to find some
>explanation, but in vain. Then out of the shadows appeared the familiar
>figure of Sherlock Holmes. "You know my method, Watson," he spoketh.
>"The Talking Purse proves it clearly that Mr. Baggins here, did indeed
>murder the late Deeanna Troll, in order to gain possession of the Ring,
>which she had in turn stolen from her secret lover, Sauron, by replacing
>it with the fake ring Mr. Gamgee is holding. Furthermore, it should be
>noted that Sauron indeed knew all this, but tried to cover it up, to avoid
>domestic disturbances with his ladyfriend, Shelob.
> Isn´t this true, Mr. Sauron?"
>
>Morgil Udundil Blackhope
"I will not answer any questions from you paltry Children of Liuvatar,"
thundered Sauron. "Did I not reign over Muddle-earth for years uncounted
while you, pitiful remnants of a bunch of idiotic wars fought over tawdry
elf-baubles, retched and vomited in your kennels? I naswert to Melkor
alone!"
Nick Tussing
<z>
>> Everyone now gathered around Frodo, who was trying to find some
>> explanation, but in vain. Then out of the shadows appeared the familiar
>> figure of Sherlock Holmes. "You know my method, Watson," he spoketh.
>> "The Talking Purse proves it clearly that Mr. Baggins here, did indeed
>> murder the late Deeanna Troll, in order to gain possession of the Ring,
>> which she had in turn stolen from her secret lover, Sauron, by replacing
>> it with the fake ring Mr. Gamgee is holding. Furthermore, it should be
>> noted that Sauron indeed knew all this, but tried to cover it up, to avoid
>> domestic disturbances with his ladyfriend, Shelob.
>> Isn´t this true, Mr. Sauron?"
>>
>
<INsert my psot here>
>And while they stood waiting for Sauron's [Holmes's] response, a creature
with a
>most dreadful visage appeared, and they heard a voice that spake words
>that chilled them to the bone:
>
>"I'm Bauglir. Morgoth Morales Bauglir. Attorney-at-law. I
>represent Mr. Sauron."
>
>They stood in silence, too stunned to react, while the apparition
>continued:
>
>"I put it to you, Mr. Holmes, that your so-called conclusions are nothing
>but an unprovoked flame war against my client. In other words, Mr.
>Holmes, you are a TROLL. Deanna Troll, as a matter of fact. Isn't that
>so, Mr. Holmes?"
[Sorry, Meneldidl]
Öjevind Lång
Sam walked around Holmes and exclaimed: "Why, Mr Holmes, you have a tail
just like a cow - or a Troll! You... you MUST be Deanna Troll! But then...
who, who was that dead woman?"
The unmasked Troll woman snarled and took off her deerstalker, shaking out
her blue-rinsed trollish hair. Then she said: "And this so-called 'lawyer',
Morgoth Morales Bauglir, is my faithless fiancée, who tried to wiggle out of
his engagement to me. He is mine, I tell you, mine! Now, let kind Master
Frodo, the Hobbit who knows so much, explain who the murdered woman was!"
Öjevind
Nick Tussing
<pins>
>>>They stood in silence, too stunned to react, while the apparition
>>>continued:
>>>
>>>"I put it to you, Mr. Holmes, that your so-called conclusions are nothing
>>but an unprovoked flame war against my client. In other words, Mr.
>>Holmes, you are a TROLL. Deanna Troll, as a matter of fact. Isn't that
>>so, Mr. Holmes?"
>
>Sam walked around Holmes and exclaimed: "Why, Mr Holmes, you have a tail
>just like a cow - or a Troll! You... you MUST be Deanna Troll! But then...
>who, who was that dead woman?"
> The unmasked Troll woman snarled and took off her deerstalker, shaking out
>her blue-rinsed trollish hair. Then she said: "And this so-called 'lawyer',
>Morgoth Morales Bauglir, is my faithless fiancée, who tried to wiggle out of
>his engagement to me. He is mine, I tell you, mine! Now, let kind Master
>Frodo, the Hobbit who knows so much, explain who the murdered woman was!"
>
>Öjevind
>
"Ummmmmmm...," muttered Frodo, "er, uh, well, I, uh, thinks she's ... Uh-oh,
I
just remembered I have an important dental appointment, either that or it
was
bypass surgery, I forget which."
Sudenly, Sauron recognized the dead woman, and exploded with rage ...
--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Dragon Balrog Baritone, Lord
High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Editor of Sauron's Diary, and All that
other Goond Struff, Member, TEUNC
Groly to Tyope, and Deeath to Google!
Mailandnews.com: Psotting at the Speed of Quicksand!!
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Killfile RL.
Meneldil
> >
>
> "Ummmmmmm...," muttered Frodo, "er, uh, well, I, uh, thinks she's ... Uh-oh,
> I
> just remembered I have an important dental appointment, either that or it
> was
> bypass surgery, I forget which."
>
> Sudenly, Sauron recognized the dead woman, and exploded with rage ...
>
...leaving the Company to scrape his disjecta membra off themselves...
Öjevind Lång
When they had all de-Sauroned themselves, they discovered that Frodo had
disappeared. All that remained behind was a stack of rather soiled ten-pound
notes.
Öjevind
Meneldil
>
>When they had all de-Sauroned themselves, they discovered that Frodo had
>disappeared. All that remained behind was a stack of rather soiled ten-pound
>notes.
>
"Hey" said Aragorn, "that was a neat trick. Can I book whoever did that for
my coronation?" He cast a swift glance behind him, and continued in a lower
voice, "Double pay and a dukedom for life if you can pull that explosion stunt
off on Arwen."
Mia Kalogjera
GMT, mene...@my-deja.com (Meneldil) decided to release into
cyberspace:
>"Hey" said Aragorn, "that was a neat trick. Can I book whoever did that for
>my coronation?" He cast a swift glance behind him, and continued in a lower
>voice, "Double pay and a dukedom for life if you can pull that explosion stunt
>off on Arwen."
>
But Arwen, the Omnipotent Omnipresent
Omnicharacter-replacement character of Middle Earth as it
were, jumped and quoth, "Coronation my cute bum! I'll see
that Daddy's lawyers cut all your connections to the
throne!" And by these melodious words she turned and was
gone. Aragorn assumed a slightly worried look.
<waves to Öje & company>
I hope this means I'm back!
Cheers,
Mia
--
Imagination is power.
Meneldil
>
>
>But Arwen, the Omnipotent Omnipresent
>Omnicharacter-replacement character of Middle Earth as it
>were, jumped and quoth, "Coronation my cute bum! I'll see
>that Daddy's lawyers cut all your connections to the
>throne!" And by these melodious words she turned and was
>gone. Aragorn assumed a slightly worried look.
>
With a weary expression on his face, he turned to the company and said, "Would
you believe I decided to marry her because I thought I wouldn't have to worry
about a nagging mother-in-law?"
Cheers,
Meneldil
Meneldil
>
>
>But Arwen, the Omnipotent Omnipresent
>Omnicharacter-replacement character of Middle Earth as it
>were, jumped and quoth, "Coronation my cute bum! I'll see
>that Daddy's lawyers cut all your connections to the
>throne!" And by these melodious words she turned and was
>gone. Aragorn assumed a slightly worried look.
[Apologies, the article seems to have been posted half-finished]
With a weary expression on his face, he turned to the company and said, "Would
you believe I decided to marry her because I thought I wouldn't have to worry
about a nagging mother-in-law?" He then ran behind Arwen "My dear..."
"I will NOT come back to you until you take back what said about Grandpa",
said Arwen angrily.
"Well, your grandpa IS an idiot." Aragorn retorted.
"He is NOT", cried Arwen, "he is a GENIUS. HE gave you the idea of going down
the Anduin in boats instead of swimming."
"He did not" said Aragorn "We'd have done it anyway. He's a nutcase."
"You would not. And he is not."
"We would too. And he is"
"WOULD NOT!!! IS NOT!!!"
"WOULD TOO!!! IS, IS, IS!!!"
This tender scene of love and reconciliation was suddenly interrupted by...
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>"I will NOT come back to you until you take back what said about Grandpa",
>said Arwen angrily.
>
>"Well, your grandpa IS an idiot." Aragorn retorted.
>
>"He is NOT", cried Arwen, "he is a GENIUS. HE gave you the idea of going
down
>the Anduin in boats instead of swimming."
>
>"He did not" said Aragorn "We'd have done it anyway. He's a nutcase."
>
>"You would not. And he is not."
>
>"We would too. And he is"
>
>"WOULD NOT!!! IS NOT!!!"
>
>"WOULD TOO!!! IS, IS, IS!!!"
>
>This tender scene of love and reconciliation was suddenly interrupted by...
Hitler suddenly turning up. He was smiling under his nasty little moustache,
and he held a guitar. He sat down on a stool and started to sing:
"Nazgûl, lässt di Träume,
Nazgûl, kommt doch zurück..."
He threw back his head and howled at the top of his voice:
"Deine Heimat ist ein Burg, deine Liebe sind die Ringe..."
A shadow seemed to pass over the company, and the room for a moment grew
dark. All trembled, and Arwen stopped her ears.
Öjevind
Mia Kalogjera
> >This tender scene of love and reconciliation was suddenly interrupted by...
>
> Hitler suddenly turning up. He was smiling under his nasty little moustache,
> and he held a guitar. He sat down on a stool and started to sing:
>
> "Nazgûl, lässt di Träume,
> Nazgûl, kommt doch zurück..."
>
> He threw back his head and howled at the top of his voice:
>
> "Deine Heimat ist ein Burg, deine Liebe sind die Ringe..."
>
> A shadow seemed to pass over the company, and the room for a moment grew
> dark. All trembled, and Arwen stopped her ears.
The ears, however, put up a great resistance and wrestled free from
her slender Elven fingers complete with pointed nails (it had been
Aragorns idea). Arwen had to employ her notorious Elven Cry which
pierced them and thus rendered her slightly deaf but looking cool.
The rest of the company wasn't as lucky - they were too shocked by
the turn of the events to run away or take the guitar from the strange
man. And then, as quickly as he had appeared, the apparition vanished
from sight and, Eru be praised, hearing range.
Aragorn blinked. Arwen was still adjusting her ears. Aragorn blinked.
"Um..."
Arwen gave him a blank stare.
He gave up.
Cheers,
Mia
--
Einbildung ist Kraft.
Nick Tussing
<hash...@removethis.herzeleid.net> =====
>SO HAT ÖJEVIND LANG, KOENIG DER UEBERSETZERS, GESCRIEBEN!
<sneep>
>The ears, however, put up a great resistance and wrestled free from
>her slender Elven fingers complete with pointed nails (it had been
>Aragorns idea). Arwen had to employ her notorious Elven Cry which
>pierced them and thus rendered her slightly deaf but looking cool.
>The rest of the company wasn't as lucky - they were too shocked by
>the turn of the events to run away or take the guitar from the strange
>man. And then, as quickly as he had appeared, the apparition vanished
>from sight and, Eru be praised, hearing range.
>
>Aragorn blinked. Arwen was still adjusting her ears. Aragorn blinked.
>
>"Um..."
>
>Arwen gave him a blank stare.
>
>He gave up.
>
Thye found afterwards that Hitler had been remvoed by the RL Removal Suqad,
charged with removing all RL sutff from the story.
Suddnely Eowyn showed up in her negligée. She gave Arwen a disdainful look,
then walked right up to Aragorn and ...
>
>Cheers,
>Mia
>
>--
>Einbildung ist Kraft.
--
Jon
Nick Tussing <Menel...@MailAndNews.com> wrote:
> Suddnely Eowyn showed up in her negligée. She gave Arwen a disdainful look,
> then walked right up to Aragorn and ...
Tripped over her massive sword, and fell down the rabbit hole....
Jon.
--
_ _ _
/ \ / \ / \ jgh...@argonet.co.uk * j...@acornarcade.com
( J | o | n )http://www.argonet.co.uk/users/jghall/
\_/ \_/ \_/ 7, High Street, Balrog Cuttings, TEUNC.
Öjevind Lång
>Nick Tussing <Menel...@MailAndNews.com> wrote:
>
>
>> Suddnely Eowyn showed up in her negligée. She gave Arwen a disdainful
look,
>> then walked right up to Aragorn and ...
>
>Tripped over her massive sword, and fell down the rabbit hole....
>Jon.
...and fell with a SPLASH into the lake, where she found Frodo swimming
around dressed in a pair of polka-striped bathing trunks.
Meanwhile, Aragorn sighed and said to Arwen: "Well, since Godwin's law
says that any debate is over when Hitler has been introduced in it, I shanit
argue with you any more, m'dear."
Öjevind
Morgil Blackhope
Öjevind Lång kirjoitti viestissä ...
Arwen made a little victory-dance and was immediately shanghaied
to the Shelob´s nightclub dancers.
Morgil Blackhope
Morgil Blackhope
Morgil Blackhope kirjoitti viestissä
<9bunqm$bclp3$1...@ID-81911.news.dfncis.de>...
>
>Öjevind Lång kirjoitti viestissä ...
>>...and fell with a SPLASH into the lake, where she found Frodo swimming
>>around dressed in a pair of polka-striped bathing trunks.
>> Meanwhile, Aragorn sighed and said to Arwen: "Well, since Godwin's law
>>says that any debate is over when Hitler has been introduced in it, I
>shanit
>>argue with you any more, m'dear."
>
>Arwen made a little victory-dance and was immediately shanghaied
>to the Shelob´s nightclub dancers.
Took Aragorn his "sword" out, and fondeling it gently said:
"Looks like you shant be sheathed for a while, precious..."
Morgil Blackhope
Nick Tussing
>>around dressed in a pair of polka-striped bathing trunks.
>> Meanwhile, Aragorn sighed and said to Arwen: "Well, since Godwin's law
>>says that any debate is over when Hitler has been introduced in it, I
>shanit
>>argue with you any more, m'dear."
>
>Arwen made a little victory-dance and was immediately shanghaied
>to the Shelob´s nightclub dancers.
Meanwhile, Eowyn dragged Aragorn into the rabbit hole. "I'm holding you for
ransom unless soemoen gives me more of a role in the e-text," she said. Then
she began to remove ...
Well,back to Arwen, locked in battle with Shelob. Who will triumph? "What
an
incredible floor show," said the patrons. "Bravissime!"
Mia Kalogjera
> >Arwen made a little victory-dance and was immediately shanghaied
> >to the Shelob愀 nightclub dancers.
>
> Took Aragorn his "sword" out, and fondeling it gently said:
> "Looks like you shant be sheathed for a while, precious..."
Hearing those words, Professor Tolkien awoke from his pleasant
snooze Up Above and, angered, dropped a huge iron tilde right on
Aragorn's head. This impact made ripples in the fabric of Middle-
Earth so strong that the foundations of Barad-Dur were seriously
threatened, and Sauron's sauna had to be closed for a while.
Meneldil
>
>Hearing those words, Professor Tolkien awoke from his pleasant
>snooze Up Above and, angered, dropped a huge iron tilde right on
>Aragorn's head. This impact made ripples in the fabric of Middle-
>Earth so strong that the foundations of Barad-Dur were seriously
>threatened, and Sauron's sauna had to be closed for a while.
>
And a host of strange beings entered Middle-Earth from the void, and danced
around the newsgroups saying: "See, we told you Tolkien was against
pre-marital sex."
Cheers,
Meneldil
Morgil Blackhope
Nick Tussing kirjoitti viestissä <3B00...@MailAndNews.com>...
>===== Original Message From "Morgil Blackhope" <more...@hotmail.com>
=====
>>...and fell with a SPLASH into the lake, where she found Frodo swimming
>>around dressed in a pair of polka-striped bathing trunks.
>> Meanwhile, Aragorn sighed and said to Arwen: "Well, since Godwin's law
>>says that any debate is over when Hitler has been introduced in it, I
>shanit
>>argue with you any more, m'dear."
>
>Arwen made a little victory-dance and was immediately shanghaied
>to the Shelob´s nightclub dancers.
Meanwhile, Eowyn dragged Aragorn into the rabbit hole. "I'm holding you for
ransom unless soemoen gives me more of a role in the e-text," she said. Then
she began to remove ...
Well,back to Arwen, locked in battle with Shelob. Who will triumph? "What
an
incredible floor show," said the patrons. "Bravissime!"
:
Only now did Tolkien realise to his terror, that by dropping a tilde on
Aragorn´s head, he had accidentaly caused the future to divide into
two different paths, and thus allowing David Eddings to appear.
Morgil Blackhope
Nick Tussing
>Nick Tussing kirjoitti viestissä <3B00...@MailAndNews.com>...
>ransom unless soemoen gives me more of a role in the e-text," she said. Then
>she began to remove ...
>
>Well,back to Arwen, locked in battle with Shelob. Who will triumph? "What
>an
>incredible floor show," said the patrons. "Bravissime!"
>:
>
>Only now did Tolkien realise to his terror, that by dropping a tilde on
>Aragorn´s head, he had accidentaly caused the future to divide into
>two different paths, and thus allowing David Eddings to appear.
Arwen got really ticked off and trasked Tolkien.
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>>an>
>>Well,back to Arwen, locked in battle with Shelob. Who will triumph?
>>What
>>
>>incredible floor show," said the patrons. "Bravissime!"
>>
>>Only now did Tolkien realise to his terror, that by dropping a tilde on
>>Aragorn´s head, he had accidentaly caused the future to divide into
>>two different paths, and thus allowing David Eddings to appear.
>
>Arwen got really ticked off and trasked Tolkien.
Tolkien, alarmed by the trasking, turned Shelob into a garden gnome which he
placed on the lawn outside the Barad-dûr. He then rewrote the draft so that
the Arwen Shelob had been wrestling with turned into Britney Spears, on her
way to the place where the films were being shot.
In the rabbit hole, Aragorn and Arwen reached a conciliation. Both dressed
up as Easter bunnies and began to jump around the neigbourhood, dispensing
Easter eggs.
Öjevind
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>Tolkien, alarmed by the trasking, turned Shelob into a garden gnome which
he
>placed on the lawn outside the Barad-dûr. He then rewrote the draft so that
>the Arwen Shelob had been wrestling with turned into Britney Spears, on her
>way to the place where the films were being shot.
> In the rabbit hole, Aragorn and Arwen reached a conciliation. Both
dressed
>up as Easter bunnies and began to jump around the neigbourhood, dispensing
>Easter eggs.
As the happy couple bounced around throwing Easter eggs to people, a fox
passing through the area on business of his own stopped several minutes and
stared at them.
"Energizer bunnies!" he thought. "Well, what next? There is something
mighty queer about this." He was quite right, but he never found out any
more about it.
Öjevind
Nick Tussing
>>>two different paths, and thus allowing David Eddings to appear.
>>
>>Arwen got really ticked off and trasked Tolkien.
>
>
>Tolkien, alarmed by the trasking, turned Shelob into a garden gnome which he
>placed on the lawn outside the Barad-dûr. He then rewrote the draft so that
>the Arwen Shelob had been wrestling with turned into Britney Spears, on her
>way to the place where the films were being shot.
> In the rabbit hole, Aragorn and Arwen reached a conciliation. Both dressed
>up as Easter bunnies and began to jump around the neigbourhood, dispensing
>Easter eggs.
Unfortunately, General Woundwort was not amused...
Morgil Blackhope
Öjevind Lång kirjoitti viestissä ...
>
>[snip]
>
>>Tolkien, alarmed by the trasking, turned Shelob into a garden gnome which
>he
>>placed on the lawn outside the Barad-dûr. He then rewrote the draft so
that
>>the Arwen Shelob had been wrestling with turned into Britney Spears, on
her
>>way to the place where the films were being shot.
>> In the rabbit hole, Aragorn and Arwen reached a conciliation. Both
>dressed
>>up as Easter bunnies and began to jump around the neigbourhood, dispensing
>>Easter eggs.
>
>
>As the happy couple bounced around throwing Easter eggs to people, a fox
>passing through the area on business of his own stopped several minutes and
>stared at them.
> "Energizer bunnies!" he thought. "Well, what next? There is something
>mighty queer about this." He was quite right, but he never found out any
>more about it.
The Fox (who later became King of all small predators) went on its way,
and Aragorn (still in bunny-suit) took Arwen´s hand and kneeled before
her saying:
"O Evenstarlet, hottest of Babes in this world, whom I love more then any
other,
finally comes an end to our joy. Behold! We have sowed and we have reaped,
and many a choklit-eggs we have given unto peoples of Middle-Earth (vol
XII),
and now cometh the time of payment."
Arwen, who had absolutely no clue about what he was talking about,
replied:
"Say whaat??"
"Just tell them that check is in the mail," answered Aragorn and sprang
away,
and not a minute too soon, for the goons of Sharkey were already on their
way.
Morgil Blackhope
Nick Tussing
> "Just tell them that check is in the mail," answered Aragorn and sprang
>away,
>and not a minute too soon, for the goons of Sharkey were already on their
>way.
Unfortunately, General Woundwort strill wasn't amused. Knot only that, but
he
was hungry. He decided it was time for a hostile merger with Sharkey's
credit
card company.
Öjevind Lång
>> "Just tell them that check is in the mail," answered Aragorn and sprang
>>away,
>>and not a minute too soon, for the goons of Sharkey were already on their
>>way.
>
>Unfortunately, General Woundwort strill wasn't amused. Knot only that, but
>he
>was hungry. He decided it was time for a hostile merger with Sharkey's
>credit
>card company.
But then, the entire Woundwort-Sharkey conglomerate was swallowed by Donald
Smaug.
Öjevind
Morgil Blackhope
Öjevind Lång kirjoitti viestissä ...
Smaug, accompanied by his wingmen Aku Ankka and Kalevi(Kalle)
Sorsa proceeded to poit 5b45f/d3, where assumably was located an
Easterlingian chemical weaponary plant. After launching their
AGM223-Harmwen missles, the trojka turned back and headed home
knot nowing taht teyh ahd jsut drestoyed an tyope-fcatroy...,
Mrogli Lackbohep
Nick Tussing
>
>>> "Just tell them that check is in the mail," answered Aragorn and sprang
>>>away,
>>>and not a minute too soon, for the goons of Sharkey were already on their
>>>way.
>>
>>Unfortunately, General Woundwort strill wasn't amused. Knot only that, but
>>he
>>was hungry. He decided it was time for a hostile merger with Sharkey's
>>credit
>>card company.
>
>
>But then, the entire Woundwort-Sharkey conglomerate was swallowed by Donald
>Smaug.
... who, I turn, was been vicious pursued by the CLoaked Balrong Chruch
Credit
Corporation. These guys weren't playing around, either. They were brutal.
Morgil Blackhope
Nick Tussing kirjoitti viestissä <3B10...@MailAndNews.com>...
>===== Original Message From "Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> =====
>Nick Tussing hath written:
>
>>> "Just tell them that check is in the mail," answered Aragorn and sprang
>>>away,
>>>and not a minute too soon, for the goons of Sharkey were already on their
>>>way.
>>
>>Unfortunately, General Woundwort strill wasn't amused. Knot only that,
but
>>he
>>was hungry. He decided it was time for a hostile merger with Sharkey's
>>credit
>>card company.
>
>
>But then, the entire Woundwort-Sharkey conglomerate was swallowed by Donald
>Smaug.
Smaug, accompanied by his wingmen Aku Ankka and Kalevi(Kalle)
Sorsa proceeded to poit 5b45f/d3, where assumably was located an
Easterlingian chemical weaponary plant. After launching their
AGM223-Harmwen missles, the trojka turned back and headed home
knot nowing taht teyh ahd jsut drestoyed an tyope-fcatroy..., and knot
noticineg either taht it was they...
:
... who, I turn, was been vicious pursued by the CLoaked Balrong Chruch
Credit
Corporation. These guys weren't playing around, either. They were brutal.
:
Fortunately Ltn. Sorsa was a veteran of the Lossoth War in the northern
parts of Mil´-´arth, and knew a trick or two of shaking of CLBCC`s with
the aid of his faithful Tailgnuer, Luke Skywalker.
Morgil B
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>Smaug, accompanied by his wingmen Aku Ankka and Kalevi(Kalle)
>Sorsa proceeded to poit 5b45f/d3, where assumably was located an
>Easterlingian chemical weaponary plant. After launching their
>AGM223-Harmwen missles, the trojka turned back and headed home
>knot nowing taht teyh ahd jsut drestoyed an tyope-fcatroy..., and knot
>noticineg either taht it was they...
>:
>... who, I turn, was been vicious pursued by the CLoaked Balrong Chruch
>Credit
>Corporation. These guys weren't playing around, either. They were brutal.
>:
>Fortunately Ltn. Sorsa was a veteran of the Lossoth War in the northern
>parts of Mil´-´arth, and knew a trick or two of shaking of CLBCC`s with
>the aid of his faithful Tailgnuer, Luke Skywalker.
Then, the entire battlefield was overrun by hysterical, trumpeting Mûmaks
who trampled everybody to a pash. Gandalf, watching it all from Amon Hên,
sighed and shook his head.
"Come, Marilyn", he said to his fiancée of 260,00 years. (She was looking
better than ever, though.) "This sorry spectacle is not for us."
Öjevind
Nick Tussing
<sneep>
>Then, the entire battlefield was overrun by hysterical, trumpeting Mûmaks
>who trampled everybody to a pash. Gandalf, watching it all from Amon Hên,
>sighed and shook his head.
> "Come, Marilyn", he said to his fiancée of 260,00 years. (She was looking
>better than ever, though.) "This sorry spectacle is not for us."
"Y'know," he added, "260, 00 years is a longish time to wait, even for us
immortal beings. What say we finally get hitched?"
Öjevind Lång
>===== Original Message From "Öjevind Lång"
[snip]
>>Then, the entire battlefield was overrun by hysterical, trumpeting Mûmaks
>>who trampled everybody to a pash. Gandalf, watching it all from Amon Hên,
>>sighed and shook his head.
>> "Come, Marilyn", he said to his fiancée of 260,00 years. (She was
looking
>>better than ever, though.) "This sorry spectacle is not for us."
>
>"Y'know," he added, "260, 00 years is a longish time to wait, even for us
>immortal beings. What say we finally get hitched?"
Marilyn stared at him. "Never!" she declared. "If we get married, that means
we are going to have sex, and you know I *hate* sex and icky things like
that."
Öjevind
Jon
Öjevind Lång <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
> Marilyn stared at him. "Never!" she declared. "If we get married, that means
> we are going to have sex, and you know I *hate* sex and icky things like
> that."
'Has the train entered Paddington?'
'OUCH!'
Jon.
--
_ _ _
/ \ / \ / \ jgh...@argonet.co.uk * j...@acornarcade.com
( J | o | n )http://www.argonet.co.uk/users/jghall/
\_/ \_/ \_/ 7, High Street, Balrog Cuttings, TEUNC.
Run eels, run!!!
Nick Tussing
<sneep>
>Marilyn stared at him. "Never!" she declared. "If we get married, that means
>we are going to have sex, and you know I *hate* sex and icky things like
>that."
"That was rather the idea," muttered Gandalf, barely restraining his lust
for
her.
Öjevind Lång
>>Marilyn stared at him. "Never!" she declared. "If we get married, that
means
>>we are going to have sex, and you know I *hate* sex and icky things like
>>that."
>
>"That was rather the idea," muttered Gandalf, barely restraining his lust
>for her.
Marilyn backed away from him. "Oh, no we don't!" she said. "I will only
consent to having sex with you during the safe periods countenanced by our
Holy Church."
Öjevind
Nick Tussing
"Then," said Gandalf, "you must be received into the Censored Balrog Church
without delay."
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>>Marilyn backed away from him. "Oh, no we don't!" she said. "I will only
>>consent to having sex with you during the safe periods countenanced by our
>>Holy Church."
>
>"Then," said Gandalf, "you must be received into the Censored Balrog
>Church without delay."
Chuckling and slavering, Gandalf approached her with a Holy Book in his
hands. But before he could have hid dastardly will with her, they were both
abducted by a gang of rabid Space Smurfs in a flying saucer.
Öjevind
Jon
Öjevind Lång <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
> Chuckling and slavering, Gandalf approached her with a Holy Book in his
> hands. But before he could have hid dastardly will with her, they were both
> abducted by a gang of rabid Space Smurfs in a flying saucer.
And taken to Sweden, via Huddersfield.....
Nick Tussing
>In article <qkZK6.4540$vR1....@nntpserver.swip.net>,
> Öjevind Lång <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
>
>
>> Chuckling and slavering, Gandalf approached her with a Holy Book in his
>> hands. But before he could have hid dastardly will with her, they were both
>> abducted by a gang of rabid Space Smurfs in a flying saucer.
>
>And taken to Sweden, via Huddersfield.....
>Jon.
Correction: smurves. It would have been "smurrows," had the singular and
plural gone their separate ways, as with "man" and "men," "goose" and
"geese."
But we no longer speak of a smurf as often as a man, or even a goose, and
they have been degraded from their former noble state into figures of fun
who
say (or did in the '80s, nayways) "have a smurfy day!" I have used the
plural
"smurves" to restore to them, I hope, something of their former dignity.
"Smurrows" would have been better; but I have used it only in "Smurrowdelf."
Wayne Farmer
"Jon" <jgh...@argonet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:4a79312f...@argonet.co.uk...
> In article <qkZK6.4540$vR1....@nntpserver.swip.net>,
> Öjevind Lång <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
>
>
> > Chuckling and slavering, Gandalf approached her with a Holy Book in his
> > hands. But before he could have hid dastardly will with her, they were
both
> > abducted by a gang of rabid Space Smurfs in a flying saucer.
>
> And taken to Sweden, via Huddersfield.....
> Jon.
>
To watch the taping of this TV game show:
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>> > Chuckling and slavering, Gandalf approached her with a Holy Book in his
>> > hands. But before he could have hid dastardly will with her, they were
>both
>> > abducted by a gang of rabid Space Smurfs in a flying saucer.
>>
>> And taken to Sweden, via Huddersfield.....
>> Jon.
>>
>
>To watch the taping of this TV game show:
>
>http://216.149.89.225/ayb/allyoursmurf.swf
After that, they were brought in chains to work in the treacle mines in
Smurrowdelf.
Öjevind
Mia Kalogjera
>>>> Chuckling and slavering, Gandalf approached her with a
>>>> Holy Book in his hands. But before he could have hid dastardly
>>>> will with her, they were both abducted by a gang of rabid
>>>> Space Smurfs in a flying saucer.
>>> And taken to Sweden, via Huddersfield.....
>> To watch the taping of this TV game show:
>> http://216.149.89.225/ayb/allyoursmurf.swf
>
> After that, they were brought in chains to work in the
> treacle mines in Smurrowdelf.
After seven years, time to them became treacle and suddenly
they found themselves in the Dwarf-Mines of the Discworld,
just as the witches were passing through the mountains to
Genua, and were intercepted by the local equivalent of Gollum.
Tamf Moo
began:
>Correction: smurves. It would have been "smurrows," had the singular and
>plural gone their separate ways, as with "man" and "men," "goose" and
>"geese."
> But we no longer speak of a smurf as often as a man, or even a goose, and
>they have been degraded from their former noble state into figures of fun
>who
>say (or did in the '80s, nayways) "have a smurfy day!" I have used the
>plural
>"smurves" to restore to them, I hope, something of their former dignity.
>"Smurrows" would have been better; but I have used it only in "Smurrowdelf."
<rolls on the floor, laughing desperately>
(and i'm NOT sorry!)
--
Tamf lellow/moo/dragon
Unfortunately, once summoned, a
dragon is not easily gotten rid of . . . (T. Pratchett)
Nick Tussing
<pins>
><rolls on the floor, laughing desperately>
>
>(and i'm NOT sorry!)
>
Btu I swa being SEEEEEEERIOUS! <chortle>
>--
>Tamf lellow/moo/dragon
>
>Unfortunately, once summoned, a
>dragon is not easily gotten rid of . . . (T. Pratchett)
Htat's how I became a Dragon Balrog Baritone. It's a sad story.
Nick Tussing
<hash...@removethis.herzeleid.net> =====
<spin>
>After seven years, time to them became treacle and suddenly
>they found themselves in the Dwarf-Mines of the Discworld,
>just as the witches were passing through the mountains to
>Genua, and were intercepted by the local equivalent of Gollum.
Enraged, the Smurves declared war on the Dwarves, their hereditary foes.
Their rivalry goes back to Vlainor, where Ollie, maker of the Dwarves, and
Trollie, maker of the Smurves, did vie to see which of them was most
pleasing
unto Manwe and would get promoted to Veep of Valinor. When they breathed
life
into their respective creations, they also breathed into them their mutual
hatred.
the softrat
<Menel...@MailAndNews.com> wrote:
>
>Htat's how I became a Dragon Balrog Baritone. It's a sad story.
>
the softrat
mailto:sof...@pobox.com
--
Smith & Wesson - The original point and click interface...
Nick Tussing
>On Sun, 13 May 2001 15:53:20 -0400, Nick Tussing
><Menel...@MailAndNews.com> wrote:
>>
>>Htat's how I became a Dragon Balrog Baritone. It's a sad story.
>>
>All tsories are das .... from a tercain poynt of vue....
>
Rute ...
>
>the softrat
>mailto:sof...@pobox.com
>--
>Smith & Wesson - The original point and click interface...
Hata xeplanis a lto...
Öjevind Lång
>>===== Original Message From Mia Kalogjera
><spin>
>
>>After seven years, time to them became treacle and suddenly
>>they found themselves in the Dwarf-Mines of the Discworld,
>>just as the witches were passing through the mountains to
>>Genua, and were intercepted by the local equivalent of Gollum.
>
>Enraged, the Smurves declared war on the Dwarves, their hereditary foes.
>Their rivalry goes back to Vlainor, where Ollie, maker of the Dwarves, and
>Trollie, maker of the Smurves, did vie to see which of them was most
>pleasing
>unto Manwe and would get promoted to Veep of Valinor. When they breathed
>life
>into their respective creations, they also breathed into them their mutual
>hatred.
Watching the stunted, shouting, hating figures who dunked it other in the
treacle or hit each other about the head and shoulders with treacle coshes,
or tried to strangle each other with liquorice bands, Gandalf observed to
his beloved Marilyn: "Bit of a sticky wicket, this."
Öjevind
Meneldil
>
> Watching the stunted, shouting, hating figures who dunked it other in the
> treacle or hit each other about the head and shoulders with treacle coshes,
> or tried to strangle each other with liquorice bands, Gandalf observed to
> his beloved Marilyn: "Bit of a sticky wicket, this."
The word "wicket" travelled through a rupture in the fabric of
space-time (purchased cheap at Poundland) and reached the ears of the
Grand Association of Ewok Action Figure Makers and Retailers who
immediately descended on Gandalf and Marilyn before you could say
"Monroe".
Nick Tussing
"What an evil fortune," said Gandalf. "And I am already equipped with
enough
accessories to make a Ninja Turtle or Master of the Universe weep."
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>>
>>The word "wicket" travelled through a rupture in the fabric of
>>space-time (purchased cheap at Poundland) and reached the ears of >>the
>>Grand Association of Ewok Action Figure Makers and Retailers who
>>immediately descended on Gandalf and Marilyn before you could say
>>"Monroe".
>
>"What an evil fortune," said Gandalf. "And I am already equipped with
>enough accessories to make a Ninja Turtle or Master of the Universe >weep."
"Accessories?" said Marilyn archly. "Some like it hot."
Öjevind
Fmat Oom
polished their teeth, and stated:
>>"What an evil fortune," said Gandalf. "And I am already equipped with
>>enough accessories to make a Ninja Turtle or Master of the Universe >weep."
>
>"Accessories?" said Marilyn archly. "Some like it hot."
At that moment, out of nowhere appeared the famous chef Thomas de Bombadile
with a steaming, mouth-watering and indeed shapely mash of tatters. "Ze
deener iz reddee!" he screamed, and added, almost as an afterthought: "Bork!
Bork! Bork!"
Mia Kalogjera
> >"Accessories?" said Marilyn archly. "Some like it hot."
>
> At that moment, out of nowhere appeared the famous chef Thomas de Bombadile
> with a steaming, mouth-watering and indeed shapely mash of tatters. "Ze
> deener iz reddee!" he screamed, and added, almost as an afterthought: "Bork!
> Bork! Bork!"
"Well, um gesh de bork, bork," said Frodo, scratching his head
thoughtfully
and looking at an identical heap of juicy taters Sam dug up from Eru
knows
where. That was a train of thought he didn't want to get on. "D'you
think
this will be enough to get us to Mount Fmat Oom?"
At which point a skull with all parts neatly marked with a dotted
line and proper names in High Elvish appeared in the air behind him,
quothing in an eery voice, "Am I still here?"
Frodo froze. Only his eyes looked up at the skies and under his
breath he murmured, "Don't look at me. It's all Bilbo's fault!" as
a dwagin-shaped shadow covered him. "It's Doom, sir," Sam said.
"Riight..." said Frodo. He stood there deep in thought for a while.
"I prefer to think of myself as more of a Duke Nukem type," he
concluded. Sam shook his head and passed the plate to John Wayne.
Nick Tussing
>"Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> coughed, cleared their throat,
>polished their teeth, and stated:
>
>>>"What an evil fortune," said Gandalf. "And I am already equipped with
>>>enough accessories to make a Ninja Turtle or Master of the Universe >weep."
>>
>
>At that moment, out of nowhere appeared the famous chef Thomas de Bombadile
>with a steaming, mouth-watering and indeed shapely mash of tatters. "Ze
>deener iz reddee!" he screamed, and added, almost as an afterthought: "Bork!
>Bork! Bork!"
At the sound of the word "Bork," all the Smurves bowed their heads in
reverence. Had the Dwarves been smart, they would have taken this
opportunity
to slay their most butter foes. But nowhere do the loremasters say that the
Dwarves were the bryghteste crayones in then boxe.
TT Arvind
<snip>
>
>At the sound of the word "Bork," all the Smurves bowed their heads in
>reverence. Had the Dwarves been smart, they would have taken this
>opportunity
>to slay their most butter foes. But nowhere do the loremasters say that the
>Dwarves were the bryghteste crayones in then boxe.
>
Meanwhile, in a secret room in an undisclosed location within Balrog Cuttings,
the Grand High Priest of Fater Lal, Commander of the Tyopeful informed the
cheering masses:
"The profaners have committed sacrilege. By their fiendish devices, they have
caused 'The Watchers', that ancient thread, the symbol of all that is TEUNCy,
to be split into two parallel threads. WE WILL NOT SUFFER THIS! THE JEHAD
WILL BE NOW LAUNCHED"
And the assembled multitude rejoiced, and a cry rent the air:
"THE BORK-EATERS!! RUN, EELS, RUN!!!!!"
TT Arvind
>
>"I prefer to think of myself as more of a Duke Nukem type," he
>concluded. Sam shook his head and passed the plate to John Wayne.
>
Meanwhile, in a secret room in an undisclosed location within Balrog Cuttings,
the Grand High Priest of Fater Lal, Commander of the Tyopeful, informed the
cheering masses:
"The profaners have committed sacrilege. By their fiendish devices, they have
caused 'The Watchers', that ancient thread, the symbol of all that is TEUNCy,
to be split into two parallel threads. WE WILL NOT SUFFER THIS! THE JEHAD
WILL BE NOW LAUNCHED"
And the assembled multitude rejoiced, and a cry rent the air:
"THE BORK-EATERS!! RUN, EELS, RUN!!!!!"
Cheers,
Meneldil
Nick Tussing
>Þus cwæþ Mia Kalogjera <hash...@removethis.herzeleid.net>:
...and unleashed the eels of war! The Smurves took to their heels.
(What the blazes is all this eel businesws about, nayways?)
>
>Cheers,
>
>Meneldil
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>>Meanwhile, in a secret room in an undisclosed location within Balrog
Cuttings,
>the Grand High Priest of Fater Lal, Commander of the Tyopeful, informed the
>cheering masses:
>>
>>"The profaners have committed sacrilege. By their fiendish devices, >they
have
>caused 'The Watchers', that ancient thread, the symbol of all that is
TEUNCy,
>to be split into two parallel threads. WE WILL NOT SUFFER THIS! THE JEHAD
>>WILL BE NOW LAUNCHED"
>>
>>And the assembled multitude rejoiced, and a cry rent the air:
>>
>>"THE BORK-EATERS!! RUN, EELS, RUN!!!!!"
>>
>
>...and unleashed the eels of war! The Smurves took to their heels.
>
>(What the blazes is all this eel businesws about, nayways?)
The Dwarves stayed behind and tried to appease Fater Lal, his faithful
Teuncers, Gandalf and Marilyn by letting Thomas de Bombadille serve
delicious smoked eel with scrambled eggs and lots of aquavit.
Öjevind
Fmat Oom
polished their teeth, and stated:
>The Dwarves stayed behind and tried to appease Fater Lal, his faithful
>Teuncers, Gandalf and Marilyn by letting Thomas de Bombadille serve
>delicious smoked eel with scrambled eggs and lots of aquavit.
The party soon fell through, however, when the eggs hatched, the eels fled,
and the Gret Chef himself was found drunk in the punchbowl.
Morgil Blackhope
Fmat Oom kirjoitti viestissä ...
>"Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> coughed, cleared their throat,
>polished their teeth, and stated:
>
>>The Dwarves stayed behind and tried to appease Fater Lal, his faithful
>>Teuncers, Gandalf and Marilyn by letting Thomas de Bombadille serve
>>delicious smoked eel with scrambled eggs and lots of aquavit.
>
>The party soon fell through, however, when the eggs hatched, the eels fled,
>and the Gret Chef himself was found drunk in the punchbowl.
"Misseess aint gonna like this!" was all he was able to say...
Morgil Blackhope
Nick Tussing
Now comes the really scary moment in this story. Please do not allow young
children to read this post, as it may give them nightmares. Nothing in the
story this far approaches even half the utter, blerak terror or this
episode.
Thomas de Bombadile began to sing.
Jon
Nick Tussing <Menel...@MailAndNews.com> wrote:
> Thomas de Bombadile began to sing.
Thus:
A Bank Holiday, a Bank Holiday and the first one of the year
Lady George drove to the pub, for a ploughman's and a half of beer
And when the ploughman he was done, she cast her eyes about
and there she saw young Matthew, a local eco-lout
"Drive home with me, little Matty boy, drive home with me right now
and I'll demonstrate my electrically adjustable seats, I'll demonstrate -
and how!"
"Oh, I'll can't drive home and I won't drive home, in your enormous great
Range Rover
It's people like you who are destroying rain forrests, and eroding the
cliffs at Dover!"
"Oh 'tis true I have a vanity gas-guzzler, and it is a four-by-four
but I long to handle your gear lever and make your engine roar!
And if you're worried about Lord George, he's rarely home as a rule
He is out canvassing for votes, promising to drop the price of fuel"
Little Matty boy, he stood firm and refused to ride in the Jeep
saying "If it were up to me everyone would walk. Petrol wouldn't be so
cheap.
But it's not a drive you're after, I believe. I know what you really like
so leave the door on the latch, you naughty tart, and I'll be round later
on my bike"
A mechanic, who was idling there, and hearing such mucky chat,
swore Lord George he would know, or he would eat his hat
And in his hurry to carry the news, his Land Cruiser really clattered
but when he came to the broad mill stream, it barely even mattered
Dirty young Matt, he lay down, and indulged in illicit rumpy-pumpy
but when he looked up there was Lord George, and boy, did he look grumpy
Lord G said: "Well, I've seen your pimply arse, and that's a gruesome fact,
So I will kill the both of you, and make it look like a suicide pact"
So he gassed them both, Matt and Lady G, with fumes from his four-by-four
and when the police arrived they found them both, dead upon the garage
floor
"A grave! A grave!" Lord George, he cried, "to put these lovers in"
and the sympathy vote he received, ensured an election win.
Öjevind Lång
> Nick Tussing <Menel...@MailAndNews.com> wrote:
>
>> Thomas de Bombadile began to sing.
>
>Thus:
>
>A Bank Holiday, a Bank Holiday and the first one of the year
[snip the dirty song]
[Heh]
Wth a thunderclap, an angry, ugly old man with a big blue nose appeared. He
pointed dramatically at de Bombadile and shouted: "Blaphemy! He is suing the
eels!"
Öjevind
Nick Tussing
>Öjevind Lång <ojevin...@swipnet.se> did boldly declaim:
>>
>> pointed dramatically at de Bombadile and shouted: "Blaphemy! He is suing
the
>> eels!"
>>
>
>tsarked!"
The crowd tsork TB with gusto. But then, he suddenly loomed over them,
crying, "Unhand me, or I will sing for eternity and you will never flee the
sound of my voice!" The crowd was aghast with dread (or adrad with ghast).
That is, all except one plucky eel ...
Jon
Nick Tussing <Menel...@MailAndNews.com> wrote:
> That is, all except one plucky eel ...
The Eel of Destiny.
Fortold in the Majik Eel Codex of Eelness.
Who was this plucky eel?
The chosen one - a very short and disregarded one certainly.....
Jon.
Meneldil
>
>
>The Eel of Destiny.
>Fortold in the Majik Eel Codex of Eelness.
>Who was this plucky eel?
>The chosen one - a very short and disregarded one certainly.....
>
Dramatically striding up to TB, it proclaimed the Words of Doom:
"Respondents eels have established that said class suit sought to be brought
by said de Bombadile is not maintainable under Article 45326(183)(iv)(a)(3) of
the Simplified Rules of Procedure. Rule denied."
And as these terrible words were intoned, de Bombadile's guitar exploded...
Count Menelvagor
And the Eel began to sing. And T. de Bombadile sought to gainsay the
singing with his own singing, but he could not, for the Eel brought
themes and melodies into his song, and made them deeper thatn they
were before, tinged with a touch of sadness which T de B's brassy
vulgarity and inability to stay in tune could not withstand.
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>And the Eel began to sing. And T. de Bombadile sought to gainsay the
>singing with his own singing, but he could not, for the Eel brought
>themes and melodies into his song, and made them deeper thatn they
>were before, tinged with a touch of sadness which T de B's brassy
>vulgarity and inability to stay in tune could not withstand.
And this is how Thomas de Bombadile acquired a new by-name and was
henceforth know throughout the lands of Valium and Eeldamar as "Malcom",
which means "Bad Communicator" in the High Speech.
Öjevind
Fmat Oom
polished their teeth, and stated:
>And this is how Thomas de Bombadile acquired a new by-name and was
>henceforth know throughout the lands of Valium and Eeldamar as "Malcom",
>which means "Bad Communicator" in the High Speech.
He was soon awarded with his very own newspaper column, primetime talkshow,
and the job as a moderator on an internet message board.
Morgil Blackhope
Fmat Oom kirjoitti viestissä <2dingtko8lcm6lmr7...@4ax.com>...
>"Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> coughed, cleared their throat,
>polished their teeth, and stated:
>
>>And this is how Thomas de Bombadile acquired a new by-name and was
>>henceforth know throughout the lands of Valium and Eeldamar as "Malcom",
>>which means "Bad Communicator" in the High Speech.
>
>He was soon awarded with his very own newspaper column, primetime talkshow,
>and the job as a moderator on an internet message board.
"*Not* a moderator of an internet message board!!!" he tried to pleed.
"Yes! And a Comfy Chair for ye, too!" they replied with a diabolical
laughter.
Morgil Blackhope
Count Menelvagor
> He was soon awarded with his very own newspaper column, primetime talkshow,
> and the job as a moderator on an internet message board.
This week on the "Tom the Bomb Show": Trolls whose Orc lovers
abandoned them to run off with Sauron.
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>This week on the "Tom the Bomb Show": Trolls whose Orc lovers
>abandoned them to run off with Sauron.
"He was her Orc, and he had done her wrong."
Öjevind
Count Menelvagor
Ummm, more like "she was his Orc, and she ahd done him wrong" if we're
talking about running off with Sauron. None of that gender-bending
stuff for the Dark Lord ...
Nayways, Frodo changed the channel.
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>> "He was her Orc, and he had done her wrong."
>
>Ummm, more like "she was his Orc, and she ahd done him wrong" if we're
>talking about running off with Sauron. None of that gender-bending
>stuff for the Dark Lord ...
>
>Nayways, Frodo changed the channel.
On the screen, a yellow-fanged Orc appeared holding a bottle of SLIMMO, the
dietary drink. The Ord thundered: "Three spoonfuls of SLIMMO every day will
get you back in shape, you fat, overeating little Hobbit pansy!"
Öjevind
Count Menelvagor
Frodo immediately called the 1-800 toll-free number that flashed on
the screen like unto a radiant Silamril.
Mia Kalogjera
> > >Nayways, Frodo changed the channel.
> >
> > On the screen, a yellow-fanged Orc appeared holding a bottle of SLIMMO, the
> > dietary drink. The Ord thundered: "Three spoonfuls of SLIMMO every day will
> > get you back in shape, you fat, overeating little Hobbit pansy!"
>
> Frodo immediately called the 1-800 toll-free number that flashed on
> the screen like unto a radiant Silamril.
Five weeks later his fate collided with that of Sri Frodo Babu from the
Smog story, the SLIMMO packet having a disastrously opposite effect on
Hobbits (which had been the Orcs' evil plan all along). Seeing himself,
Frodo passed out immediately.
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>Five weeks later his fate collided with that of Sri Frodo Babu from the
>Smog story, the SLIMMO packet having a disastrously opposite effect on
>Hobbits (which had been the Orcs' evil plan all along). Seeing himself,
>Frodo passed out immediately.
A passing Mūmak was enticed by his curvature, which surpassed its most
fervid dreams of orotund beauty. It revived Frodo and asked him whether he'd
care to come along to a beauty pageant.
Öjevind
Count Menelvagor
<snip>
> A passing Mūmak was enticed by his curvature, which surpassed its most
> fervid dreams of orotund beauty. It revived Frodo and asked him whether he'd
> care to come along to a beauty pageant.
And then, suddenly, the smurves attacked again. They meant business, this time.
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>> A passing Mūmak was enticed by his curvature, which surpassed its most
>> fervid dreams of orotund beauty. It revived Frodo and asked him whether
he'd
>> care to come along to a beauty pageant.
>
>And then, suddenly, the smurves attacked again. They meant business, this
time.
The Smurves were dismayed by the fierce resistance put up by the Dwarrows.
And the host of the Dwarrows burst into song, and they sang as they slew,
and the sound of their singing was more terrifying than anything else:
"Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! To our mine we go!"
Öjevind
Count Menelvagor
> The Smurves were dismayed by the fierce resistance put up by the Dwarrows.
> And the host of the Dwarrows burst into song, and they sang as they slew,
> and the sound of their singing was more terrifying than anything else:
> "Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! To our mine we go!"
Lobelia took over the world.
Mia Kalogjera
> Lobelia took over the world.
The world suffered two years before she offered an alliance
to Shelob, who promptly ate her, having read the Evil Overlord
Instruction List.
And then the world was plunged into darkness...
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>And then the world was plunged into darkness...
Frodo screamed: "Sam! Sam! I've gone blind! Curse you, you scurvy lubber,
there must have been wood alcohol in that drink you served me!"
Öjevind
"Jabba the Hutt has got a new girl-friend named Roseanne Shelob."
(From "The Diary of a Redneck Jedi")
Count Menelvagor
> Count Menelvagor wrote:
>
> > Lobelia took over the world.
>
> The world suffered two years before she offered an alliance
> to Shelob, who promptly ate her, having read the Evil Overlord
> Instruction List.
>
> And then the world was plunged into darkness...
The night life was somethjing else: Woooooo-GAH!
Öjevind Lång
>Mia Kalogjera <hash...@removethis.herzeleid.net> wrote...
>> Count Menelvagor wrote:
>>
>> > Lobelia took over the world.
>>
>> The world suffered two years before she offered an alliance
>> to Shelob, who promptly ate her, having read the Evil Overlord
>> Instruction List.
>>
>> And then the world was plunged into darkness...
>
>The night life was somethjing else: Woooooo-GAH!
The orgies were not entirely enjoyable, since they were organized and
presided over by the feared Enforcer of Promiscuity, Faster Tilda.
Öjevind
Count Menelvagor
> Count Menelvagor hath written:
> >The night life was somethjing else: Woooooo-GAH!
>
> The orgies were not entirely enjoyable, since they were organized and
> presided over by the feared Enforcer of Promiscuity, Faster Tilda.
The puritanical Hobbits were determined to resist to the bitter end.