My Fellow Americans

[Cool]

Members of Congress... people of America... I banged her. I banged
her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think
Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you
haven't been paying attention. The only babes in DC I haven't tried
to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because
they are a little older than I like and they have legs any
professional football player would envy. Which isn't to say I don't
appreciate Hillary... I do. If not for the ice water coursing through
her veins, I'd be pumping gas into farm equipment in Hope, Arkansas,
and she'd be married to the President. So, let me set the record
straight. I dodged the draft, hid FBI files, smoked dope, flipped
Whitewater property, set up a new Korean wing in the White House,
fired the travel staff, paid hush money to Hubbell, sold the Lincoln
bedroom like an upscale Motel 6, and grabbed every ass that entered
the Oval Office. Got it? Good.

Six years ago there was not a man, woman or child who did not know I
was as horny as Woody Allen. But, you elected me anyway, which turned
out to be a good move on your part. Your other choice was Bush, an
aging baseball player and part-time resident of some place called
"Kennebunkport" who thought he could bomb his way into the White
House. Before him it was Reagan, who left the office with the same
Alzheimer's he came in with. There was Carter before him who brought
you a 17% prime interest rate, smiling the whole time like his lithium
drip had just kicked in. Nixon before that coined, but never really
understood, the concept of 'plausible deniability,' and almost got a
one-way ticket to San Clemente for his crackerjack style of governing.
Johnson was an inbred, power-mad, war criminal whose major
contribution to American society was Agent Orange. And John Kennedy,
who was a little naughty himself, didn't hang around long enough for
America to spot that curious atavistic tic for "beaver-wrestling"
shared by at least a dozen former residents of the White House.
Which brings me back to my point. Since I have been strumming the
banjo here at the White House, government is doing more for less.
The budget is balanced for the first time since JFK did a one-gun
salute to Marilyn, a fact the press didn't seem to care about,
evidently.

Unemployment is so low today a blind felon can get a job as a night
watchman. And the stock market has been higher than a D-student on a
full gram of dumb-dust, and anyone with a degree from a junior college
who can spell 'internet' has enough money to ponder the annual
maintenance cost of their boat, instead of where his or her next meal
is coming from.

Bottom line: I'm running a country here and I'm doing it with my
pecker showing. What I'm asking for is your support, not a date with
your daughter...unless, of course, she's a hotty with thin ankles, and
then I would like to discuss it. In the meantime, think about where
you are today and what kind of life you're living before you get too
interested in where I'm parking the Presidential limousine.
Thank you, and God bless America."

[Mr. Satan]

You're funny. But, like all good Dems, it sounds to me like when you are
busted, all you do is point fingers at the other guy. In my opinion it
shouldn't be a contest between who is worse, but rather a mere "who would be
best?" Clinton is clearly not the best we can do even if he is better than
some of the worst.
Again, that was very funny. Forgive me for behaving like the white house
press corp but, "Did you really write that yourself, Mr. President?"

Satan

Cool wrote in message <6req6b$mjo$1...@supernews.com>...

[Cathee Gallant]

You should have written his speech, that was good! It does point out flaws
that past presidents had, so why a grand jury to peek under the sheets? He
lied BIG deal, drop the whole investigation it's costing US taxpayers
money....

Cathee

[Mr. Satan]

Your opinion is worthless here, Cathy. Go post to alt.kayakupmyass or
alt.lickmyditch.

Cathee Gallant wrote in message <01bdcb98$38fcc8c0$bef645cf@98g068>...

[endPC]

This would be the Ejaculation Proclamation, eh?

Cool wrote in message <6req6b$mjo$1...@supernews.com>...
>
>Members of Congress... people of America... I banged her. I banged
>her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think
>Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you
>haven't been paying attention. The only babes in DC I haven't tried

>to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala....

[endPC]

[endPC]

[Cathee Gallant]

endPC, please once was enough.

[Cathee Gallant]

Mr. Satan do I bother you?

Cathee

[endPC]

What we have here is the Ejaculation Proclamation.

endPC

Cool wrote in message <6req6b$mjo$1...@supernews.com>...
>
>Members of Congress... people of America... I banged her. I banged

>her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think
>Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you

>haven't been paying attention...

[Mr. Satan]

Duh. Of course you bother me. I don't idly wish cunt cancer on every
stupid bitch I encounter. You really do bother me. I really do think your
cunt stinks. And I really wish you would die. Soon.

Satan

Cathee Gallant wrote in message <01bdcbc9$e7db0ec0$389645cf@98g068>...

[celia]

Clinton wrote in message <6req6b$mjo$1...@supernews.com>...

>set up a new Korean wing in the White House,

This is obscene. Why are we sending boatloads of food to the overfed
officials of a communist country that has demonized the United States since
the beginning of its putrid birth? Because of their nuclear weapons
capabilities? Isn't this the same sorry tactic we used to "alleviate the
crime" in the inner cities? Give 'em food stamps to bring down the body
count? We all know how well THAT worked out...cough, cough.

[T.y.l.e.r. H.e.s.s.e]

Mr. Satan wrote:

> Your opinion is worthless here, Cathy. Go post to alt.kayakupmyass or
> alt.lickmyditch.

hey, satan ... those newsgroups aren't working ... anyone else having this
problem?

--
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The Home of the RGNG
http://home.earthlink.net/~tylerhesse/rghome.html
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Cool]

I wish I could say I did write that, but no, I didn't. Glad you liked it
though, and didn't immediately dismiss me as the author. You are too generous.
And, I am in NO way a Democrat. I'm registered as a Republican, but that party
makes me shiver just as much as any other. I probably embrace the Libertarian
platform more so than any other, which is why I came here in the first place.
Don't ask me why I stayed...

Mr. Satan wrote in message <6reugi$i02$1...@nnrp03.primenet.com>...

>You're funny. But, like all good Dems, it sounds to me like when you are
>busted, all you do is point fingers at the other guy. In my opinion it
>shouldn't be a contest between who is worse, but rather a mere "who would be
>best?" Clinton is clearly not the best we can do even if he is better than
>some of the worst.
>Again, that was very funny. Forgive me for behaving like the white house
>press corp but, "Did you really write that yourself, Mr. President?"
>
>Satan

>
>

>Cool wrote in message <6req6b$mjo$1...@supernews.com>...
>>
>>Members of Congress... people of America... I banged her. I banged
>>her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think
>>Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you

>>haven't been paying attention. The only babes in DC I haven't tried