MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 19 [ 1 / 1 ]

[Joseph Nebus]

>
>
> XIX

CROW: 1506 XIX XIX!

>
> HIDING FROM HENRY HAWK

TOM: [ As Henry Gibson ] 'A hiding, by Henry Hawk.'

>
> In the spring Grumpy Weasel was always glad

JOEL: No he was *not*!
CROW: [ Startled ] Little harsh there.
JOEL: I have to put my foot down somewhere.

> to see
> the birds coming back from the South.

TOM: The birds had such a wonderful time visiting South Dakota. Wall Drug, the corn palace, the filming locations of North by Northwest ...

> But it must not be
> supposed that it was because he liked to hear them sing (for
> he didn't!).

CROW: He signed up for this stupid bird-watching app and if he doesn't log something every week it gets all whiny at him.

>
> Nor should any one make the mistake of thinking that
> Grumpy Weasel loved the birds.

JOEL: Not after all the times someone asked if Grumpy wanted them to give him the bird and ...
CROW: [ Raspberries ]

> The only reason why he
> welcomed them was because he liked to hunt them, and rob
> their nests.

JOEL: [ As Dan Backslide ] 'A NEST! I'LL STEAL IT! NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!'

>
> But there were two birds that Grumpy didn't care to
> have in Pleasant Valley.

CROW: The Roc and Baby Huey.

> He often wished that Solomon Owl and
> Henry Hawk

TOM: Solomon Owl. 'en'ery Hawk. _They're beaked!_

> would leave the neighborhood and never return.
> That was because they liked to hunt him.

CROW: They'd like it more except hunting him means getting close to him.

>
> Especially did Grumpy Weasel dislike Henry Hawk,

JOEL: His cartoons weren't *that* bad.
TOM: Eh ...

> who
> had an unpleasant habit of sitting motionless on a limb

CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'Get off my tail.'
TOM: [ As Henry ] 'Are you sure a tail is a limb?'
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'MOOOOOOM!'

> in
> the top of some great tree.

TOM: I've seen better.

> From that high perch he swept the
> whole valley with his keen, cruel eyes,

JOEL: o/` These eyes have seen a lot of land ... o/`

> because (as he said)
> he "liked to see what was going on."

TOM: [ As Henry ] 'Landslide! ... Oh no, wait, Fatty Raccoon just tripped.'

>
> If Henry Hawk saw anything anywhere that interested
> him he lost no time in reaching that place.

TOM: Oh now me I'm always putting time in a special place I won't forget and then I can never find it again.

> It might be a
> bird, or a meadow mouse, or maybe a plump chicken.

CROW: That's what's so great about him, he's not fussy.

> And he was
> always hoping to catch a glimpse of Grumpy Weasel.

JOEL: Oh anyone can catch a glimpse, that's easy. It's weasels that are hard.

>
> One day early in the fall Mr. Hawk saw what he had
> been looking for so long.

TOM: The first robin of spring! You're *incredibly* late!
CROW: [ As a robin ] 'I'm very early!'

> Near the old cider mill, up the
> road from Farmer Green's house,

JOEL: No, no, back down, you've gone too far --- oh, that's the Moon, nobody's going *there*.
TOM: It's too full.

> he spied a long, slender,
> brownish shape moving swiftly among a pile of barrels outside
> the building.

CROW: *Four* Maurice Chevaliers?!

> He knew at once that it was Grumpy Weasel;

TOM: Now, now, it might be Sulky Marten.
JOEL: I loved any game show hosted by Sulky Marten.

> and
> though he was a long way off Mr. Hawk could see that Grumpy
> was very busy looking for something

CROW: Grumpy! Are you looking for love in all the wrong places?

> ---so busy, Mr. Hawk
> hoped, that Grumpy wouldn't notice anything else.

JOEL: You know how it is when you're looking for something, you can't see anything.
TOM: Now where did I put my thing?

>
> Henry Hawk had wonderful eyesight.

CROW: [ As Emily Litella ] 'Now how can eye sighing be wonderful?'

> As he came
> hurtling down out of the sky he could see that Grumpy was
> playing hide-and-seek with a mouse.

TOM: Oh, how sweet! Everyone thinks he's mean and yet he goes out of his way to play with the deprived mice ---
JOEL: [ Rests a hand on TOM's shoulder ]

>
> "It's a shame to break up the game," Mr. Hawk
> chuckled to himself.

CROW: All tied in the fourteenth inning, too, too bad.

>
> And just then something made Grumpy Weasel look up.

TOM: [ Yes's _It Can Happen_ ] o/` Look down! There's a crazy world outside! o/`

> It must have been Henry Hawk's shadow flickering over a
> barrel.

JOEL: Wait a minute, hawks don't come in barrels.

> There was no other sign that could have warned
> Grumpy.

CROW: [ As Henry ] 'Except you, blabbermouth narrator.'

>
> He put the meadow mouse out of his mind

TOM: Never try eating a mouse with your mind.
JOEL: You get cheesey thoughts.

> without a bit
> of trouble and made a sidewise spring

CROW: Thank you, Coily!

> for the first hole on
> which his eyes lighted.

JOEL: Oh no, it's the hole that only goes halfway!

>
> Grumpy was through it in a twinkling.

TOM: Not halfway anymore.
JOEL: Try and escape hard enough and everything's a hole that goes all the way through.

> Henry Hawk made
> a frantic grab with his talons at the black tip of Grumpy's
> tail,

CROW: No no, it's marked 'lift other end'.

> just as it whisked out of sight. But he was too late.

JOEL: Grumpy had called 'olly olly oxen-free'.

>
> It did not soothe Henry Hawk's feelings to find that
> the meadow mouse had vanished at the same time.

CROW: Wait! That mouse must be Atomic Mouse!

> Henry would
> have liked to play hide-and-seek with him himself.

TOM: Oh, what a happy valley this is! Everyone is so playful!

>
> Mr. Hawk knew well enough where Grumpy was hiding.

JOEL: [ As Henry ] 'I can pick up tips from the gabby narrator *too*.'

> That slim fellow had sought safety in an empty jug,

CROW: o/` Little brown jug, little brown jug, little brown jug I don't know the other words! o/`

> which was
> lying on its side near the pile of barrels.

TOM: It's also lying on the ground, don't make it look like it does all the lying by itself.

> It made a fine
> fort for Grumpy Weasel.

CROW: Fort Grumpy Weasel, a surprisingly critical post during King William's War.

> The enemy couldn't break through it.
> And there was only one loophole,

JOEL: It's if a person of sufficient virtue reunites the Seven Lost Shards of Wisdom at the peak of the triple eclipse that happens Sunday night for the last time in a thousand years!

> which was far too small to
> do Henry Hawk the least good.

TOM: The least good, the fundamental particle of utilitarianism.

>
> Henry saw at once that he might as well go away.

CROW: I don't know, could be pretty funny if you made the jug roll some.
JOEL: That's mean, Crow.
CROW: Yeah but still.

> So
> he went off grumbling.

TOM: Grumpy pops his head out to yell that's *his* line and then whoops.

>
> "This," he said, "is what comes of disorderly habits.

JOEL: Always keep your habits in a row, folks.

> Farmer Green ought not to have left that jug lying there.

CROW: Had he not ought?

> If
> he hadn't, I might have been able to do him a good turn."

TOM: Oh, you could do him a good turn *now* by picking up his clutter, you just want to do something for yourself and *say* it's a favor.


[ End! Of chapter 19. ]

--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
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