Part 9: Supermouse's Story
[Writers note: This was plotted last Wednesday. I nearly didn't
write it after the events of this morning (ref
news://iQ$FEIAKm...@unseen.demon.co.uk), but anyway...]
After Jack had dried out, they - Jack and Supermouse - sat down
in front of the fire with cheese and biscuits and Supermouse
began to spin a tail of fear and dread...
"Once upon a time there was an author in a far off and distant
land, he wrote books. These books were fantasic, the writing was
as close to perfect as is possible, and the stories gripped you
and failed to let you go. For decades the Author churned out the
books, and he became rich. He didn't stop writing the books,
because he enjoyed doing his job, and so we continued to read
the books, and he continued to write them, and all was well.
But there were other writers in the land, and they became
jealous of the money that the One True Author was making, and so
they stole his ideas, and wrote their books, and also became
rich and powerful. And the followers of the false prophets did
come unto the followers of the One True Author, and say "You
stole this!" and we did calmly say "Oh, no. In actual fact, we
didn't".
"Indeed you did" the deluded fools responded, and
"Oh no we didn't" sangeth back the true followers, not knowing
when to give up.
"Oh yes you did"
"Oh no we didn't"
"Oh yes you did"
And this went on for many years, never going beyond the
countercheck quarrelsome, never hiting the lie direct, and the
ignorant souls succeeded in their mission, and sewed dissent in
the ranks of the Author's followers.
"This bit here" they would say, "Is clearly a reference to this
city here" and we would nod sagely and say "Indeed, this is
true"
"And so this idea here must have been stolen from this author
over there" and we looked, and we saw that the similarities were
purely co-incidental, or that they weren't even that, or that it
was clear that the idea was an example of parallel evolution.
And these people said "These are annotations! He has borrowed
this idea!" and we ignored them, and hoped that they went away.
They didn't.
Over the years we got used to dealing with them, but that never
made them less irritating to The Author, who *wasn't* stealing
other peoples' ideas. The worst thing you can possibly ever do
in writing is to deliberately steal someone elses ideas, because
you can't possibly do them justice. The second worst thing is to
search every phrase you write to make sure it has never been
written before. Writers tend on to read inside the genre,
because contamination - even accidental - happens. But it
carried on, and it just carried on getting worse and worse.
We are not, as you know, in a land without Magic, and the Author
had, over the years, picked up a smattering of some fairly
advanced magic. And so when a reader wrote in connecting the
author and managing to accuse him of both stealing someone elses
ideas, and also trying to *cover up* what he was doing, he
finally took this as the last straw, and destroyed himself,
putting all his writing experience into the hat he was famous
for wearing.
The hat was found by the Giant, who has kept it ever since.
According to legend, whoever wears the hat will be able to churn
out stories made of pure gold. I was sent here by the Readers
Resistance."
Jack must have looked as blank as he felt, because Supermouse
continued
"You've never heard of us, I bet.
Haven't you noticed what's happened to Pantoland over the last
10 years? Something has been sucking all of the new ideas out of
the world. This place used to be famous for new retellings of
old stories, but over the last 10 years, there have been hardly
any new stories at all. Even this Quest you're on is derivative
of a quest taken over a hundred years ago! And it's all the
Giant's fault. Though the Author, new stories flowed into the
land. The hat is still soaking up new ideas, it has been for
years since the Giant stole it from the faries. The Giant cannot
use the hat, when he wears it he just churns out angsty short
stories. He's too big for the hat. The Readers Resistance was
founded to find the hat, and either destroy it - allowing new
stories to come to new people - or to put it on the head of a
True Writer."
"Why not give it back to the fairies?" asked Jack, who still
hadn't told Supermouse the details of his quest.
"That bunch of suits would sell it to the highest bidder. No,
it's better that I get it"
Jack thought about this for a while. He reached a decision, and
told Supermouse.
"I Have A Plan"
*******************************************
Jack slid back down the beanstalk. His mother was quite pleased
to see him.
"Jack! You're home! I've been so worried! You've been gone
almost two days! How could you leave your poor defenseless
mother with nothing to eat but beans!"
(Jack's Mother, you may note, was *not* too stupid to see the
Bean beyond the Beanstalk)
Just about that time, a voice floated across the wind...
(TTTO Parklife, With apologies to Blur)
Stories are the lifeblood of the art that is now known
as...
Panto.
The fairytale basis only has to take a route going
though what is known as...
Panto
Dames are really funny, but most of it is visual so
cannot be put in a text-based...
Panto.
Who says Panto is out of date? You should join in a bit
more mate, Get some Pantomime!
Oooh, the cliches, so many cliches, and they all go hand
in hand, hand in hand though my...
Panto...
Know what I mean?
We make it up on the spot, except every so often, where
we get rudely interrupted by the plot lines..
Panto
I put the costume on, Have some last minute nerves, and
then think about going on stage.
Panto
I play the audience. Sometimes I play the cast-members
too, it gives me a sense of enormous wellbeing.
And then they're out to get me, and I'm running for the
rest of the show, safe in the knowledge that whilst I'm
on stage I'm safe from the literal daggers.
Oooh, the cliches, so many cliches, and they all go hand
in hand, hand in hand though my...
Panto...
Panto
(Panto)
Panto
(Panto)
It's got nothing to do with your serious ballet or
theatre, you know.
And it's nothing like your identical-every-night shows,
that go around, and around, and around...
Oooh, the cliches, so many cliches, and they all go hand
in hand, hand in hand though my...
Panto...
Oooh, the cliches, so many cliches, and they all go hand
in hand, hand in hand though my...
Panto...
"Mr Hippo!" said Melody, spying the Minstrel as he wandered
towards the cottage.
"Aha" said Jack. "Just the man I wanted to see"
And Jack began to tell Hippo and Melody the rest of the plan...
[To Be Continued]
Yours in total sincerity
Aquarion
Forgot to add, The AFPanto Archive is now updated for the last few days,
seek out www.aquarionics.com/afp/afpanto/
(snip)
I've just caught up on parts VI to IX after being away for a few days. Still
excellent.
CCA:)
> "I Have A Plan"
Brilliant, Aqcky!
(Any Swedes or Danes spot the ref?)
--
Marco Villalta
This is a.f.p -- expect anything!
(Read the FAQs!)
Thanks/
> (Any Swedes or Danes spot the ref?)
*blink*
There was a ref in *that*?!
*wimper*
Never mind, Aquarion, (and keep up the splendid
seasonal entertainment), you should know by
now that if afp can find the ref, they can
find the 11 players on both sides and possibly the
whole crowd of spectators as well.
hippo
---
Mark Datko
Christmas pages : http://www.mdatko.btinernet.co.uk/P1M01.htm
> Part 9: Supermouse's Story
Not knowing anything about panto and therefore not understanding the
point, I haven't given most episodes more than a cursory glance. But
this episode I read from beginning to end (well, OK, I skimmed the
filk in the middle).
BTW, *I* wouldn't have volunteered, but my stuffed elephant, Hamrose,
probably would have, had she known it was on.
Adrian.
>Aquarion <use...@aquarionics.com> wrote:
>
>> "I Have A Plan"
>
>Brilliant, Aqcky!
>
>(Any Swedes or Danes spot the ref?)
Or East Germans, for that matter. The Olsen Gang was very popular in
the old DDR.
/Kristoffer
--
The Dane's mission in life is to help the rest of the world to see
just how wonderful Denmark is.
Xenophobe's guide to the Danes
Panto is probably the wrong word for it, since Panto is definatly a
mostly visual thing. I suppse it's more a long-running story than a
pantomime. But that's impossible, because I can't *write* anything that
isn't a short story...
Aquarion <use...@aquarionics.com> wrote in message
news:slrna1a5mq...@sacrifice.bedlam.bogus...
> [Aquarion, by dint of a double-length episode gets back to the right place
> in the plot.]
>
>
> Part 9: Supermouse's Story
>
> [Writers note: This was plotted last Wednesday. I nearly didn't
> write it after the events of this morning (ref
> news://iQ$FEIAKm...@unseen.demon.co.uk), but anyway...]
<Snips out the whole story, go and read the original[1] thread...>
You´re referring to the "Origin of the Auditors" thread? I just hope PTerry
isn´t going to give up posting here because of one stupid &%"#$.
[1]The very funny "[AFPanto] Part IX, Supermouse's Story"
Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
> [Writers note: This was plotted last Wednesday. I nearly didn't
> write it after the events of this morning (ref
> news://iQ$FEIAKm...@unseen.demon.co.uk), but anyway...]
Earlier this year, a young teenage boy in America emailed me via my
website to tell me that I'd stolen from him an item on my "FTP
Warehouse" page. He was writing, apparently, because he thought I
might like to know about the person from whom I'd stolen it.
Of course, he might have downloaded the file and observed that it
shared little with his own (which I'd never heard of) apart from the
filename. In fact I suggested he do this, although I had to reply
twice because the first time he wrote back to tell me that his
father had deleted my email assuming it to be a virus.
Sometimes, at least, cluelessness must be inherited.
Adrian.
"Olsenbanden" in Denmark. "Jönssonligan" in Sweden.
A group of criminals masterminded by[1] 'Charles Ingvar Jönsson'[2]
who, at multiple times in each film, proclaims "I have a plan!".
//Ingvar
[1] Swedish names from here on
[2] Commonly known as "Sickan"
--
((lambda (x) `(,x ',x)) '(lambda (x) `(,x ',x)))
Probably KMP
The question now arises as to how someone is supposed to state in a
single short sentence that they have formulated a proposal for a set of
future actions to be taken in order to achieve a given goal, or that
they have a given set of aspirations and goals they wish to attempt to
bring about... without referencing something.
"I have a plan"
"I have a cunning plan"
"I've got a great idea"
"I have a dream"
"Why don't you..."
"It's a definite problem", he said, no doubt referencing a Kyrgzstani
lager advert.
Peter
> ing...@cathouse.bofh.se wrote:
> >Aquarion <use...@aquarionics.com> writes:
> >>
> >> Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
> >
> >"Olsenbanden" in Denmark. "Jönssonligan" in Sweden.
> >A group of criminals masterminded by[1] 'Charles Ingvar Jönsson'[2]
> >who, at multiple times in each film, proclaims "I have a plan!".
>
> The question now arises as to how someone is supposed to state in a
> single short sentence that they have formulated a proposal for a set of
> future actions to be taken in order to achieve a given goal, or that
> they have a given set of aspirations and goals they wish to attempt to
> bring about... without referencing something.
Not possible, which is why I explained what the person claiming there
was a reference was alluding to. However, that phrase (in Swedish,
possibly with a definite melody to it) is somewhat of a recognizable
thing. Me, personally, think it's a coincidence, just as the *very*
cleverly planted "Neverwhere" reference in Shrek is just a coincidence
(but you never know).
> "I have a plan"
> "I have a cunning plan"
> "I've got a great idea"
> "I have a dream"
> "Why don't you..."
"It has occured to me..."
> "It's a definite problem", he said, no doubt referencing a Kyrgzstani
> lager advert.
Nono, you uncultured person, that is a Turkmenistan ale advert. Sheesh!
//Ingvar (tounge planted firmly in cheeck)
--
Self-referencing
Five, seven, five syllables
This haiku contains
I fear very much that he already has.
And, for bonus irony points, watch the followups...>
(snip)
I've just caught up with parts V-IX after being away for a few days. Still
excellent!
CCA:)
(PS, apologies if this is a duplicate - I posted it last night as well but it
doesn't appear to have shown up for some reason.)
you forgot:
"I love it when a plan comes together"
(Bad Early 80's American telly, gotta love it, 'cause we're stuck
with it *for the rest of our lives*)
Janice
> "Why don't you..."
Low blow, Ellis...
--
Kincaid Labs
Tampering in God's domain since 1975
> "Olsenbanden" in Denmark. "Jönssonligan" in Sweden.
> A group of criminals masterminded by[1] 'Charles Ingvar Jönsson'[2]
> who, at multiple times in each film, proclaims "I have a plan!".
Are you sure it wasn't masterminded by John Olsen, former Premier of
South Australia? The shifty, underworldy sort of character as anyone
will tell you.
Adrian.
What followups...?
--
"This is like trying to annotate a male/female
partnership to Adam & Eve... "
Miq on abp/afp Wed, 15 Nov 2000 13:31:59 +0000
<i8ufxCAP...@kew1.demon.co.uk>
And still is in Poland, it seems from seeing Polish satellite
channels.
> Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
*You're* not referencing anything, *I* am.
As people have already pointed out, there are some popular
Swedish comedies -- the humour approaching farce, and not
extremely good, at that -- about a trio of very clumsy criminals
known as the Jönsson Band, the leader of which repeatedly
exclaims "I have a plan", whereupon another member of the gang
usually responds with "brilliant, Sickan (nickname of the
leader)!". The *combined* catchphrases is the reference.
I don't know, I just saw the line in your post and the response
just jumped to my mind for no good reason ('twas appropriate,
too, IMO -- very good story). Sorry if I've caused offence, but
at least now you know what I meant.
And for anyone who cares to know: The Jönsson Band was copied off
a Danish similar set, the Olsen Gang, which has apparently been
exported to al least ex-DDR and Poland. I think Norway has their
own version too, BICBW.
--
Marco Villalta
Danish graffiti from 1984:
"Fighting for peace is like fucking to become a virgin again!"
Collected by Torben Olsen
> (Bad Early 80's American telly, gotta love it, 'cause we're stuck
> with it *for the rest of our lives*)
*lol*
A.
Giggling madly. Funniest thing I've read all day.
--
Ailbhe's homepage: http://ailbhe.ossifrage.net/
* People I know sell craftwork online:
* Custom knot- & bead-work: http://www.gordiandesigns.com/
* Handpainted glassware & canvas: http://designs.ladykayla.org/
>Aquarion wrote:
>>
>> On Tue, 11 Dec 2001, bauke schildt <bauke> put forth:
>> >
>>
>> And, for bonus irony points, watch the followups...>
>>
>
>What followups...?
>
These followups, naturally.
--
Sandriana
~~~~~~~~~~
It takes a whole village to raise an idiot
Yes, but watch them for what?[1]
Ted
[1] And how many irony points was that?
>
>"Sandriana" wrote:
>> MikeXXXX <mi...@suespammers.org> wrote:
>> >Aquarion wrote:
>> >>
>> >> And, for bonus irony points, watch the followups...>
>> >
>> >What followups...?
>>
>> These followups, naturally.
>
>Yes, but watch them for what?[1]
>
Well, this sort of thing I suppose.
--
Sandriana
*********
<pedantry>
I think it's 'pedantry' not 'pedantism'
</pedantry>
Phobos in a.f.p
Could be, could be.
You never know you're luck in the big city.
Mike
[1] Big Jobs!
--
http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/filmtv/abbott-costello.html
> On Tue, 11 Dec 2001 11:09:26 +0000, Aquarion wrote:
>
> [alleged reference]
> >>>> "I Have A Plan"
> >Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
>
> "Obviously" the A-Team.
Are you sure?
The line I remember best from the A-Team is:
"I love a plan that works" (backtranslated from German.)
Spoken by Hannibal[1].
Axel
[1] No, the other one.
--
Lack of planning on your part
doesn't constitute an emergency on my part.
> >>> "I Have A Plan"
> Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
The War of the Worlds, by H. G. Wells.
(At least the musical version. The last line in "The spirit of man" is:
"I've got a plan")
Axel
Annotations \cyrillic{R} us.
--
"The music 's no good without you." (Cher)
"The music would be much better without You." (Axel)
(Yes, I am talking to my wireless,
and no I don't need another therapist.)
When thinking about this, I keep coming back to the goon shows.
--
Paul Wilkins
| /\ Inform yourself | Paul Wilkins | When you ask a computer person to
| /__\ Project Mayhem | Christchurch | fix your machine, they will first
| http://tetrica.com/ | (03) 3433097 | spend hours downloading upgrades.
>Axel Kielhorn wrote
>> > [alleged reference]
>> > >>>> "I Have A Plan"
>> > >Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
>
>When thinking about this, I keep coming back to the goon shows.
Any particular show? It's not a phrase I remember in any though they
often 'will have to come up with a plan' (usually Grytpype and
Moriarty)
--
Andy Davison
an...@oiyou.force9.co.uk
It's the sort of thing that Neddie would say.
>Andy Davison wrote
>> <9vmn8p$ou3$1...@library.lspace.org>, "Paul Wilkins"
>> >When thinking about this, I keep coming back to the goon shows.
>>
>> Any particular show? It's not a phrase I remember in any though they
>> often 'will have to come up with a plan' (usually Grytpype and
>> Moriarty)
>
>It's the sort of thing that Neddie would say.
Well, 'We will have to come up with a plan' was, when it occured,
usually GP and M plotting against Neddie (don't forget that Neddie was
usually the target of the nefarious plans)
--
Andy Davison
an...@oiyou.force9.co.uk
Yes, and Neddie was usually the one who failed to achieve.
--
Jo
Know? You mean, in the biblical sense? What kind of weirdness
is that?
I guess someone will say when to stop watching, eh? I mean, they
have people for that, don't they?
Ted
--
This week's signature is on temporary assignment in Guatemala.
>Axel Kielhorn wrote
>> > [alleged reference]
>> > >>>> "I Have A Plan"
>> > >Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
>
>When thinking about this, I keep coming back to the goon shows.
>
Unless it was a 'cunning' plan, in which case it would be Baldrick.
but who makes sure no one else is watching when the watchers in charge
of stopping (or starting) watching have stopped watching ?
That would be the people who watch out for those that have stopped
watching, when they should have been watching to make sure no one is
watching. The Watch?
--
Jo