E-text Chapter Five:V (by Jon Stefanovic)
Öjevind Lång
Till: ojevin...@swipnet.se <ojevin...@swipnet.se>
Ämne: Chapter V
Datum: den 24 september 2001 05:37
The Ride of the Rohirrim
It was dark and Morrie (Otto) was awakened by the smell of gasoline and
burning tires. He felt and throb in his head and remember the night
before. He remembered being thrown of the Winnebago. “Stupid blonde,” he
cursed. “I should have never ridden with her. Oh what the heck, I’m Morrie
or someone like that now and I’m supposed to go around riding on motorcycles
with hot royalty.”
He dimly recall the wild night of riding the bike through the plains of
Rohan. Eowynifred’s hair blowing in his face. The smell of her perfume and
Wormtounge’s liquids on her. And then the crash. Eowynifred, in a moment
of frenzied ecstasy, had rode the bike so fast that she forgot to watch out
for the King and the dwarves. She plowed through the dwarves and charged
straight into HeyHoDen and his mount which had just stopped to take a dump.
“Stupid blonde…”
Just then Eonard tumbled over Morrie’s (Otto’s) prostrate form in the
darkness.
“What the hell?”
“Oh sorry dude, I didn’t mean to trip you.”
“Sure you didn’t. What the hell are you doing out here anyway.”
“I fell of the motorcycle and just got up. I was talking to myself.”
“Sure you were you pothead. Playing with yourself is more like it. I swear
I heard you say the word blonde…”
After merrily clearing out this mess with Eonard, Morrie (Otto) set out with
him to see what HeyHoDen was up to. They found the King sitting at the
nearest Taco Bell munching on a chalupa while Balin and the dwarves sat
nearby.
“Stupid pigs, I told then I wanted the damn dog in the commercial, not the
chalupa,” growled HeyHoDen.
“Now, now,” said Balin, “Its better than crap you know.”
“Actually I rather prefer crap. A little ketchup makes a huge difference
you know,” commented Wormtounge.
“Shut up you fool,” said HeyHoDen. “We are totally screwed in the ass.
Those pigs are gonna catch up with us before we get to Gondor and the City
thing.”
“Just wish there was some wild man to show us a short cut to Gondor—“
Just then a totally naked man jumped in front of them. He wore nothing but
a feather in his hair and held a crush coke can in his hand. Eowynifred
nearly fainted with delight.
“How”
“How?”
“HOW”
“How?”
“How. I am Sitting Bull of the injuns. I come to make peace and smoke weed
with the white man.”
“Hey count me in too,” said Morrie (Otto).
“Listen you naked old freak. We don’t need weed, we need a shortcut throw
the woods so that we can plunder Gondor,” shouted HeyHoDen.
“Don’t listen to that dildo,” shouted Morrie, even louder, “Give me that
pipe, man.”
The “injun” reached behind him and with a grunt produced a pipe.
“Ain’t nothing like a wide anus to store your pipe in man,” commented
Eonard.
Sitting Bull grinned and proceeded to light it up and pass the pipe around.
After everyone was totally stoned he proceeded to talk.
“I help you find shortcut. I show you way to Stoned City. There you
destroy Magic Mountain and that bastard Denethor. As he dies tell him
never to throw trash in my forests again. Then you leave injuns alone to
their pipe-weed smoking. Aight?”
“Sure thing,” said Balin, “lead the way dude.”
“Wait up,” shouted HeyHoDen, “what if this naked freak of nature leads us
into a trap and kills us all?”
“Then we’ll kill him,” said Balin.
“But if we’re already dead how are we gonna kill--" muttered Eonard.
“Splendid,” shouted HeyHoDen. “Lead the way, Sitting Bull. And remember,
the only good injun is a dead injun."
The small company consisting of the royal family, Morrie (Otto), the
dwarves, and Sitting Bull passed into the forest. They traveled and
traveled and traveled. After sometime they stopped to view the wonders of
Dunland. They saw Pooh in the honey tree. “Yum, yum.” They saw the
lamppost still burning bright. HeyHoDen went over for a walk with Aslan and
learned new and interesting way how to inpersonate Christ. Robin Hood
himself dropped by for a chat and got instantly hooked on Eowynifred. He
insisted on calling her Maid Marian and followed her for many miles until
she utterly rejected him by making sweet love to Sitting Bull. Robin
instantly took his arrow and slit his own wrists, dying in a pool of his own
blood, rejected by a fair lover. They journeyed on, stopping at fast food
restaurants and eating plain old crap when there was nothing else. And so
this relievingly short chapter drew to an end as Morrie (Otto), sat on the
ground and prepared some “grass” with a couple of injuns who had come along
for the ride.
“Tomorrow, Gondor and all her riches and glory.” Muttered HeyhoDen
earnestly.
“Can’t wait to get my hands on Denethor,” injected Eowynifred. “I’ve heard
that those stewards are great in bed, way better than the kings of old, like
that sad flab, Aragorn or whatever his name is.”
“Oh man this weed is great”
“Hell yeah.”
“Morrie, when this war stuff is over, I’m coming over to the Shire and
growing a plantation for myself.”
“Hell yeah”
“Good stuff this pipe weed."
“Hell yeah”
“Don’t hell yeah me you dingaling. I’m the King, HeyHoDen the mighty
pipe/bong smoker.”
“Hell yeah”
HeyHoden smiled, lay down in his sleeping bag, farted and started stroking
the lovable hobbit (Otto).
“HELL YEAH”
The End (of the chapter even though this would be a good time the end the
book, oh well).
Tamf Moo
hírüzenetben:
>The small company consisting of the royal family, Morrie (Otto), the
>dwarves, and Sitting Bull passed into the forest. They traveled and
>traveled and traveled. After sometime they stopped to view the wonders of
>Dunland. They saw Pooh in the honey tree. “Yum, yum.” They saw the
>lamppost still burning bright. HeyHoDen went over for a walk with Aslan and
>learned new and interesting way how to inpersonate Christ. Robin Hood
>himself dropped by for a chat and got instantly hooked on Eowynifred. He
>insisted on calling her Maid Marian and followed her for many miles until
>she utterly rejected him by making sweet love to Sitting Bull. Robin
>instantly took his arrow and slit his own wrists, dying in a pool of his own
>blood, rejected by a fair lover. They journeyed on, stopping at fast food
>restaurants and eating plain old crap when there was nothing else. And so
>this relievingly short chapter drew to an end as Morrie (Otto), sat on the
>ground and prepared some “grass” with a couple of injuns who had come along
>for the ride.
thanks for a short and wacky e-text chapter (both good things in my opinion).
there is a certain lack of proper punctuation such as commas here and there,
i trust someone will take care of it, or i'll do it myself, as those things
annoy me.
i would also like to request all future e-text writers to ease down on the
explicitness of the text, both the expletives and the uncensored sex. it's
been going on for over two books now... it's not really that funny all the
time. i can persuade myself to think that the every-second-word swearing in
this chapter was a stab at such language in general, but it's very tiresome
to read in a longer literary(ish) text.
just my two shiny pebbles worth.
--
Tamf, Illicit Queen of Lellow Dwagins
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Immortality in our lifetime!
Count Menelvagor
inquiring minds want to know.
Tamf Moo
hírüzenetben:
>So: Is Morrie really Otto ... or is Otto really Morrie? That's what
>inquiring minds want to know.
toothpaste.
--
Tamf, Illicit Queen of Lellow Dwagins
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
I've had a wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
Count Menelvagor
> Menel...@mailandnews.com (Count Menelvagor) az alábbiakat írta a következő
> hírüzenetben:
>
> >So: Is Morrie really Otto ... or is Otto really Morrie? That's what
> >inquiring minds want to know.
>
> toothpaste.
A little mouthwash wouldn't hurt, either; though I have nooo (or
should that be mooo?) idea what we're tlkaking about nazmore ...