FRATRICIDE Extra
Redmon Barbry
FRATRICIDE:
an irregular microzine of
immoderate opinion
by
Redmon Barbry
EXTRA
June 20, 1996
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First Reading:
There is no philosophy possible where fear of consequences
is stronger than love of truth.
... John Stuart Mill
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Second Reading:
Five Principles:
1. Honor Work
2. Fight for Children
3. Protect Families
4. Responsibility
5. Basic Fairness
... from "Agenda for Progress", presented by Sen. Tom
Daschle and Rep. Dick Gephart, May 21, 1996.
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Matins:
From long experience at reading between the lines in press
releases, wire service reports, the Congressional Record, etc.,
I have become quite adept at bird hunting in the Democrat
preserves, so there was no chance that I would miss a sprouting
peacock like this set of five guiding principles from the
Democrat leadership's "Agenda for Progress" (see above). The
trouble is, what do you do with such a prize catch? roast it?
stuff it? put it in a zoo? It is so bad that disposing of it
raises biohazard considerations.
The premises that Sen. Daschle and Rep. Gephart have
expounded are so preposterous on the face that I am tempted
simply to let it speak for itself. How can you make fun of
something that is already uproariously absurd? How to refute
something that stands refuted as soon as it is uttered? How to
ridicule something already ridiculous? Consider--
1. Honor Work
You must be kidding, Tom and Dick: the Democrat Party
has built so many disincentives for work into our current
tax and welfare systems that even the most dedicated
Democrat cannot possibly take you seriously on this one.
The burdens placed on work by the tax system have now
reached such extremity that even the kind of tax cut Bob
Dole is trotting out (15%) will only take us back to the
conditions in the mid 1980's.
2. Fight for Children
Whose children? mine? you can't have them. Politicians
who hide behind emotive appeals like "fighting for children"
have an empty agenda and nothing to offer. The Democrats
are running scared; they should be: the cupboard is bare.
Their best hope is to conjure up some dragon so that they
can be seen to slay it.
3. Protect Families
Families did not have a problem until the Democrats came
along and invented a system with incentives for fathers to
abandon their families. It was the Democrats that created
the huge, government-supported ghettos that they seem to
love so much. I agree, families have little chance in
environments like that. We should tear them down; that
would be the best protection families could receive.
4. Responsibility
All right, then, Tom and Dick, take responsibility for
forty years of Democrat misrule, for a budget absurdly out
of balance, for government spending gone crazy, for
government's contingent liabilities that have gone out of
sight, for a bureaucracy swollen to ridiculous proportions,
for a tax system that punishes enterprise, for an education
system that has gone downhill from the moment you touched
it. It works for me.
5. Basic Fairness
To the extent that "basic fairness" is different from
fairness, it is unfairness. But that is what you are
seeking, in a perverse, Orwellian sense, isn't it:
unfairness in the name of fairness. Somehow, doubletalk
does not seem a large enough multiplier to describe this
diction.
Well, there it is, the "Agenda for Progress"; in ten words,
a puffy, vapid, vain, empty surrogate for what the Democrats
need but so plainly lack: a program. So, let's rewrite it,
shall we, just to reflect the sentiments unspoken but truly
intended by the original authors. A free translation:
1. We would like you to think we honor work, because we
need you to keep working so that you can pay for all our
pork, boondoggles, and bureaucrats; in fact, we reward
sloth, because it benefits our cause and helps make you
feel guilty for being productive.
2. We need you to feel helpless so that you will turn to us
in the face of imaginary or manufactured threats to
those you love the most; it yields us lots of power with
very little effort or cost; children don't need fathers
as long as they have the government.
3. Same here, except we are going to expand the definition
of family so that we can legitimize our personal
lifestyles and those of many of our adherents.
4. You should take responsibility, but we will keep the
authority.
5. We define fairness, so that whatever we call fair, is
fair; everything the Republicans say or do is, by
definition, unfair; in fact, we only have contempt for
the intellects and character of the American people, and
we hope that we can terrorize you into believing, or at
least accepting, our line of bull so that we can be
re-elected.
This really is fun, but the fun won't last, because--
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Lauds:
Prediction: Mean-spirited old Bob Dole is now a slam dunk
for the November 5 general election. The roof is falling in on
the Clinton re-election campaign, as the scandals mount, and as
so many of the early polls turn out to be flawed or cooked.
Assuming that he picks a remotely reasonable running mate, and
barring accident or illness, on January 20, 1997, Bob Dole will
be putting his hand on the Bible, taking the oath of office as
43rd President of the United States. Not my first choice, and
not my tenth, but a big improvement over the alternative.
Bill Clinton will henceforward be regarded as an aberration.
With a plea, he may be able to avoid jail time.
Shaky prediction: O. J. will be back in the news this
summer, only this time, O. J. will stand for Obstruction of
Justice. Hillary Rodham Clinton will be indicted for O. J. and
maybe perjury, and perhaps others.
Prediction: The Republicans will add at least four seats in
the Senate and at least twenty seats in the House. The entire
Republican freshman class (less one) will be re-elected.
Prediction: The Dole cabinet:
State: Colin Powell (Mr. New World Order)
Defense: Sam Nunn (A Democrat in nothing but name)
Treasury: Steve Forbes (You ain't seen nuthin' yet)
Justice(AG): Kenneth Starr (Thanks for everything, Ken)
HHS: Bill Bennett
Labor: Jack Kemp
HUD: defunct (temporarily run by deputy)
Commerce: defunct (temporarily run by deputy)
Education: defunct (temporarily run by deputy)
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Compline:
As a parting gesture for the retiring First Couple, we
present excerpts from the script for a new film, tentatively
titled, "1997: A Specious Oddity".
Ground control: The Hillary 9000 Moral Compass has never made a
mistake. There is nothing to worry about.
(later)
StarrChild: Hillary, open the pod bay door, please.
Hillary: I'm sorry, Mr. Starr, I can't do that.
StarrChild: All right, I will come in through the emergency
subpoena hatch.
(later, as StarrChild is disconnecting Hillary)
Hillary: My mind is going, Ken. I can feel it... remembering
again.
(later, as Hillary is almost completely disconnected)
Hillary: Hello, I am a Hillary 9000 Moral Compass.
(pause)
My teacher taught me a song. Would you like to hear it?
StarrChild: Yes, Hillary. Sing, please.
Hillary: (sings to the tune of "A Bicycle Built for Two", while
decreasing slowly in speed and pitch as Hillary 9000 is
being disabled)
Billy, Billy, Whitewater's got me, true.
'f I'm convicted, you're gonna go down, too.
It won't be a stylish prison,
You can't tell hers from his'n,
But we'll look great, doin' five to eight,
In a cell block that's built for two.
(curtains)
Redmon Barbry
rb...@deltos.com
http://www.deltos.com/rbarb/homepage.htm
Copyright, 1996, Redmmon Barbry
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--
Redmon Barbry rb...@deltos.com
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