MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 23 [ 1 / 1 ]

[Joseph Nebus]

>
>
> XXIII

CROW: The Pope John story.

>
> A BOLD STRANGER

TOM: Starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall!

>
> Tommy Fox had carefully kept from Grumpy Weasel the
> name of the stranger who was dressed like Grumpy,

JOEL: Grumpy's long-lost father, Poopdeck Weasel.

> in white
> and black. It happened that he wore feathers---this newcomer.

CROW: I hope he numbers them for just this sort of occasion.

> And that was one reason why Tommy Fox had had to grin when
> Grumpy threatened to "make the fur fly" when he met the
> unknown.

JOEL: [ As Tommy ] 'It's good wordplay because there's two ways you can read it as literally absurd!'

>
> Another reason why Tommy had laughed at Grumpy's
> blustering was that the stranger was quite able to take care
> of himself in a fight.

TOM: *Also* his loved ones, don't you worry.

> He belonged to the Snowy Owl family,

JOEL: I thought it was the Superb Owl everyone talks about online in February?

> being bigger, even, than Solomon Owl.

CROW: *Bigger* than Solomon Owl? That's getting, like, Beatles levels of big.

> And what with his
> hooked beak and his strong talons he was a dangerous fellow
> to meet.

TOM: Worse, he's got *opinions* and he's going to *share* them.

> Although Grumpy Weasel could easily handle a rabbit
> or a wild duck a dozen times his own size,

JOEL: What about a hundred wild ducks the size of a rabbit?

> because they were
> unarmed, he would have had no chance at all with Mr. Snowy
> Owl.

CROW: Well *he's* unarmed too! Those are *wings*.

>
> All this made Tommy Fox chuckle and grin,

TOM: [ As Tommy ] 'I'm getting someone killed today! Win!'

> as he left
> Grumpy and loped off towards Cedar Swamp,

CROW: Just think, someday they're gonna build a Point here.

> where Mr. Snowy Owl
> was spending the winter. Unlike Solomon Owl, and his cousin
> Simon Screecher,

JOEL: Simon's Creature?
TOM: No, no, Simon Screecher.
JOEL: That's what I said, Simon's Creature.
TOM: Oh, you ....

> Mr. Snowy Owl did not turn night into day.

CROW: So what good is he, then?

> So Tommy Fox found him wide awake and ready for a fight or a
> frolic, whichever might come his way.

CROW: Ooh, take the frolic! Take the frolic!
TOM: The fight! Take the fight!
JOEL: Door number two!

>
> He was a handsome bird---this newcomer---

JOEL: [ As Snowy ] 'I know. The camera loves me.'

> in his showy
> white suit, spotted with black.

TOM: Oh, what with the paparazzi think?

> And he gave Tommy Fox a bold,
> hard look, acting for all the world as if he had spent his
> whole life in Pleasant Valley, instead of merely two short
> weeks.

CROW: What makes a short week?
JOEL: It's when they have a holiday in the middle.

>
> Now, Mr. Snowy Owl knew a good deal about such
> rascals as Tommy Fox.

JOEL: For example, Peter Mink or Jimmy Rabbit's 'brother'.

> So he said at once, "What's on your
> mind, young man? You've come here on mischief

JOEL: I think he means 'you've come here on *a* mischief'.

> and you needn't
> deny it."

CROW: [ Leaning over ] Yeah, _Tom_!
TOM: Hey!

>
> Well, Tommy Fox saw that he couldn't deceive Mr. Owl
> very much.

CROW: Or Mister Crow, thank you.

> So he grinned at him and told him about the talk
> he had just had with Grumpy Weasel.

JOEL: Shouldn't someone instead have a talk with the Beaver?

>
> "He's so eager to meet you it would be too bad to
> disappoint him," Tommy observed.

CROW: [ As Snowy ] 'Ah, but if we are destined to meet, we will, and we can't hurry it; if we're destined not to meet, we will not, and there's no sense trying.'

> "He wants the fur to fly,
> you know."
>
> Although he had no ears

TOM: o/` To hold him down ... o/`

> (at least, so far as could be
> seen)

CROW: OOOOh, I bet his secret ears are going to be a huge plot point, watch for it!
JOEL: Spoilers, Crow.
CROW: The story is not a spoiler for itself!

> Mr. Snowy Owl had listened closely to Tommy Fox's
> story.

TOM: [ As Snowy ] 'Kind of spoiling the story by telling it, aren't you?'
CROW: No!


> And he must have heard plainly enough, for he said
> quickly that he would call on Grumpy Weasel that very day.

JOEL: You can't call on a weasel! You need a *phone*!

> "I'll start right now," he said,

CROW: [ Schoolmarm-ish ] It's not how you *start*, it's how you *finish*.

> "and I'll reach Grumpy
> Weasel's hunting ground before you're out of the swamp."

TOM: Oh, and Grumpy's going to be in swamp right when Snowy's in the hunting grounds, this is going to be so *good8!

>
> "I wish you'd wait a bit, till I can get there
> myself," Tommy Fox told him.

CROW: [ As Tommy ] 'I'd get there faster but my arms don't work!'
TOM: [ Whining to a parent ] Joel!

>
> Mr. Snowy Owl agreed to that.

JOEL: [ As Snowy ] 'But someday I will call on you for a favor.'

> And after lingering
> until he thought Tommy must have had time to run

TOM: Time to hide. Break on through. To the other side.

> and find
> Grumpy Weasel he rose above the tops of the cedars

CROW: [ As Snowy ] 'Wh- whoa! Wait! Didn't mean to do that!'

> and sailed
> off to join them himself.

JOEL: [ As Snowy ] 'Wait! How does this thing woooorrrrrk?'

>
> "I'm glad I came here to spend the winter," he
> muttered.

TOM: [ As Snowy ] 'It's so affordable! I bet I get one or two weeks of March back in change!'

> "Everybody's been very pleasant so far.

JOEL: Well, you know why they call it Pleasant Valley, right?
CROW: [ As Snowy ] 'Why's that?'
JOEL: 'Cause it's a valley!

> And after
> people hear how I've settled with this Weasel person

CROW: It's 1915, so will it be fisticuffsmanship?

> the
> folks in Pleasant Valley will be pretty polite to me, or I'll
> know the reason why."

TOM: Oh, Snowy is a metaphysical philosopher, interesting specialization.

[ End of Chapter 23 ... ]

--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
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