L&L: Why Are Elves Evil While Cats Are Nice?
Richard M. Romanowski
so you may want to read L&L first...]
[Second Spoiler: This might ruin some of the surprises
of Men at Arms as well.]
Cats are cruel and sadistic in Discworld books. Greebo
comes to mind. And yet personages as august as Death consider
cats to be good company. And then Lords & Ladies describes elves
as being about as cruel as cats. But somehow, this is supposed
to be a *bad* thing. I don't understand. Vicious bloodthirsty
sadistic thrill killers are nice if quadrupedal but nasty if
bipedal. Or is it just that cats are tolerated because they
cause less property damage?
Again, rulers in Discworld books are often strong and
cruel, but somehow likeable because they don't pretend their
power depends on anything but their being bigger, stronger, and
occasionally nastier than anyone else in the vicinity. So,
might makes right? It seems that since they are rugged
individuals, they have the right to rule. (Havelock the Patrician
is the archetypal benevolent despot.)
Big Fido and Trymon (from The Light Fantastic)
are a different class -- they use ideology as well as personal
puissance. Ideology and subtle manipulation are evil if used
to make a group stick together, but right and just and holy
-- as with Gaspode -- if used by one rugged individual against
the group. Rugged individuals are allowed to believe in their
inherent superiority, because they *are* superior. Gaspode is
the only dog that has The Power.
All of this doesn't add up. Elves are rugged individuals;
perhaps the only valid objection is that their conviction of
superiority is racially based rather than personal. (If so, cats
face an identical charge.) Or perhaps elves are amoral, like cats,
it's just that elves are more dangerous, and therefore killing of
elves is justified.
Humans, dwarves, and trolls are fundamentally lost -- elves
always know where they are. Humans, dwarves and trolls can coexist;
elves conquer or are conquered, but cannot coexist. Elves are
evidently subhuman: are they too wild to be tamed, like cats were?
(Cat enthusiasts can say that their pets are not tame, but there's
a long difference between a housecat and a mountain lion.)
Perhaps I shouldn't worry so much about these theoretical
details. But I have very few books good enough to read over and
over again, so I brood about such things until the next Discworld
book comes out.
LVX
Rick
Brian A. Mellor
buggers they really are' (correct me, I'm sure someone will :->)
It's about scale. If you are vicious to mice that's ok. If you are vicous to
people, that's evil.
Brian
phi...@yrsk.demon.co.uk
>
> .
> .
> .
> comes to mind. And yet personages as august as Death consider
> cats to be good company. And then Lords & Ladies describes elves
> as being about as cruel as cats. But somehow, this is supposed
> to be a *bad* thing. I don't understand. Vicious bloodthirsty
> sadistic thrill killers are nice if quadrupedal but nasty if
> bipedal. Or is it just that cats are tolerated because they
> cause less property damage?
> .
> .
>
> LVX
> Rick
I think it's a matter of perspective. Small furry / feathery animals would
probably find elves more tolerable than cats, for instance. Cats are cruel
bastards, yes, but not to humans.
And, of course, cats haven't tried to take over the Disc. Yet.
Phil P
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Andrew Ellam
>I think it's a matter of perspective. Small furry / feathery animals would
>probably find elves more tolerable than cats, for instance. Cats are cruel
>bastards, yes, but not to humans.
>
>And, of course, cats haven't tried to take over the Disc. Yet.
Perhaps that's the one after the one after Unclear Pbysics / whatever-it's-
called-now,-you-know,-the-KKK-one,-it's-just-slipped-my-mind-for-the-moment.
There was a talking cat in MP, iirc. OTOH, now I think about it further,
that cat's already been used in two books[1].
And there's always Greebo.
Andy.
[1] binka-binka-binka-binka or something very similar[2].
[2] Note for the geographically disadvantaged: that was a reference to the
section 'Cartoon Cats' in tUnadulteratedC.
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Chris E. Becht
: All of this doesn't add up. Elves are rugged individuals;
: perhaps the only valid objection is that their conviction of
: superiority is racially based rather than personal. (If so, cats
: face an identical charge.) Or perhaps elves are amoral, like cats,
: it's just that elves are more dangerous, and therefore killing of
: elves is justified.
Well, cats too. Especially when they get in the roses or try to
make a twosome a menage e' Meow
Andrew Eacott
>In article <Co4nE...@acsu.buffalo.edu>, r...@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski) writes:
>>
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> Cats are cruel and sadistic in Discworld books. Greebo
>> comes to mind. And yet personages as august as Death consider
>> cats to be good company. And then Lords & Ladies describes elves
>> as being about as cruel as cats. But somehow, this is supposed
>> to be a *bad* thing. I don't understand. Vicious bloodthirsty
>> sadistic thrill killers are nice if quadrupedal but nasty if
>> bipedal. Or is it just that cats are tolerated because they
>> cause less property damage?
>> .
>> .
>> .
>>
>> LVX
>> Rick
>
>I think it's a matter of perspective. Small furry / feathery animals would
>probably find elves more tolerable than cats, for instance. Cats are cruel
>bastards, yes, but not to humans.
Ahhh, but what about Greebo ?
I got the impression he was just generously vicious to anyone who was
stupid or misguided enough to enter into his claw range.
I was talking with my mothe...Someone who shall remain nameless about
the Terry Pratchett interview on Virgin 1215am. She asked me why it was
called the "Discworld" (even after hearing the explanation of the disc on
the back of a turtle) and I said, "because it's disc shaped"
I must admit she replied, "What, Computer Disk shaped ?"
David Jose Roy
: In article <Co4nE...@acsu.buffalo.edu>, r...@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski) writes:
: >
: > .
: > .
: > .
: > Cats are cruel and sadistic in Discworld books. Greebo
: > comes to mind. And yet personages as august as Death consider
: > cats to be good company. And then Lords & Ladies describes elves
: > as being about as cruel as cats. But somehow, this is supposed
: > to be a *bad* thing. I don't understand. Vicious bloodthirsty
: > sadistic thrill killers are nice if quadrupedal but nasty if
: > bipedal. Or is it just that cats are tolerated because they
: > cause less property damage?
: > .
: > .
: > .
: >
: > LVX
: > Rick
: I think it's a matter of perspective. Small furry / feathery animals would
: probably find elves more tolerable than cats, for instance. Cats are cruel
: bastards, yes, but not to humans.
: And, of course, cats haven't tried to take over the Disc. Yet.
The elves did'nt try to take over the Discworld either. They
were quite clear about that. All they wanted was Lancre.
David
(Gods, that was petty of me.)
: Phil P
Terry Pratchett
Ahem....
There is no inconsistency. Nanny Ogg has a point of view. So has
Death. So have I. But there's no such thing as 'the official Discworld
opinion' on, say, cats.
Personally, I like cats. And they are also nasty cruel bastards. Just
ask that two-thirds of a shrew that's outside our back door right now.
Terry
Nick Leverton
>[1] binka-binka-binka-binka or something very similar[2].
>[2] Note for the geographically disadvantaged: that was a reference to the
> section 'Cartoon Cats' in tUnadulteratedC.
Of course, even the geographically disadvantaged will know what you mean
if they check their mailboxes any day now ...
N. [Those of them who sleep with the geographically *advantaged*, anyway]
--
There's nothing dull about an anorak, you know: it's quite a marvelous
item of clothing I've always thought. - Terry Pratchett
Brian A. Mellor
|> phi...@yrsk.demon.co.uk wrote:
|> : In article <Co4nE...@acsu.buffalo.edu>, r...@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski) writes:
|> : >
|> : > .
|>
|> The elves did'nt try to take over the Discworld either. They
|> were quite clear about that. All they wanted was Lancre.
|>
|> David
|>
OK, they didn't TRY to take over the disc, but they would have done 'cos its their
nature. Didn't Granny make a comment to the fact that some places (i.e. A-M) were
positively reeking of Fe and the elves were just too late ?
brian
Rich 'mcmxciibo' Holmes
>Of course, even the geographically disadvantaged will know what you mean
>if they check their mailboxes any day now ...
>
>N. [Those of them who sleep with the geographically *advantaged*, anyway]
I would just like to categorically deny that I have slept with Nick
Leverton. Not that I know of, at least. Mind you, perhaps I should
have, if only to get TUC here faster. Or were you holding off, Nick,
until you could score a copy of the From the Discworld CD to send
along with it? You were, weren't you? Bless you, Nick!
["... there's got to be a pony here somewhere!"]
--
- Rich "mcmxciibo" Holmes
Of course, it's perpetual April for a.r.k readers, isn't it?
- not Paul Tomblin
The Leather Goddess
>
>Personally, I like cats. And they are also nasty cruel bastards. Just
>ask that two-thirds of a shrew that's outside our back door right now.
Yours too, huh? Mine lost the right to sleep in my bedroom the night I
found a half-eaten mouse on my bed.
--
lea...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz Lesley Walker, Wellington, New Zealand.
s=walker,g=lesley,o=gcs,u1=ho,p=gcs,a=gcsmail,c=nz XV1000 DoD#258
Wolves converge on their prey in packs in order to get food. Human beings,
being more intelligent, do it for entertainment. -- Rosemary McLeod
Eric A. Seiden
>
>Ahem....
>
>There is no inconsistency. Nanny Ogg has a point of view. So has
>Death. So have I. But there's no such thing as 'the official Discworld
>opinion' on, say, cats.
>
>Personally, I like cats. And they are also nasty cruel bastards. Just
>ask that two-thirds of a shrew that's outside our back door right now.
>
>Terry
You are aware that is what makes cats so loveable....... :)
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"Imagine there's no heaven; it's easy if you try." -- John Lennon
Robin and Ennien Ashbrook
most fascinating-yet-gruesome thing I have ever seen was my grandmother's
cat Girlie. Girlie was utterly toothless, yet the most accomplished
mouser on the farm. Her method: catch mouse, hold down by neck, hook
claw, slit open abdomen, disembowel. Alternative method: hold mouse's
head in mouth and drool 'til he drowns (no, I'm serious!).
As to Nanny Ogg's opinion of Greebo -- My cat Toughie is half again as
large as our other cat, and weighs in at some 10 lbs of muscle. But he's
still my widdle babeeeeee :)
-==- Ennien (Granny Weatherwax is me when I hit my elder years.. scary
thought)
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| Internet: Gala...@Debug.cuc.ab.ca | " To each, their own. " |
| UUCP: calgary!debug!galatia.9 | |
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Richard M. Romanowski
>Ahem....
>Terry
What? Ethical *relativism*? Pardon me while I stick my
fingers in my ears and loudly sing, "Terry Pratchett Tramples the
Unholy with Hooves of Hot Iron" ... Hm, it's not working. Sigh.
I suppose it's a bit much to expect a comedy-fantasy series to
give a final answer to all ethical issues. For something as
momentous as the Absolute Decision of the True and the Good, one
would need a literary work on the order of, oh, say, Ambrose Bierce's
fables. (Of course, turning to Bierce for morality is a little
like wallpapering a nursery in H.R.Giger prints.)
I would object and say that either the turtles are right
or the eagles are right, but someone would just go tell me to read
Emerson's "Brahma" again. On the whole, it could be a lot worse...
LVX
Rick
Robert E Arthur
Nick Leverton <lev...@warren.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
>Of course, even the geographically disadvantaged will know what you mean
>if they check their mailboxes any day now ...
>
>N. [Those of them who sleep with the geographically *advantaged*, anyway]
>--
Bloody hell, that's one huge bed :-)
Byeeeee,
Bob.
..."No man is an island" - E.A. Poe.
..."No fish is a cheese grater" - Bob.
Robert Hummerstone
> ask that two-thirds of a shrew that's outside our back door right now.
>
> Terry
where to small for his attention he started bringing in rabbits. though he
was most proud of the 12 large carp from the pood two doors up all layed
out neeatly in a row when we got up one morning.
Robert Hummerstone
Terry Pratchett
>In article <1994Apr12.103454.194@yr6> phi...@yrsk.demon.co.uk writes:
>>
>>I think it's a matter of perspective. Small furry / feathery animals would
>>probably find elves more tolerable than cats, for instance. Cats are cruel
>>bastards, yes, but not to humans.
>
>Erm, remember the nest of young rabbits and the antheap in Lords and Ladies?
>It looks like cats aren't alone...
Okay, try this. Cats are nasty cruel bastards but that's because they are cats.
As far as we know, they have no grasp of the concept of not being nasty cruel
bastards. Humans, on the other hand, do.
Terry
djs...@hermes.cam.ac.uk
>probably find elves more tolerable than cats, for instance. Cats are cruel
>bastards, yes, but not to humans.
Erm, remember the nest of young rabbits and the antheap in Lords and Ladies?
It looks like cats aren't alone...
David Damerell, Gorn Confederation Academy. djs...@hermes.cam.ac.uk
Real Life: Trinity College, Cambridge. |These opinions are mine alone.
"Who wants to live forever?" -Queen "ME!" -me| Who else would want them?
Books: Niven, Eddings | RPGs: AD&D, Cthulhu | Computer games: Elitist
TV: Any Star Trek | WARG: Star Fleet Battles | Music: Queen & classical
Paul Mc Auley
||> : In article <Co4nE...@acsu.buffalo.edu>, r...@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski) writes:
||> : >
||> : > .
||> : And, of course, cats haven't tried to take over the Disc. Yet.
[trim]
They don't have to. They already own it....
Paul.
--
______________________
Paul Mc Auley \ "Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow."
pmca...@maths.tcd.ie \
V. Dasmohapatra
>From: adr...@cee.hw.ac.uk (Adrian Hurt)
>Subject: Re: L&L: Why Are Elves Evil While Cats Are Nice?
>Date: Tue, 12 Apr 1994 14:00:43 GMT
{stuff deleted}
You can bet that the Death of
>Rats doesn't consider cats to be good company.
{stuff deleted}
> "Keyboard? How quaint!" - M. Scott
> Adrian Hurt | JANET: adr...@cee.hw.ac.uk
> UUCP: ..!uknet!cee.hw.ac.uk!adrian | ARPA: adr...@cee.hw.ac.uk
I thought the Death, (I'm sorry, the DEATH), of rats wanted to ride a cat-
it was at the end of Reaper Man, I think.
____________________________________________________________________________
| |
| "FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC" Vivek Dasmohapatra |
| King's College |
| Cambridge |
| "TO PROTECT AND SERVE" |
|____________________________________________________________________________|
Mark Thompson
: tprat...@unseen.demon.co.uk (Terry Pratchett) writes:
: >
: >Personally, I like cats. And they are also nasty cruel bastards. Just
: >ask that two-thirds of a shrew that's outside our back door right now.
: Yours too, huh? Mine lost the right to sleep in my bedroom the night I
: found a half-eaten mouse on my bed.
Our cats have obviously been watching The Godfather. Did it make
you an offer you couldn't refuse? In my case our wretched moggie left me
a mouse head (as a present, you understand) under my desk. I discovered it
by standing on it. Urkk.
A few weeks later I woke up to a series of loud scrunching noises to
find that she was devouring some unlucky rodent on my bedroom floor. I waited
until she'd finished - less to clean up that way. Obviously I was going out
of favour, because all she left me this time wa some intestine and a large
red stain on the carpet.
Mark
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mark Thompson - ICL "Let's go to work..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Jose Roy
Stephen Thomas
>The Leather Goddess (lea...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz) wrote:
>: tprat...@unseen.demon.co.uk (Terry Pratchett) writes:
[ stories of feline savagery deleted ]
Our cats are a little inadequate, then. Admittedly, two of them
haven't got a brain cell between them, but the third, smarter [1] cat
has some work to do. All she's done is rip a small blackbird to
pieces on the back patio. Didn't *eat* it, just ripped it to pieces.
Apart from that, all she's done is develop a great liking for
my wife's bright blue feather duster. She (the cat, that is)
is often to be seen running at speed with it, with one of us
in hot pursuit ...
Excuse me, I must leave now. This is beginning to sound like
a "how *cute* cats are!" posting ...
Keep well,
Stephen
[1] We reckon that in the event of our sudden demise, the two brainless
ones would sit around waiting for her to work out how to use a tin opener.
--
| "I am here to drive you to the | Stephen Thomas------------------------|
| border of insanity and take notes" | Computing Dept, Univ. of Nottingham |
| -- Happy Rhodes, "Cohabitation" | University Park, Nottingham, UK. |
| | Tel: +44 (0)602 514217 |
mi...@cruzio.com
> I would object and say that either the turtles are right
> or the eagles are right, but someone would just go tell me to read
> Emerson's "Brahma" again. On the whole, it could be a lot worse...
>
I'd have to agree with the Eagles. You can check out any time you like, but
you can never leave.
(Sorry, couldn't think of anything by the Turtles)
--
I wish it were darker so you couldn't see my .sig. Pitch black would be nice.
mi...@cruzio.com
(All opinions expressed here are mine, so bite me.)
Robin Parkinson
: > Personally, I like cats. And they are also nasty cruel bastards. Just
Have you ever seen a small tabby cat attempt to get a full-grown (live) pigeon
through a smallish catflap? Has to be seen to be believed...
- Robin (bonded servant to said small tabby cat).
I agree with Terry - they're bastards, but they're lovable bastards (when they
want to be).
---
Disclaimer: ICL are not lovable bastards.
---
Robin Parkinson r...@jasper.rb.icl.co.uk
ICL Retail Systems, Bracknell, England R.Parkinson@BRA0801
"I am playing the right notes - but not necessarily in the right order."
- Eric Morecambe
Richard M. Romanowski
>Okay, try this. Cats are nasty cruel bastards but that's because they are cats.
>As far as we know, they have no grasp of the concept of not being nasty cruel
>bastards. Humans, on the other hand, do.
>Terry
Aha! Ethics! So I can see why it is wrong for humans to
act like elves. (I couldn't formulate a logical argument to prove
it, but never mind that.)
I would guess that elves are in the same moral category as
cats, despite vaguely humanoid bodies. I would also guess that it's
pointless (albeit typically human) to resent elves simply because
they burning down your house and torturing your family. They are
animals and can not be tamed.
The Discworld characters could not credibly befriend elves,
in the way that Death befriends cats. But I think quite a few
persons in history have been closer to elves -- or things like them
-- than to humans. Paganini, Lovecraft, and perhaps Dunsany or
Swinburne might be examples. (In fiction, the protagonist of
Lovecraft's _Dream-Quest_of_Unknown_Kadath_ is quite at home with
ghouls.)
Of course, Lovecraft's protagonists were batty Outsiders,
and Dunsany's were more often than not hashish eaters. Discworld
wizards and witches are usually sane. (Only *one* wizard needs
dried frog pills. And *none* of them are hashish eaters, to the
best of my knowledge.)
However, *if* elves are capable of conceptualizing something
other than cruelty, *then* they are wantonly sadistic. In which event
they are evil and really should hire out to the Patrician's bodyguard,
where their talents could be amply remunerated. Consequently, they
would not correspond to the playmates of Lovecraft and Dunsany, but
rather to the Establishment, the Dark Satanic Mills, and Progress.
Enough posting ... I still have to memorize the rest of the
stanzas to "Fungi From Yuggoth"...
LVX
Rick
The Leather Goddess
>In article <beHstAH...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz> lea...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz (The Leather Goddess) writes:
>>tprat...@unseen.demon.co.uk (Terry Pratchett) writes:
>>>
>>> [stuff about cats]
>>
>>Yours too, huh? Mine lost the right to sleep in my bedroom the night I
>>found a half-eaten mouse on my bed.
>
Good point. Although it may be just that she hasn't managed to catch
one yet.
The Leather Goddess
>
> Our cats have obviously been watching The Godfather. Did it make
>you an offer you couldn't refuse? In my case our wretched moggie left me
>a mouse head (as a present, you understand) under my desk. I discovered it
>by standing on it. Urkk.
> A few weeks later I woke up to a series of loud scrunching noises to
>find that she was devouring some unlucky rodent on my bedroom floor. I waited
>until she'd finished - less to clean up that way. Obviously I was going out
>of favour, because all she left me this time wa some intestine and a large
>red stain on the carpet.
Charming animals - what do we see in them, I wonder?
Oh well, at least Spot normally devours her victims completely, and these
days, she does it in the other half of the house, away from the bedrooms.
I think she prefers mice to tinned cat food.
Colin MacDonald
>>
>>Personally, I like cats. And they are also nasty cruel bastards. Just
>>ask that two-thirds of a shrew that's outside our back door right now.
>Yours too, huh? Mine lost the right to sleep in my bedroom the night I
>found a half-eaten mouse on my bed.
Well, at least it wasn't a horse's head.
Colin
==========================================|=#===|=#===|=#===========
Colin MacDonald | # . | # . | #
Department of Clinical Neurosciences | # . | #
Edinburgh University | #
===========================================
Dave Bell
>Erm, remember the nest of young rabbits and the antheap in Lords and Ladies?
>It looks like cats aren't alone...
TP> Okay, try this. Cats are nasty cruel bastards but that's because they
TP> are cats. As far as we know, they have no grasp of the concept of not
TP> being nasty cruel bastards. Humans, on the other hand, do.
It makes sense to me.
Though some would say that we're a little too eager to apply human
though processes to cats. What looks like cruelty to us may, to a cat,
seem like necessary practice of hunting skills while it has the chance.
(OK, I've been reading "Catwatching" by Desmond Morris.)
Dave
... And the roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout the land.
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Ian Woollard
Its only doing this because it likes you!
Apparently it thinks that your mousing skills are a bit lacking, so it
got you this present to play with, and hence learn the trade from. In
any case, it will keep you going till you get over this temporary thin
patch. How thoughtful...
-Ian
Mark Cooper
: Of course, Lovecraft's protagonists were batty Outsiders,
: and Dunsany's were more often than not hashish eaters. Discworld
: wizards and witches are usually sane. (Only *one* wizard needs
: dried frog pills. And *none* of them are hashish eaters, to the
: best of my knowledge.)
Hmmm... I suspect that Wow Wow Sauce might come close though :)
Mark
--
... --- ... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---...
Mark Cooper - proof positive that the dead can get employment.
tamara skaredoff
<half-eaten rodent stories deleted>
i was severely discomfited to find a dead mouse laid out on an altar-like
rock in my front yard. my cats are beginning to scare me...
-t
-t
--
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\ The above does not represent OIT, UNC-CH, laUNChpad, or its other users. /
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Richard M. Romanowski
>--
> ... --- ... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---...
> Mark Cooper - proof positive that the dead can get employment.
You should really lobby for the Fresh Start Club. (:
Dead People have the right to earn a living, sort of thing.
Magnus Lewis-Smith
|>
|> Charming animals - what do we see in them, I wonder?
|>
|> Oh well, at least Spot normally devours her victims completely, and these
|> days, she does it in the other half of the house, away from the bedrooms.
|>
|> I think she prefers mice to tinned cat food.
|>
|>
Spot? Some people give their cats such strange names... My cat (deceased as of
two weeks ago) was named The Cat because it seemed appropriate. It had led a
fairly full and happy life and, just to show how tough it was, allowed itself to
get run over twice. It survived. Thankfully fur The Cat, but rather
distressingly for everyone else, it died because it stopped living any more.
It wasn't always The Cat - for a short time in its youth it was a Tigger,
but that didn't seem right since Tiggers bounce and The Cat didn't (sometimes I
think I am a cruel and evil bastard as well - still, \I was only 6 at the time...)
A friend of mine has a cat named Fish, which has led to an
understandable identity crisis in said animal. It is a hard bastard, so I assume
the Fish in question is that bloke from Marillion rather than the guppy.
Anyway, on with the motley...
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| Magnus Lewis-Smith | mi...@ed.ac.uk |
| University of Edinburgh | M.I.L...@ed.ac.uk |
| 2nd year physics | p92...@ph.cplab.ed.ac.uk |
|-------------------------------------------------------------------|
| If the University shared my opinions I would be a third year |
|-------------------------------------------------------------------|
| I am not related to Victor Lewis Smith |
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the case of a cockerel putting its head into an empty utensil of glass
where it crowed so that the utensil thereby broke, the whole cost shall be
payable.
- The Talmud (rather bizarrely)
Charles H King
ma...@compnews.co.uk "Mark Cooper" writes:
>Hmmm... I suspect that Wow Wow Sauce might come close though :)
Which reminds me, Terry, did anything ever come of the recipe idea?
Regards
Charlie
--
############################################################################
| -=< Charles H King >=- \ |
| \ Think Ahea|
|InterNet: Char...@prospect.demon.co.uk \ d|
############################################################################
mi...@cruzio.com
>
> i was severely discomfited to find a dead mouse laid out on an altar-like
> rock in my front yard. my cats are beginning to scare me...
>
That really never bothered me too much until they started leaving little
candles and pentagrams around it.
David Jose Roy
: In article <e5ettAc...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz>, lea...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz (The Leather Goddess) writes:
: |>
: |> Charming animals - what do we see in them, I wonder?
: |>
: |> Oh well, at least Spot normally devours her victims completely, and these
: |> days, she does it in the other half of the house, away from the bedrooms.
: |>
: |> I think she prefers mice to tinned cat food.
: |>
: |>
: Spot? Some people give their cats such strange names... My cat (deceased as of
: two weeks ago) was named The Cat because it seemed appropriate. It had led a
: fairly full and happy life and, just to show how tough it was, allowed itself to
: get run over twice. It survived. Thankfully fur The Cat, but rather
: distressingly for everyone else, it died because it stopped living any more.
: It wasn't always The Cat - for a short time in its youth it was a Tigger,
: but that didn't seem right since Tiggers bounce and The Cat didn't (sometimes I
: think I am a cruel and evil bastard as well - still, \I was only 6 at the time...)
: A friend of mine has a cat named Fish, which has led to an
: understandable identity crisis in said animal. It is a hard bastard, so I assume
: the Fish in question is that bloke from Marillion rather than the guppy.
: Anyway, on with the motley...
Some friends of mine wanted a dog, but their house wasn't large
enough, so they got a cat and called it dog.
: -------------------------------------------------------------------
: | Magnus Lewis-Smith | mi...@ed.ac.uk |
: | University of Edinburgh | M.I.L...@ed.ac.uk |
: | 2nd year physics | p92...@ph.cplab.ed.ac.uk |
: |-------------------------------------------------------------------|
: | If the University shared my opinions I would be a third year |
: |-------------------------------------------------------------------|
: | I am not related to Victor Lewis Smith |
: -------------------------------------------------------------------
: In the case of a cockerel putting its head into an empty utensil of glass
: where it crowed so that the utensil thereby broke, the whole cost shall be
: payable.
: - The Talmud (rather bizarrely)
How on earth did you find that out?
David
Bill Welch
> -=> Quoting Terry Pratchett to All <=-
>
> TP> are cats. As far as we know, they have no grasp of the concept of not
> TP> being nasty cruel bastards. Humans, on the other hand, do.
>
> It makes sense to me.
>
> Though some would say that we're a little too eager to apply human
> though processes to cats. What looks like cruelty to us may, to a cat,
> seem like necessary practice of hunting skills while it has the chance.
This may be over-intellectualising the process. That's probably how it
seems to Desmond Morris, but to a cat it's probably more like "If it
moves like food, catch it!" With various similar simple imperatives
dealing with what to do if something twitches once caught, how hungry
you are, etc.
I can't see that cats who have lived with me thinking that they ought to
hone up their hunting skills. The less effort the better, usually,
unless it's fun and (in some cases) not undignified.
. Bill
--
"Though they had no spines, they were something like porcupines; though
they had no tentacles, they reminded one of octopuses; though they had
no wings or beaks, they seemed similar to vultures; and though they had
neither scales nor fins, there was definitely something fishy about them."
Bill Welch
> cm...@skull.dcn.ed.ac.uk (Colin MacDonald) writes:
> >In article <beHstAH...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz> lea...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz (The Leather Goddess) writes:
> >>tprat...@unseen.demon.co.uk (Terry Pratchett) writes:
> >>>
> >>> [stuff about cats]
> >>
> >>Yours too, huh? Mine lost the right to sleep in my bedroom the night I
> >>found a half-eaten mouse on my bed.
> >
> >Well, at least it wasn't a horse's head.
>
> Good point. Although it may be just that she hasn't managed to catch
> one yet.
Ever seen a small cat dragging a live pigeon, nearly as big as her,
in through a cat door? By the neck?
Don't, is my advice.
What she wants is help in getting this important item of prey into the
house where she can play with it at leisure without it getting away. She
won't appreciate what YOU want to do.
Bill Welch
> i was severely discomfited to find a dead mouse laid out on an altar-like
> rock in my front yard. my cats are beginning to scare me...
I put a slice of bread out on the lawn for the birds and next day, a cat
(or possibly a fox) had defecated neatly on the slice, which was
otherwise untouched.
Is this a message from the animal kingdom in general about the quality
of modern bread?
peag...@void.tdcnet.nl
>Have you ever seen a small tabby cat attempt to get a full-grown (live) pigeon
>through a smallish catflap? Has to be seen to be believed...
> - Robin (bonded servant to said small tabby cat).
>I agree with Terry - they're bastards, but they're lovable bastards (when they
>want to be).
Quite like people in some ways.
--
Philip Green. | I express preference for a chronological
peag...@void.tdcnet.nl | sequence of events which precludes a violence.
peag...@hacktic.nl | one, two, clonk!, three.
Terry Pratchett
J.S. van Oosten
: In article <2p7h22$6...@samba.oit.unc.edu> Tamara.S...@launchpad.unc.edu (tamara skaredoff) writes:
: > i was severely discomfited to find a dead mouse laid out on an altar-like
: > rock in my front yard. my cats are beginning to scare me...
: I put a slice of bread out on the lawn for the birds and next day, a cat
: (or possibly a fox) had defecated neatly on the slice, which was
: otherwise untouched.
*ROTFLASTC*
Well, would _you_ eat it ??
: Is this a message from the animal kingdom in general about the quality
: of modern bread?
More of your baker, I assume. Tell me, does it look like your peanutbutter
tries to walk away from your sandwich by itself ? Or possible the other way
around ?
But I am wondering why some animal would sh*t on food. Such a waste...
J. v. O.
--
"It's not that kind of a Passion Play" said my uncle Socrates,
"it's about the passion of our Lord." "The passion of Our Who?" said
my grandfather in horror. "Now look here, Sock, my son, I've been forty
years in showbusiness, but I will not stand for a blasphemy of that
nature apart from the fact that it would be illegal not to say unprofitable."
--Brendan Behan, "Richard's Cork Leg"
--
My PGP public key: you know when, why and how...
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Bill Welch
> r...@rb.icl.co.uk (Robin Parkinson) writes:
>
> >Have you ever seen a small tabby cat attempt to get a full-grown (live) pigeon
> >through a smallish catflap? Has to be seen to be believed...
Well, coincidentally, yes .. except the cat was black in my case.
Eccles
>Magnus Lewis-Smith (p92...@cplab.ph.ed.ac.uk) wrote:
>: In article <e5ettAc...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz>, lea...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz (The Leather Goddess) writes:
>: |>
>: A friend of mine has a cat named Fish, which has led to an
>: understandable identity crisis in said animal. It is a hard bastard,
>:so I assume the Fish in question is that bloke from Marillion rather than
>:the guppy.
>: Anyway, on with the motley...
> Some friends of mine wanted a dog, but their house wasn't large
>enough, so they got a cat and called it dog.
Deefur dog?
Just as a side-light -are there any Red Dwarf-watching-cat-fans who
don't think that The Cat is absolutely perfect?
"CREASE!"
Markus Imhof
In addition to the stories about parts of mice lying around in
the house...
at least these are dead, and therefore (relatively) easy to
catch. Our first cat brought his prey (mice, birds, lizards)
from time to time still alive inside the house. It's real fun
to chase a scared bird through the bedroom, or to (try to) remove a life
mouse mouse from behind a big cupboard.
And to the niceness/evilness of cats... has anyone watched a cat
playing with a mouse for, oh, let's say 20-30 minutes ? At the end,
the mouse was so disturbed (but apparently otherwise unharmed) that
she just sat at the tip of the cat's tail, motionless, while the cat
was expecting it in the roses.
Regards
Markus
Paul S. Winalski
In article <767054...@unseen.demon.co.uk>,
tprat...@unseen.demon.co.uk (Terry Pratchett) writes:
|>
|>Stephen Briggs, after weeks of testing, came up with a pretty good and
|>tasty recipe based on a number of 'original' Wow-Wow recipes.
|>But he is hesitant about its long-term keeping abilities,
|>although his family scoff it all in one go. For full instructions,
|>see The Discworld Companion (advt).
Quite a while ago, Stephen sent me his recipe for evaluation by our local
cadre of cooks and biologists. He is rightly concerned about the long-term
keeping abilities. I think you'd need to add a preservative such as BHA or
BHT to it if it were to be produced commercially.
The concensus among the cooks and Pratchett fans around here is that, while
very tasty, it didn't quite match our mental picture of Wow Wow Sauce. There
isn't anything particularly incendiary about it, and it didn't strike us as
going 20 yards with lamb or being capable of destroying ambulatory compost
heaps.
Adding a minced habanero pepper (with the seeds included) would likely do the
trick. I'll have to try it out and report back (assuming I survive the
experience).
--PSW
Andrew Ellam
>Just as a side-light -are there any Red Dwarf-watching-cat-fans who
>don't think that The Cat is absolutely perfect?
>
>"CREASE!"
I thought he was excellent in the earlier series[1], but not so good
in the later ones, particularly the latest. Less "OOOWWWW!".
Andy.
[1] The plural of series is *probably* series.
--
"Some may have more fish than you / Others take a different view" - Des'ree
Bill Welch
> Bill Welch (bi...@moonmoth.demon.co.uk) wrote:
> : I put a slice of bread out on the lawn for the birds and next day, a cat
> : (or possibly a fox) had defecated neatly on the slice, which was
> : otherwise untouched.
>
> *ROTFLASTC*
> Well, would _you_ eat it ??
Not after that - I took it away and dumped it.
In recent winters, the birds have been keen to grab every crumb they
could get. This winter must have been easier on them; they're much more
choosy.
If you want to attract cats, put some cheese out.
Martin Walser
>Stories about remains of rodents and scary cats deleted ...
>
>In addition to the stories about parts of mice lying around in
>the house...
[cat/live prey story deleted]
All these cat stories reminds me of my sister's dog, Buffett. (Like the
songwriter, not the meal).
Buffett has a fondness for catching things... especially if they're moving
around in front of his nose. I've seen him catch bees. On minute it's
"fly aimlessly from flower to flower," the next <<CHOMP>>.
He's definitely attracted by movement... if whatever he becomes interested
in were to stand still, he'd wander off and find something else to torment.
He's not hunting... He's too stupid for that. I think he just sees everything
in the world as tennis balls of various sizes.
One day we heard a tweeting noise in the house and couldn't find it anywhere
until my brother in law pointed out that it seemed to be coming from the dog.
In light of such an un-canine-like sound, we decided to check his mouth. Sure
enough, he was holding a small bird prisoner. The bird was dazed, but unhurt
thereby giving evidence to my tennis ball theory. He doesn't eat what he
catches, he just brings them back to be thrown again.
Mart (wal...@midget.towson.edu)
Andy Howard
TG> .#FROM :lea...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz N
TG> From: lea...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz (The Leather Goddess)
TG> Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
TG> Date: Sat, 16 Apr 94 19:41:15 +1300
TG> tprat...@unseen.demon.co.uk (Terry Pratchett) writes:
TG> >
TG> >Personally, I like cats. And they are also nasty cruel bastards. Just
TG> >ask that two-thirds of a shrew that's outside our back door right now.
TG> Yours too, huh? Mine lost the right to sleep in my bedroom the night I
TG> found a half-eaten mouse on my bed.
Dear-oh-dear, some people just can't take a joke...
---
. RM 1.3 U0411 . My cat walks all over me :* :* :* :*
Dave Bell
ML> A friend of mine has a cat named Fish, which
ML> has led to an understandable identity crisis in said animal. It is a
ML> hard bastard, so I assume the Fish in question is that bloke from
ML> Marillion rather than the guppy. Anyway, on with the motley...
Well, it depends on whether the cat in question plays an electric guitar
or a 12-string acoustic. If it has black fur, carries a concealed
derringer, and drinks Tullamore Dew, it isn't the bloke from Marillion.
Dave
... A Dragon is For Life, Not Just for Hogswatchnight.
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.11
Leo Breebaart
> And to the niceness/evilness of cats... has anyone watched a cat
> playing with a mouse for, oh, let's say 20-30 minutes ?
I have no opinion on the niceness/evilness of cats, but I must admit
that human beings who are able to sit and watch a cat playing with a
mouse for, oh, 20-30 minutes, without doing something, make me
wonder...
--
Leo Breebaart (l...@cp.tn.tudelft.nl)
Tom Kellett
wal...@midget.towson.edu "Martin Walser" writes:
>
> All these cat stories reminds me of my sister's dog, Buffett. (Like the
> songwriter, not the meal).
>
Does'nt Charley Buffett pronounce it as Boofay...?
I've tried and can't make Buffett sound like breakfast, lunch, dinner,
tea or supper.
8*)
--
Regards,
: Tom Kellett : Compuserve : T.A.K.DesignS : Inspiration /~~~\ :
: : : Warrington : | X | :
: G6DSW : 70374,46 : WA1 3SE : Target \___/ :
Terry Pratchett
>
>Quite a while ago, Stephen sent me his recipe for evaluation by our local
>cadre of cooks and biologists. He is rightly concerned about the long-term
>keeping abilities. I think you'd need to add a preservative such as BHA or
>BHT to it if it were to be produced commercially.
>
>The concensus among the cooks and Pratchett fans around here is that, while
>very tasty, it didn't quite match our mental picture of Wow Wow Sauce. There
>isn't anything particularly incendiary about it, and it didn't strike us as
>going 20 yards with lamb or being capable of destroying ambulatory compost
>heaps.
>
Well, it's based, as I said, on variations of the original (and there really
was one) Wow-Wow Sauce recipe of Dr William Kitchiner, a man as near to
being a UU personality as tyou can get while still existing in this world.
Let's face it, anyone can make a hot sauce. You burn out your taste buds
and then what? Anyway, Ridcully added his OWN ingedients...:-)
Terry
Martin Walser
>> All these cat stories reminds me of my sister's dog, Buffett. (Like the
>> songwriter, not the meal).
>>
>Does'nt Charley Buffett pronounce it as Boofay...?
^^^^^^^ Jimmy
And no... That's just a little in-joke for ParrotHeads about the time when
JB was a virtual unknown. Emcees and record execs never got his name right.
Mart (wal...@midget.towson.edu)
Magnus Lewis-Smith
|>
|> : In the case of a cockerel putting its head into an empty utensil of glass
|> : where it crowed so that the utensil thereby broke, the whole cost shall be
|> : payable.
|> : - The Talmud (rather bizarrely)
|>
|> How on earth did you find that out?
|>
|> David
Unfortunately (because it's not funny) it was in a physics textbook
demonstrasting that the phenomenon of resonance has been known for a long time.
All the same, the mind does boggle a bit.
Magnus Lewis-Smith
Once upon a time there was a sparrow in my bedroom. The story does not relate
whether this was a cat induced incident or not, since by the time I got home it
had been rescued by a well meaning relative (my brother) who then went out. (My
brother an I had an extremely close relationship such that in three years I think
I only saw him twice,even though we lived in the same house). Anyway, I only
discovered that there had been an avine intruder in my room when my inflatable
Norwegian Blue parrot (the shame...) had apparently shat on the carpet.
On the subject of animal cruelty: I used to look after my brothers siberian
hamsters when he was away. I forgot to feed them for an extended period of time
and so hamster 1 ate hamster 2. Then the cat ate hamster 1. Another time, a
different hamster escaped from its cage and set up home inside the sofa for a
couple of days, eating the foam rubber and peeing on the carpet. It smelt great,
I can tell you. Every time you sat on the sofa, a great big cloud of moist,
chewed foam rubber bits would envelop you.
My brother and I found out how to make explosives out of weedkiller, and used to
set them off in the compost heap at the bottom of the garden. At the time, we
also kept chickens which would hunt for worms in the compost heap... We had a
lot of bald chickens for a while.
Dave Shield
> My brother and I found out how to make explosives out of weedkiller, and used to
> set them off in the compost heap at the bottom of the garden.
What a HORRIBLE thing to do to a compost heap!
A compost heap is your friend, it's a wonderful thing - almost magic
in its way. Everyone should have one. Or more.
Now if I can only persuade Karen to let me have a leaf mould bin.
She keeps muttering about our back yard being too small, or some such
nonsense. Even just a couple of black bin bags on the kitchen roof...
Dave
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dave Shield D.T.S...@compsci.liverpool.ac.uk
Dept. of Computer Science,
Liverpool University, "I _order_ you to help!
PO Box 147, You're a machine and you must do
Liverpool, L69 3BX what you're told." T. Pratchett, _Diggers_
Robin Parkinson
: Spot? Some people give their cats such strange names... My cat (deceased as of
: two weeks ago) was named The Cat because it seemed appropriate.
The pigeon-dismembering catflap-destroying small female tabby cat who owns me
is called Henry. Her (now departed) sister, who also used to allow me to feed
and shelter her, was called Douglas. I sometimes wonder why these two grew up
to be so psychotic - I think it must be an identity crisis.
- Robin.
PS. I was not responsible for the names.
---
Disclaimer: ICL have never, to my knowledge, mutilated a pigeon, destroyed a
catflap or inappropriately named a cat.
---
Robin Parkinson r...@jasper.rb.icl.co.uk
ICL Retail Systems, Bracknell, England R.Parkinson@BRA0801
"I am playing the right notes - but not necessarily in the right order."
- Eric Morecambe
Chris E. Becht
: > All these cat stories reminds me of my sister's dog, Buffett. (Like the
: > songwriter, not the meal).
: >
: Does'nt Charley Buffett pronounce it as Boofay...?
: I've tried and can't make Buffett sound like breakfast, lunch, dinner,
: tea or supper.
: 8*)
Somebody give this poor bastard a boat drink, he's been in the cabin to long.
Tony Trujillo
T> Stephen Briggs, after weeks of testing, came up with a pretty good and
T> tasty recipe based on a number of 'original' Wow-Wow recipes.
T> But he is hesitant about its long-term keeping abilities,
T> although his family scoff it all in one go. For full instructions,
T> see The Discworld Companion (advt).
What a shameless advert...you've already sold a copy in the
US! :^)
Well, that is when it finally makes it over here.
... "Never trust a man with horns on his hat!"
* Silver Xpress V4.00 SW01177
cpb2
>My brother and I found out how to make explosives out of weedkiller
What's the mix then? Enquiring and scientific minds want to know.
"There's a worm in my head and a fish in the bed." She said.
Confused you will be. - Miles Hunt
Chris (No it isn't) Butler <cp...@aber.ac.uk>
David K Fraser
>an...@drebin.demon.co.uk (Andrew Ellam) writes:
>>drm...@aurora.cc.monash.edu.au (Eccles) writes:
>>>Just as a side-light -are there any Red Dwarf-watching-cat-fans who
>>>don't think that The Cat is absolutely perfect?
>>>
>>>"CREASE!"
>>I thought he was excellent in the earlier series[1], but not so good
>>in the later ones, particularly the latest. Less "OOOWWWW!".
>Yeah, he was much better when he was just there, rather than
>a crewmember... where the hell did he learn to drive Starbug?
In the book ("Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers"), Cat is a natural when it
comes to driving. I remember one passage about the customisation job he did
on the JCB he happened to be having to drive: jet-black, painted orange
flames...
I actually like him better the way he is now. his character has developed a
bit: that sort of thing is nice to see. I hated everything else about Season 6,
though :-(.
OBPratchett: Who says it's obligitary to discuss Pratchett in this newsgroup,
especially when we're having so much fun?! :-).
-- David F.
ps There is an alt.tv.red-dwarf newsgroup, y'know.
Edward Rothman
In article <767161...@moonmoth.demon.co.uk>, Bill Welch (bi...@moonmoth.demon.co.uk) writes:
>In article <1994Apr22....@void.tdcnet.nl> peag...@void.tdcnet.nl writes:
>> r...@rb.icl.co.uk (Robin Parkinson) writes:
>>
>> >Have you ever seen a small tabby cat attempt to get a full-grown (live) pigeon
>> >through a smallish catflap? Has to be seen to be believed...
>
>Well, coincidentally, yes .. except the cat was black in my case.
>
Alan Bellingham
Eccles
>drm...@aurora.cc.monash.edu.au (Eccles) writes:
>>Just as a side-light -are there any Red Dwarf-watching-cat-fans who
>>don't think that The Cat is absolutely perfect?
>>
>>"CREASE!"
>I thought he was excellent in the earlier series[1], but not so good
>in the later ones, particularly the latest. Less "OOOWWWW!".
Yeah, he was much better when he was just there, rather than
a crewmember... where the hell did he learn to drive Starbug?
eccles
Mark Thompson
: In article <1994Apr27.1...@aber.ac.uk>, cp...@aber.ac.uk (cpb2) writes:
: |> In article <Cov5u...@festival.ed.ac.uk>, p92...@cplab.ph.ed.ac.uk (Magnus Lewis-Smith) says:
: |>
: |> >My brother and I found out how to make explosives out of weedkiller
: |> What's the mix then? Enquiring and scientific minds want to know.
: It was a long time ago, so I may not remember perfectly. I think the weedkiller
: was a form of crystalline sodium nitrate (I'm not sure about the sodium, but it
: was definately a nitrate) which was mixed in equal measures with sugar - castor
: or other fine grain for best results.
Fortunately (Unfortunately?) this no longer works. About two years ago
weedkiller manufacturers added an addative (as you do) to it to prevent it
from forming an explosive when mixed with sugar. I think this was mainly
because of worries about the IRA, but Magnus could also have been part of the
reason.
: -------------------------------------------------------------------
: | Magnus Lewis-Smith | mi...@ed.ac.uk |
: |-------------------------------------------------------------------|
: | I am not related to Victor Lewis Smith |
: -------------------------------------------------------------------
Why not?
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mark Thompson - ICL "Let's go to work..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dean Smith
: Yeah, he was much better when he was just there, rather than
: a crewmember... where the hell did he learn to drive Starbug?
I always assumed the Cat could turn his hand to anything, because he is so
mind meltingly shal... No, so mind meltingly cool. That was it.
Magnus Lewis-Smith
It was a long time ago, so I may not remember perfectly. I think the weedkiller
was a form of crystalline sodium nitrate (I'm not sure about the sodium, but it
was definately a nitrate) which was mixed in equal measures with sugar - castor
or other fine grain for best results. This powder was put into a copper pipe
about 6 inches / 15 cm long, and the ends crimped to seal it. A small hole had
been drilled about 1/2 way down in which was inserted a fuse (a bit tricky).
This was lit and you ran away. They didn't work very well, but sometimes the
tube blew up. The fuse we used was about 5 cm of magnesium which I had liberated
from the school chemistry lab. Eventually this got boring, and so after some
experimentation, we took to putting the mixture in flower pots or other clay
things and burying them in the compost heap with said magnesium fuse, lighting
blue touch paper and retiring. There is a line in Reaper Man which is very
descriptive of the sight and sound of several rotting cabbage leaves leaping into
the air, but I can't for the life of me remember what it is. The neighbours put
a stop to such carrying on when one of their drainpipes blew up in the middle of
the night.
Equal entertainment, especially for students (ie me), can be had with a roll of
caps for a cap pistol. By folding a roll of caps into a concertina/zig-zag
sort of shape and thouroughly sellotaping it to a match, a startlingly load bang
occurs when the match is lit - well it startled me, and indeed left me deaf in
one ear for a few days. The best way to get the zig-zag shape is to thread the
caps onto a needle, through the centre of the little explosive bit: ASCII diagram
follows:
|/ | O
/| --- |
\| --- |
|\ --- |
|/ --- |
/| | |
needle and tightly packed
roll of caps roll threaded on pin
which is about to be
taped to a match
Before lighting the match and running away, remove the pin, but do this VERY
carefully, cos the friction of the pin coming out can explode the caps in your
hand. This can hurt quite a lot, believe me. Putting this device into an eggbox
or something full of flour and handing it to an unsuspecting victim usually
results in your being chased by an irate punter with a white head. Such antics
may go a long way to explain why it is that I am resitting this years courses.
Patric S. Toms
was giving him lessons.
Magus
--
*******************************************************************************
Do you feel safe ?
*******************************************************************************
A G Jackson
|> Magnus Lewis-Smith (p92...@cplab.ph.ed.ac.uk) wrote:
|> : In article <1994Apr27.1...@aber.ac.uk>, cp...@aber.ac.uk (cpb2) writes:
|> : |> In article <Cov5u...@festival.ed.ac.uk>, p92...@cplab.ph.ed.ac.uk (Magnus Lewis-Smith) says:
|> : |>
|> : |> >My brother and I found out how to make explosives out of weedkiller
|> : |> What's the mix then? Enquiring and scientific minds want to know.
|>
|> : It was a long time ago, so I may not remember perfectly. I think the weedkiller
|> : was a form of crystalline sodium nitrate (I'm not sure about the sodium, but it
|> : was definately a nitrate) which was mixed in equal measures with sugar - castor
|> : or other fine grain for best results.
|>
|> Fortunately (Unfortunately?) this no longer works. About two years ago
|> weedkiller manufacturers added an addative (as you do) to it to prevent it
|> from forming an explosive when mixed with sugar. I think this was mainly
|> because of worries about the IRA, but Magnus could also have been part of the
|> reason.
What has this got to do with Cats and animal cruelty? Hang on, I've got an idea -
can someone provide me with a cat, a funnel, and a pint or so of weedkiller
explosives? All in the name of science...
Adrian
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Adrian Jackson | a.g.j...@durham.ac.uk | 27 North Bailey, DURHAM |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| If it was exactly the same it just wouldn't be the same... |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Mark Thompson
: What has this got to do with Cats and animal cruelty? Hang on, I've got an idea -
: can someone provide me with a cat, a funnel, and a pint or so of weedkiller
: explosives? All in the name of science...
OK, sports fans - here's my odds on what you would end up with if the
above were attempted...
Exploded Cat : 500 - 1
Exploded A.G.Jackson : 50 - 1
A wet, surprised and *very* irate cat and a trip down casualty by
A.G. Jackson to get those nasty lacerations seen to, followed by a visit from
those nice people from the RSPCA (bangers and other explosives division) : Evens
Mark
Bill Welch
> In article <Cov5u...@festival.ed.ac.uk>, p92...@cplab.ph.ed.ac.uk (Magnus Lewis-Smith) says:
>
> >My brother and I found out how to make explosives out of weedkiller
>
> What's the mix then? Enquiring and scientific minds want to know.
One part weed to two parts killer.
The Leather Goddess
>|>
>Spot? Some people give their cats such strange names... My cat (deceased as of
>two weeks ago) was named The Cat because it seemed appropriate.
Well, I have to admit she's normally addressed as Puss.
PS: How come your post took a week to get here, when I had followups
to it several days ago? Anyone know?
--
lea...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz Lesley Walker, Wellington, New Zealand.
s=walker,g=lesley,o=gcs,u1=ho,p=gcs,a=gcsmail,c=nz XV1000 DoD#258
Wolves converge on their prey in packs in order to get food. Human beings,
being more intelligent, do it for entertainment. -- Rosemary McLeod
Richard Webber
: an...@drebin.demon.co.uk (Andrew Ellam) writes:
Yeah. He's become too human and too useful.
Hopefully, when the large rouge (sp?) one returns, he'll be able to get
back to his old ways - sleeping 5 times , eating 6 times and making a lot
of things his.
--
Richard (Zydlebug) Webber ~ .- |\
University of Newcastle / \
Australia. \.--._/<-- Newcastle, it's about 'ere.
email: ric...@cs.newcastle.edu.au ~ v
*** Warning! Signature under construction. ***
Dave Bell
ML> It was a long time ago, so I may not remember perfectly. I think the
ML> weedkiller was a form of crystalline sodium nitrate (I'm not sure about
ML> the sodium, but it was definately a nitrate) which was mixed in equal
ML> measures with sugar - castor or other fine grain for best results.
Well, I'm not sure about sodium nitrate, but I've used sodium chlorate
as a weedkiller, and it is an oxidising agent. Ammonium Nitrate is a
good fertiliser that can be encouraged to go boom -- fine-grain forms
are sometimes used for quarrying. It was on Blue Peter a long time ago,
when they talked about a mix of ammonium nitrate and fuel oil. They
drilled several holes, poured in the mix, added a stick of gelignite as
a primer, and back-filled the hole to tamp it down.
It wouldn't at all surprise me if it were John Noakes who pushed the
button.
Times may have changed. Ammonium Nitrate doesn't get sold as fertiliser
in Northern Ireland. And we don't keep a stack of one-tonne bags of the
stuff on the farm.
Dave.
... "Violence is the last resort of the incompetent." -- Simon Templar
Dave Bell
Cp> In article <Cov5u2.4KK#festival.ed.ac.uk>, p92...@cplab.ph.ed.ac.uk
Cp> (Magnus Lewis-Smith) says:
>My brother and I found out how to make explosives out of weedkiller
Cp> What's the mix then? Enquiring and scientific minds want to know.
Don't bother.
I know the usual weed-killing chemical for this purpose, and AFAIK the
approval for use as a pesticide was dropped years ago.
Dave
... Running MS-DOS: (C)rash (A)bort (L)oop
Andrew Ellam
> Exploded Cat : 500 - 1
> Exploded A.G.Jackson : 50 - 1
> A wet, surprised and *very* irate cat and a trip down casualty by
>A.G. Jackson to get those nasty lacerations seen to, followed by a visit from
>those nice people from the RSPCA (bangers and other explosives division) : Evens
Badgers aren't explosive! Oh...
Andy.
--
"Some may have more fish than you / Others take a different view" - Des'ree
Andrew Ellam
>p92...@cplab.ph.ed.ac.uk (Magnus Lewis-Smith) writes:
>>Spot? Some people give their cats such strange names... My cat (deceased as of
>>two weeks ago) was named The Cat because it seemed appropriate.
>
>Well, I have to admit she's normally addressed as Puss.
>
>PS: How come your post took a week to get here, when I had followups
>to it several days ago? Anyone know?
I think some bits of JANET have been doing something or other. Or something
like that.
ALAN PAUL CHAPMAN
Andrew Ellam <an...@drebin.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>lea...@phobos.actrix.gen.nz (The Leather Goddess) writes:
>>p92...@cplab.ph.ed.ac.uk (Magnus Lewis-Smith) writes:
>>>Spot? Some people give their cats such strange names... My cat (deceased as of
>>>two weeks ago) was named The Cat because it seemed appropriate.
>>
>>Well, I have to admit she's normally addressed as Puss.
>>
>>PS: How come your post took a week to get here, when I had followups
>>to it several days ago? Anyone know?
>
>I think some bits of JANET have been doing something or other. Or something
>like that.
>
AFAIK, BT made a mess of the SuperJANET routing tables and there were
apparently some problems with routers at ULCC.
Alan.
+===================+===============================================+
| ,-^, | Alan Chapman |
| _ ___/ /\| | Smail: Welsh Agricultural College, |
| ,;`( )__, ) ~ | Llanbadarn Fawr, Aberystwyth, Wales, |
| // // '--; | SY23 3AL. |
| ' \ | | Email: ap...@aber.ac.uk |
| ^ ^ | ala...@cix.compulink.co.uk |
+===================+===============================================+
Dean Smith
: I seem to remember a couple of occasions when Rimmer (sorry smeghead)
: was giving him lessons.
Nope, that was KrytEn you were thinking of. "Backwards", wasn't it?
Charles H King
an...@drebin.demon.co.uk "Andrew Ellam" writes:
>m...@oasis.icl.co.uk (Mark Thompson) writes:
>> Exploded Cat : 500 - 1
>> Exploded A.G.Jackson : 50 - 1
>> A wet, surprised and *very* irate cat and a trip down casualty by
>>A.G. Jackson to get those nasty lacerations seen to, followed by a visit from
>>those nice people from the RSPCA (bangers and other explosives division) :
>>Evens
>Badgers aren't explosive! Oh...
Ever see 'Caddy Shack'?
--
############################################################################
| -=< Charles H King >=- \ |
| \ Think Ahea|
|InterNet: Char...@prospect.demon.co.uk \ d|
############################################################################
Mr D.M. Whittle
> -=> Quoting Cpb2 to All <=-
>
> Cp> In article <Cov5u2.4KK#festival.ed.ac.uk>, p92...@cplab.ph.ed.ac.uk
> Cp> (Magnus Lewis-Smith) says:
> >My brother and I found out how to make explosives out of weedkiller
>
> Cp> What's the mix then? Enquiring and scientific minds want to know.
>
> Don't bother.
>
> I know the usual weed-killing chemical for this purpose, and AFAIK the
> approval for use as a pesticide was dropped years ago.
>
> Dave
>
>
suppressing agent. You mix the (sodium chlorate ) weedkiller with a
common household white powder in a 3:1 ratio.If your'e bloody stupid...
dave ( the red dwarf hater, not the previous poster)
Tony Trujillo
>>in the later ones, particularly the latest. Less "OOOWWWW!".
E> Yeah, he was much better when he was just there, rather than
E> a crewmember... where the hell did he learn to drive Starbug?
He must have went to DRIVER'S ED! :^)
... In space...no one can hear you "Cha! Cha! Cha!"
Vivek Dasmohapatra
>Subject: RE: THE CAT
>From: tony.t...@sound.com (Tony Trujillo)
>Date: Tue, 3 May 94 07:25:00 -0600
What is Driver's Ed?
ษอออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออหออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออป
บ "FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC" บ Vivek Dasmohapatra บ
บ บ King's College บ
บ บ Cambridge บ
บ "TO PROTECT AND SERVE" บ CB2 - 1ST บ
ศอออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออสออออออออออออออออออออออออออออออผ
Andrew Ellam
>an...@drebin.demon.co.uk "Andrew Ellam" writes:
>>m...@oasis.icl.co.uk (Mark Thompson) writes:
>>>A.G. Jackson to get those nasty lacerations seen to, followed by a visit from
>>>those nice people from the RSPCA (bangers and other explosives division) :
>
>
>Ever see 'Caddy Shack'?
Don't _remember_ any explosive badgers.
Andrew Eacott
>>>in the later ones, particularly the latest. Less "OOOWWWW!".
>
> E> Yeah, he was much better when he was just there, rather than
> E> a crewmember... where the hell did he learn to drive Starbug?
In the book it was when he was mining fuel for the Nova 5. (admittedly,
it was the mining buggy and not Starbug...) If you ask the writers, they'd
probably say sometime in the three years between series 2 and 3.
That gap explains anything.
CABMath
vd1...@hermes.cam.ac.uk (Vivek Dasmohapatra) writes:
> >From: tony.t...@sound.com (Tony Trujillo)
> >Date: Tue, 3 May 94 07:25:00 -0600
>
> >>>I thought he was excellent in the earlier series[1], but not so good
> >>>in the later ones, particularly the latest. Less "OOOWWWW!".
>
> > E> Yeah, he was much better when he was just there, rather than
> > E> a crewmember... where the hell did he learn to drive Starbug?
>
> >He must have went to DRIVER'S ED! :^)
>
>
>
> >... In space...no one can hear you "Cha! Cha! Cha!"
> > * Silver Xpress V4.00 SW01177
>
> What is Driver's Ed?
It's Merkin High School course--"Driver's Education." According to
Tony's typing the original curriculum was creaated by Death. (Would
you believe that this course is actually taken by 15 year olds
preparing to take their driving tests on *the very day they turn 16*?
US roads are full of them, and even more US ditches.
Chris
+___________________________________________________________________+
|"The good are innocent and create justice. The bad are guilty, |
|which is why they invent mercy." --Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad |
+___________________________________________________________________+
Charles H King
an...@drebin.demon.co.uk "Andrew Ellam" writes:
>Char...@prospect.demon.co.uk (Charles H King) writes:
>>an...@drebin.demon.co.uk "Andrew Ellam" writes:
>>>m...@oasis.icl.co.uk (Mark Thompson) writes:
>>>>A.G. Jackson to get those nasty lacerations seen to, followed by a visit
> from
>>>>those nice people from the RSPCA (bangers and other explosives division) :
>>
>>>Badgers aren't explosive! Oh...
>>
>>Ever see 'Caddy Shack'?
>
>Don't _remember_ any explosive badgers.
I'm not sure whether there were any badgers as such, but the greenkeeper
made a nice little gopher and a nice little bun-bun and a nice little squizzle
all out of nice little lumps of plastic explosive. Then he took them out onto
the golf course to make some friends [1].
I'm sure the same technique could be applied to badgers.
[1] make them explode, that is.
OBCats: We were going to adopt a kitten or two form the animal rescue shelter
this summer (Wifey's a teacher, so they'd have a long time to get used to the
house under supervision) - we're not going to any more 'coz Wifey spotted one
that had spent it's ninth playing 'chicken' with trucks on the road outside...
I think we'll be limited to goldfish now. Or carniverous pants (although I
gather thay're not all that exciting...)
Charlie
M.D. Mackey
>I think we'll be limited to goldfish now. Or carniverous pants (although I
>gather thay're not all that exciting...)
Au contraire! I imagine that carnivorous pants would be *extremely*
exciting, and almost certainly rather painful as well.
(the Bobbitt Jean Co.? A cloth relative of the Luggage? Terry, the
possibilities here are almost endless. I hope you're taking notes...)
Ouch.
Mark.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark Mackey | "I detect an illogical sequence of events which
mdm...@cus.cam.ac.uk | included a violence" The hapless No. 8.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TerraLogics
> . . . . .
>I think we'll be limited to goldfish now. Or carniverous pants
>
I'd be interested to know what you *do* consider exciting :-)
Andy Howard
CK> house under supervision) - we're not going to any more 'coz Wifey spotted on
CK> that had spent it's ninth playing 'chicken' with trucks on the road outside.
CK> I think we'll be limited to goldfish now. Or carniverous pants (although I
CK> gather thay're not all that exciting...)
I'd guess that carnivorous pants would be pretty exciting, especially
for the wearee...
On a par with ferret-in-the-trousers competitions at least...
---
. RM 1.3 U0411 . Forecast for tonight: Dark
Vivek Dasmohapatra
>I think we'll be limited to goldfish now. Or carniverous pants (although I
>gather thay're not all that exciting...) ^^^^^
Carnivorous pants?
Ancient Chinese curse:
May you live in interesting pants. ;-)
Edward Rothman
In article <768480...@prospect.demon.co.uk>, Charles H King (Char...@prospect.demon.co.uk) writes:
[snip]
>
>OBCats: We were going to adopt a kitten or two form the animal rescue shelter
>this summer (Wifey's a teacher, so they'd have a long time to get used to the
>house under supervision) - we're not going to any more 'coz Wifey spotted one
>that had spent it's ninth playing 'chicken' with trucks on the road outside...
>I think we'll be limited to goldfish now. Or carniverous pants (although I
^^^^^
>gather thay're not all that exciting...)
Sounds exciting to me. Tell me where, so I can avoid them!
Alan Bellingham
--------------------------------------------------------------
EPiSYS, Ash House, Melbourn Science Park, Royston, SG8 6EJ, UK
edw...@episys.win-uk.net (+44) 763 262629
_/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/ _/
_/_/ _/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/ Edward Rothman
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ Alan Bellingham
_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/ CIS: 100135,1004
---------------------------------------------------------------
Eccles
> Or carniverous pants (although I
>gather thay're not all that exciting...)
I don't even want to _think_ what they eat...
Eccles
Terry Pratchett
Please, please, please, can I use this line in Unclear Physics?
Terry
Daron Greene (PAC)
>> Or carniverous pants (although I
>>gather thay're not all that exciting...)
Not exciting? You have high expectations, my pants
have trouble with a well-cooked carrot.
Daron
Ian Palmer
: Don't _remember_ any explosive badgers.
Talking about explosive animals, that reminds me of something I've
forgotten (neat trick eh?). Exploding Pigeons, I know it has something
to do with potassium summit-or-other (I'm sure any chemists out there
will be able to fill in the uncertainty). It is a substance that
effervesces a great deal, and if you feed it to pigeons they have a
little bit of trouble, on account that they can't belch.
If enyone fancies a go, I recommend Trafalgar Square, esp. when it's
full of Japanese Tourists, or French Foreign Exchange Students (I
reckon they must work in shifts to stand at the top of Tube
escalators, they certainly seem to be well organised).
Ian
---
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job interview : tel: +44 71 589 5111 (x7541)
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___ _ Ian Palmer, Department of Computing,
/ _ _ /_) _ / _ _ _ _ Imperial College, 180 Queen's Gate,
____/__(_|_| )__/ __(_|_(_| ) )_|/_) _______London SW7 2BZ. England.____________