[DARK][Songfic] This Is Not Hell (R)
Bastion
Hey kids! Come closer, Uncle Bastion has a story for you.
Never write a story when you're mad. Ugly things happen.
Now, I am going to warn all of you people. This is down right mean.
But this songfic has a message with it concerning the truest form
of the author's creative mind and what really fascinates readers when
they read a story. I hope it does anyway.
This is dark for a reason, folks. This about the darkest thing I have
written. If you don't want to be haunted with this, please, oh dear God,
please don't read further.
There's good reason why I rated this R. It's DARK!!!
Now if you are unfortunate enough to read on, immediately read
some WAFFy fiction or something by Helm to wash out the bitter taste.
I would also like to dedicate this to my bamboo eating friend, for if wasn't
for her, I probably wouldn't have been mad enough to write this.
All apologies to these characters and readers that are going to suffer.
Now I submit to AFSM, my songfic from hell.
------------------------------------------------------------------
This Is Not Hell
A songfic by Bastion
Inspired by a song by Jimmie's Chicken Shack
[Scene opens with a dim hallway colored in strange shades of
green, yellow, and red. The camera goes down the hall, and
doors can be seen every few feet or so, one on each side. At the
end of the hall way is a merry-go-round, now in motion with its lights
fluttering aggitatedly. The camera follows the motions of the
merry-go-round, and stops on a person wearing a jester's costume with
the appropriate painted face. He begins to sing.]
if this is hell well that's fine with me
all of the wonder presumably happily
eager to follow the fool that's got into
the head of me
[The jester swings his arms happily and laughs insanely.
He jumps off the the merry-go-round and approaches the
nearest door. He opens it.]
we don't have any doubt
we're out there making freinds
unconcisously rolling through
meatings from pollings
the answers are meaner sometimes
than the means to our ends
[Inside is Uranus, who has found herself in a dress and is struggling
to get it off. She's at a funeral of someone who has died. Confused
she looks into the coffin and realizes its Neptune. She begins to cry
as she notices all of her friends point at her with their unforgiving eyes
narrowed. She turns back to the coffin and Neptune is sitting upright
with her bony finger pointing to her accuser.
Uranus screams. The jester sings]
so this is hell
what else could it be
[He closes the door and opens another.]
bask in the glory of glorified stories
of a basket case who has just
broken himself from the weave
[Inside, Mars is on stage singing her heart out. As she
sings she notices the predatory looks she is getting. She does
her best to ignore them as a tomato whizzes by. Suddenly, she
is pummeled by tomatoes. She sees that the juice from the tomatoes
is eating away at her skin. She is about to scream in pain as a man
jumps on stage. Her eyes widen with horror as her father shoves a
tomato down her throat.
The jester closes the door and opens another.
He keeps singing.]
we are not making sense
who really cares just how we feel
infantile ramblings of pennyless gambings
a fist full of hand swinging clubs
at our new baby zeal
[Inside is Mercury sitting in a desk at school, alone. She sees
her friends enter the room, hiding something behind their backs.
She is about to say hello when all her friends reveal they were
hiding clubs behind their backs. Terrified, she runs for the exit,
only to be nailed in the knee by a club. Her friends surround her and
mercilessly beat her, laughing joyfully as they do.
The jester closes the door and smiles a toothy smile.]
yeah right
[He jumps around the hall laughing once again with more fervor.
The jester runs to another door and looks to the audience.]
you think this is hell
would you care to bet
[He opens the door, laughing.]
capture the beauty of domestic duty
the hampers are full and our
laundry's perpetually wet
[Inside is Venus lying on the side of a dirt street. She notices
her filthy attire and small needle scars along her forearms.
She feels a chilling breeze hit her and she looks up. At the
end of the street is a man encased in ice, screaming silently.
Venus embraces the cold ice and sobs against it's frigid surface.
The jester closes the door and opens another.]
think about traveling south
find the right something
you might have left
endless the road
wish your past to explode
actions remain base
but intentions in treble clef
[Inside Tuxedo Kamen finds himself sitting in the backseat of
a car. A young blond girl with a particular hairstyle is sitting
next to him. She smiles at him. He smiles back and suddenly
the car begins to shake and it rolls out of control. The next thing
he knows he's in the snow and notices the twisted metal of the
wreakage. He tries to move, but all his limbs are severely broken.
Just ahead he sees the head of the blond girl, with her icy blue eyes
staring back him, unblinking.
Tuxedo Kamen screams. The jester sings.
He closes the door and gets right into the camera.]
yeah right
[He bounces around the hall happily before opening another door.]
this is not hell
this is purgatory
caught here in limbo
I.Q. of a dim bulb
how many gods does it take
to screw in the likes of me
[Inside is Pluto. She is having a romantic dinner with a man
of royalty. They are next to window that look outside over
an entire magnificent city of crystal. She smiles at him and he
grins at her. From out of the shadows, a woman dressed all in
white bursts in. She is grinning sadisticly as Pluto apologizes to
her Queen. In mid-sentence, the Queen kicks Pluto in the
stomach. She picks up a glass full of wine and splashs her in the
face. Then the man stands next to his Queen and smiles sickly at
Pluto. He runs toward Pluto and pushes her out the window.
Pluto screams all the way down until she is plastered on the street.
The jester closes the door and opens another.]
you'd think one day that I might learn
stare in the light and you cannot see
I've opened my doors to perception
and can't get them shut
now I feel f**k*d for free
everyday yeah I feel f**k*d for free
everyday yeah I feel f** k*d for free
every day yeah we're all f** k*d
[Within Jupiter is overlooking a cliff. Two men appear
behind her. Jupiter is startled by their presence, and
the men put an assuring hand on her shoulders. Then
wings sprout from the men's back. They take Jupiter in
flight over the ocean. Jupiter feels a little scared being at
such a height but the men assure her once more. They
ascend to great heights and stop. Jupiter looks at the both
of them wondering why. Suddenly, they grin lustfully and begin
to ravish her until she can't move. After they're done, the men
drop her and let her limp body fall.
Jupiter screams.
The jester is rolling on the floor and barely is able to close the door.]
I left my brain inside of my other head
you don't impress me don't depress me
don't surpress me just get undressed
[The jester dances madly in the hall and the paint on
his face begins to rub off.]
I left my brain inside of my other head
the teachers test me my father blessed me
the pigs arrest me I get upset
[The jester gets right into the camera and licks the paint off
his lips. The hall begins to burn.]
I left my brain inside of my other head
you don't impress me
don't depress me
don't surpress me
just undress me
[The jester rubs his face with his gloved hands.]
the teachers test me
my father blessed me
the pigs arrest me
[He rips off the jester hat.]
I get upset
[The audience now sees a young man with short black
hair, his eyes glowing with inspiration, breathing hard
and still laughing. The camera fades as the jester is
surrounded by flames.]
Fin. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Author's Explaination:
This came about because of the pattern I noticed with the stories
I liked as well as my observation of how those stories came about
via those author's notes. Being a fan of Davies, DDFA, Carp, and Stanton
didn't help much, either. Things can be scary in my mind as you can
see.
Additional credit goes to Strike Fiss for implanting this idea
several years ago. But don't blame him, for did not know what
he was doing!
All comments are welcomed. Flames are understandable.
Again, my apologies...
Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi and in America by DIC.
The song, "This Is Not Hell" is owned by Jimmie's Chicken Shack
and Polygram Records Inc.
Bastion
This is Not a Good Day
Dark Master Jewelle
>
> Hey kids! Come closer, Uncle Bastion has a story for you.
And you scared them away.
> Never write a story when you're mad. Ugly things happen.
I draw and write when I'm in one of my mad moods. Best thing that's
every happened to me.
<snipped>
> I would also like to dedicate this to my bamboo eating friend, for if
> wasn't
> for her, I probably wouldn't have been mad enough to write this.
Your friend eat bamboo....I don't think I'd mind hearing about it, if
you want to share the story.
> All apologies to these characters and readers that are going to
> suffer.
>
> Now I submit to AFSM, my songfic from hell.
<Wonderful songfic snipped>
> Author's Explaination:
<snipped as well>
<Applause> I *loved* it! Me, flame you? Never! Oh, how I wish I could
illustrate all those scenes for you!