>> Well?
>Amen
So, Grant, if that * is* your real name, you are happy to let the most
exalted group on usenet go out with a whimper?
The wimp, er, being you, one supposes.
--
LUCIFER
Saint, n. A dead sinner revised and edited.
-Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
Have you noticed how on all the church notices they never put the 'H' in
jesus christ. You should go out with a big black marker pen and write the
letter 'H' in between 'jesus' and 'christ' everywhere it's missing.
The church round the corner from me has a great big sign at the front that
says "Let jesus christ be the light that guides you" Fuck, if that ain't
crying out for someone to write a great big 'H' slap bang in the middle of
'jesus' and 'christ' then I don't know what is!! Go on, whaddaya say? You
up for it?
It's very quiet. Very, very quiet. Still, now we've got the son of god
posting in here things should start to look up a bit. You must know some
well shagable nuns you could send our way? One's that secretly love cock.
Surely yer old man must have a few spare?
>
>"Jesus H. Christ" <gues...@hell.org> wrote in message
>news:k6gp851nq2ll62mar...@4ax.com...
>> On Wed, 19 Aug 2009 12:50:02 +0100, " Grant"
>> <Gr...@Mcleod40.fsnet.co.ku.com> wrote:
>>
>>
>>>> Well?
>>>Amen
>> So, Grant, if that * is* your real name, you are happy to let the most
>> exalted group on usenet go out with a whimper?
>>
>> The wimp, er, being you, one supposes.
>
>Have you noticed how on all the church notices they never put the 'H' in
>jesus christ. You should go out with a big black marker pen and write the
>letter 'H' in between 'jesus' and 'christ' everywhere it's missing.
I have noticed this failure on the part of so-called "christians".
>The church round the corner from me has a great big sign at the front that
>says "Let jesus christ be the light that guides you" Fuck, if that ain't
>crying out for someone to write a great big 'H' slap bang in the middle of
>'jesus' and 'christ' then I don't know what is!! Go on, whaddaya say? You
>up for it?
Theoretically I am up for it, but in practice one feels that going out
and getting hammered, or simply staying for a night of any number of
forms of debauchery is more rewarding, and makes one an example others
might seek to emulate.
---
Lucifer, putting the H back in worsHip.
They are all spare. What is more useless than a woman who wont have
sex with anyone but me? Wont am I supposed to do, service the myriad
hordes of the rampant sex starved nuns?
Any nuns you find who are up for a bit of rogering by you should be
positively encouraged, tell them *I* sent you.
--
Lucifer
Contempt., n The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too
formidable safely to be opposed.
No worries. Me an Micky will dive in and help out.
And if Grant likes women, he can help too.
Should I stop sending the local convent a valentines card every valantines
day, signed from you and yer dad?
I just thought it would be nice for 'em like, y' know, to make 'em feel
special and wanted ...even if it is just for one day.
> Any nuns you find
How fucking lazy is that? Why don't you get 'em told to come and find us!
> who are up for a bit of rogering by you should be
> positively encouraged, tell them *I* sent you.
No, look, my idea's better than yours. Just appear to 'em in a fucking
vision. Tell 'em who we are, where we are and what stuff they need to
bring along with 'em.
It's the least y' can do.
So it's a no then.
Can I sit this one out please?
I've got some nails.
>
>So it's a no then.
No, it's a "no worries, be on it like a shot", but I am fairly sure it
wouldn't be worth the air fare. Tempting tho...
It was your idea, so first dibs goes to you.
--
>
>"Jesus H. Christ" <gues...@hell.org> wrote in message
>news:psgs85l923n84i427...@4ax.com...
>> On Fri, 21 Aug 2009 01:03:14 GMT, "J Kaner" <ski...@will.com> wrote:
>>
>>>
>>>"Jesus H. Christ" <gues...@hell.org> wrote in message
>>>news:f24n851fu4vgqaj54...@4ax.com...
>>>> Well?
>>>
>>>It's very quiet. Very, very quiet. Still, now we've got the son of god
>>>posting in here things should start to look up a bit. You must know some
>>>well shagable nuns you could send our way? One's that secretly love cock.
>>>Surely yer old man must have a few spare?
>>
>> They are all spare. What is more useless than a woman who wont have
>> sex with anyone but me? Wont am I supposed to do, service the myriad
>> hordes of the rampant sex starved nuns?
>
>No worries. Me an Micky will dive in and help out.
>And if Grant likes women, he can help too.
I have it on good authority (nudge the old guy on me left hand,
IYKWIM) that Grant likes his hand and a stick book that is so stuck
that the images' gender are, erm, hard to make out.
>Should I stop sending the local convent a valentines card every valantines
>day, signed from you and yer dad?
That is you? Yep the old man (wiv long white beard) reckons yer in, in
more ways than one, when pearly gates time comes around.
>I just thought it would be nice for 'em like, y' know, to make 'em feel
>special and wanted ...even if it is just for one day.
Every nun yer pork saves skin on me holy knob, and deffo gets me keen
to leave yer name on the gate. Nice touch that, sending cards from me.
Of course I am way to busy burning rainforests to actually send the
cards, or rather me evul twin is. ;)
>> Any nuns you find
>
>How fucking lazy is that? Why don't you get 'em told to come and find us!
You really *want* god only knows how many randy, and I mean frothing
at the mouth randy, ugly old bints wot needs a serious lube job, and
push up bra's made of rebar, chasing you to that silly tune Benny Hill
made up?
>> who are up for a bit of rogering by you should be
>> positively encouraged, tell them *I* sent you.
>
>No, look, my idea's better than yours. Just appear to 'em in a fucking
>vision. Tell 'em who we are, where we are and what stuff they need to
>bring along with 'em.
>It's the least y' can do.
I see you are committed to this folly, so Amen, enjoy.
Wot gets me is how easy being truly evul really is.
Use 'em to nail some nuns then, ffs.
Actually, no, that's good, that's pretty ok with me. It's such a likeable
and tempting thing to do that I think I'll get the ball rolling. Who knows,
it might become a national sport, see who can write the most 'H's' on the
most church notice boards in any given night
And for the more adventurous among us, we'll have to think of something we
can add to Allah's name. I was thinking 'carte'' but I'm sure somebody'll
come up with something better than that? Ooh, just thought, how about
covering over the 'lah' so it just says 'Al'. That could be good. We're
open to suggestions here people...
You sure mate? Look, don't worry, these'll be proper nuns y' know
...None of 'em will turn out to be a bus driver like that last one y'
shagged. Promise.
Aww poor Grant. He'll be limp all day now.
>>Should I stop sending the local convent a valentines card every valantines
>>day, signed from you and yer dad?
>
> That is you? Yep the old man (wiv long white beard) reckons yer in, in
> more ways than one, when pearly gates time comes around.
Hey, I'm just glad to do my bit.
>>I just thought it would be nice for 'em like, y' know, to make 'em feel
>>special and wanted ...even if it is just for one day.
>
> Every nun yer pork saves skin on me holy knob, and deffo gets me keen
> to leave yer name on the gate. Nice touch that, sending cards from me.
> Of course I am way to busy burning rainforests to actually send the
> cards, or rather me evul twin is. ;)
That's what I thought. Like I said, I'm just happy to do my bit. And it
was nice to see those nuns walking around with a spring in their step and a
smile on their face. The love eggs were turned up to 11 that day I can tell
you!!
>>> Any nuns you find
>>
>>How fucking lazy is that? Why don't you get 'em told to come and find
>>us!
>
> You really *want* god only knows how many randy, and I mean frothing
> at the mouth randy, ugly old bints wot needs a serious lube job, and
> push up bra's made of rebar, chasing you to that silly tune Benny Hill
> made up?
Yeah, YEAH, that's it exactly, that's my most inner most sekrit fantasy what
I've allus wanted!! How the fuck did you know that?? You truly are the son
of god to know that about me cos I've never told another living sole about
it.
>>> who are up for a bit of rogering by you should be
>>> positively encouraged, tell them *I* sent you.
>>
>>No, look, my idea's better than yours. Just appear to 'em in a fucking
>>vision. Tell 'em who we are, where we are and what stuff they need to
>>bring along with 'em.
>>It's the least y' can do.
>
> I see you are committed to this folly, so Amen, enjoy.
>
> Wot gets me is how easy being truly evul really is.
Innit just! Can you send the really old ones first. A 60 year old virgin
nun does it more for me than viagra ever could (mind you, could you tell the
older ugly ones to wear full Burkas for me, ta)(and bring their own lube
too)
At least I got a free bus pass out of it.
I was hoping you'd lay on this big wooden cross we've knocked up, just for a
laugh like.
I always thought/assumed you were given that bus pass because you'd fooled
'em into thinking you were an OAP now. Didn't realise it was because of the
bus driv ...Nun ...sorry, because of the nun.
Yeah c' mon, hurry up!! I've hired this nail gun, special like. It has to
be back by 5!!
ol' billy big balls soon fucks off at the sight of a wooden cross and a few
household nails.
It's coz i'm one of them bus inspector blokes that you sometimes see at bus
stops with a clipboard in their hand.
Phew..
>
> Can I sit this one out please?
>
Don't see why not, looks like Jesus H Christ is on the ropes anyways. Wanna
coffee?, i brought me flask.
You shouldn't be waving that about in a built up area mate, you'll have
someones eye out.
>>
>> Yeah c' mon, hurry up!! I've hired this nail gun, special like. It has
>> to be back by 5!!
>
>
> You shouldn't be waving that about in a built up area mate, you'll have
> someones eye out.
>
You see the title of this thread? Well with a post like yours you just
proved the point, fucking abysmal.
Ffs G, the first poster for fucking months in afs with a pair of tits and
you try to scare her away!! Wtf's up with you man?!!!?
No, it's ok, it won't be *my* eye so don't worry about it. Now, as for your
eyes...I'd fucking duck if I were you!!
you forgot the phrase, 'except me'
hths
hand
Troo. But even my mammoth man boobs don't compare to Rosie's beauties. I
should know, I've seen 'em!!!!
Ok, it was only in a photo and they were covered by a big wooly sweater, but
I could tell they were beauties.
Thank God sum fings NEVER change. :-)))
S'ok I has me superdooperkevlanukeproofunbreakablebendableacidresistant
shades on, sorted. Do ya worse!
No wonder all the ladies have legged it.
What with your insensitive rude postings.
Did you save the picture?
Only if it's in a tart..
No. No fuck it. I don't think I want one.
Ta.
Ok, who's pretending to be Mick eh?
> Did you save the picture?
There you are!
That was funny, well done.
>
Suit yoursen, i'll take me shortbread fingers and move along the bench 'k.
are those shortbread fingers in a red tartan tin by any chance?
Brad Pitt, but he's making an arse of it, too fugly you see.
>
>> Did you save the picture?
>
> There you are!
Bah!
I can't fool anyone these days.
>
>
See, I knew it wasn't you coz he's got the rippling muscles and the
fuckmetillI'mdeadeyes. Innit.
> but he's making an arse of it, too fugly you see.
Should have gone to SpecSavers Mick.
>>
>>> Did you save the picture?
>>
>> There you are!
>
> Bah!
> I can't fool anyone these days.
>
>>
Its the smell.
Don't matter if they are, you ain't havin any.
Ok. But I don't see how yer shades are gonna help when it pops one of yer
tits.
> Do ya worse!
That'll probably be a kneecap or summat like that then :(
Yeah baby, just like deaf and taxis!!!!
On to 7 different back-up CD's.
On some of 'em I even used me photo editing suite to ...er...ahem...
'enhance' 'em both 'Jodie Marsh/Jordanesque' styleee.
On one of 'em there aren't enough letters in the alphabet to describe the
cup size I gave her!!
...No Grant. It's not gonna hit her kneecap because it's gone straight
through her boob, ok!
Well, maybe if she's sat down it might ...but not standing up ok! No way
standing up. I'm not having that.
You can be so *mean* to Rosie sometimes...
And as for you Rosie, you just ignore the nasty mister, ok...
BUTLER!!!!
> Phew..
Good save dood.
Hey baby, forget him, I'll share yer wares...
Hoy, fuck off. You blew it so tough titty
So they aint in a red tartan tin then.
Off the cheap shelf down the 1p shop.
You'll take one out and keep the tin for yourself.
You suck-arse.
Go on, pucker up and kiss butt!
I've got pissholesinthesnoweyes and rippling underpants though.
>
>> but he's making an arse of it, too fugly you see.
>
>
> Should have gone to SpecSavers Mick.
S'ok, while he's been busy being me I stole Angelina's contacts.
I've had a nice day reading her stupid tats.
>
>>>
>>>> Did you save the picture?
>>>
>>> There you are!
>>
>> Bah!
>> I can't fool anyone these days.
>>
>>>
> Its the smell.
Chipshop hair and cheesey wotsit's breath
>
She'll like that, being made to look like those two slappers.
If I won a night out with those two i'd ask for the 2nd prize instead.
Can I have my shovel back?
I've got a bunch a lucky lavender right her in me pinny pocket, somewhere
near the pegs, hang on whilst i find 'um..
>
Kinda wasted then aren't they, damn that ebay.
>> Do ya worse!
>
> That'll probably be a kneecap or summat like that then :(
I'll fetch the Movelat ointment.
>
They might be.
> Off the cheap shelf down the 1p shop.
If there was a 1p shop, I'd deffo buy summat.
>
Its ok, its all the karma, apparently.
> And as for you Rosie, you just ignore the nasty mister, ok...
I ain't scared, I've raised teenagers.
>
Yeah if it weren't for them we'ed all be rich and ..er..live forever type
o'fing.
Down wiv deafs and taxis I say, come the ruddy revolution etc.
Cor, every womans dream.
>>
>>> but he's making an arse of it, too fugly you see.
>>
>>
>> Should have gone to SpecSavers Mick.
>
> S'ok, while he's been busy being me I stole Angelina's contacts.
> I've had a nice day reading her stupid tats.
>
Always looking on the bright side thats you.
>>
>>>>
>>>>> Did you save the picture?
>>>>
>>>> There you are!
>>>
>>> Bah!
>>> I can't fool anyone these days.
>>>
>>>>
>> Its the smell.
>
> Chipshop hair and cheesey wotsit's breath
>>
>
If only Chanel had known you.
>
But I'm still digging with it...
While that tactic normally works with most peoples biscwits, these are
Rosie's biscwits and, well, I'm way too scared to take any other than what
she offers me.
There's a bit of good news and some bad news regarding this.
The bad news is...2nd prize is a date with me!! The good news is I'm a
very cheap date and me undercrackers will be round me ankles by about 9:30,
9:45 at the latest, so if it's a Sat'day night you'll be home in time for
MoTD.
Don't you mean "Pucker up, kiss butt, get coffee, dunk shortbread fingers
and trough like a pig"?
Now, no sulking while I stuff me face with fingers ...y' hear!??!
>>>> Ok, who's pretending to be Mick eh?
>>>
>>> Brad Pitt,
>>
>>
>> See, I knew it wasn't you coz he's got the rippling muscles and the
>> fuckmetillI'mdeadeyes. Innit.
>
> I've got pissholesinthesnoweyes and rippling underpants though.
Fuck me, it's Brad Mick!!
There y' go Rosie, who needs Brad Pitt when you can have AFS's very own
...and probably a little bit better... Brad Mick!!
An' that's where you keeps yer shortbread fingers is it? Try not to get
any lavender on 'em will ya.
'Ruddy' revolution? But my face ain't blotchy :(
Oh, well, that's ok then :)
>> And as for you Rosie, you just ignore the nasty mister, ok...
>
> I ain't scared, I've raised teenagers.
But he's not a teenag...oh yeah, I gets you now!!
Well no, not really. You'll still look cool in 'em walking down yer high
street.
Aluus look on the bright side of life. (Hey, good words them. Think I'll
use 'em as lyrics in a song!!)
>>> Do ya worse!
>>
>> That'll probably be a kneecap or summat like that then :(
>
>
> I'll fetch the Movelat ointment.
Isn't that a cocktail?
Might just be a figment.
>
>> Off the cheap shelf down the 1p shop.
>
>
> If there was a 1p shop, I'd deffo buy summat.
See Clarkee, he shops there, he got a nice yellow shell suit and cap.
>
>
>
>>
>
Take two shortbreads and replace in one malted milk biccy.
She'll wonder why she's got a tin of malted milks after a while.
Bastards. I do see your point. I think i'd brown nose for a nice picnic like
that.
yeah, next to the fucking baked hedgehog.. yeah
I've got an identical twin brother, do you want his number?
>
>>>
>>>> but he's making an arse of it, too fugly you see.
>>>
>>>
>>> Should have gone to SpecSavers Mick.
>>
>> S'ok, while he's been busy being me I stole Angelina's contacts.
>> I've had a nice day reading her stupid tats.
>>
>
>
>
> Always looking on the bright side thats you.
I like to keep me cricket ball buffed and shiny one side.
>
>
>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>> Did you save the picture?
>>>>>
>>>>> There you are!
>>>>
>>>> Bah!
>>>> I can't fool anyone these days.
>>>>
>>>>>
>>> Its the smell.
>>
>> Chipshop hair and cheesey wotsit's breath
>>>
>>
>
>
> If only Chanel had known you.
i'd a been a millionaire rodney
>
>
>
>>
>
>
I prefer Mick Pitt.
Looks like i'm going to have to do with the big titted big gobbed moaning
fucker then.
So where are we going?
you'll need BP's drilling platform to get to the required depth you need.
Class. I just wish I could be there to see her with one hand holding the
tin and the other scratching her head. Hehllll yeah!! sheeeeeeeeeeit.
Hehlllllll yeah. I did. Not just me nose either. If it wasn't for me
super wide muscular shoulders there'd only be me feets left sticking out.
Sheeeeeeeeeeeit kneegrow.
That lavender can't be very fucking lucky. I've just eaten all her biccys!!
Anywhere indoors but not in public or at my place. Your place sounds good.
Don't even need to fumigate it for those two!!
Mick Mick
I like holding me nose and repeating Mick Mick over and over again. Puts a
right smile on yer face.
In fact, I want all of you mofo's out there reading this to hold yer nose
and read this out loud... Y' know, get a rhythm going (and watch out for
the 'McMicks' in there too)
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Ok, take a breath now (y' don't have to 'say' that... just take a breath)
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Mick Mick
McMick
McMick Mick Mick
Now stop, aaaaaand breathe.
There. How much fun was that!!!!
Ok, plonk it down on the Marianas Trench and I'll get drilling.
Cheers mate.
It was a paintsprayers overall sprayed yellow.. for 1p
A shortbread is a �50 note whereas a malted milk is about �5, but a Nice is
around �1
It was a darn sight luckier than that poor fucking hedgehog
Who are these mofo's? , are they like groupies? for me like? my groupies?
I do hope they are young and stupid.
I don't think much to your song though. Cowell won't be happy.
I'd rather go swimming with Len Fairclough to be honest.
Jordon and marsh hate one another so it might be a laugh going out with em
afterall.
I wonder if I could get them to wrestle in a paddlling pool of baked beans?
Any black stuff you find is mine though. It's only dirty water.
have you been on the fucking beer again?
Or have you taken up an Austin Powers persona?
I have no hands free to scratch anything at the mo, to busy rearing small
mammals.
BUT, if I did and IF me biccie tin had been invaded by nasty malted milk
biccies, well, i wouldn't be scratching me head in confusion, I would know
who the culprit was....
>
I like fig biscuits, I haven't had any of them for ages!
>>> Off the cheap shelf down the 1p shop.
>>
>>
>> If there was a 1p shop, I'd deffo buy summat.
>
> See Clarkee, he shops there, he got a nice yellow shell suit and cap.
>
>
>
It weren't so much as yellow, sort of a primrose yellow as opposed to just
yellow.
>
Not ruddy as in red faced, but ruddy, as in bloody or flipping, sodding etc.
You did know that right?
>
Oh you need the lavender to mask the smell of poo.
Oh yeah, me too. I haven't seen any down the shop either.
>>>> Off the cheap shelf down the 1p shop.
>>>
>>>
>>> If there was a 1p shop, I'd deffo buy summat.
>>
>> See Clarkee, he shops there, he got a nice yellow shell suit and cap.
>>
>>
>>
>
>
> It weren't so much as yellow, sort of a primrose yellow as opposed to just
> yellow.
Matches that manbag of his a treat.
>
>
>
>
>>
>
Why bother?, I only has to look at your piccy to see him.
>>
>>>>
>>>>> but he's making an arse of it, too fugly you see.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Should have gone to SpecSavers Mick.
>>>
>>> S'ok, while he's been busy being me I stole Angelina's contacts.
>>> I've had a nice day reading her stupid tats.
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Always looking on the bright side thats you.
>
> I like to keep me cricket ball buffed and shiny one side.
>
>>
There goes a real man.
>>
>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Did you save the picture?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> There you are!
>>>>>
>>>>> Bah!
>>>>> I can't fool anyone these days.
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>> Its the smell.
>>>
>>> Chipshop hair and cheesey wotsit's breath
>>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>> If only Chanel had known you.
>
> i'd a been a millionaire rodney
>
If you could persuade farmers to buy it, a pong like that is just whats
needed for reluctant cows just a'fore you bring on a bull.