12/3 Puns
Tim Bruening
artyw wrote:
> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
news:<4045b98c$0$12760$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au>...
> > My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me to do in bed
is
> > grown and mown. :-(
>
> Do you get plowed first?
Plowing: Bird farmer.
Farmer: Distant ocean of crops.
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me to do in bed is
> grown and mown. :-(
Raking: King who cleans up leaves.
Cropping: Musical food plants.
Planting: Plans for making bells.
Tim Bruening
David Simpson wrote:
> On Sat, 06 Mar 2004 14:53:35 -0800, J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> typed furiously:
>
> >On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 10:52:45 -0700, "MosZibby" <Naked@YourHouse> found these
> >unused words floating about:
> >
> >>nemo wrote:
> >>> MosZibby <Naked@YourHouse> wrote in message
> >>> news:104i7vi...@corp.supernews.com...
> >>>> nemo wrote:
> >>>>> MosZibby <Naked@YourHouse> wrote in message
> >>>>> news:104euch...@corp.supernews.com...
> >>>>>> David Simpson wrote:
> >>>>>>> On Wed, 3 Mar 2004 08:26:13 -0700, "MosZibby" <Naked@YourHouse>
> >>>>>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> Yeah, so.
> >>>>>>>>>> I'm not trying to curry any favours with you.
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> Did you misspell "flavours"? Satay only asks for peanuts.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> If I did, you and Nemo wouldn't have been able to
> >>>>>>>> comment on it. Satay is much too saucy to use on any nuts
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Cashews go well as well. We were just proving that you are unable
> >>>>>>> to see opportunities that are right in front of you. Does your
> >>>>>>> stomach get in the way by any chance?
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> I blame it on my lack of experience you guys have.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> ...
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Mine does damn it.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> Oh, watching your waist line? Good job it's out
> >>>>>> there where you can keep an eye on it.
> >>>>>> You could try push aways.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>> Are thems "Press-ups" or a way of getting through a crowd?
> >>>>
> >>>> Push aways are performed at the dinner table.
> >>>>
> >>>>> Hans up!! Hans down!! Hans up!! Hans down!! Hans up!! Hans down!!
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Ven vee take prisoners, we like zem fitt!
> >>>>
> >>>> Yah, into microwave. Seats 12.
> >>>>
> >>> I've never seen my crow wave. Its wings aren't articulated in that
> >>> way.
> >>
> >>So much for "as a crow flies" then.
> >>
> >Starting a flap ... ?
>
> and soaring into the wide blue yonder.
Soaring: Ring that is rye-sing.
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > On Mon, 8 Mar 2004 19:08:40 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
about:
> >
> >> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>> On Sun, 7 Mar 2004 23:21:00 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>> about:
> >>>
> >>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>> On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 18:03:54 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >>>>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>>>> about:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>>>> On Fri, 05 Mar 2004 19:46:24 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> >>>>>>> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
> >>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> On Fri, 05 Mar 2004 11:20:13 -0800
> >>>>>>>> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> On Fri, 05 Mar 2004 01:05:36 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> >>>>>>>>> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words
floating
> >>>>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:36:17 +1030
> >>>>>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 14:27:40 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >>>>>>>>>>>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words
> >>>>>>>>>>>> floating about:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Cybe R. Wizard wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 11:45:45 +1030
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Who nose why I get adenoid so easily?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> No one nose? Nasal around.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sept,um, from those two nostrils under the bridge.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> That snort fair!!
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> Slightly deviated as well ... <G>
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Here's a tip - don't get stuffy, you nasal drip!!
> >>>>>>>>>>> Besides nobody nose where you've been Roman..!
> >>>>>>>>>>> <s>
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> Uh, oh! Your cover's been blown! Schnoz at all what I'd
> >>>>>>>>>> expect or rated.
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> You expected more from a Vicks'n?
> >>>>>>>>> A robe, a tuss'n, a ???
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> No, when asked yea or nay about that post, nays all drip.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> I'd go along wid ya, septum I'd nose Sheila's full wrath. <G>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> I'll bring you to your sneeze!!
> >>>>>>
> >>>>> Here's looking achooooooooo, kid!
> >>>>
> >>>> You are a cur, chief!!
> >>>>
> >>> Thanks, now I know how to reply when you request; "Give us a hand,
> >>> cur chief!" ... "Snot now, I'm BZ."
> >>
> >> Did I tissue off?
> >>
> > Not nearly as much as Dot, she's my Kleenex.
>
> She wipe you out? Sheet, what a blow!!
Blowing: Win-D bird.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> David Reihmer <sim...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> news:simwah-156D6A....@netnews.attbi.com...
> > In article <vecjov4r8et97gk0e...@4ax.com>,
> > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote:
> >
> > > Hindu-Swiss cheese: Holey Cow!
> >
> > I get my holey cheese from the Dairy Llama.
> > --
> Which cheese to chose probably puts you on the horns of a Dalai Lama.
>
> (He's Buddhist BTW, not Hindu.)
Emu: Cow on the Internet.
Emission: Church pollution.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4060D3BE...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:405EDEC7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Dogma: A bitch.
> > >
> > > Dogmatic: Dog who operates the washing machin.
> >
> > Dogmatic: Parasite that infests mother dogs.
>
> Navel economy measures. Paper uniforms for sailors. You should hear Jack
> Russel as he walks along!
Extract: Former railroad.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> artyw <art...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:fcd1f4e4.04032...@posting.google.com...
> > "Chris Trask" <chris...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
> news:<dk%7c.53697$aT1....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net>...
> > > Would a rotund adolescent who has gained considerable weight from
> > > drinking too much hot chocolate be considered an ovalteen?
> >
> > Yoohoo is without thin, cast the first stein.
>
> I thought steins were made in a pottery or glass-works, not a foundry.
>
> One Timmy missed:
>
> Very fat apines: Obeese
Apine: One fir tree.
Tim Bruening
Complacent: Penny which doesn't expect trouble.
Complacent: A computer setting a penny down.
Efficient: To fish for pennies on the Internet or in the eBay.
Evanescence: Bubbly pennies.
Heaven Cent: Penny that comes from Heaven and sends you to where you are
most needed.
Tim Bruening
Amicable: Friendly cable TV.
Amicable: Friendly male bovine.
Brooding: Depressed bell.
Bruising: Musical thugs.
Carting: Musical automobiles.
Tim Bruening
Elegant: Fashionably dressed ant.
Eradicating: To eliminate the bells.
Evoking: To bring out kingly qualities.
Fashionable: Male bovine in stylish clothes.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4244FE1A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Harvest: Article of clothing made of food.
> >
> > Horsing: What the king asked the criminal to do.
> >
> > Horsing: Singing equine.
> >
> > Protractor: Farm machine that makes crop circles.
> >
> > Poultry: Tree that grows food birds.
> >
> > Seeding: Grows into bell flowers.
> >
> > Seeding: Musical ocean.
> >
> > Weeding: We ring the bells.
> >
> >
> A medal you're expectin', maybe?
>
> Breeding: Making ringing, greasy, stinking cheese!
Andromeda: A daddy galaxy.
Tim Bruening
Dougal wrote:
> On Fri, 25 Mar 2005 15:33:24 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <res1...@invalid.net> wrote:
>
> >>>>>I wonder if there is anything people haven't made a porn
> >>>>>movie out of.
> >>>>
> >>>>"Schindler's Other List"
> >>>
> >>>What is his other list?
> >>>
> >>>
> >>
> >> It's a short one-
> >> "Terri Schiavo"
> >>
> >>
> >
> > You have scary taste in porn.
>
> Doug has a feeding tube fetish.
Feeding: Price of a bell.
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> Jenni Saqua wrote:
> > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> > news:404c33e6$0$31901$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
> >> Jenni Saqua wrote:
> >>> "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >>> news:cknm40p4vm2aqc59e...@4ax.com...
> >>>> On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 23:34:36 -0800, "Jenni Saqua"
> >>>> <mara...@spam.netscape.net> found these unused words floating
> >>>> about:
> >>>>
> >>>>> "Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> >>>>> news:20040306173115.54c86b5d@WizardsTower...
> >>>>>> On Sat, 06 Mar 2004 10:06:32 -0800
> >>>>>> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> On Sun, 7 Mar 2004 01:45:09 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >>>>>>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> nemo wrote:
> >>>>>>>>> Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> >>>>>>>>> news:nts1c.7352$V%4.6...@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
> >>>>>>>>>> Sheila Dundee wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>> Dr Tormento wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> >>>>>>>>>>>> news:4045b98c$0$12760$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me
to
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> do in bed is grown and mown. :-(
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> So you're his hoe?
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> No, but I pick up his dirty lawn dry.
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> He must be a gay blade!
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> Careful. He might rapier!
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> I will never foil in love :-(
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> She's just a parry girl until they dagger away.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>> Oh, who will saber from such a fate?
> >>>>>>
> >>>>> It's an old story... the spirit is willing, but the fleche is
> >>>>> weak.
> >>>>>
> >>>> Sheil's constant man hunt makes a baudry point. <G> Any man who
> >>>> falls for her, will epee!
> >>>>
> >>> What with her octave imagination, I'd be en garde after that one,
if
> >>> I were you...!
> >>
> >> Thrust you lot to make fun of me!
> >> :-(
> >> Frankly your jokes are passé!
> >>
> > Bravo! But I doubt you'll star in a chic flick... those are quite
> > obviously fake tierce.
> > Anyway, you know we were just bayonet the moon a bit~~ :-D
>
> Fake! Now I am really cross and hurt to the corps. Those tierce were
> assault filled!!
Pat Tern: Irish bird.
Pat Ting: Irish/Chinese bell.
Tim Bruening
Michael Balarama wrote:
> Was sent this:
>
> Noted Doughboy Dies
>
> Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe
> yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as "Brown-n-Serve," Fresh
> was an avid gardener and tennis player.
>
> Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent
> years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth,
> the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the
> Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.
>
> The graveside was piled high with flower as longtime friend, Aunt
> Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never
> knew how much he was kneaded."
>
> Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled
> with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,
> wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those who
> buttered him up.
>
> Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. He
> enjoyed being prodded by his many friends who invariably poked fun at
> him.
>
> Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and
> another bun in the oven.
>
> The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
May he Rise In Peace, and his wife avoid yeast infections.
Are his kids strong Hy-breads?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:427C6A36...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Excrescent: Former Muslim symbol.
> >
> > Excrete: Former island in the Atlantic near Greece and Turkey.
> >
> > Excurrent: No more electricity.
> >
> > Execute: No longer cute.
> >
> > Exhale: Former revolutionary sailor.
>
> Example: A nicely plump person who has become far too slim.
Explain: Formerly flat landscape.
Landscape: Worn by Geology Man.
Tim Bruening
Michael Balarama wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3FD24BB7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > May he Rise In Peace.
>
> He was puffed up
How much dough did he leave to his family? How much bread did he win?
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Fri, 26 Mar 2004 18:30:54 GMT, "headdr" <tmac...@mindspring.com> found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >news:uqr46091pe2omr862...@4ax.com...
> >> On Wed, 24 Mar 2004 16:48:01 -0500, "Harry Farkas" <hfa...@wowway.com>
> >> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >> >[Courtesy of Pat Drnec in alt.autos.studebaker]
> >> >
> >> > Misys gives Pecker head job
> >> >
> >> > By Nick Lord 05 March 2004
> >> >
> >> > Rudi Pecker assumes position in top slot in Asia.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > After 14 years inside Misys in Europe, Rudi Pecker has been
> >elevated
> >> >to the financial technology company's Singapore office, to become head of
> >> >Asia Pacific sales. In this role, Pecker will head all Misys' strategic
> >and
> >> >commercial activities in the region, aiming to grow the business and
> >enter
> >> >into long term relationships. Pecker's breadth of experience....
> >> >
> >> One broker put a "Don't Buy" on Misys, seems to be headed for the Red
> >Light
> >> district.
> >>
> >
> >Peter Piper Pimped For A Peck Of Pickled Peckers.
> >
> >Pecker head?
> >
> Narh ... The gals have a head for peckers, Petey has a mind for prose.
I see that his peck rose to the occasion.
Tim Bruening
Konker: Dog belonging to a giant ape that climbs skyscrapers.
Pamper: Price of a cooking spray.
Parapet: Domestic animal from the 5th dimension.
Pesky: Annoying object that undoes locks.
Skit: Young cat in a short play.
Skittish: Young scardy cat.
Velvet: Cloth that fought in a war.
Tim Bruening
Drumming: A percussion Chinese vase.
Goal Lee: Korean who guards the goal.
Pale Line: White Chinese.
Pail Ling: Chinese water container.
Tim Bruening
Crusty: Tea from the Earth's surface.
Cubit: Computer programs in line.
Curtsy: Canine ocean.
Cutest: Waiting in line to take an exam.
Debase: Where demon troops are housed.
Tim Bruening
Cavity: Tea that rots teeth.
Chantey: Tea that makes you sing.
Classy: School in the ocean.
Constancy: Loyal ocean.
Cozy: Comfortable ocean.
Tim Bruening
Boozy: Drunk ocean.
Brassy: Metallic ocean.
Busby: Mass transit apine.
Cabby: Taxi apine.
Candy: Demon in a cylindrical container.
Candy: Sweet demon.
Tim Bruening
Condo: Against female deer.
Condor: Against portals.
Conform: Against red tape.
Confront: For the back.
Connect: Against necking and vampires.
Tim Bruening
Civet: A civilian warrior.
Comer: Ocean of ejaculations.
Connote: Against music.
Consort: Against sorting.
Contact: Against tacks.
Tim Bruening
Contour: Against French bicycle races.
Contract: Against railroads.
Contractor: Against farm equipment.
Cordon: Line of Mafia bosses.
Cormorant: A sea ant/bird.
Tim Bruening
Curly: Korean dog.
Dialize: Fibs over the phone.
Fluted: Ted is sick.
Fluted: Ted went up into the air.
Gaited: Ted comes out of the closet.
Tim Bruening
Hated: Hey, Ted, how are you doing?
Malted: Would you like to come to the mall, Ted?
Midget: A very small plane.
Muted: Ted the cow or cat.
Mutely: Korean cow or cat.
Tim Bruening
Dampen: Pen that's cursed.
Damper: Price of a water barrier.
Dancer: Are you Dan, Sir?
Doper: Price of a female deer.
Dopey: Urine of a female deer.
Tim Bruening
Duper: Do purr, cat.
Fencer: Knight of lot boundries and barriers.
Flamer: Burning ocean.
Furnace: Very hot hair.
Gamer: Homosexual ocean.
Tim Bruening
Gaper: Price of a homosexual hooker.
Greenly: You look green, Lee. Are you sick?
Helper: Price of Satan's realm.
Parapet: Animal that assists the pets with pet degrees.
Plaited, Plated: Would you like to play, Ted?
Tim Bruening
Quietly: Be quiet, Lee! This is a library!
Rivet: Warrior river.
Rouser: Knight who wakes people up.
Rouser: Knight who makes trouible, and has to be thrown out by the
Boun-Ser.
Stylize: Fibs about clothing.
Vaulty: Tea in a bank safe.
Tim Bruening
Zotmeister wrote:
> "Methuselah Jones" <methu...@altgeek.org> wrote in message
> news:Xns94D848A4952CAme...@216.196.97.132...
> > Today's cooking program was all about how to prepare fillet mignon, and
> > featured two special guests who were very clever language experts.
> >
> > In other words, they had cunning linguists on the fillet show.
>
> One word: 'eating'. Supply your own context. - ZM
Eating: Internet bell.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40B97096...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Fragmit: A glove in pieces.
> >
> Fragment: Cement after a hammer-blow.
>
> Fragmentation Grenade: Designed to blow Indians to bits. (Noah Fence)
>
> Mills Bomb: What finally blew up a well-known Brit actor who did a huge
> number of excellent war films.
Beamit: Buzzing glove, or a transporter glove.
Tim Bruening
"Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
> So then "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass.wet> said:
> >> So then Larry Krzewinski <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> said:
> >> >On Sat, 29 May 2004 10:55:08 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> >
> >> >>>>>>> Yo, rampage.
> >> >>>>>> Yo, back.
> >> >>>>> Yoplait.
> >> >>>> Yo, Gert!
> >> >>> Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
> >> >>If anybody makes that tired joke about being a
> >> >>pirate and buccaneers, I will marry into their family.
> >> >Arrgh. Have ye heard about the price o' corn lately? It's up to a...
> >> Aye, it's piracy on the high seeds!
> >
> >If they sold it at exorbitant prices in Bond Street just coz upper class
> >twits shop in there, it'd be Daylight Snobbery!
>
> If the prices get to exorbitant, those old biddies might use their
> purses as weapons and commit Hi-Pay Clobbery!
Exorbitant: A space ant returned to Earth.
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> On Thu, 22 Apr 2004 09:45:50 -0400, "Greg Evans"
> <mis...@larkbooks.com> wrote:
>
> >Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >
> >> Yeah. Beer does taste pretty bad. It's in its own category of bad
> >> taste but I have generously added ales to that group as well since
> >> beer and ale tastes the same.
> >
> >Tsk. You poor fool.
>
> Hey! I'm not poor!
Pouring: Low income, wet circle.
Tim Bruening
Hauke Reddmann wrote:
> Yesterday, I fell through a rotating black hole.
> Well, I couldn't Kerr less.
Kerr: A cosmic dog?
Tim Bruening
Kayaking: King with oars.
Knocking: A door to door sales king.
Panicking: Frightened king.
Picnicking: King out for fun in the sun.
Spanking: Corporal punishment king.
Tim Bruening
When a fly runs for its life, is it FLEEING?
When a flea takes off to get away from danger, is it FLYING?
The bird with the flu flew down a flue.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:427C6A36...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> Excrescent: Former Muslim symbol.
>
> Excrete: Former island in the Atlantic near Greece and Turkey.
>
> Excurrent: No more electricity.
>
> Execute: No longer cute.
>
> Exhale: Former revolutionary sailor.
Example: A nicely plump person who has become far too slim.
Extol: Former highway charge.
Tim Bruening
Contradiction: What a Nicaraguan rebel secretary takes.
Imodium AD: Opposite of Imodium BC.
Ham Radio: Broadcasts in Pig Latin.
Tim Bruening
Buckingham: Rebellious actor.
Buckingham: Rodeo pig.
Howitzer: Machine gun knight.
Trouser: Knight of pants.
Tim Bruening
Subdew: Underwater soft drink.
Dew Ming: Vase for such a drink.
Subwoofer: Musical dog under the ocean.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening wrote:
> mike wheeEler wrote:
>
> > In article <3FB4193B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world
oddly when:
> > >
> > >Eden: A home on the Internet.
> > >
> > Purgetory: grid rid of those british polly ticks from your
hardrive..
>
> Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
Helmet: Hat of the Devil.
Tim Bruening
Betting: Casino bell.
Fitting: Tailor bell.
Harvesting: Farm bell.
Hoarding: Pack rat bell.
Gifting: Christmas bell.
Tim Bruening
Grading: Teaching bell.
Grading: Black-white bell.
Grating: Bell on a vent.
Inventing: Technology bell.
Investigating: Bell that looks into scandels.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:417D68CC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Allowing: A permissive bird.
> >
> > Blowing: A windy bird.
> >
> > Growing: Very big wings.
> >
> > Harrowing: Risk taking bird.
> >
> > Rowing: Bird in a small boat propelled by oars.
> >
> > Slowing: Bird that doesn't move very fast.
> >
> > Throwing: Bird from the big leagues.
>
> Burrowing: Small flying donkey.
Hoe-wing: Flying garden tool.
Ho-wing: Flying hooker.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:417D6851...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Foreplay: In favor of recreation.
> >
> > Foreshadow: In favor of shade.
> >
> > Parting: Musical golf course.
>
> Fornication: In favour of an Indian gentleman called Nicholas.
Bypath: Road for people who bone both genders.
Tim Bruening
Stan Kegel wrote:
> ADULT PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 10-21-04
>
> PUNS FOR ADULTS ONLY
> If Dracula hired a lady of the evening, could she be considered "Down for
> the count"? (Brad Williams)
An also a neck romancer?
Romancer: Knight in love.
Tim Bruening
Alarming: Chinese vase that alerts the guards.
Balming: Round Chinese vase.
Blaming: Accusative vase.
Booming: Loud vase.
Bumming: Unkempt vase.
nemo
>
>
> artyw wrote:
>
> > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> news:<4045b98c$0$12760$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au>...
> > > My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me to do in bed
> is
> > > grown and mown. :-(
> >
> > Do you get plowed first?
>
> Plowing: Bird farmer.
>
> Farmer: Distant ocean of crops.
Former Farmer: Aladdin told him to grow ź inch coil bobbins.
Instrument Wire: Musical telegram.
Now there's a thing!
There's a daft old Disney film on TV about some magician kids and the usual
lill ole lady witch and Vincent Price as the villain who's just been
levitated - and I've just realised the scene was filmed on location in the
turbine hall of the Millbank Power Station before it was converted into the
Tate Modern a gallery! - except for the levitated Vincent Price. He was
filmed on highcation!
nemo
>
>
> Sheila Dundee wrote:
>
> > My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me to do in bed is
> > grown and mown. :-(
>
>
> Cropping: Musical food plants.
>
> Planting: Plans for making bells.
Plans for a film out-take where an actress uses the wrong hair colouring:
Bloop Rinse!
nemo
>
>
> David Simpson wrote:
>
> > On Sat, 06 Mar 2004 14:53:35 -0800, J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> > typed furiously:
> >
> > >On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 10:52:45 -0700, "MosZibby" <Naked@YourHouse> found
these
> > >unused words floating about:
> > >
> > >>nemo wrote:
> > >>> MosZibby <Naked@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > >>> news:104i7vi...@corp.supernews.com...
> > >>>> nemo wrote:
> > >>>>> MosZibby <Naked@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > >>>>> news:104euch...@corp.supernews.com...
> > >>>>>> David Simpson wrote:
> > >>>>>>> On Wed, 3 Mar 2004 08:26:13 -0700, "MosZibby" <Naked@YourHouse>
> > >>>>>>> typed furiously:
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>> Yeah, so.
> > >>>>>>>>>> I'm not trying to curry any favours with you.
> > >>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> Did you misspell "flavours"? Satay only asks for peanuts.
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> If I did, you and Nemo wouldn't have been able to
> > >>>>>>>> comment on it. Satay is much too saucy to use on any nuts
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> Cashews go well as well. We were just proving that you are
unable
> > >>>>>>> to see opportunities that are right in front of you. Does your
> > >>>>>>> stomach get in the way by any chance?
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>> I blame it on my lack of experience you guys have.
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> ...
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> Mine does damn it.
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>> Oh, watching your waist line? Good job it's out
> > >>>>>> there where you can keep an eye on it.
> > >>>>>> You could try push aways.
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>> Are thems "Press-ups" or a way of getting through a crowd?
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Push aways are performed at the dinner table.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>> Hans up!! Hans down!! Hans up!! Hans down!! Hans up!! Hans down!!
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>> Ven vee take prisoners, we like zem fitt!
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Yah, into microwave. Seats 12.
> > >>>>
> > >>> I've never seen my crow wave. Its wings aren't articulated in that
> > >>> way.
> > >>
> > >>So much for "as a crow flies" then.
> > >>
> > >Starting a flap ... ?
> >
> > and soaring into the wide blue yonder.
>
> Soaring: Ring that is rye-sing.
Pumba-Nickel will be able to tell you all about wry bread!
nemo
>
>
> Sheila Dundee wrote:
>
> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > On Mon, 8 Mar 2004 19:08:40 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> about:
> > >
> > >> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >>> On Sun, 7 Mar 2004 23:21:00 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > >>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> > >>> about:
> > >>>
> > >>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >>>>> On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 18:03:54 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > >>>>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> > >>>>> about:
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >>>>>>> On Fri, 05 Mar 2004 19:46:24 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > >>>>>>> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
>
> > >>>>>>> about:
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> On Fri, 05 Mar 2004 11:20:13 -0800
> > >>>>>>>> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> On Fri, 05 Mar 2004 01:05:36 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > >>>>>>>>> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words
> floating
> > >>>>>>>>> about:
> > >>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:36:17 +1030
> > >>>>>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> > >>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 14:27:40 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> floating about:
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>> Cybe R. Wizard wrote:
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 11:45:45 +1030
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Who nose why I get adenoid so easily?
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>> No one nose? Nasal around.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sept,um, from those two nostrils under the bridge.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>> That snort fair!!
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> Slightly deviated as well ... <G>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>> Here's a tip - don't get stuffy, you nasal drip!!
> > >>>>>>>>>>> Besides nobody nose where you've been Roman..!
> > >>>>>>>>>>> <s>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>> Uh, oh! Your cover's been blown! Schnoz at all what I'd
> > >>>>>>>>>> expect or rated.
> > >>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> You expected more from a Vicks'n?
> > >>>>>>>>> A robe, a tuss'n, a ???
> > >>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> No, when asked yea or nay about that post, nays all drip.
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> I'd go along wid ya, septum I'd nose Sheila's full wrath. <G>
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>> I'll bring you to your sneeze!!
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>> Here's looking achooooooooo, kid!
> > >>>>
> > >>>> You are a cur, chief!!
> > >>>>
> > >>> Thanks, now I know how to reply when you request; "Give us a hand,
>
> > >>> cur chief!" ... "Snot now, I'm BZ."
> > >>
> > >> Did I tissue off?
> > >>
> > > Not nearly as much as Dot, she's my Kleenex.
> >
> > She wipe you out? Sheet, what a blow!!
>
> Blowing: Win-D bird.
Was it having a funny Tern?
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > David Reihmer <sim...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> > news:simwah-156D6A....@netnews.attbi.com...
> > > In article <vecjov4r8et97gk0e...@4ax.com>,
> > > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote:
> > >
> > > > Hindu-Swiss cheese: Holey Cow!
> > >
> > > I get my holey cheese from the Dairy Llama.
> > > --
> > Which cheese to chose probably puts you on the horns of a Dalai Lama.
> >
> > (He's Buddhist BTW, not Hindu.)
>
> Emu: Cow on the Internet.
>
> Emission: Church pollution.
What dead a Hindu?
It lays iggs!
nemo
> > > > > Dogma: A bitch.
> > > >
> > > > Dogmatic: Dog who operates the washing machin.
> > >
> > > Dogmatic: Parasite that infests mother dogs.
> >
> > Navel economy measures. Paper uniforms for sailors. You should hear Jack
> > Russel as he walks along!
>
> Extract: Former railroad.
Extraction: A tooth being pulled by an old-fashioned steam-powered farm
engine.
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > artyw <art...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > news:fcd1f4e4.04032...@posting.google.com...
> > > "Chris Trask" <chris...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
> > news:<dk%7c.53697$aT1....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net>...
> > > > Would a rotund adolescent who has gained considerable weight from
> > > > drinking too much hot chocolate be considered an ovalteen?
> > >
> > > Yoohoo is without thin, cast the first stein.
> >
> > I thought steins were made in a pottery or glass-works, not a foundry.
> >
> > One Timmy missed:
> >
> > Very fat apines: Obeese
>
> Apine: One fir tree.
A oak-a: An ancient teyrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrst tree.
Ask the Scottish priest, Archbichop MacKarios!
nemo
>
> Complacent: Penny which doesn't expect trouble.
>
> Complacent: A computer setting a penny down.
>
> Efficient: To fish for pennies on the Internet or in the eBay.
>
> Evanescence: Bubbly pennies.
>
> Heaven Cent: Penny that comes from Heaven and sends you to where you are
> most needed.
Or if you've fallen into a large industrial food mixer, when you are moist
kneaded!
nemo
>
> Amicable: Friendly cable TV.
>
> Amicable: Friendly male bovine.
>
> Brooding: Depressed bell.
>
> Bruising: Musical thugs.
>
> Carting: Musical automobiles.
Bruising: Vocal music by drunks.
nemo
>
> Elegant: Fashionably dressed ant.
>
> Eradicating: To eliminate the bells.
>
> Evoking: To bring out kingly qualities.
>
> Fashionable: Male bovine in stylish clothes.
A beauble: He ought to be on a Chreaustmas tree!
nemo
> > > Harvest: Article of clothing made of food.
> > >
> > > Horsing: What the king asked the criminal to do.
> > >
> > > Horsing: Singing equine.
> > >
> > > Protractor: Farm machine that makes crop circles.
> > >
> > > Poultry: Tree that grows food birds.
> > >
> > > Seeding: Grows into bell flowers.
> > >
> > > Seeding: Musical ocean.
> > >
> > > Weeding: We ring the bells.
> > >
> > >
> > A medal you're expectin', maybe?
> >
> > Breeding: Making ringing, greasy, stinking cheese!
>
> Andromeda: A daddy galaxy.
The Andromeda Strain: Backache from looking at the galaxy for too long with
the wrong height seat in front of the telescope.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/news/cult/2005/04/11/18436.shtml
Ever seen a top cop sucking his thumb?
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41434000/jpg/_41434954_blair2_pa203.jpg
nemo
>
> Dougal wrote:
>
> > On Fri, 25 Mar 2005 15:33:24 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> > <res1...@invalid.net> wrote:
> >
> > >>>>>I wonder if there is anything people haven't made a porn
> > >>>>>movie out of.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>"Schindler's Other List"
> > >>>
> > >>>What is his other list?
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>
> > >> It's a short one-
> > >> "Terri Schiavo"
> > >>
> > >>
> > >
> > > You have scary taste in porn.
> >
> > Doug has a feeding tube fetish.
>
> Feeding: Price of a bell.
Nosh shit!!!!
nemo
>
> Sheila Dundee wrote:> > > news:404c33e6$0$31901$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
> > >> Jenni Saqua wrote:
> > >>> "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > >>> news:cknm40p4vm2aqc59e...@4ax.com...
> > >>>> On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 23:34:36 -0800, "Jenni Saqua"
> > >>>> <mara...@spam.netscape.net> found these unused words floating
> > >>>> about:
> > >>>>
> > >>>>> "Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> > >>>>> news:20040306173115.54c86b5d@WizardsTower...
> > >>>>>> On Sat, 06 Mar 2004 10:06:32 -0800> > >>>>>>> On Sun, 7 Mar 2004 01:45:09 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > >>>>>>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
>
> > >>>>>>> about:
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> > >>>>>>>>> news:nts1c.7352$V%4.6...@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
> > >>>>>>>>>> Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > >>>>>>>>>>> Dr Tormento wrote:
> > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me
> to
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>> do in bed is grown and mown. :-(
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>> No, but I pick up his dirty lawn dry.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>> He must be a gay blade!
> > >>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> Careful. He might rapier!
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> I will never foil in love :-(
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> She's just a parry girl until they dagger away.
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>> Oh, who will saber from such a fate?
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>> It's an old story... the spirit is willing, but the fleche is
> > >>>>> weak.
> > >>>>>
> > >>>> Sheil's constant man hunt makes a baudry point. <G> Any man who
> > >>>> falls for her, will epee!
> > >>>>
> > >>> What with her octave imagination, I'd be en garde after that one,
> if
> > >>> I were you...!
> > >>
> > >> Thrust you lot to make fun of me!
> > >> :-(
> > >> Frankly your jokes are passé!
> > >>
> > > Bravo! But I doubt you'll star in a chic flick... those are quite
> > > obviously fake tierce.
> > > Anyway, you know we were just bayonet the moon a bit~~ :-D
> >
> > Fake! Now I am really cross and hurt to the corps. Those tierce were
> > assault filled!!
>
> Pat Tern: Irish bird.
>
> Pat Ting: Irish/Chinese bell.
Oh, really?
No. O'Reilly
nemo
>
> Michael Balarama wrote:
>
> > Was sent this:
> >
> > Noted Doughboy Dies
> >
> > Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe
> > yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as "Brown-n-Serve," Fresh
> > was an avid gardener and tennis player.
> >
> > Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent
> > years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth,
> > the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the
> > Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.
> >
> > The graveside was piled high with flower as longtime friend, Aunt
> > Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never
> > knew how much he was kneaded."
> >
> > Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled
> > with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,
> > wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those who
> > buttered him up.
> >
> > Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. He
> > enjoyed being prodded by his many friends who invariably poked fun at
> > him.
> >
> > Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and
> > another bun in the oven.
> >
> > The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
>
> May he Rise In Peace, and his wife avoid yeast infections.
>
> Are his kids strong Hy-breads?
F1s. If you clone em, they don't breed true.
nemo
> > >
> > > Excrescent: Former Muslim symbol.
> > >
> > > Excrete: Former island in the Atlantic near Greece and Turkey.
> > >
> > > Excurrent: No more electricity.
> > >
> > > Execute: No longer cute.
> > >
> > > Exhale: Former revolutionary sailor.
> >
> > Example: A nicely plump person who has become far too slim.
>
>
> Landscape: Worn by Geology Man.
Seascape: Worn by Jarhead Man!
nemo
>
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
>
> > On Fri, 26 Mar 2004 18:30:54 GMT, "headdr" <tmac...@mindspring.com>
found
> > these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >
> > >> On Wed, 24 Mar 2004 16:48:01 -0500, "Harry Farkas"
<hfa...@wowway.com>
> > >> found these unused words floating about:
> > >>
> > >> >
> > >> > Misys gives Pecker head job
> > >> >
> > >> > By Nick Lord 05 March 2004
> > >> >
> > >> > Rudi Pecker assumes position in top slot in Asia.
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> > After 14 years inside Misys in Europe, Rudi Pecker has been
> > >elevated
> > >> >to the financial technology company's Singapore office, to become
head of
> > >> >Asia Pacific sales. In this role, Pecker will head all Misys'
strategic
> > >and
> > >> >commercial activities in the region, aiming to grow the business and
> > >enter
> > >> >into long term relationships. Pecker's breadth of experience....
> > >> >
> > >> One broker put a "Don't Buy" on Misys, seems to be headed for the Red
> > >Light
> > >> district.
> > >>
> > >
> > >Peter Piper Pimped For A Peck Of Pickled Peckers.
> > >
> > >Pecker head?
> > >
> > Narh ... The gals have a head for peckers, Petey has a mind for prose.
>
> I see that his peck rose to the occasion.
With his bushel fuzzy around it and with another three poking out!!!!!!!!!!!
nemo
>
> Konker: Dog belonging to a giant ape that climbs skyscrapers.
>
> Pamper: Price of a cooking spray.
>
> Parapet: Domestic animal from the 5th dimension.
>
> Pesky: Annoying object that undoes locks.
>
> Skit: Young cat in a short play.
>
> Skittish: Young scardy cat.
>
> Velvet: Cloth that fought in a war.
Thought that was khaki, until they cleaned all the khak off of it.
nemo
> Curl Ling: A Chinese with bent hair.
>
> Drumming: A percussion Chinese vase.
>
> Goal Lee: Korean who guards the goal.
>
> Pale Line: White Chinese.
>
> Pail Ling: Chinese water container.
Ewer really hung up on all this Chinese stuff, aincha?
nemo
>
> Crusty: Tea from the Earth's surface.
>
> Cubit: Computer programs in line.
>
> Curtsy: Canine ocean.
>
> Cutest: Waiting in line to take an exam.
>
> Debase: Where demon troops are housed.
Is that where the devil rid out of his redoubt?
nemo
>
> Cavity: Tea that rots teeth.
>
> Chantey: Tea that makes you sing.
>
> Classy: School in the ocean.
>
> Constancy: Loyal ocean.
>
> Cozy: Comfortable ocean.
Doldrums: Calm sea with puppet percussionists playing on it.
nemo
>
> Boozy: Drunk ocean.
>
> Brassy: Metallic ocean.
>
> Busby: Mass transit apine.
>
> Cabby: Taxi apine.
>
> Candy: Demon in a cylindrical container.
>
> Candy: Sweet demon.
Candied Camera: Owned by a sweet photographer.
nemo
>
> Condo: Against female deer.
>
> Condor: Against portals.
>
> Conform: Against red tape.
>
> Confront: For the back.
>
> Connect: Against necking and vampires.
Constituition: Against jailbirds teaching pigs things in their home.
nemo
>
> Civet: A civilian warrior.
>
> Comer: Ocean of ejaculations.
>
> Connote: Against music.
>
> Consort: Against sorting.
>
> Contact: Against tacks.
Especially when they're on the seat of a chair, points upwards!
nemo
>
> Contour: Against French bicycle races.
>
> Contract: Against railroads.
>
> Contractor: Against farm equipment.
>
> Cordon: Line of Mafia bosses.
>
> Cormorant: A sea ant/bird.
Curlew: Canine toilet.
Small black and white bird that lays its eggs on stony beaches and defends
them by scuttling away from them pretending to have a broken wing, appealing
to its mate who's left her: "Plover come back to me . . "
nemo
>
> Curly: Korean dog.
>
> Dialize: Fibs over the phone.
>
> Fluted: Ted is sick.
>
> Fluted: Ted went up into the air.
>
> Gaited: Ted comes out of the closet.
His closet has a gate?
nemo
>
> Hated: Hey, Ted, how are you doing?
>
> Malted: Would you like to come to the mall, Ted?
>
> Midget: A very small plane.
>
> Muted: Ted the cow or cat.
>
> Mutely: Korean cow or cat.
Midget: Gas Turbine powered minute two-winged mosquito-like fly.
They crossed it with a Bombardier Beetle.
nemo
>
> Dampen: Pen that's cursed.
>
> Damper: Price of a water barrier.
>
> Dancer: Are you Dan, Sir?
>
> Doper: Price of a female deer.
>
> Dopey: Urine of a female deer.
Moist: A damp block and tackle.
nemo
>
> Duper: Do purr, cat.
>
> Fencer: Knight of lot boundries and barriers.
>
> Flamer: Burning ocean.
>
> Furnace: Very hot hair.
>
> Gamer: Homosexual ocean.
Gamekeeper: Looks after the pheasants etc.
Gamecreeper: Poacher who's also after the pheasants etc.
nemo
>
> Gaper: Price of a homosexual hooker.
>
> Greenly: You look green, Lee. Are you sick?
>
> Helper: Price of Satan's realm.
>
> Parapet: Animal that assists the pets with pet degrees.
>
> Plaited, Plated: Would you like to play, Ted?
Elect Roley, sis.
nemo
>
> Quietly: Be quiet, Lee! This is a library!
>
> Rivet: Warrior river.
>
> Rouser: Knight who wakes people up.
>
> Rouser: Knight who makes trouible, and has to be thrown out by the
> Boun-Ser.
>
> Stylize: Fibs about clothing.
>
> Vaulty: Tea in a bank safe.
It's not my vault!
nemo
>
> Zotmeister wrote:
>
> > "Methuselah Jones" <methu...@altgeek.org> wrote in message
> > news:Xns94D848A4952CAme...@216.196.97.132...
> > > Today's cooking program was all about how to prepare fillet mignon,
and
> > > featured two special guests who were very clever language experts.
> > >
> > > In other words, they had cunning linguists on the fillet show.
> >
> > One word: 'eating'. Supply your own context. - ZM
>
> Eating: Internet bell.
Tin-Tinabulation: Ringing French boy detective.
nemo
> > > Fragmit: A glove in pieces.
> > >
> > Fragment: Cement after a hammer-blow.
> >
> > Fragmentation Grenade: Designed to blow Indians to bits. (Noah Fence)
> >
> > Mills Bomb: What finally blew up a well-known Brit actor who did a huge
> > number of excellent war films.
>
> Beamit: Buzzing glove, or a transporter glove.
Fragmin-tation Grenade: Not only cuts you to pieces but stops your blood
clotting too.
nemo
>
> "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
>
> > So then "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass.wet> said:
> > >> So then Larry Krzewinski <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> said:
> > >> >On Sat, 29 May 2004 10:55:08 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> > >
> > >> >>>>>>> Yo, rampage.
> > >> >>>>>> Yo, back.
> > >> >>>>> Yoplait.
> > >> >>>> Yo, Gert!
> > >> >>> Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
> > >> >>If anybody makes that tired joke about being a
> > >> >>pirate and buccaneers, I will marry into their family.
> > >> >Arrgh. Have ye heard about the price o' corn lately? It's up to
a...
> > >> Aye, it's piracy on the high seeds!
> > >
> > >If they sold it at exorbitant prices in Bond Street just coz upper
class
> > >twits shop in there, it'd be Daylight Snobbery!
> >
> > If the prices get to exorbitant, those old biddies might use their
> > purses as weapons and commit Hi-Pay Clobbery!
>
> Exorbitant: A space ant returned to Earth.
Mine!
Hard a-port . . . !
BANG!!!! Glug - glug - glug . . . . .
Too late!
EXOR bit ant: Formicidic logic designer.
nemo
>
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
> > On Thu, 22 Apr 2004 09:45:50 -0400, "Greg Evans"
> > <mis...@larkbooks.com> wrote:
> >
> > >Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > >
> > >> Yeah. Beer does taste pretty bad. It's in its own category of bad
> > >> taste but I have generously added ales to that group as well since
> > >> beer and ale tastes the same.
> > >
> > >Tsk. You poor fool.
Gooseberry dessert with no money?
> >
> > Hey! I'm not poor!
>
> Pouring: Low income, wet circle.
nemo
>
> Hauke Reddmann wrote:
>
> > Yesterday, I fell through a rotating black hole.
> > Well, I couldn't Kerr less.
>
> Kerr: A cosmic dog?
Wain Kerr: A cosmic dog who makes electronic test equipment while
masturbating.
nemo
>
> Kayaking: King with oars.
>
> Knocking: A door to door sales king.
>
> Panicking: Frightened king.
>
> Picnicking: King out for fun in the sun.
>
> Spanking: Corporal punishment king.
Any relation to Private Parts, Major Disaster and Captain Cann?
nemo
>
> When a fly runs for its life, is it FLEEING?
>
> When a flea takes off to get away from danger, is it FLYING?
>
> The bird with the flu flew down a flue.
There are quite a few flues birds with flu flue down.
nemo
> >
> > Excrescent: Former Muslim symbol.
> >
> > Excrete: Former island in the Atlantic near Greece and Turkey.
> >
> > Excurrent: No more electricity.
> >
> > Execute: No longer cute.
> >
> > Exhale: Former revolutionary sailor.
>
> Example: A nicely plump person who has become far too slim.
>
Collected by a man who uses Tollgate Toothpaste.
Turnpike: Rotating fierce fish!
nemo
>
> Contradiction: What a Nicaraguan rebel secretary takes.
>
> Imodium AD: Opposite of Imodium BC.
>
> Ham Radio: Broadcasts in Pig Latin.
Earlyray? Owhay Interestinghay.
Ohay onay. Atsthay ewNay atinLay!
nemo
>
> Buckingham: Rebellious actor.
>
> Buckingham: Rodeo pig.
>
> Howitzer: Machine gun knight.
>
> Trouser: Knight of pants.
Trouser Cuff: Him hitting you round the ear.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Boated: Ted goes fishing.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:441516E5...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:427C6A36...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > Excrescent: Former Muslim symbol.
> > >
> > > Excrete: Former island in the Atlantic near Greece and Turkey.
> > >
> > > Excurrent: No more electricity.
> > >
> > > Execute: No longer cute.
> > >
> > > Exhale: Former revolutionary sailor.
> >
> > Example: A nicely plump person who has become far too slim.
> >
> > Extol: Former highway charge.
>
> Collected by a man who uses Tollgate Toothpaste.
>
> Turnpike: Rotating fierce fish!
Toothpaste: Used to glue broken teeth back together.
nemo
Better than mercury analgum.
YUK!
nemo
>
> Subdew: Underwater soft drink.
>
> Dew Ming: Vase for such a drink.
>
> Subwoofer: Musical dog under the ocean.
Orator in the centre of a huge tract of grassy open land: Mid-range Speaker.
nemo
>
> Tim Bruening wrote:
>
> > mike wheeEler wrote:
> >
> > > In article <3FB4193B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > > tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world
> oddly when:
> > > >
> > > >Eden: A home on the Internet.
> > > >
> > > Purgetory: grid rid of those british polly ticks from your
> hardrive..
> >
> > Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
>
> Helmet: Hat of the Devil.
Helm: Hat of knights who steer ships.
The first Marines?
nemo
>
> Betting: Casino bell.
>
> Fitting: Tailor bell.
>
> Harvesting: Farm bell.
>
> Hoarding: Pack rat bell.
>
> Gifting: Christmas bell.
I hate that damned word! If you give someone a present, you GIVE it to them.
You don't GIFT it to them. Gift is a noun! It's the thing you give 'em!
Same with trying something out. The media idiots are always talking about
new things being trialed. They ain't. They're TRIED and the process of
trying them out is a trial!
Honestly, I dunno wot de inginch langwidjje is cumin 2 dese daiz!
nemo
>
> Grading: Teaching bell.
>
> Grading: Black-white bell.
>
> Grating: Bell on a vent.
>
> Inventing: Technology bell.
>
> Investigating: Bell that looks into scandels.
Scandels: To use infra-red LASER imaging to log an image of a valley into a
computer.
(I saw one of these gadgets being used to image part of the south bank of
the Thames opposite Docklands - *from the opposite side of the river.* Very
powerful LASER. You couldn't stand in front of it. The gadget cost £55K!)
nemo
> > > Allowing: A permissive bird.
> > >
> > > Blowing: A windy bird.
> > >
> > > Growing: Very big wings.
> > >
> > > Harrowing: Risk taking bird.
> > >
> > > Rowing: Bird in a small boat propelled by oars.
> > >
> > > Slowing: Bird that doesn't move very fast.
> > >
> > > Throwing: Bird from the big leagues.
> >
> > Burrowing: Small flying donkey.
>
> Hoe-wing: Flying garden tool.
>
> Ho-wing: Flying hooker.
Flying hooker: Air Sea Rescue helicopter.
nemo
> > > Foreplay: In favor of recreation.
> > >
> > > Foreshadow: In favor of shade.
> > >
> > > Parting: Musical golf course.
> >
> > Fornication: In favour of an Indian gentleman called Nicholas.
>
> Bypath: Road for people who bone both genders.
Bypath Surgery: A cardiac medical centre up a quiet country lane.
nemo
>
>
> Stan Kegel wrote:
>
> > ADULT PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 10-21-04
> >
> > PUNS FOR ADULTS ONLY
>
> > If Dracula hired a lady of the evening, could she be considered "Down
for
> > the count"? (Brad Williams)
>
> An also a neck romancer?
>
> Romancer: Knight in love.
Necromancer: Dracula disguised as a knight in love.