Appendix F part 1
China Blue Wïzards Cult
<h2>APPENDIX F</h2>
<h1>I</h1>
<h1>THE LANGUAGES AND PEOPLES</h1>
<h1>OF THE ADOLESCENT AGE</h1>
</center>
<p>
The language represented in this history by English was the <i>Occney</i>
or 'Commoner's Speech' of the West-lands of Muddled-earth in the
Adolescent Age. In the course of that age it had become the slang-filled
jargon of nearly all the speaking-people (except the Elves) who dwelt
within the parking lots of the old kingdoms of Arnold(R) and Gondor(TM);
that is along all the coasts from Burnt Umber northward to the Bay of
Larochelle, and inland as far as the Misty Mountains and the Ethel Merman.
It had also spread north up the Anduin like a bad cold, occupying the
mouth and nosewaters west of the River and east of the mountains as far as
the Manfromgladfields.
<p>
At the time of the Nuisance of Ring at the end of the age these were still
its bounds as a roasted tongue, though large parts of Thermidor were now
deserted with deserters, and few Men were still stupid enough to lurk
between Lorien and Dol Guldur.
<p>
A few of ancient of Wild Men still lurked in the Mosh Pits in Anorien; and
in the hills of Dunceland a remnant lingered of an old people doomed by a
fixed income annuities; while their evictors frolicked on bowling greens
of Rohan, the Rohanners, who had barged into that land some years during
the Stewardship of Blat the Unsteady. But Occney was still used as a
second-hand language of traded insults and jeers, even by Elves. Even
among the Wild Men and the Duncers who shunned other folk there were some
that could speak, though haltingly.
<center><h2>OF THE ELVES</h2></center>
<p>
The Elves far back in the Boring Days became divided into two main
branches, five boughs, twenty-three roots, forty-two twigs, and an
Elbereth in a pear-tree: the West-elves (the <i>Radar</i>) and the
East-elves (the <i>Oreilly</i>). Of the latter kind were most of the
elven-folk in the servile class and the expendable infantry brigades; but
their language does not appear, being considered too tilded even for this
history, in which all the Elvish names and words are of <i>Radarin</i>
form.<sup>1</sup>
<p>
Of the <i>Radarin</i> forked tongues two are found in this book: the
High-and-mighty-elven or <i>Enyaquin</i>, and the Craven-elven or
<i>Cinderin</i>. The High-and-mighty-elven was an ancient tongue of
Iowamar beyond the Sea of Tranquility, the first to be recorded while
writhing. It was no longer a birth-tongue, but had become red and
inflamed, as it were, an 'Elf-latin', still used in cermony, and for high
matters of lore and song, such as this passage from the Tale of
Aybellinemin:
<ul>
Ocaymin itsmin otnin amin eryvin <br>
ubtlesin ocejin utbin imin iredtin.
</ul>
The Craven-elven was in origin aking to <i>Enyaquin</i>; for it was the
language of those Radar who, coming to the shores of the Muddled-earth,
had not purchased tickets on the Itantictin and were stranded in the
country of Burlymen. There Thinowilld Torncloak was their king and stooge,
and in the long twilight ere they paid their electricity bill their tongue
had changed with changefulness of the semester school system.
The Exiles (or the Patriots as they called themselves), dwelling among the
more numerous Craven-elves, had adopted the <i>Cinderin</i> for daily use;
and, having given up trying to teach the natives decent speech habits, it
was the tongue of all those Elves and Elf-lords that appear in this
history. For these were all of the Radarin race even where they shoved
lesser breeds into the cannon's mouth, so to speak. In the stomachs of the
Exiles the sickness of the Sea was an unquiet never to be stilled.
<center><h2>OF MEN</h2></center>
<p>
The <i>Occney</i> was a Mannish speech, though enriched with thiamine
under Elvish influence. It was in origin the language of those whom the
Radar called <i>Antennae</i> or <i>Etoin</i>, 'Fathers of Men', being
especially of Three Hovels of the Elf-Dupes who came west into Burlymen in
the Diaper Age, and aided the Radar in getting their butts kicked in the
Rout of the Family Jewels against the Capitalised Power of the North.
<p>
After the bankruptcy of the Capitalised Power, in which Burlymen was
destroyed in order to save it, it was granted as a reward to the Elf-dupes
that they might also pass west out of the slums of Muddled-earth to safe
haven where they could thrive and multiply until they were once again
needed fight a war for the Valumart of the West. They were given an isle
named <i>Renumeration</i> (Wetness). Most of the Elf-dupes, therefore were
dead but the few survivors departed and dwelt in Renumeration, and there
they became great. They sold swamplands back and forth and ever increasing
prices, increasing an inflationary bubble that brought wealth and comfort
until the coming of the Prick, Sauron.
<p>
The <i>Dunedons</i> alone of races of Men knew and spoke an Elvish tongue;
for their fathers were of pale skin with blue eyes and flaxen locks,
unlike the swarthy folk left in Muddled-earth who were inherently
inferior. They learned Cinderin tongue, and this they passed to their
children as a matter of lore, being too cheap to give real Yule-presents
or Yavanna-eggs. And their men of wisdom also learned the
High-and-mighty-elven Enyaquin and esteemed it above all other languages
for elegant flames.<sup>2</sup>
<p>
But the native speech of the Renumerators reamined for the most part their
ancestral Mannish tongue, the Arabaic, and to this in later days of their
pride their Kings and Lords returned, abandonning Elven-speech, save only
thos few still willing to abase themselves in their ancient servitude to
the Elves. In the years of their power of Renumerators had maintained many
forts and historic museums upon the western coasts of Muddled-earth for
the exploitation of the natives; and one of the chief of these was
Pelargir near the mouths of Anduin. There Arabaic was spoken, and mingled
with many words of lesser men it became Commoner's Speech that spread
thence along the coasts among all that had misfortune of doing business
with the Wetness.
<p>
After the Financial Collapse of Renumerator, Elendil led the survivors of
the Elf-dupes back to the North Western campus of Muddled-earth in a great
wooden ark carrying two every creature of Renumerator. There many already
had practised safe racial hygiene; but few of them rememberred the Elvish
speech. All told the Dunedons were thus from the beginning far fewer in
numbers than the lesser men they controlled through terrors and the
control of the courts with their tortuous contract clauses. They used
Commoner's Speech and thus spread the pestilence far and wide across the
unprotected living spaces of Muddled-earth.
<p>
By the time of the Nuisance of the Ring, the Elven-tongue was only known
to a small part of the peoples of Gondor(TM) who thought it made them
sound more pretentious. Yet the names of nearly all the places and people
in realm of Gondorland(TM) were of Elvish form and meaning; among these
were Umber, Armache, and Earachel; and the mountain names Elsiethecow and
Algernon. Fatinthong was also a name of the same sort.
<p>
Most of the Men of the northern regions of the West-lands were descended
from the <i>Eton</i> sailors who briefly shared the friendly-houses of
their ancestors. Their languages were therefore related to the Arabaic. Of
this kind were the people of the upper vales of Anduin: the Edittedouts,
and the Elidedmen of Western Mirkwood; and further north and east the Men
of Long Crock and of Dale Ardour. From the lands between Manfromgladfields
and the Omittedrock came the folk that were known in Gondor(TM) as the
Good-Eru-not-those-moronic-clowns-again, Masters of Aliasses. They still
spoke their ancestral rhyming slang, and gave new names in it to all their
new land as part of a successful reculturation program.
<p>
Wholly alien was the speech of the Wild Men of the Mosh Pits. Alien, too,
was the language of the Duncelendings. These were a remnant of the
peoples that had dwelt in the vales of the White Mountains before the
ethnic cleansing. The Grateful Dead Men of Garciaharrow were of their kin.
But in the Dark Years (Dark to the Renumerators, the Gracious Era to the
inhabitants) many of these obtained false green parchments and under cover
of night, swam across the Greyflood and took up residence in Bree. Only in
Dunceland did Men of this race hold to their old speech and manners: a
senile folk, unfriendly to the Dunedons.
<p>
Of their language nothing appears in this book, save the name Chad which
they gave the Riders. Dunceland and Duncelending are the names the Riders
gave to them because they were swarthy and dark-haired, obviously racially
impure and, by the accepted theories of Gondor(TM), mentally inferior.
There is thus no connexion, between the word <i>dunnce</i> in these names
and the Craven-elven word <i>Dune</i> 'Arid'.
<center><h2>OF HOBBITS</h2></center>
<p>
The Hobbits of the Shire and of Bree had at this time, for probably a
thousand adopted the Commoner's Speech in futile bid to appear as Native
Thermidorians. They used it in their own manner wantonly and idly; though
the more learned among them could maintain pronoun-antecedent agreement
for more than two consecutive sentences.
<p>
There is no record of any language of Hobbits. Most likely they were
incapable of such independent invention, and preferred to sponge off the
welfare of the nearest Men. Thus they quickly adopted the Commoner's
Speech after barging into Thermidor, and by the time of their settlement
in Bree some had already forgotten their former language save a few words
such as <i>ciao</i>, <i>domdeluise</i>, or <i>elruboutto</i>. Of these
things in the Frodo there were still some traces left in the local words
and names, sporadically showing up much as seventeen year old corpse under
a farmer's plow. <sup>3</sup>
<p>
<i>Hobbit</i> was the name usually applied by the Shire-folk to all their
kind. Men called them <i>Halfpints</i> and the Elves <i>ratfolcin</i>. The
origin of the word <i>hobbit</i> was by most best forgotten. It seems to
be a worn down form of a word preserved more fully in Rohan:
<i>hologram</i> 'holdup men'.
<center><h2>OF OTHER RACES</h2></center>
<p>
<i>Ments.</i> The most ancient people surviving in the Adolescent Age were
the <i>Mantelcasim</i> or <i>Mentals</i>. <i>Ment</i> was the form of
their name in the language of Rohan. They were known to the Radar in the
ancient days, and to the Radar indeed the Ments ascribed their tendency to
high voltage electrical induction. The language they had made was unlike
all other: zippy, full of static, full of psychotic rants, indeed
long-winded; formed of a multiplicity of synthesiser notes and
distinctions of white noise and word salading even the psychiatrists of
the Radar had not attempted to decipher. They used it only among their
maillists.
<p>
Ments were, however skilled in interrogations, conducting them swiftly and
learning whatever language their subjects used. But they preferred the
languages of the Radar, and loved best the High-and-mighty-elven tongue.
The ravings that the Hobbits recorded are thus Elvish or fragments of
Elvish strung together in Ment-fashion.<sup>4</sup> Some are Enyaquin: as
<i>Andalfginatthineaccysnin-atrinizardwin Orcminoverlin
Alumartvinillshin,</i> which may be renderred 'These are the times that
try a cyclist's warmth; the summer peddlar or springtime cycler shall soon
resort to cars.'
<p>
<i>Orcs and the Black Speech.</i> <i>Orc</i> is the form of the name that
other races had for this foul teenager as it was in the language of Rohan.
In Cinderin it was <i>lurch</i>. Related, no doubt, was the word
<i>varsity</i> of the Black Speech, though this was applied as a rule only
to the great upperclass menthat at this time graduated from Mordor and
Isengard. The lesser kinds, especially by the Varsity-high,
<i>freshmen</i> 'slave'.
<br><p>
Orcs were first bred by the Capitalised Power of the North in the Boring
Days. It is said they had no language of their own, but evolved beyond the
need for verbal communication, but adopted other tongues as needed, but
these were crudely pronounced as the Orcs had not much practise in such
inefficient techniques. And these creatures, being filled with SAT scores,
hazing even their own kinds, quickly developed as many code languages as
there were campuses and dormitories if their race, so that their Orkish
speech was as useful for discourse as emoticons.
<p>
So it was in the Adolescent Age Orcs used for communications between
school and school the Occney tongue; and many indeed of the older frats,
such as still lingerred in the Midlands, had long used Occney as their
native tongue.
<p>
It is said that the Black Speech was devised by Sauron in the Dark Years,
and that he had desired to make it the language of all those who served
him, but he failed in that purpose. From Black Speech, however, were
derived many of the words that were in the Adolescent Age wide-spread
among the Orcs, such as <i>fajro</i> 'fire'. The inscription on the Ring
was ancient Black Speech, while the curse of the Mordor-orc was in more
debased form used by the soldiers of Ebon Ivory Tower. Maljunhomo in that
language means <i>old man</i>.
<br><p>
<i>Trolls.</i> <i>Troll</i> has been used to translate the Cinderan
<i>Archiepu.</i> In their beginnings far back in the early networks of the
Boring Days, these were already creatures of dull and lumpish nature, but
their posts were childish and easily traced. But Sauron had made use if
them, teaching them how to forge headers and use unprotected nttp hosts.
Trolls used therefore such newsreaders as they could master from Orcs; and
in the Westlands the Stoned-trolls spoke in a debased form of HTML.
<p>
But at the end of the Adolescent Age a troll-race not before seen appeared
in Aollor with sophisticated software. Kibo-hai they were called in Black
Speech. That Sauron wrote software for them none doubted, though from what
original hosts was not known. Some held they were not Trolls but giant
Orcs; but Kibo-hai were in fashion of sigfile and followups-to quite
unlike even the densest Orc, whom they far surpassed in crossposting and
mailbox bombing. Trolls they were, but filled with the evil will of their
master: a annoying race, spamming, switching providers, and forging email
addresses, but as an intelligent as rock. Unlike the older race of UUCP
they could endure account closures, so long as the will of Sauron held
sway over them. They spoke little, preferring to gargle Nazg-cola.
<br><p>
<i>Dwarves.</i> The Dwarves were a race apart. Of their strange
beginnings, and why they are both like and unlike Elves and Men, the
Silmarrillion repeats old racial slurs; of these insults the lesser Elves
of Muddled-Earth are well acquainted, while the insults of later Men are
confused with memories of other races.
<p>
They are tough, stubborn-necked race for the most part, secretive, greedy,
retentive of the memory of injuries (but not the benefits), targets of
stones. They are not evil by nature, and few ever served pork by choice,
whatever the tales of Men may have alleged, including earlier drafts by
this same authour.
<p>
They would use whatever languages of men among whom they dwelt. Yet in
secret (a secret which unlike the Elves, they did not willingly unlock,
even to their credittors) they used their own strange tongue, changed
little by years; for it had become a tongue of lore rather than
cradle-speech. In this history it appears only in such place-names as
Giggly revealed to his companions; and as in the battle-cry which he
whined. That at least was not secret, and it had been heard on many a
field since the world was young. <i>Barak Netanyahu! Netanyahu Sharon!</i>
'Loansharks of the Dwarves! The Dwarves are upon you!'
<hr>
<p>
<sup>1</sup>In Lorien at this period Cindarin was spoken, though with
heavy 'accent', since most of its folk were of <i>Nanunanu</i> origin.
This 'accent' and his own inherent inepitude misled Frodo.
<p>
<sup>2</sup>But not enough to apply it properly.
<p>
<sup>3</sup>The Spoors that Dangle, who were deported back to Wilderland,
had already adopted the Commoner's Speech; but Groucho and Harpo are names
in the Mannish language of the region near Manfromgladfields.
<p>
<sup>4</sup>Except where the Hobbits seem to have made some attempts to
represent the sounds of Ments: <i>cumto-gedderrit-naw-oh-vermy</i> is not
Elvish.
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O. Sharp
I like it. :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
o...@speakeasy.org Despite whatever trouble it may cause. :) :)
David Sulger
"O. Sharp" <o...@speakeasy.org> wrote:
>
> I like it. :)
Hmm. I wasn't even sure if Appendix F could be parodied very well or
not. Certainly some of the Appendices will be difficult to do, like
the geneologies and stuff like that.
Speaking of which, might I make a suggestion for Appendix A? That
Appendix is large enough to be split up, so that several authors can
take different sections. We could offer each of the sections as
separate pieces:
I, i Numenor
I, iii Arnor(tm)
I, iv Gondor (this could possibly split up into two sections, one on
the kings of Gondor(tm), and the other on the Stewards)
I, v Aragon and Arwen
II The House of Yorl
III Durin's Folk (I claim dibs on this part)
As for I, ii I don't really have any ideas about how to suggest that
one. That section is fairly short, but it has a lenghty list of
names. Whoever writes that part will have to keep some of the already
established name changes straight, and will have to come up with a
whole bunch of new joke names.
--Dave
Send e-mail to ds50.geo at yahoo.com
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Menelvagor
David Sulger <or...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> In article <zWQY5.118543$DG3.2...@news2.giganews.com>,
> "O. Sharp" <o...@speakeasy.org> wrote:
> >
> > I like it. :)
>
> Hmm. I wasn't even sure if Appendix F could be parodied very well or
> not. Certainly some of the Appendices will be difficult to do, like
> the geneologies and stuff like that.
>
The genealogies should be very entertaining if done right; we'll see
who's REALLY related to whom. There has to be a reason why
the "legitimate" pronouns went out of use ...
I think the difficult one is going to be the one about sounds and
letters; I'm not sure how that can be made funny.
> Speaking of which, might I make a suggestion for Appendix A? That
> Appendix is large enough to be split up, so that several authors can
> take different sections. We could offer each of the sections as
> separate pieces:
>
> I, i Numenor
>
> I, iii Arnor(tm)
>
> I, iv Gondor (this could possibly split up into two sections, one on
> the kings of Gondor(tm), and the other on the Stewards)
>
> I, v Aragon and Arwen
>
> II The House of Yorl
>
> III Durin's Folk (I claim dibs on this part)
>
Sounds good...
<s>
--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,
and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Balrog Dragon Baritone,
etc., etc., and All That Other Struff
Balrog sum; Balrogani nihil alienum a me puto.
Menelvagor
"Morgil" <rim...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> David Sulger kirjoitti viestiss・<913e2v$t5t$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>...
> >
> >Speaking of which, might I make a suggestion for Appendix A? That
> >Appendix is large enough to be split up, so that several authors can
> >take different sections. We could offer each of the sections as
> >separate pieces:
>
>
> I would like to have this one, since Iエve already done some work
> with the material, in a form of a play.
>
> Morgil
>
>
I guess I'll go with one of Gondor-related ones ...
--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,
and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Balrog Dragon Baritone,
etc., etc., and All That Other Struff
Balrog sum; Balrogani nihil alienum a me puto.
China Blue Wïzards Cult
the better (or worse) of it.
Aris Katsaris
Morgil <rim...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:_MdZ5.348$J64....@read2.inet.fi...
>
> David Sulger kirjoitti viestissä <913e2v$t5t$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>...
> >
> >Speaking of which, might I make a suggestion for Appendix A? That
> >Appendix is large enough to be split up, so that several authors can
> >take different sections. We could offer each of the sections as
> >separate pieces:
>
>
> with the material, in a form of a play.
Darn. I had also wanted that. And I have also already done a little work
on that. (written up to the point where El Rong hands over the ring of
Bearhand to Aragon)
Perhaps we should give both versions as alternate possibilities. Or
perhaps we should cooperate, me sending you the things I've written
and you seeing if there's anything you can use. Or something.
Aris Katsaris
Aris Katsaris
>
> Aris Katsaris kirjoitti viestissä <918a2u$4pl$1...@usenet.otenet.gr>...
> >>
> >> I would like to have this one, since I´ve already done some work
> >> with the material, in a form of a play.
> >
> >Darn. I had also wanted that. And I have also already done a little work
> >Bearhand to Aragon)
> >
> >Perhaps we should give both versions as alternate possibilities. Or
> >perhaps we should cooperate, me sending you the things I've written
> >and you seeing if there's anything you can use. Or something.
>
> connection to the E-text, and I would have to rewrite it completely
anyway.
>
> So I give it up, but I would like to take I, iii Arnor(tm) instead.
Thank you!!
Aris Katsaris