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MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 16 [ 1 / 1 ]
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Joseph Nebus
Mar 9, 2023, 6:25:23 PM3/9/23
to
>
>
> XVI
CROW: X versus I, the final confrontation!
>
> GUARDING THE CORNCRIB
TOM: The ...
JOEL: This adventure's going to be a struggle.
>
> Grumpy Weasel never seemed to have anything but bad
> luck whenever he went near the farmyard.
CROW: Hey, you know what's good luck? A rabbit's foot --- oh.
> Perhaps that was the
> reason why he kept going back there, for he was nothing if
> not determined.
TOM: I'm starting to think he looks for things to be grumpy about.
> Anyhow, he had found the hunting poor along
> his stone wall in the woods.
JOEL: Nobody hunts there anymore, it's too popular.
> And there was so much "game," as
> he called it,
CROW: Game, but not in so many words.
JOEL: It's some big game, like Huge Monopoly and Giant Uno and Nine Tall Men's Morris.
> about the farm buildings that he thought it was
> silly to leave it for such scamps as Peter Mink and Tommy Fox
TOM: Scampy Squirrel ...
CROW: Swindler Skunk ...
JOEL: Slick Stork ...
> and Fatty Raccoon.
[ ALL gasp! ]
TOM: Are we --- is this a legit crossover?
>
> So he took to loitering near Farmer Green's corncrib.
CROW: Don't go too near, you'll have to change the corn-nappies.
> And he was not at all pleased to find Fatty Raccoon there one
> evening.
JOEL: Ladies! And Gentlemen! The hardest-eating raccoon in the business! Two tons of ringtail in a four-ton bag, the one, the only, Fatty Raccoon!
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Who, little ol' me?'
> He wouldn't have spoken to Fatty at all had not that
> plump young chap hurled a cutting remark directly at him:
TOM: Scissors slice incisor vorpal blade weasel.
> "There are no chickens in this building. This is a corncrib."
CROW: Thank you, Torgo.
>
> "Don't you suppose I know that?" Grumpy retorted.
JOEL: I make no assumptions about what weasels know about what chickens know about what corncribs can be used for.
> "I've come here to guard the corn from mice and squirrels."
TOM: And, uh, the space aliens who are stealing our cribs.
>
> "There's no need of your doing that," Fatty Raccoon
> told him.
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'Oh, is there no need of my doing that? What if I say no, there isn't there no need of my doing that? What then, varlet?'
> "Have you never noticed those tin pans, upside
> down, on top of the posts on which the corncrib rests?
TOM: Tin Pan Alley was smaller than I thought!
> How
> could a mouse or a squirrel ever climb past one of those?"
CROW: Maybe something peppy in 3/4 time that'll sell in Brooklyn *and* Peoria?
>
> "There are ways," Grumpy Weasel said wisely.
TOM: He's bluffing! Get him!
>
> "I doubt it," Fatty replied. "I don't believe the
> trick can be done."
JOEL: We've had to watch six thousand short films about how to have good posture while dating a Chevy salesman on the phone and not one word about what the heck a corncrib is or why you'd have tin pans on them.
>
> Then, not to oblige Fatty, but to show him he was
> mistaken,
TOM: Anyone can do any amount of work as long as it's part of showing someone else is wrong.
> Grumpy climbed a tree near-by, dropped from one of
> its branches to the roof of the corncrib,
CROW: Oh but what squirrel could have mastered climbing a tree *and* jumping from it to get food?
> and quickly found a
> crack in the side of the building through which he slipped
> with no trouble at all.
JOEL: Um ... bye?
>
> Suddenly there was a great scurrying and scrambling
> inside.
CROW: Eh, I've seen greater.
> And soon Fatty Raccoon saw Frisky Squirrel
TOM: Snrrk!
JOEL: Wait, really?
> and
> several of his friends
TOM: Randy Chipmunk, Lusty Woodchuck, and Arthur the Anhedonic Pocket Gopher.
> ---not to mention three frightened
> mice---
JOEL: Good job not mentioning them!
CROW: Arthur Scott Bailey slapping his forehead, saying he swore he wasn't going to do that again.
> come tumbling out and tear off in every direction.
TOM: Including thorbwards.
>
> Presently Grumpy Weasel stuck his head through a
> crack between two boards.
CROW: [ As the Wizard of Oz doorkeeper ] 'Who rang that bell?'
>
> "Did you catch the robbers?" he called to Fatty
> Raccoon.
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'What are you, a cop?'
>
> "They were too spry for me," Fatty told him.
CROW: Also I don't eat named cast, I'm not a *monster*.
> He
> wouldn't have stopped one anyhow, for Grumpy Weasel.
JOEL: The screen energy of this pair, it's like Paul Newman and Robert Redford together.
>
> "Which way did they go, old Slow Poke?"
TOM: Old Slow Poke? Nah, they went by the South Buttons Shunpike.
> Grumpy cried
> as he jumped down in great haste.
CROW: Even gravity wants Grumpy Weasel to go.
>
> "Everywhere!" Fatty told him.
JOEL: All at once?!
>
> "Can't you be a little more exact?
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Everywhere but *here*.'
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'OK, that does help, though.'
> You don't
> think---do you?---that I can run more than one way at a
> time?"
CROW: What if you saunter? Maybe you can saunter in up to three directions at once?
>
> "Why don't you run round and round in a circle?"
JOEL: Like a record baby, right round, round, round.
> Fatty suggested. "In that way you might catch at least half
> those youngsters---and perhaps all of them."
TOM: Merry-go-weasel.
CROW: Grumpy-go-weasel.
JOEL: It's just nice to see a weasel getting out of the whole pop-goes-ing box.
>
> "That's the first real idea you ever had in your
> life!"
JOEL: Hey, he had that great 'cheese pie au gratin' plan.
> Grumpy exclaimed---which was as near to thanking a
> person as he was ever known to come.
CROW: What if he has to thank a person a second time?
[ the end ... for this week ]
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
--------------------------------------------------------+---------------------
>
> XVI
CROW: X versus I, the final confrontation!
>
> GUARDING THE CORNCRIB
TOM: The ...
JOEL: This adventure's going to be a struggle.
>
> Grumpy Weasel never seemed to have anything but bad
> luck whenever he went near the farmyard.
CROW: Hey, you know what's good luck? A rabbit's foot --- oh.
> Perhaps that was the
> reason why he kept going back there, for he was nothing if
> not determined.
TOM: I'm starting to think he looks for things to be grumpy about.
> Anyhow, he had found the hunting poor along
> his stone wall in the woods.
JOEL: Nobody hunts there anymore, it's too popular.
> And there was so much "game," as
> he called it,
CROW: Game, but not in so many words.
JOEL: It's some big game, like Huge Monopoly and Giant Uno and Nine Tall Men's Morris.
> about the farm buildings that he thought it was
> silly to leave it for such scamps as Peter Mink and Tommy Fox
TOM: Scampy Squirrel ...
CROW: Swindler Skunk ...
JOEL: Slick Stork ...
> and Fatty Raccoon.
[ ALL gasp! ]
TOM: Are we --- is this a legit crossover?
>
> So he took to loitering near Farmer Green's corncrib.
CROW: Don't go too near, you'll have to change the corn-nappies.
> And he was not at all pleased to find Fatty Raccoon there one
> evening.
JOEL: Ladies! And Gentlemen! The hardest-eating raccoon in the business! Two tons of ringtail in a four-ton bag, the one, the only, Fatty Raccoon!
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Who, little ol' me?'
> He wouldn't have spoken to Fatty at all had not that
> plump young chap hurled a cutting remark directly at him:
TOM: Scissors slice incisor vorpal blade weasel.
> "There are no chickens in this building. This is a corncrib."
CROW: Thank you, Torgo.
>
> "Don't you suppose I know that?" Grumpy retorted.
JOEL: I make no assumptions about what weasels know about what chickens know about what corncribs can be used for.
> "I've come here to guard the corn from mice and squirrels."
TOM: And, uh, the space aliens who are stealing our cribs.
>
> "There's no need of your doing that," Fatty Raccoon
> told him.
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'Oh, is there no need of my doing that? What if I say no, there isn't there no need of my doing that? What then, varlet?'
> "Have you never noticed those tin pans, upside
> down, on top of the posts on which the corncrib rests?
TOM: Tin Pan Alley was smaller than I thought!
> How
> could a mouse or a squirrel ever climb past one of those?"
CROW: Maybe something peppy in 3/4 time that'll sell in Brooklyn *and* Peoria?
>
> "There are ways," Grumpy Weasel said wisely.
TOM: He's bluffing! Get him!
>
> "I doubt it," Fatty replied. "I don't believe the
> trick can be done."
JOEL: We've had to watch six thousand short films about how to have good posture while dating a Chevy salesman on the phone and not one word about what the heck a corncrib is or why you'd have tin pans on them.
>
> Then, not to oblige Fatty, but to show him he was
> mistaken,
TOM: Anyone can do any amount of work as long as it's part of showing someone else is wrong.
> Grumpy climbed a tree near-by, dropped from one of
> its branches to the roof of the corncrib,
CROW: Oh but what squirrel could have mastered climbing a tree *and* jumping from it to get food?
> and quickly found a
> crack in the side of the building through which he slipped
> with no trouble at all.
JOEL: Um ... bye?
>
> Suddenly there was a great scurrying and scrambling
> inside.
CROW: Eh, I've seen greater.
> And soon Fatty Raccoon saw Frisky Squirrel
TOM: Snrrk!
JOEL: Wait, really?
> and
> several of his friends
TOM: Randy Chipmunk, Lusty Woodchuck, and Arthur the Anhedonic Pocket Gopher.
> ---not to mention three frightened
> mice---
JOEL: Good job not mentioning them!
CROW: Arthur Scott Bailey slapping his forehead, saying he swore he wasn't going to do that again.
> come tumbling out and tear off in every direction.
TOM: Including thorbwards.
>
> Presently Grumpy Weasel stuck his head through a
> crack between two boards.
CROW: [ As the Wizard of Oz doorkeeper ] 'Who rang that bell?'
>
> "Did you catch the robbers?" he called to Fatty
> Raccoon.
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'What are you, a cop?'
>
> "They were too spry for me," Fatty told him.
CROW: Also I don't eat named cast, I'm not a *monster*.
> He
> wouldn't have stopped one anyhow, for Grumpy Weasel.
JOEL: The screen energy of this pair, it's like Paul Newman and Robert Redford together.
>
> "Which way did they go, old Slow Poke?"
TOM: Old Slow Poke? Nah, they went by the South Buttons Shunpike.
> Grumpy cried
> as he jumped down in great haste.
CROW: Even gravity wants Grumpy Weasel to go.
>
> "Everywhere!" Fatty told him.
JOEL: All at once?!
>
> "Can't you be a little more exact?
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Everywhere but *here*.'
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'OK, that does help, though.'
> You don't
> think---do you?---that I can run more than one way at a
> time?"
CROW: What if you saunter? Maybe you can saunter in up to three directions at once?
>
> "Why don't you run round and round in a circle?"
JOEL: Like a record baby, right round, round, round.
> Fatty suggested. "In that way you might catch at least half
> those youngsters---and perhaps all of them."
TOM: Merry-go-weasel.
CROW: Grumpy-go-weasel.
JOEL: It's just nice to see a weasel getting out of the whole pop-goes-ing box.
>
> "That's the first real idea you ever had in your
> life!"
JOEL: Hey, he had that great 'cheese pie au gratin' plan.
> Grumpy exclaimed---which was as near to thanking a
> person as he was ever known to come.
CROW: What if he has to thank a person a second time?
[ the end ... for this week ]
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
--------------------------------------------------------+---------------------
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