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MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 21 [ 1 / 1 ]
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Joseph Nebus
Apr 13, 2023, 7:59:42 PM4/13/23
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>
>
> XXI
CROW: X, XI, XXII ...
>
> A NEW SUIT
JOEL: And two pairs of pants!
TOM: For the weasel-taur.
>
> Throughout Pleasant Valley the very name of Grumpy
> Weasel was a bugaboo.
JOEL: o/` A bugaboo, a bugaboo, they're in the air and everywhere! o/`
Those of his size, and many a good deal
> bigger than he, learned early to avoid him.
CROW: Those much smaller than him, we don't talk about.
>
> One of the first things Sandy Chipmunk's mother did
> was to teach him to beware of Grumpy.
TOM: Remember to look both ways before crossing the weasel.
> And twice during his
> first summer Sandy caught a glimpse of Grumpy as he flashed
> past like a brown streak,
CROW: [ Gasping ] Rikki-Tikki-Tavi!
> with a gleam of white showing
> underneath.
TOM: Weasel now with a white stripe for fresher breath.
>
> It was lucky for Sandy that on both occasions Grumpy
> was intent on chasing somebody or other.
CROW: [ As Sandy ] 'Wait a minute! I know somebody! ... Or other!'
> And each time that
> Sandy told his mother what he had seen, Mrs. Chipmunk said
> that she hoped it would never happen again.
TOM: Just hurry on home to his singing career instead.
>
> "I'm glad that you know what he looks like, anyhow,"
> she added.
JOEL: Remember this fur.
CROW: It's brown. Every fur in this *forest* is brown.
>
> "Oh, I'll know him if I see him!" Sandy cried.
CROW: Meanwhile Sandy remains a background character in Grumpy's life story.
TOM: No, Sandy's front and center here. It's *Grumpy* who's background.
>
> "Don't stop for a second look!" his mother warned
> him.
TOM: What about three glimpses and a sidelong glare?
>
> "I won't!" he promised. "I won't even stop to say,
> 'How do you do!'"
CROW: Hey now, at this point you sound like *you're* being the rude one.
>
> "I should hope not!" Mrs. Chipmunk said severely.
JOEL: Sandy trying to find any way out of this conversation.
>
> So Sandy Chipmunk went through his first summer on
> the watch for a long, slender, brownish shape.
TOM: 'I see him!'
CROW: That's a rabbit.
TOM: 'Oh. Well, I see him there!'
CROW: That's a muskrat.
TOM: 'Oh. Wait, there he is now!'
CROW: That's a squirrel ... look, you know what isn't a long, slender, brownish shape in the forest? Skunks, raccoons, bears, and opossums. Everything else?
TOM: 'How about --- '
CROW: *Deer*.
TOM: 'Love!'
> But he never
> saw Grumpy Weasel again.
JOEL: So, uh, end of the chapter then, g'night everyone!
> And winter found the Chipmunk family
> all unharmed,
TOM: 'Course there was the time the tree exploded but that's not technically the *family* per se.
> and very comfortable in their cozy house below
> frost line.
CROW: Hey! No hitting below the frost line.
>
> On mild days Sandy liked to visit the world above and
TOM: ... the mouse below.
> find a rock bare of snow, where he could enjoy the sunshine.
JOEL: And ask who's been stealing all the snow.
>
> It was on one of those outings that he caught sight
> of a stranger headed for the stone wall near-by.
TOM: Suddenly a Western breaks out.
CROW: [ Gasping ] Gary Cooper!
> At first
> Sandy missed seeing him, against the snow.
TOM: [ Being nerdy ] Uh, did we not just hear the rock was *bare* of snow? Continuity goofs, people.
> But when he
> reached the wind-swept wall Sandy couldn't help noticing him.
JOEL: Well hel-*lo* there.
> He was a slim gentleman and---except for his black-tipped
> tail---was dressed all in white.
CROW: Mark Trail?!
>
TOM: ... Wait, what?
CROW: In the white suit.
TOM: You mean Mark *Twain*.
CROW: Yeah, that's what I said --- wait ---
[ CROW groans, embarrassed, and falls over sideways ]
> After spending the winter underground
JOEL: Taking direct action against the imperialist war machine.
> Sandy Chipmunk
> was glad to talk with the first person he saw.
TOM: The whole forest trying to hide outside Sandy's line of sight.
> So he called
> to the stranger that it was a fine day, wasn't it?
CROW: [ As the stranger ] 'The countersign! Oh what's the countersign, uh, 'It's a good day for fishing if they're not afraid of the sun'?'
>
> The other wheeled about so quickly that Sandy
> couldn't help laughing.
TOM: [ Deadpan, without melody ] Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel.
>
> "Don't be nervous!" Sandy cried. "I won't hurt you!"
JOEL: Despite my chipmunk powers of recording a song about you!
>
> But the stranger didn't answer.
TOM: Never give a songwriter something to sing about you.
> Once he opened his
> mouth. And Sandy Chipmunk had a queer feeling then that he
> had met the fellow before.
CROW: Sandy can't remember names but he *never* forgets a face-sucker.
> That mouth had plenty of white,
> needle-like teeth. It had a cruel look, too.
JOEL: He's meeting the month of April!
>
> Then the stranger jumped straight toward Sandy
> Chipmunk.
TOM: Oh no! He's a hugger!
> And in that instant Sandy knew who he was.
CROW: Great, but can you have your epiphanies when your life's not in danger?
JOEL: [ As Sandy ] 'No! I realize I have to move to Hoboken and start a ska band!'
> No one
> could leap like that except Grumpy Weasel!
CROW: [ As Joe Friday ] M.O. checks out. This is a Grumpy Weasel operation.
>
> Sandy turned and ran madly for shelter.
JOEL: [ As Sandy ] 'I should have gadded about the house all day!'
> Luckily he
> had the advantage of Grumpy in one way.
TOM: Is it the power of friendship? I bet it's the power of friendship.
> He had a bare ledge
> to run on,
CROW: A bear's ledge? How is *that* any better?
> while Grumpy Weasel had to flounder for some
> distance through a snow-choked hollow.
JOEL: [ Humming 'A Hard Day's Night' ]
>
> So Sandy escaped.
TOM: What a clean old weasel.
> And it was lucky that Grumpy didn't
> find the door to the Chipmunk family's burrow.
CROW: Oh, you know Grumpy, he doesn't catch anyone, he just gives them a little surprise workout is all.
> If he had he
> would have gone right in himself.
JOEL: And interrupt their recording session!
>
> Mrs. Chipmunk blamed herself for Sandy's adventure.
TOM: Oh c'mon, you can't blame yourself for stuff you weren't even involved in, that's kind of narcissistic.
JOEL: [ As Mrs Chipmunk ] 'Oh yes, I feel so bad about that too.'
TOM: Cut that out!
> She had never remembered to tell her son that every fall
CROW: Follows a pride.
> Grumpy Weasel changed his summer dress for the one in which
> Sandy had just seen him.
JOEL: Changing his wardrobe out must hurt.
TOM: No wonder he's so grumpy.
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
--------------------------------------------------------+---------------------
>
> XXI
CROW: X, XI, XXII ...
>
> A NEW SUIT
JOEL: And two pairs of pants!
TOM: For the weasel-taur.
>
> Throughout Pleasant Valley the very name of Grumpy
> Weasel was a bugaboo.
JOEL: o/` A bugaboo, a bugaboo, they're in the air and everywhere! o/`
Those of his size, and many a good deal
> bigger than he, learned early to avoid him.
CROW: Those much smaller than him, we don't talk about.
>
> One of the first things Sandy Chipmunk's mother did
> was to teach him to beware of Grumpy.
TOM: Remember to look both ways before crossing the weasel.
> And twice during his
> first summer Sandy caught a glimpse of Grumpy as he flashed
> past like a brown streak,
CROW: [ Gasping ] Rikki-Tikki-Tavi!
> with a gleam of white showing
> underneath.
TOM: Weasel now with a white stripe for fresher breath.
>
> It was lucky for Sandy that on both occasions Grumpy
> was intent on chasing somebody or other.
CROW: [ As Sandy ] 'Wait a minute! I know somebody! ... Or other!'
> And each time that
> Sandy told his mother what he had seen, Mrs. Chipmunk said
> that she hoped it would never happen again.
TOM: Just hurry on home to his singing career instead.
>
> "I'm glad that you know what he looks like, anyhow,"
> she added.
JOEL: Remember this fur.
CROW: It's brown. Every fur in this *forest* is brown.
>
> "Oh, I'll know him if I see him!" Sandy cried.
CROW: Meanwhile Sandy remains a background character in Grumpy's life story.
TOM: No, Sandy's front and center here. It's *Grumpy* who's background.
>
> "Don't stop for a second look!" his mother warned
> him.
TOM: What about three glimpses and a sidelong glare?
>
> "I won't!" he promised. "I won't even stop to say,
> 'How do you do!'"
CROW: Hey now, at this point you sound like *you're* being the rude one.
>
> "I should hope not!" Mrs. Chipmunk said severely.
JOEL: Sandy trying to find any way out of this conversation.
>
> So Sandy Chipmunk went through his first summer on
> the watch for a long, slender, brownish shape.
TOM: 'I see him!'
CROW: That's a rabbit.
TOM: 'Oh. Well, I see him there!'
CROW: That's a muskrat.
TOM: 'Oh. Wait, there he is now!'
CROW: That's a squirrel ... look, you know what isn't a long, slender, brownish shape in the forest? Skunks, raccoons, bears, and opossums. Everything else?
TOM: 'How about --- '
CROW: *Deer*.
TOM: 'Love!'
> But he never
> saw Grumpy Weasel again.
JOEL: So, uh, end of the chapter then, g'night everyone!
> And winter found the Chipmunk family
> all unharmed,
TOM: 'Course there was the time the tree exploded but that's not technically the *family* per se.
> and very comfortable in their cozy house below
> frost line.
CROW: Hey! No hitting below the frost line.
>
> On mild days Sandy liked to visit the world above and
TOM: ... the mouse below.
> find a rock bare of snow, where he could enjoy the sunshine.
JOEL: And ask who's been stealing all the snow.
>
> It was on one of those outings that he caught sight
> of a stranger headed for the stone wall near-by.
TOM: Suddenly a Western breaks out.
CROW: [ Gasping ] Gary Cooper!
> At first
> Sandy missed seeing him, against the snow.
TOM: [ Being nerdy ] Uh, did we not just hear the rock was *bare* of snow? Continuity goofs, people.
> But when he
> reached the wind-swept wall Sandy couldn't help noticing him.
JOEL: Well hel-*lo* there.
> He was a slim gentleman and---except for his black-tipped
> tail---was dressed all in white.
CROW: Mark Trail?!
>
TOM: ... Wait, what?
CROW: In the white suit.
TOM: You mean Mark *Twain*.
CROW: Yeah, that's what I said --- wait ---
[ CROW groans, embarrassed, and falls over sideways ]
> After spending the winter underground
JOEL: Taking direct action against the imperialist war machine.
> Sandy Chipmunk
> was glad to talk with the first person he saw.
TOM: The whole forest trying to hide outside Sandy's line of sight.
> So he called
> to the stranger that it was a fine day, wasn't it?
CROW: [ As the stranger ] 'The countersign! Oh what's the countersign, uh, 'It's a good day for fishing if they're not afraid of the sun'?'
>
> The other wheeled about so quickly that Sandy
> couldn't help laughing.
TOM: [ Deadpan, without melody ] Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel.
>
> "Don't be nervous!" Sandy cried. "I won't hurt you!"
JOEL: Despite my chipmunk powers of recording a song about you!
>
> But the stranger didn't answer.
TOM: Never give a songwriter something to sing about you.
> Once he opened his
> mouth. And Sandy Chipmunk had a queer feeling then that he
> had met the fellow before.
CROW: Sandy can't remember names but he *never* forgets a face-sucker.
> That mouth had plenty of white,
> needle-like teeth. It had a cruel look, too.
JOEL: He's meeting the month of April!
>
> Then the stranger jumped straight toward Sandy
> Chipmunk.
TOM: Oh no! He's a hugger!
> And in that instant Sandy knew who he was.
CROW: Great, but can you have your epiphanies when your life's not in danger?
JOEL: [ As Sandy ] 'No! I realize I have to move to Hoboken and start a ska band!'
> No one
> could leap like that except Grumpy Weasel!
CROW: [ As Joe Friday ] M.O. checks out. This is a Grumpy Weasel operation.
>
> Sandy turned and ran madly for shelter.
JOEL: [ As Sandy ] 'I should have gadded about the house all day!'
> Luckily he
> had the advantage of Grumpy in one way.
TOM: Is it the power of friendship? I bet it's the power of friendship.
> He had a bare ledge
> to run on,
CROW: A bear's ledge? How is *that* any better?
> while Grumpy Weasel had to flounder for some
> distance through a snow-choked hollow.
JOEL: [ Humming 'A Hard Day's Night' ]
>
> So Sandy escaped.
TOM: What a clean old weasel.
> And it was lucky that Grumpy didn't
> find the door to the Chipmunk family's burrow.
CROW: Oh, you know Grumpy, he doesn't catch anyone, he just gives them a little surprise workout is all.
> If he had he
> would have gone right in himself.
JOEL: And interrupt their recording session!
>
> Mrs. Chipmunk blamed herself for Sandy's adventure.
TOM: Oh c'mon, you can't blame yourself for stuff you weren't even involved in, that's kind of narcissistic.
JOEL: [ As Mrs Chipmunk ] 'Oh yes, I feel so bad about that too.'
TOM: Cut that out!
> She had never remembered to tell her son that every fall
CROW: Follows a pride.
> Grumpy Weasel changed his summer dress for the one in which
> Sandy had just seen him.
JOEL: Changing his wardrobe out must hurt.
TOM: No wonder he's so grumpy.
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
--------------------------------------------------------+---------------------
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