leia/xizor fan fic (nc-17)
Xizor
email comments, requests for continuation or any artwork with xizor and the
princess to lordxi...@yahoo.com
Xizor leaned over and kissed Leia. Lightly at first, a mere touch of his
lips on hers.
Delicious. Amazing. She drank him in, enraptured by his touch.
He pressed harder.
Leia found himself responding to the kiss. Returning it ...
She broke away. “No. This isn’t right,” she said. But she kept one hand on
his
shoulder. It was hard, powerful, that shoulder, warm under her fingers. No.
This was
wrong.
“I came ... to talk about ... Luke Skywalker!”
“In due course. We have more important things to do first.”
He leaned in and kissed her again. She felt the fire in him.
Leia put both her arms around Xizor, returning his fire with her own. Would
this
be so bad? To let him continue? To save Luke?
Xizor moved his mouth from hers and put his lips on her neck, slid down her
shoulder. The dress’s strap fell off on that side.
Not just to save Luke. To enjoy this to the fullest, did she want to do
that?
She did not. No.
But she did want it at the same time.
His hands moved on her. Oh, yes ...
Out in the corridor, Howzmin eyed the Wookie suspiciously. Over the last few
minutes, the brute had gone taut with attention, staring at the door that
led to Prince
Xizor’s inner sanctum with rapt attention. The eight-foot monstrosity was
sniffing the air
and whining low to himself, and now he turned to face Howzmin, with murder
in his eyes.
But Xizor’s chieftain of the palace was quicker, having tapped in a series
of code
sequences into the wrist guard he wore. As the Wookie closed on him in one
long gait, a
panel opened up behind the beast, and Guri stepped out smoothly and quickly.
Before the Wookie could fully turn around, Guri had applied pressure to a
point
between his neck and shoulder, and the beat collapsed to the floor in a
heap.
Behind Howzmin, six of Xizor’s guards appeared in lock step.
Guri glared at them.
“Take this thing to a strong holding cell. And make sure it causes no more
trouble.”
The guards saluted and Guri slipped back into the wall space that allowed
her to
move quickly from one part of the inner compound to another. Best to check
on her
Master and make sure his game was going well.
Xizor pressed his lips against Leia’s bare shoulder and felt her shudder
with
pleasure. He had her now. She was his -- if not in mind and spirit, then
certainly her body
belonged to him. He was a little disappointed in how easy it had been. Ah,
well.
He reached for the closure of her dress.
Leia moaned aloud, feeling his fingertips so near her bare skin through the
body
suit as he worked the dress down to her waist.
“Noooo, I can’t,” she whispered, but he caught her chin in his huge and hand
and
lifted it upwards. She stared into his dark eyes and was lost in confusion
again.
Xizor pressed his mouth to hers, then parted her lips with his tongue,
sliding it
inside her mouth. Again her body betrayed her heart as her own tongue moved
with his,
eager to please and touch and be pleased.
After a long moment he ended the kiss and smiled down at her.
“You see, little one, you are safe with me. Stand.”
Leia stood as commanded and the dress fell to the floor. Without being told,
she
stepped out of it and began removing the green body suit. A smirk darted
across Xizor’s
face but he quelled it quickly, Princess Leia was his.
The odd sensations in Luke’s acceptance of the Force continued to nag at
him. He
convinced Lando to pull the Falcon out of hyperspace and put in a call on
the comm to see
if she or Chewbacca had sent any transmissions.
Lando complied grudgingly, and pulled back the levers, converting the
blurred
lines back to normal stars. Using a few codes he had hardwired into the
Falcon’s
mainframe, Lando bootlegged his way onto the Holonet.
To Luke’s dismay, there were no messages waiting onboard for either he or
Lando. Chalking it up to a poor use of intuition, he gave the okay for Lando
to resume
course for Tatooine.
As Leia bent to take the body suit completely off, Xizor stood from his
sofa. In
one quick movement, he removed his robe, revealing his entire body to Leia
as she did the
same to him.
Leia straightened back up, naked and trembling and gasped aloud at the sight
of
the Falleen prince’s nude form. He was muscled along his chest, arms and
legs like no man
she had ever seen.
Her eyes fell between his legs, and the wanting filled her again. Xizor’s
physiology
was the same as a human’s there, too .. and against every fiber of her moral
character, she
longed for it.
Xizor noted the Princess’ reactions carefully, but he had seen them before
in other
humanoid females exposed to his size and muscle mass for the first time up
close. In the
meantime, he let his eyes rove over Leia’s small body, athletically
fine-tuned from her
years as a Rebel commander, taut muscles, nearly flawless skin. Her small
breasts stood
out and he did not hesitate, reaching out to cup them in his massive hands
and massaging
them together as Leia groaned under her breath.
“Does my form please the Princess?” he asked with a trace of mocking in his
voice.
Leia could barely nod her head, so enraptured in the feel of his hands on
her
breasts, she was. She groaned again, loudly this time, as his fingers grazed
her nipples and
they hardened in an instant.
She opened her eyes as his hands moved off her breasts, but she relaxed as
they
encircled her waist and drew her toward him. She was consumed by his
presence, she
needed him near her now, it was all she could think about.
Xizor brought the princess to him and was exultant as his penis touched her
midsection and she let loose an “Aaaaaah!” of pleasure.
He ran his fingers through her hair as she stared dreamily up at him. Her
face still
showed struggle as his eyes bore intensely into her own.
She whispered in a nervous voice, “I can’t do this, I love ... another.”
Xizor’s temper flared but he kept his face cool, the Falleen way.
“This other ... can he help you save Skywalker’s life?”
Leia’s face fell a little.
“No.” she whispered back.
Xizor pressed forward.
“Has he expressed his love for you, given you a token of his passion,
promised to
commit his life to you?”
“No ...” she whispered again, almost whimpering.
Xizor stepped from her embrace for a moment, even as every ounce of Leia’s
sexuallity protested against the movement.
He moved easily to his desk console, noting the blinking message from Guri
that the
Wookie had tried to interfere and had been subdued.
Excellent, he thought. She was truly worth every credit.
Xizor opened the center drawer of the desk ... yes, it was still there.
Tucked away where he had left it was the bloodred Tumanian pressure-ruby,
given
to him two weeks earlier by an envoy from the Nezriti Organization.
He had had it fit into a ring with an adjustable band for just such an
occasion. He
turned back to catch Leia staring down between his legs. He was nearly
aroused to his
peak, but he imagined her eyes would bulge a bit more when he achieved total
excitement.
He walked back to her and her head snapped up and she smiled nervously,
allowing him to take her in his arms once more.
He kissed her mouth again, feeling her tongue press against his lips but not
allowing its entrance to his mouth just yet.
“I can save your comrade,” he began, and her face lit up with hope and
sudden
longing for him as her savior from her weeks of worry over Luke’s safety.
He continued.
“I can expose the conspiracy against him, and I can be a powerful ally to
the
Rebellion, Leia .. if you only allow me to do so.”
His free hand slid down her back to her buttocks and caressed her skin. She
shivered and said lowly, “Ohhh, yesss.”
His voice grew softer, yet more passionate.
“I find you irresistible, little one. Passion fills me. Take this, as a
small sign of my
longing for you.”
Xizor revealed the ring he had been palming in his other hand. Leia’s eyes
filled
with wonder at it. A denizen of the High Court of Alderaan in her youth, she
was no
stranger to precious gems or jewelry, but this surpassed nearly anything she
had ever seen.
“Ohhhh, it’s gorgeous,” she said with true emotion, timidly putting her hand
up to
take it from his and slipping it on her finger, where it fit perfectly.
“Does it please you, Leia?” he asked.
“Yesss, it’s so beautiful, thank you so much!” she exclaimed, looking up at
him
and smiling beautifully.
“Do you wish to please me in return?” he said his voice low and deep.
Her hands were on his muscular chest, his on her buttocks, massaging in deep
circles.
She shuddered. “Oh yes ..... yes .... yes ...” unable to continue as if
thinking what
name of affection to give to him.
His gaze pierced her own and he said firmly, “Yes, MY Lord.”
Confusion crossed her face, mixing in with her own stubbornness and temper,
Xizor could see she was snapping out of the pheremone haze and was moments
away
from realizing the wrongness of this act in her own moral code.
He took her hands in his during the moment of confusion and ran them down
his
stomach to encircle his penis.
Leia felt the massive size of the thing ... its hardness and its heat and
she was lost.
She stared down at it, it seemed even larger than before. She was barely
conscious
of Xizor lowering her to her knees in front of him.
“Yessssss, My Lordddddd.”
Dash Rendar was waiting for them on Tatooine in an excited state.
“Word on the grapevine is that Black Sun is holding the Princess and
Chewbacca
hostage,” he said gravely, looking at Lando, as if blaming the gambler for
allowing the pair
to go with the synth-droid to Coruscant.
This was all news to Luke, who Lando had not divulged Leia’s whereabouts to,
hoping the Princess would beat them back to Tatooine.
“She’s what? Where?”
Over the next hour, Dash and Lando filled Luke in on their two meetings with
Guri
and Leia’s decision to go to Coruscant to meet the mysterious Xizor. His
anger gave way
to rash decision-making, and less than three hours later, the Outrider and
the Falcon were
in hyperspace on their way to the Imperial capitol planet.
Xizor was pleased he had had the foresight to keep his security cameras
online when Leia
had first come to discuss Skywalker with him. Perhaps he would allow
dignified guests
with unusual tastes the ability to view the head of the Rebellion in a state
of romantic
abandon as an incentive for jobs well done. Jabba the Hutt for sure, he
knew, would pay
dearly to see such a lithe humanoid in a state of undress and exhibiting
such wanton
behavior.
Xizor ran his fingers through Leia’s long hair, now loose around her
shoulders.
The princess had barely noticed him taking her hair down, so intent on the
pleasure ahead
of her as she had opened her mouth to take his penis inside it.
Its taste had not been something she had looked forward too, she had never
performed this act on a man, but as she touched it with her tongue, she
found it, like his
lips and tongue, to be almost unbelievably sweet and succulent.
Within seconds, she was licking, kissing and sucking his penis as if
devouring her
favorite dessert.
Xizor removed it from her mouth and lightly picked her body up,
moving her to the interior of his chamber. Although the lights were low, she
could see the
huge circular black bed there, inviting her to it.
Xizor lay her softly on the bed, the fabric so smooth against her skin. He
moved
above her and kissed her deeply, their tongues intertwining and her little
hands moving
down to his hardness again, unable to resist it.
With a touch of his hand, she parted her legs, inviting him to her. Xizor
guided his
penis against her thighs, rubbing them, gaining loud sighs from her with his
touch.
“This other man,” he asked now, “Has he ever made you feel this way?”
Leia thought suddenly of Han, barely able to recollect his face now. There
were
always sparks between them, but he was always treating her rudely as well.
Mocking her
heritage, her upbringing and her way of walking and talking to others she
felt were
beneath her.
Xizor was nothing like that, despite not even being human. The Falleen was
eloquent and charming and seductive. Han had never given her any sort of
present before,
Lord Xizor had given her a ring worth half a city after knowing her barely a
day.
“No,” she said at last, “I guess he hasn’t.”
Xizor smiled down at her and moved between her legs. She felt him enter her
and
she screamed in pleasure. He slid it deeper and she moaned in her throat.
He thrust into her again and again, moving to a rhythm she arched her back
to
keep.
He moved powerfully within her, then stopped and she opened her eyes to find
the
alien staring intensely at her.
“Do you love him, little one?”
“No,” Leia responded quietly.
“Who do you love?”:
Her voice was barely audible this time.
“You, My Lord. I love you.”
Xizor resumed his rhythm, and Princess Leia lost herself in the fire.
Crayz9000
The Third Season
Previous Seasons available at http://daltonator.net/fanfics
[Fade in]
[The Heroes of the Imperial Forces--Emperor Palpatine, Darth Vader,
Grand Admiral Thrawn, Mara Jade, Admiral Daala, Ysanne Isard, Grand Moff
Tarkin, Captain Pellaeon, Captain Needa, General Veers, and IMP-22--are
all back and gathered onboard the Redshirt Two, watching their triumphant
return. Also present are Special Guest Stars (TM) Prince Xizor and his bodyguard
Guri.]
THRAWN: [half asleep] ...So, you see, that is why the Federation was able to
overpower us, because they had the Pokémon behind them. Strong, vibrant
colors... [he begins to snore]
MARA JADE ignites her LIGHTSABRE.
THRAWN: [sits up sharply, looks at watch then at crowd sheepishly] Um, sorry.
Did I perhaps get a little carried away there?
VADER: Your philosophical banter is no match for the power of the Dark Side.
WESLEY CRUSHER appears on VIEWSCREEN. GRAND MOFF TARKIN grimaces.
WESLEY: That's correct, my Imperial friends. Since nobody finished the last
season, we had to discontinue it, but now with a fresh supply of lemons...
CUT to FORKLIFT unloading crates of LEMONS from a shuttle
MARA (O.S.): Didn't you die in the first season?
WESLEY: Redshirts have amazing resurrectional capabilities.
MARA: Somehow I doubt that.
WESLEY: [continuing] Anyway... we decided to continue with Season III. Mr. Worf,
put them in the brig. *ahem* I mean, *ahem* get over here, you big furry oaf!
WORF takes the screen.
WORF: First of all, I am *not* furry, O All-Annoying Redshirt. And secondly, I
am *not* an oaf.
[The Klingon promptly trips over a console, then comes up spluttering. He pulls
out his bat'leth, then brandishes it in front of the viewscreen.
DAALA: [snickers] And you're going to hurt us with _that_?
WORF: Silence!
EVERYONE on REDSHIRT TWO DREADS what will come next.
WORF: For we Klingons have discovered a far more effective form of torture,
thanks to the Federation...
IMP-22: (He's been rebuilt since the last IST3K) Oh no. We're doomed.
MARA looks strangely at IMP-22.
MARA: All right, what wiseguy reprogrammed you?
PALPATINE: It is too late now, my young apprentice. [points toward cheesy '60s
Red Alert light]
COMPUTER VOICE: Five.
RED ALERT light turns neon pink.
COMPUTER VOICE: Four.
Several sheep appear and begin to dance.
COMPUTER VOICE: Three.
The IMPERIALS are suddenly whisked into the airlock.
COMPUTER VOICE: Two.
The AIRLOCK opens...
COMPUTER VOICE: One.
... to reveal not the vacuum of space, but a theatre. A giant LEMON is displayed
on the viewscreen.
ALL: Oh no... WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!
TEXT appears on viewscreen...
In alt.fan.starwars, "Xizor" <LordXi...@yahoo.com> tripped over
<3c288...@newsa.ev1.net> and fell down a flight of stairs on Tue, 25 Dec 2001
08:01:38 -0600...
ISARD: That had to hurt.
PELLAEON: How many steps are in a flight?
IMP-22: Approximately 3,720.
DAALA: Shouldn't Xizor be mush by now, then?
XIZOR: I'm still here, in case you haven't noticed.
MARA: Spoilsport.
>Fan
DAALA: (curled up on PELLAEON's lap) Is it hot here, or is it just me?
PELLAEON: I don't know, dear. (tries unsuccessfully to look at the viewscreen) I
think it's just you.
> fic based on events of the star wars novel shadows of the empire.
GURI: I have a bad feeling about this...
> Please
PELLAEON: Blow me?
DAALA: (Shocked) Dear!
>email comments,
IMP-22: (Wesley Crusher voice) j00r w0rK sU><0rZ!!!1!!!!!!!
MARA: Isn't it a bit early for that?
THRAWN: One thing you learn when exposed to many lemons: they all have the same
beginning.
MARA: I feel strangely comforted.
> requests for
NEEDA: Hardcore Chiss lesbian beastial bondage porn...
THRAWN: Rukh?
RUKH: (appears from shadows) Yes, Grand Admiral?
THRAWN: Kill that person.
RUKH: It is my pleasure. (disappears back into shadows)
VADER: No. (turns to Needa) Apology accepted, Captain Needa.
The TIP of RUKH's ASSASSIN KNIFE appears through NEEDA's back just as VADER
chokes him. ISARD steps over to inspect the body.
ISARD: He's dead, Jim.
DAALA: I knew it. His real name *is* Kenny.
> continuation
PALPATINE fakes choking.
>or any artwork with xizor and the
>princess to
PALPATINE: *Now*, you see the reason why I set out to eradicate those filthy
aliens.
IMP-22: (Impersonating Palpatine) ...and I would have gotten away with it if it
weren't for you meddling kids.
PALPATINE zaps IMP-22 with a bolt of lightning. IMP-22 FRITZES OUT and remains
shorted for the rest of the episode.
MARA: I understand the first part perfectly well--that he's a fourteen year-old
fanboy wanker--but what exactly does Yahoo mean?
THRAWN: You do not want to know.
MARA: Oh.
>Xizor leaned over and kissed
MARA: A Wookiee.
VADER: You have listened to my daughter far too much, Darth Whind.
>Leia. Lightly at first, a mere touch of his
ISARD: ...leathery skin was enough to send her running.
DAALA: Ugh. Now I'm going to be dreaming of sex with lizards for days now.
>lips on hers.
>Delicious. Amazing. She drank
DAALA: ... plenty of vodka, because the taste was so terrible.
> him in, enraptured by his touch.
>He pressed harder.
DAALA: "Ram me, Big Bull Daddy!" she shouted.
ALL: (silence)
PELLAEON: Where did you learn that?
DAALA stammers.
DAALA: I... um... I read about it in... in another book.
PELLAEON: I should have known better than to fall in love with someone who slept
her way through the ranks.
DAALA: For the last time, I did *not* sleep my way through the ranks! Isn't that
right, Tarkin?
TARKIN does not respond - he's a cloud of atoms in orbit of Yavin, after all.
>Leia found himself responding to
THRAWN: Sam-I-Am. (Leia voice) "No, I do not want green eggs and ham, Sam-I-Am.
I do not want them in a train, I do not want them in the rain..."
PELLAEON: Admiral, where do you read all this stuff?
THRAWN: (deadpan) In the library.
PELLAEON: (incredulous) The library?
THRAWN: I see you never bothered to look at the children's book selection.
However insipid the Terran adult literature might be, Dr. Seuss offers a
creative insight into human life. (He hands "Green Eggs and Ham" to Captain
Pellaeon, but Daala promptly takes the book and begins reading it aloud. The
couple remains preoccupied for some time.)
>the kiss. Returning it ...
MARA: To the K-Mart from whence it came.
>She broke away. “No. This isn’t right,” she said.
MARA: (Leia voice) "I've been portrayed completely out of character by an
idiotic author who only wants to masturbate over long descriptions of my nude
form. That's it. No more contracts."
> But she kept one hand on his
ISARD: ... nuts. She squeezed harder, until finally they exploded in a burst of
warm goo. He howled in excruciating pain - no other human female had done this
to him until now.
VEERS: Thank goodness I never slept with you.
ISARD: You were too busy on Hoth, that's why. Oh, I heard that a snowtrooper
caught you with a Wampa ice creature... in a rather... awkward position.
VEERS: It's not my fault the thing was gay!
ISARD: (flashes a wicked smile) That's what they all say, General.
>shoulder. It was hard, powerful, that shoulder, warm under
ISARD: ... the toilet seat. She slammed it down again onto Xizor's shoulder,
dunking his head under the liquid once more. He shouted in pain again, but it
only sounded like he was gargling.
VEERS: Now you're making me sick. How much time did you spend with Captain
Needa?
> her fingers. No. This was wrong.
VADER: I have felt a terrible disturbance in the Force.
MARA: Isn't that Kenobi's line?
VADER: You pick up certain things from your former masters.
>“I came ... to talk about ... Luke Skywalker!”
PALPATINE: "Did I... tell you... my real name... is Captain... James T... Kirk?"
>“In due course. We have more important things to do first.”
MARA: Like have completely unrealistic sex.
DAALA: "I will not eat it in a box..." (looks up) Uh, among other things. And-
hey! Stay away from my Pellaeon!
MARA: Can do, Miss I-Slept-With-Everyone. (walks toward exit)
DAALA: I'm going to kill you for that.
MARA: (pauses) Yeah? Like how you killed Kyp Durron?
DAALA: (fumes)
>He leaned in and kissed
ISARD: (perversely smiling) A sheep passionately.
VEERS: I want to get out of here.
>her again. She felt the fire in
ISARD: His ass.
TARKIN (DISEMBODIED VOICE): Enough of this sickening commentary. We are supposed
to be entertaining out readers, not discussing the asses of perverted Falleen.
Remember, you are also trying to get better ratings than those accursed Rebels
in their Rebel Science Theatre 3000.
> him. Leia put both her arms around
ISARD: The inflatable doll and squeezed.
VEERS: Please...
MARA: Will the two of you find a room?
VEERS: And where's your husband, Carrot Top? Oh, yes. Teaching little sycophant
Jedi on a jungle in the middle of nowhere.
MARA: Now you stay out of this.
>Xizor, returning his fire with her own. Would this be so
MARA: (Glances up from hot-wiring the door control panel with her bare hands)
Dumb?
PALPATINE: (cackles) You have just described the author perfectly, my young
apprentice. You are doing very well.
> bad?
DAALA: (Leia voice) "Of course not. Why, after all, I'm only having completely
unrealistic sex with a genetically incompatible alien who is really a lizard.
Why should this be bad? They do it on Star Trek all the time!"
MARA: Okay, that's it. Now you've dropped to stealing my lines.
MARA forgets about the door panel and charges at DAALA. The two promptly get
into a catfight.
> To let him continue? To save Luke?
THRAWN: The plot thickens... like pea soup without the peas.
>Xizor moved his mouth from hers and put his lips on her neck, slid down her
>shoulder.
VADER: I feel a strange change in grammatical tenses, one that I have not felt
in a long time.
> The dress’s strap fell off on that side.
VEERS: What side?
PELLAEON: That side, of course.
VEERS: But how do I know which side is that side?
PELLAEON: Because that side is identical to the other side, is how you can tell
the difference between the sides. Do you understand which side is which now?
VEERS: Not really. So if one side is identical to the other, then it's that
side? And if another side is identical to one side, then it's that side?
PELLAEON: Precisely.
>Not just to save Luke.
THRAWN: It is Commander Keen's mission to save the galaxy from ultimate
destruction at the hands of the evil Vorticons, and to prevent his mother from
feeding him slimy asparagus!
> To enjoy this to the fullest, did she want to do
>that?
PELLAEON: Well, dur, why not?
>She did not. No.
THRAWN: (puts on large purple dinosaur suit, begins singing) I love you, you
love me, we're one happy family...
VADER: It cannot be.
>But she did want it at the same time.
>His hands moved on her. Oh, yes ...
>
>Out in the corridor, Howzmin eyed the Wookie suspiciously.
PELLAEON: I know I saw you somewhere...
VEERS: (Roars pathetically) Yes! It is I, the escaped psychotic circus bear come
back to haunt you!
PELLAEON: Oh dear.
> Over the last few
>minutes, the brute had gone taut with attention, staring at the
PALPATINE: Giant doggie biscuit that floated in front of him, contemplating
whether he should eat it or not.
>door that led to Prince Xizor’s inner sanctum with rapt attention.
>The eight-foot monstrosity was sniffing the air
>and whining low to himself, and now he turned to face Howzmin, with murder
>in his eyes.
THRAWN: (Still with dinosaur suit on) Kneel before Zod!
>But Xizor’s chieftain of the palace was quicker, having tapped in a series
>of code
>sequences into the wrist guard he wore.
THRAWN: Batman to Batcave. Robin, I think we have trouble.
PELLAEON: (makes static noise with mouth) Roger that, Batman. I'm on my way.
> As the Wookie closed on him in one
>long gait, a
>panel opened up behind the beast, and Guri stepped out smoothly and quickly.
GURI: Is this grease on my shoes?
>Before the Wookie could fully turn around, Guri had applied pressure to a
>point
>between his neck and shoulder, and the beat collapsed to the floor in a
>heap.
GURI: I am master of the Vulcan Neck Pinch now, apparently. Why do I get the
distinct feeling that the author is a Star Trek fan?
>Behind Howzmin, six of Xizor’s guards appeared in lock step.
>Guri glared at them.
GURI: (muttering) Why did Xizor have to hire penguins for guards? They're
absolutely worthless!
>“Take this thing to a strong holding cell. And make sure it causes no more
>trouble.”
>The guards saluted and Guri slipped back into the wall space that allowed
>her to
>move quickly from one part of the inner compound to another.
PELLAEON: And- hey! The Penguin was here!
GURI: You mean... those weren't guards? HEY! GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID PENGUINS!
> Best to check on her Master and make sure his game was going well.
GURI: I am fully functional, and trained in multiple techniques.
XIZOR: (glares) And to think of all the times I had sex with you for lack of any
suitable subjects...
GURI: Look on the bright side. You don't have to worry about catching STDs from
me or getting me pregnant.
XIZOR: That's not the point, brainaic.
>Xizor pressed
VEERS: ... himself flat against the ground to avoid being crushed by an AT-AT
that was about to crush his landspeeder.
XIZOR: I do not find that funny in the least.
VEERS: Target that Falleen, maximum firepower.
>his lips against Leia’s bare shoulder
ISARD: That's my armpit, you dolt.
> and felt her shudder with
PALPATINE: Fear?
VADER: Pain?
ISARD: Total and complete revulsion?
>pleasure.
ISARD: Well, whoop de doo.
> He had her now.
VADER: I will take the leader.
TARKIN: (winces invisibly)
> She was his -- if not in mind and spirit, then certainly her body
>belonged to him. He was a little disappointed in how easy it had been. Ah,
>well.
ISARD: There were always more sheep left in the barn, and if he got bored with
them, well... there were always the goats.
VEERS: (reaches for airline standard-issue emergency bag)
>He reached for
VEERS: A thermal detonator, just to make sure.
>the closure of
MARA: (halting catfight momentarily) This story?
PALPATINE: I'm afraid not.
MARA: (resumes catfight)
> her dress.
VADER: Caught on fire because Xizor accidentally dropped a fusion cutter nearby.
XIZOR: Were you not the Dark Lord of the Sith, I would have you killed right
here and now.
VADER: I hope you have your tombstone picked out, coffin breath.
>Leia moaned aloud,
ISARD: The drugs just weren't doing what she had expected.
>feeling his fingertips so near her bare skin through the
>body
PELLAEON: What body?
DAALA: (disentangles herself from Mara, jumps into Pellaeon's lap) Mine, of
course, Pelly.
MARA: (snorts) Pelly... and you laughed at me for calling my husband Lukie.
DAALA: Well, at least Pelly dear wasn't nicknamed Wormie by his friends.
>suit as he worked the dress down to her waist.
THRAWN: Xizor needs to be more careful with that needle. He's stitching the
dress to her.
MARA: That certainly sounds painful.
>“Noooo, I can’t,” she whispered, but he caught her chin in his huge and hand
>and
>lifted it upwards.
MARA: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only help.
DAALA: Ha, and you married her brother. How I pity you.
> She stared into his dark eyes and was lost in confusion
>again.
ISARD: As she realized that they weren't eyes - they were black holes!
DAALA: (pouts)
>Xizor pressed his mouth to hers, then parted her lips with his tongue,
DAALA: Mommy, can I go pee-pee?
ISARD: Now you're grossing *me* out.
>sliding it inside her mouth.
ISARD: Wait. He's sliding It inside her mouth? That's disgusting. Why would she
want to eat a walking haystack?
DAALA: Beats me.
>Again her body betrayed her heart as her own tongue moved with his,
>eager to please and touch and be pleased.
>After a long moment he ended the kiss and smiled down at her.
>“You see, little one, you are safe with me.
MARA: All I want to do is rape you. See, that's perfectly safe.
> Stand.”
MARA: Oh, and take off your clothes while you're at it. I think there's this
really big exhibition scene coming up.
>Leia stood as commanded and the dress fell to the floor. Without being told,
>she
>stepped out of it and began removing the green body suit. A smirk darted
>across Xizor’s
>face but he quelled it quickly, Princess Leia was his.
MARA: I tried to tell you, Leia, but no, you dinna listen...
>The odd sensations in Luke’s acceptance of the Force continued to nag at
>him. He
PELLAEON: Ate a few Whoppers to calm his stomach, and the Force naggings went
away. There wasn't much that a few calories couldn't fix.
>convinced Lando to pull the Falcon out of hyperspace and put in a call on
>the comm to see
DAALA: How do you see sound?
PELLAEON: Like this. (yodels)
DAALA: (watches calmly as an avalanche occurs in the Himalayas) I see.
>if she or Chewbacca had sent any transmissions.
MARA: I'm just being raped by a horny lizard and Chewie's a prisoner. Nothing
especially out of the ordinary here.
>Lando complied grudgingly, and pulled back the levers, converting the
>blurred
>lines back to normal stars. Using a few codes he had hardwired into the
>Falcon’s
>mainframe, Lando bootlegged his way onto the Holonet.
VEERS: Take *that*! And *that*! (throws imaginary boot at viewscreen; viewscreen
does nothing but display more text)
>To Luke’s dismay, there were no messages waiting onboard for either he or
>Lando. Chalking it up to a poor use of intuition, he gave the okay for Lando
>to resume
>course for Tatooine.
MARA: Yup, no messages, I'm feeling uneasy in the Force. Everything must be
perfectly fine.
>As Leia bent to take the body suit completely off, Xizor stood from his
>sofa. In
>one quick movement, he removed his robe, revealing his entire body to Leia
>as she did the
>same to him.
PELLAEON: This is mildly arousing, and yet disturbing at the same time.
DAALA: (turns him away from the viewscreen) Don't even think about it.
>Leia straightened back up, naked and trembling and gasped aloud at the
>sight of
PALPATINE: Alderaan's asteroid belt. (cackles evilly)
>the Falleen prince’s nude form. He was muscled along his chest, arms and
>legs like no man
VADER: Of course he would be muscled like no man. He is not a man!
>she had ever seen.
>Her eyes fell between his legs,
ISARD: But she couldn't pick them up again because she couldn't see without
them, so she groped around blindly. Finally feeling something like an eyeball,
she squeezed... and a bloodcurdling scream ripped through the quarters.
MARA: Do you have something about destroying men's gonads?
ISARD: Try being Director of Imperial Intelligence for ten years and you'll
understand.
>and the wanting filled her again.
ISARD: But she didn't have time to contemplate the want, because at that very
instant a hot dog vendor came walking through shouting, "Weenies! Get your own
weenies, piping hot weenies! One credit a weenie! Get your own weenies!"
>Xizor’s physiology was the same as a human’s there, too ...
MARA: And contrary to the findings of every xenobiologist out there. Therefore,
he must be genetically altered.
>and against every fiber of her moral character, she longed for it.
PALPATINE: With every passing moment, the more you give yourself to the Dark
Side.
>
>Xizor noted the Princess’ reactions carefully, but he had seen them before
>in
ISARD: Cattle who were unfortunate enough to have stumbled upon him while he was
bathing.
>other humanoid females exposed to his size and muscle mass for the first
>time up close. In the
PELLAEON: Barn-
DAALA: (clamping hand over Pellaeon's mouth) Not again.
>meantime, he let his eyes rove over Leia’s small body, athletically
>fine-tuned from her
VEERS: Stint as stripper in Jabba's Palace.
DAALA: Don't give Pelly any ideas.
>years as a Rebel commander, taut muscles, nearly flawless skin. Her small
>breasts stood
VEERS: And did a tap-dance on the table.
>out and he did not hesitate, reaching out to cup them in his massive hands
>and massaging
ISARD: Until there was nothing left to massage.
VEERS: Ouch.
>them together as Leia groaned under her breath.
>“Does my form please the Princess?” he asked with a trace of mocking in his
>voice.
MARA: No, of course no! YOU'RE A FORCE-DAMNED LIZARD, YOU PATHETIC IDIOT!
>Leia could barely nod her head, so enraptured in the feel of his hands on
>her
PALPATINE: Thingamajig
VADER: Hootnanny
DAALA: Whatchamacallit
>breasts, she was. She groaned again, loudly this time, as his fingers
>grazed
ISARD: The timing device for the thermal detonator, accidentally setting it. It
blew the entire building up a few minutes later.
>her nipples and
PALPATINE: And?
ISARD: It's coming, but I'm not sure you'll like it.
>they hardened in an instant.
ISARD: Trapping his hand inside the rapid-curing concrete, where it would be
immobilized forever.
>She opened her eyes as his hands moved off her breasts, but she relaxed as
>they
MARA: Flew into the air in a rage because Xizor realized that he was about to
rape her and wanted to get her scared before he did so.
>encircled her waist and drew her toward him. She was consumed by his
>presence, she
GURI: Died from smelling body odour.
XIZOR: Guri!
GURI: Yes? It's true--you stink.
XIZOR: Shut up, Guri. With your mouth, it's no wonder I have troubles getting
hot chicks.
>needed him near her now, it was all she could think about.
>Xizor brought the princess to him and was exultant as his penis
IMP-22: (slightly fritzed) *bleep*
PELLAEON: What was that about?
DAALA: I think he's trying desperately to be a censor.
> touched her midsection and she let loose an “Aaaaaah!” of pleasure.
ISARD: Eeew.
DAALA: Where's the fast forward button when you need it?
PELLAEON: Obviously removed by our Federation captors.
DAALA: I thought their moral code is supposed to prevent this sort of thing.
THRAWN: I have been telling you all along that they're hypocrites.
>He ran his fingers through her hair as she stared dreamily up at him. Her
>face still
>showed struggle as his eyes bore intensely into her own.
THRAWN: For behold... he had X-Ray Vision!
>She whispered in a nervous voice, “I can’t do this, I love ... another.”
PALPATINE: Who is this... other you speak of?
DAALA: (snorts) Luke Skywalker.
VADER: I knew it was a mistake to let Obi-Wan take my son to southern Tatooine.
>Xizor’s temper flared but he kept his face cool, the Falleen way.
XIZOR: Guri, as soon as we are released from this satellite, I want you to find
and destroy whomever wrote this piece of bantha poodoo.
>“This other ... can he help you save Skywalker’s life?”
>Leia’s face fell a little.
ISARD: Suspense in its least creative form.
>“No.” she whispered back.
>Xizor pressed forward.
>“Has he expressed his love for you, given you a token of his passion,
>promised to
VEERS: Conquer Coruscant?
VADER: Give you the galaxy?
>commit his life to you?”
ISARD: No, I'd much rather kill you.
>“No ...” she whispered again, almost whimpering.
DAALA: When in doubt, have the heroine whimper and beg on her knees.
>Xizor stepped from her embrace for a moment, even as every ounce of Leia’s
>sexuallity protested against the movement.
ISARD: And he doesn't even know how to spell sexuality. Yup, fourteen-year-old
positively identified.
>He moved easily to his desk console, noting the blinking message from Guri
>that the
MARA: Giant flying cat had been skinned alive and turned into soup. He ordered
her to bring up several bowls for all of them.
>Wookie had tried to interfere and had been subdued.
GURI: Thank you for the useless information. We already read that, so why hammer
it in? Do you hate wookiees or something?
>Excellent, he thought. She was truly worth every credit.
ISARD: Who, Leia or the droid?
DAALA: (snickers) Leia, of course. Why, didn't you know that it was a custom in
the Alderaanian houses...
MARA glares coldly at her.
DAALA: Never mind.
>Xizor opened the center drawer of the desk ... yes, it was still there.
ISARD: I still fail to see how a haystack could fit into desk, much less the
center drawer of one.
>Tucked away where he had left it was the bloodred Tumanian pressure-ruby,
>given
MARA: More like stolen.
>to him two weeks earlier by an envoy from the Nezriti Organization.
>He had had it fit into a ring with an adjustable band for just such an
>occasion. He
>turned back to catch Leia staring down between his legs.
ALL: Ugh!
> He was nearly aroused to his peak, but he imagined her eyes would bulge
>a bit more when he achieved total excitement.
PELLAEON: Spare me, please!
PALPATINE: (sarcastically) No.
>He walked back to her and her head snapped up and she smiled nervously,
>allowing him to take her in his arms once more.
VADER: And then they danced the night away. Oops, wrong story.
>He kissed her mouth again, feeling her tongue press against his lips but
>not allowing its entrance to his mouth just yet.
ISARD: But you already did!
DAALA: What do I care? This is getting downright sickening.
>“I can save your comrade,” he began, and her face lit up with hope and
>sudden
>longing for him as her savior from her weeks of worry over Luke’s safety.
>He continued.
>“I can expose
ISARD: Bill Clinton's lies once and for all.
>the conspiracy against him, and I can be a powerful ally to the
>Rebellion, Leia .. if you only allow me to do so.”
THRAWN: As put so eloquently by my friend Talon Karrde, nothing comes without a
price. I fear we already know what your price will be.
DAALA: Can we change channels, at least? Even the Teletubbies are better than
this tripe!
>His free hand slid down her back to her buttocks and caressed her skin. She
>shivered and said lowly, “Ohhh, yesss.”
DAALA: Uh-oh. Now she's moaning.
ISARD: O Powers that Be, please spare us from more of this lemon!
COMPUTER VOICE: Permission denied.
MARA: This is going from bad to worse. I can't even think up witty puns to
dispel the false drama of this lemon anymore.
>His voice grew softer, yet more passionate.
MARA: Here goes nothing. *ahem* "Fuck off and die, Xizor."
XIZOR: I object to that!
MARA promptly delivers several rapid blows to the Falleen, striking his pressure
points. He keels over, doubled up in pain.
XIZOR: (weakly) I give up...
>“I find you irresistible,
MARA: Elim Garak, my little fluff muffin.
ISARD: Aaugh! The imagery of that!
>little one. Passion fills me.
MARA is on a roll.
MARA: Like a stopped-up toilet, I mean.
>Take this, as a small sign of my longing for you.”
DAALA: So now we know he only lusts after attractive women, and never really
loves them. Jackass. (Daala gives a hearty kick to Xizor, who is still lying on
the floor. He grunts in pain.)
>Xizor revealed the ring he had been palming in his other hand. Leia’s eyes
>filled
>with wonder at it. A denizen of the High Court of Alderaan in her youth, she
>was no
>stranger to precious gems or jewelry, but this surpassed nearly anything she
>had ever seen.
THRAWN: The One Ring of Power is at last revealed. I, Sauron the Great, shall
have my revenge on Middle-earth and even the Valar shall be powerless to stop
me!
>“Ohhhh, it’s gorgeous,” she said with true emotion, timidly putting her hand
>up to
>take it from his and slipping it on her finger, where it fit perfectly.
PELLAEON: Of course it must fit perfectly, and of course she must have *true
emotion*. Otherwise the plot would get stopped faster than a ship running into a
black hole's mass shadow in hyperspace.
>“Does it please you, Leia?” he asked.
DAALA: No, I really hate it. I think I'll go dump it in Mount Doom now.
PELLAEON: But that'll stop the plot!
DAALA: (shaking her head) Isn't that the idea? Less plot, less torture. Got it
yet?
PELLAEON: Yes, ma'am.
>“Yesss, it’s so beautiful, thank you so much!” she exclaimed, looking up at
>him
>and smiling beautifully.
PELLAEON: Naturally, women in sex fanfics are incapable of anything other than
pleasing their masochistic partners.
DAALA: I'm so glad you agree that we women should take the dominating role,
Pelly.
PELLAEON: (backs away hurriedly) Can we reconsider our relationship?
>“Do you wish to please me in return?” he said his voice low and deep.
VADER: You mock me, Xizor. Only I have the voice of James Earl Jones. Do not
forget that.
PALPATINE: (cackles) Everything is proceeding as I have forseen.
>Her hands were on his muscular chest, his on her buttocks, massaging in deep
>circles.
PELLAEON: (looks at Veers, who is eagerly reading) Hey, snap out of it! Look at
the writing style! This is crap--we're supposed to be mocking it!
VEERS: Well, maybe if you hadn't been making small talk to Daala...
>She shuddered.
PELLAEON: The concept of having relations with a lizard was proving to be too
much.
> “Oh yes ..... yes .... yes ...” unable to continue as if
>thinking what name of affection to give to him.
DAALA: "Name of affection?" What's that supposed to mean? As in, you pay ransom,
but I name the kind?
PELLAEON: Something like that. I'm really getting tired, though. This is simply
too long and tedious.
>His gaze pierced
THRAWN: Hoover Dam, and flooded half of Arizona in the process. "Oops," he said,
and tried over.
> her own and he said firmly, “Yes, MY Lord.”
DAALA: What, we're supposed to worship you? Bah. (She gives another hearty kick
to Xizor's ribcage, eliciting another grunt of pain)
>Confusion crossed her face,
ISARD: "I will still not have green eggs and ham."
>mixing in with her own stubbornness and temper,
ISARD: She finally recalled her favorite insult. "You... half-witted...
stuck-up... scruffy-looking... nerf herder!" she shouted at Xizor.
>Xizor could see she was snapping
DAALA: You better bet I am, buster.
>out of the pheremone haze and was moments away
>from realizing the wrongness of this act in her own moral code.
MARA: Well, duh, I'm about to be raped.
>He took her hands in his during the moment of confusion and ran them down
>his
>stomach to encircle his
ISARD: Colon.
MARA: Disgusting.
>penis.
MARA: Even worse.
>Leia felt the massive size of the thing ... its hardness and its heat and
VEERS: ... and?
>she was lost.
THRAWN: Forever, in Wonderland. She would never get out now, not with the forces
of the Queen of Hearts after her...
>She stared down at it,
DAALA: And finally tore it off with a sickening crunch.
ISARD: And you said *I* was sick.
DAALA: This story is enough to make anyone sick.
ISARD: Point.
>it seemed even larger than before.
PELLAEON: I refuse to respond to this blatant troll.
>She was barely conscious of Xizor lowering her to her knees in
MARA: ...to the garbage chute.
DAALA: (giggles nervously)
>front of him. “Yessssss, My Lordddddd.”
ISARD: Excuse me, I seem to have an acute case of ssssstttuutttterrrring.
>Dash Rendar was waiting for them on Tatooine in an excited state.
PELLAEON: Of course he's excited. He just missed out on "getting some."
DAALA: Dear!
PELLAEON: I can't help what I'm being written to say. It also probably doesn't
help that the person currently writing me is suffering from temporary insomnia,
and has already been up for three hours past midnight.
>“Word on the grapevine is that Black Sun is holding the Princess and
>Chewbacca
>hostage,” he said
VEERS: Duh. What other conclusion do you expect me to come to, harebrain?
>gravely, looking at Lando, as if blaming the gambler for allowing the pair
ISARD: Yuck. Now we know what she meant when she said that she'd rather kiss a
Wookiee. No wonder Xizor is all over her.
>to go with the synth-droid to Coruscant.
ISARD: Even better. They went with an alcohol-dispensing droid. So not only does
Leia easily fall for aliens, but she was drunk as well.
>This was all news to Luke, who Lando had not divulged Leia’s whereabouts to,
>hoping the Princess would beat them back to Tatooine.
VEERS: Unfortunately, she crash-landed on the moon of Vega while being chased by
Spaceball 1.
>“She’s what? Where?”
VEERS: Didn't I just tell you that she crash-landed on the moon of Vega?
NEEDA: No.
VEERS: You're supposed to be dead.
NEEDA: Oh, I am? (Needa falls over dead)
>Over the next hour, Dash and Lando filled Luke in on their two meetings with
>Guri
PALPATINE: But Lando neglected to mention that the meeting was held at Madame
Omar's House of Sensual Pleasures.
VADER: I should have destroyed that place the first time I set foot inside it.
>and Leia’s decision to go to Coruscant to meet the mysterious Xizor.
PELLAEON: The Schwartz shall be your ally, young Leia.
MARA: "Schwartz?"
PELLAEON: Oops, wrong movie.
>His anger gave way to rash decision-making, and less than three hours
>later, the Outrider and the Falcon were in hyperspace on their way to
>the Imperial capitol planet.
PELLAEON: All your base are belong to us.
>Xizor was pleased he had had the foresight to keep his security cameras
>online
VEERS: For any and all slicers to tap into the feeds of,
>when Leia had first come to discuss
DAALA: Fruitcake.
>Skywalker with him. Perhaps he would allow dignified guests
MARA: "Dignified" in this case meaning "pond scum."
>with unusual tastes the ability to view the head of the Rebellion in a
>state of romantic
>abandon as an incentive for jobs well done. Jabba the Hutt for sure, he
>knew, would pay
>dearly to see such a lithe humanoid in a state of undress and exhibiting
>such wanton behavior.
MARA: How repulsive.
>Xizor ran his fingers through Leia’s long hair, now loose around her
>shoulders.
ISARD: For once, a sentence written at the third-grade level.
MARA: (snickering) As if the others are better.
ISARD: On the contrary, they're worse.
>The princess had barely noticed him taking her hair down, so intent on
DAALA: Feeding the monkeys.
>the pleasure ahead of her as she had opened her mouth
ISARD: Now you're mixing up the tenses. My poor head.
>to take his penis inside it.
IMP-22: (bleeps weakly, topples over)
>Its taste had not been something she had looked forward too,
MARA: It tasted like bantha dung mixed with effluent from Coruscant's many
sewers,
DAALA: Speaking from experience, I suppose?
MARA: The author of this lemon left himself wide open there. Just like... (she
steps across and whacks Daala quite hard with her palm) you did.
>she had never performed this act on
ISARD: Live television with an audience of fifty trillion beings,
>a man, but as she touched it with her tongue, she found it, like his
>lips and tongue, to be almost unbelievably sweet and succulent.
ISARD: Excuse me, that's where his excrement comes out of, and you mean to tell
me it tastes good? I really need to go find a refresher.
>Within seconds, she was licking, kissing and sucking
DAALA: The sofa.
>his penis as if devouring her favorite dessert.
IMP-22: (bleeps weakly from prone position on floor)
>Xizor removed it from
MARA: His ass.
ISARD: Wouldn't he have to be a contortonist to do that?
>her mouth and lightly picked her body up,
VADER is really stewing by this point. He looks down at Xizor's prone form, then
back up at the story as if deciding what to do.
>moving her to the interior of his chamber. Although the lights were low,
DAALA: To make it seem romantic, just like every other lemon out there. Ho-hum.
>she could see the huge circular black bed there, inviting her to it.
MARA: I can't bear to watch.
>Xizor lay her softly on the bed,
ISARD: And was shocked as she fell straight through the bed and into the floor
below.
>the fabric so smooth against her skin. He
ISARD: Spluttered in shock, then dove after her. Unfortunately, he managed to
hit a flying toaster in the process and killed himself. End of story.
>moved above her and kissed her deeply,
MARA: She's dead, you necrophiliac.
>their tongues intertwining and her
MARA: Sanity screaming for a rescue from this lemon. Alas, it'll never come as
long as this author writes.
>little hands moving down to his hardness
ISARD: Is that a title?
MARA: "I object, Your Hardness." (She breaks out giggling uncontrollably)
>again, unable to resist it.
MARA: Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.
PALPATINE: You have learned well, Darth Whind.
>With a touch of his hand, she parted her legs,
ISARD: Salted them, and placed them on the grill. Then she took a bite out of
one... and woke up only to realize that it was a nightmare. She promptly went
back to sleep.
>inviting him to her.
PELLAEON: Her what?
DAALA: Don't get any funny ideas now.
VEERS: Life Day party on Kashyyyk?
DAALA: She sings like a drunken sailor.
MARA: (giggles)
DAALA: How many Corellian whiskeys did you have before you came here, Mara?
MARA: Uh... none, none at all. Why?
>Xizor guided his
ISARD: Hearse, along the backwoods road. He didn't realize, however, that the
bridge had been washed out, and so drove it over the cliff by mistake. The End.
>penis
IMP-22: (blats indignantly in a belated attempt to censor the lemon)
>against her thighs, rubbing them, gaining loud
VEERS: Loud what?
MARA: Jizz-wail, I suppose.
>sighs from
ISARD: The Wailing Wall.
>her with his touch.
MARA: How did she get his touch?
DAALA: Genetic transfer, maybe? Don't look at me. You're the one who turned into
Mara of Borg.
>“This other man,” he asked now, “Has he ever made you feel this way?”
>Leia thought suddenly of Han, barely able to recollect his face now. There
>were
"Nuts!" a vendor came in shouting. "Get your peanuts now, hot and salty! Salted
nuts, half a credit per pack!"
>always sparks between them,
DAALA: Like a battery without any charge.
MARA: (snickers)
>but he was always treating her rudely as well. Mocking her
>heritage, her upbringing and her way of walking and talking to others she
>felt were beneath her.
MARA: (Leia voice) And I've had enough of it, so I'm going to irresponsibly go
and have sex with this strange alien prince! I know it's the smart thing to do!
DAALA: Calm down, Mara.
>Xizor was nothing like that, despite not even being human. The Falleen was
>eloquent and charming and seductive. Han had never given her any sort of
>present before, Lord Xizor had given her a ring worth half a city after
>knowing her barely a day.
MARA: You know, he might be trying really hard to seduce you. Oh wait, it's a
bit late for that. You're already done for.
>“No,” she said at last, “I guess he hasn’t.”
>Xizor smiled down at her and moved
DAALA: Jumping out the window to splash on the street far below.
>between her legs. She felt him enter her
ISARD: Aquarium, and screamed at the reptile to stop eating the exotic fish that
she'd made some attempts to keep alive. He ignored the demands and kept on
swimming. Finally, she dragged a Dianoga out of the sewers below and dropped it
into the aquarium. It devoured him along with the rest of the fish, and she was
finally free. Finis.
>and she screamed in pleasure. He slid it deeper and she moaned in her
>throat.
MARA: Then she looked at him sorrowfully. "I'm sorry, Xizor, but..." All of a
sudden, a Xenomorph burst out of her chest and latched onto the Falleen's head.
Neither survived, and nobody lived happily ever after.
>He thrust into her again and again, moving to a rhythm she arched her back
>to keep.
ISARD: (Leia voice) Remind me again why I'm even doing this.
MARA: So you can kill him.
ISARD: Oh, yes. (pantomimes drawing out a lightsabre) Off with his head.
>He moved powerfully within her, then stopped and she opened her eyes to find
>the
PELLAEON: Thing.
PALPATINE: Hootnanny.
ISARD: Watchamacallit.
VEERS: Thingamajigger.
>alien staring intensely at her.
DAALA: Aw, look at the cute little lizard. Please put it in a zoo, though.
>“Do you love him, little one?”
ISARD: I just *love* being an asshole.
>“No,” Leia responded quietly.
MARA: And I sure as hell don't love *you*, either.
>“Who do you love?”:
DAALA: My dog, not you.
MARA: That's sick.
>Her voice was barely audible this time.
PALPATINE: (Weak old man impression) Eh? I can't eer oo...
>“You, My Lord. I love you.”
DAALA: Not!
>Xizor resumed his rhythm, and Princess Leia lost herself in the fire.
DAALA: And they both burned to death. The end.
VIEWSCREEN changes back to view of the USS ENTERPRISE. WESLEY CRUSHER is again
standing before the viewscreen.
WESLEY: But not of you, my Imperial friends.
MARA: What are you going to do with us now?
WESLEY: (Grins) I'll leave that for your next episode. In the meantime, Red,
you'd better be getting back to lover-boy.
MARA extends her arm as if to choke him.
WESLEY: Oh, no worry. I made sure to install ysalamiri around the Satellite of
Love.
MARA sulks.
WESLEY: Anyway, I belive it's time for you caged animals to draw this episode to
a close.
PALPATINE: Why have you gotten so courteous all of a sudden?
Ignoring the conversation, Daala looks over at Xizor, who is still lying on the
floor. She kicks him again in the ribcage, and he moans slightly.
DAALA: Wake up, Pretty Boy.
VADER: Leave him to me.
DAALA: As you wish.
Vader clutches Xizor by the throat, and raises him to eye level. He then
proceeds to rip out the Falleen's eyeballs, then snaps his throat in one quick
twist.
VADER: Apology accepted, Prince Xizor.
[FADE TO BLACK]
--
_________________________________________________________________________
Crayz9000 | mhm28x12 | {AGUT}Freak'o'Nature
alt.startrek.vs.starwars | alt.fan.starwars | alt.games.unreal.tournament
http://asvsaa.8m.net | (ASVS Auxiliary Archive)
http://crayz9000.htmlplanet.com | (Crayz9000's Hideout)
Dalton
>
> Imperial Science Theatre 3000
> The Third Season
> Previous Seasons available at http://daltonator.net/fanfics
>
Holy shit.
--
Rob "Roby" Dalton
http://daltonator.net
"If there's anything on Usenet that makes us seem normal I want it
captured and shot immediately." ---C.S.Strowbridge
Beowulf
Yay!
Want more!
--
Beowulf
Phong Nguyen
> Crayz9000 wrote:
>>
>> Imperial Science Theatre 3000
>> The Third Season
>> Previous Seasons available at http://daltonator.net/fanfics
>>
>
> Holy shit.
>
Indeed. Though remember the fight between the two authors way back when?
Dalton
I got here just after it, though I heard about it later on. Maybe this
will be a new era in IST3K/RST3K.
--
Rob "Roby" Dalton
http://daltonator.net
Hooray for Caffeine
Phong Nguyen
news:scm73uo8b32hgjrjg...@4ax.com:
> Vader clutches Xizor by the throat, and raises him to eye level. He
> then proceeds to rip out the Falleen's eyeballs, then snaps his throat
> in one quick twist.
>
> VADER: Apology accepted, Prince Xizor.
>
> [FADE TO BLACK]
>
Nice, but your forgot the 'Apology accepted, Captain Needa.' You just killed
him off.
Oh, and will we be seeing the IST3K/RST3K interplay (and where's Anakin?)
Ted Archbold
LT.Hit-Man
>Imperial Science Theatre 3000
(Snip)
Outstanding! I loved every bit of it.
LT.Hit-Man
--
I want a holodeck so I can make the imposable happen, Voyager having a plot
and lameway does not fuck everything up
so that the rest of the crew has to save her hide.
What do you mean it can't be done!
I don't care what the limts of holo-tech are.
I want it done and done NOW!
Robert A. Healey
news:Xns918B9A221405C...@129.105.16.55...<snip>> >
> Nice, but your forgot the 'Apology accepted, Captain Needa.' You just
killed
> him off.
It's in there near the top:
Phong Nguyen
news:a12mqu$o3pgg$1...@ID-48340.news.dfncis.de:
Damn...I can't believe I missed it.
Andras Otto Schneider
>meantime, he let his eyes rove over Leiaís small body, athletically
>fine-tuned from her
VEERS: Stint as stripper in Jabba's Palace.
DAALA: Don't give Pelly any ideas.
Shadows is set before ROTJ!!
LOL, sorry for the nitpick, it was really funny
AOS
"Those blast points are far too accurate
for Imperial Stormtroopers. Only Imperial
Special Effects Technicians are so precise"
Phong Nguyen
news:andrasotto.spamguard-...@news.cis.dfn.de:
> Uh oh, continuity error!
>
Continuity doesn't matter; Veers is just making a comment :P
Cmdrwilkens
news:scm73uo8b32hgjrjg...@4ax.com...
> Imperial Science Theatre 3000
> The Third Season
> Previous Seasons available at http://daltonator.net/fanfics
Great shit man but did you really have to pic that particular piece to mock?
I mean there is little out there short of fecaljapan.rotten.com that could
have exceeded this for sheer disgusting purpose.
--
Lcpl Burnett, G.R
USMCR
Bridge Company A, 6th EngnrSptBN, 4th FSSG
"There are only two kinds of people that understand Marines: Marines and the
enemy. Everyone else has a second-hand opinion."
-Unknown