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HEY ROBBY!-The Surprisingly Dark Origin Story of Chuck E. Cheese
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The Saltex Brujo
Jul 6, 2012, 8:13:37 PM7/6/12
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The Surprisingly Dark Origin Story of Chuck E. Cheese
Quick Fix: July 06, 2012
What is this
Welcome to Quick Fixes! Quick Fixes are the articles and videos you love
in a much smaller package; the “fun-size†version of
Cracked.
The Surprisingly Dark Origin Story of Chuck E. Cheese
By: Adam Tod Brown 07-06-2012
Chuck E. Cheese, the iconic mascot of the world's most famous kid's
birthday party destination, is getting a makeover. In an effort to boost
lagging sales, the famous pizza chain/corporate baby sitter is ditching
Chuck's current look, which could best be described as "Who the hell
knows? A mouse in a hat or some shit?" in favor of a more modern getup.
In this case, "modern" of course means "The video game version of Kurt
Cobain."
Obligatory Courtney Love lawsuit to follow.
Apparently, early '90s nostalgia is huge with the grade school set.
Either that, or some dipshit "marketing professional" graduated from
college in 1992, settled into an entry level job at Chuck E. Cheese's,
promptly stopped giving a shit about what people care about (even though
it's an essential function of a marketing job) and has been climbing the
corporate ladder through sheer corporate politics and seniority ever
since. In turn, Chuck E. Cheese's has been coasting by on this person's
blatant lack of talent for all these years and as a result now finds
itself pulling this desperate bullshit to get kids interested in its
pizza rat again.
The saddest part of it all is that this mysterious marketing slacker who
we've invented for the purpose of this argument is about to fuck Chuck
all over again. Why, you ask? Because this sad attempt at a return to
relevance is aimed squarely at the wrong target.
The Chuck E. Cheese problem isn't one of not resonating with children.
They'll take any singing rodent you put in front of their indiscriminate
faces. But the kids who first fell in love with Chuck E. Cheese are
adults with kids of their own now. If you want to give sales a shot in
the arm, you get those people interested again. And there's no more
surefire way to do that than with a gritty reboot. Hollywood figured
that out a long time ago. If you want to get adults in the mood to
revisit something from their childhood, make that shit look dangerous.
With that in mind, have a look at this ...
ShowbizPizza
That picture was taken at the very first Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant in
San Jose, California, back in 1979, but it could just as easily be a
shot of a couple of tired rockers backstage in that sad moment between
when people stop cheering and when the groupies and drugs finally show
up. Specifically, it would be a Lynyrd Skynyrd show, considering the
abundance of Confederate flags proudly displayed on the walls.
The sleazy vibe of that picture is no accident, either. Chuck E. Cheese
wasn't always the smiling, pandering buffoon that he is now. This is
what Chuck looked like when he was first introduced to the world ...
ShowbizPizza
Back then, he was a cigar-smoking smartass who looked more like a pool
hustler than a pizza salesman. And that was just in comic books. In the
store, he was infinitely more terrifying, while at the same time being
not at all terrifying compared to the maniacs he dragged around with
him.
ShowbizPizza
Every single one of those things looks like what would happen if the
Quiznos Spongmonkeys got Lady Elaine Fairchilde from Mr. Rogers'
Neighborhood pregnant, and that's awesome.
With a vault full of nightmarish puppets at their disposal just waiting
to be used in ironically terrifying viral ads, they have all the
material they need to remake Chuck E. Cheese into some kind of sleazy
back-alley pizza slinger who also promises a bit of fun for parents on
the side. From there, it's just a matter of adding a little more adult
fare to the menu and hiring a team of writers to infuse Chuck's in-store
banter with little bits of innuendo that will fly over children's heads
but will make the adults who are forced to be there at least chuckle a
little bit. Just like that, Chuck E. Cheese is back on top.
Going dark worked for Batman, there's no reason it can't work for a rat
who sells pizza, too.
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July 05, 2012
Comments
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154 Comments
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Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a
trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United
States and/or other countries. Copyright © 2007-2012. Demand Media,
Inc.Driven By Demand Media
mobileleaptop
_
/'_/)
,/_ /
/ /
/'_'/' '/'__'7,
/'/ / / /" /_\
('( ' Fuck /' ')
\ You' /
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POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IS DA DEVIL!
DON'T TAZE MY GRANNY!
BEWARE OF OL' JEEZL PETE.
2012: YEAR OF THE ROBBY.
Quick Fix: July 06, 2012
What is this
Welcome to Quick Fixes! Quick Fixes are the articles and videos you love
in a much smaller package; the “fun-size†version of
Cracked.
The Surprisingly Dark Origin Story of Chuck E. Cheese
By: Adam Tod Brown 07-06-2012
Chuck E. Cheese, the iconic mascot of the world's most famous kid's
birthday party destination, is getting a makeover. In an effort to boost
lagging sales, the famous pizza chain/corporate baby sitter is ditching
Chuck's current look, which could best be described as "Who the hell
knows? A mouse in a hat or some shit?" in favor of a more modern getup.
In this case, "modern" of course means "The video game version of Kurt
Cobain."
Obligatory Courtney Love lawsuit to follow.
Apparently, early '90s nostalgia is huge with the grade school set.
Either that, or some dipshit "marketing professional" graduated from
college in 1992, settled into an entry level job at Chuck E. Cheese's,
promptly stopped giving a shit about what people care about (even though
it's an essential function of a marketing job) and has been climbing the
corporate ladder through sheer corporate politics and seniority ever
since. In turn, Chuck E. Cheese's has been coasting by on this person's
blatant lack of talent for all these years and as a result now finds
itself pulling this desperate bullshit to get kids interested in its
pizza rat again.
The saddest part of it all is that this mysterious marketing slacker who
we've invented for the purpose of this argument is about to fuck Chuck
all over again. Why, you ask? Because this sad attempt at a return to
relevance is aimed squarely at the wrong target.
The Chuck E. Cheese problem isn't one of not resonating with children.
They'll take any singing rodent you put in front of their indiscriminate
faces. But the kids who first fell in love with Chuck E. Cheese are
adults with kids of their own now. If you want to give sales a shot in
the arm, you get those people interested again. And there's no more
surefire way to do that than with a gritty reboot. Hollywood figured
that out a long time ago. If you want to get adults in the mood to
revisit something from their childhood, make that shit look dangerous.
With that in mind, have a look at this ...
ShowbizPizza
That picture was taken at the very first Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant in
San Jose, California, back in 1979, but it could just as easily be a
shot of a couple of tired rockers backstage in that sad moment between
when people stop cheering and when the groupies and drugs finally show
up. Specifically, it would be a Lynyrd Skynyrd show, considering the
abundance of Confederate flags proudly displayed on the walls.
The sleazy vibe of that picture is no accident, either. Chuck E. Cheese
wasn't always the smiling, pandering buffoon that he is now. This is
what Chuck looked like when he was first introduced to the world ...
ShowbizPizza
Back then, he was a cigar-smoking smartass who looked more like a pool
hustler than a pizza salesman. And that was just in comic books. In the
store, he was infinitely more terrifying, while at the same time being
not at all terrifying compared to the maniacs he dragged around with
him.
ShowbizPizza
Every single one of those things looks like what would happen if the
Quiznos Spongmonkeys got Lady Elaine Fairchilde from Mr. Rogers'
Neighborhood pregnant, and that's awesome.
With a vault full of nightmarish puppets at their disposal just waiting
to be used in ironically terrifying viral ads, they have all the
material they need to remake Chuck E. Cheese into some kind of sleazy
back-alley pizza slinger who also promises a bit of fun for parents on
the side. From there, it's just a matter of adding a little more adult
fare to the menu and hiring a team of writers to infuse Chuck's in-store
banter with little bits of innuendo that will fly over children's heads
but will make the adults who are forced to be there at least chuckle a
little bit. Just like that, Chuck E. Cheese is back on top.
Going dark worked for Batman, there's no reason it can't work for a rat
who sells pizza, too.
More Quick Fixes:
Fat Is Officially Incurable (According to Science)
David Wong 222,739 views
The 4 Least Anticipated Albums of the Week
Adam Tod Brown 123,097 views
Calm Down, Internet: Adam Carolla Said Something Sexist!
Daniel O'Brien 101,026 views
Deleted Scene That Would Have Ruined 'Shawshank Redemption'
Fatawesome .com 176,868 views
Mathematical Proof That the Media Is Sexist and Bad at Math
Dennis Hong 220,500 views
See More Quick Fixes:
July 05, 2012
Comments
To turn on reply notifications, click here
154 Comments
Recent Votes You | Show Profanity
Today's Features
The Awful Spider-Man Movie James Cameron Almost Made
By: Daniel O'Brien
20,939 views
The 4 Stupidest Things People Love Getting Offended About
By: Ian Fortey
155,209 views
The Best TED Talk Ever Given
By: Chris Bucholz
34,607 views
5 Insane Explanations for Stuff Your Body Does Every Day
By: Pauli Poisuo
203,280 views
The 5 Saddest Second Careers of Celebrities
By: John Cheese
669,708 views
Advertise
Write for Cracked
Contact Us
Link to Us
Sitemap
Terms & Conditions
Privacy Policy
AdChoices
Popular Topics: Boobs
Zombies
Hipsters
Urban Legends
Skyrim
Go to our Mobile Version
Cracked, Cracked.com, the "Cracked" logo, and Demand Media are each a
trademark or a registered trademark of Demand Media, Inc. in the United
States and/or other countries. Copyright © 2007-2012. Demand Media,
Inc.Driven By Demand Media
mobileleaptop
_
/'_/)
,/_ /
/ /
/'_'/' '/'__'7,
/'/ / / /" /_\
('( ' Fuck /' ')
\ You' /
'\' _.7'
\ (
\ \
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IS DA DEVIL!
DON'T TAZE MY GRANNY!
BEWARE OF OL' JEEZL PETE.
2012: YEAR OF THE ROBBY.
rob
Jul 7, 2012, 5:34:44 PM7/7/12
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