Philosopher's Drinking Song
April N. Powell
Hey look. I know at least ONE of you has the lyrics to the Philosopher's
Drinking Song. No lyric books are readily available here (small-town
Virginia), so will one of you PUHLEEZ post them? I want to go boozing
with people from philosophy class, okay? Thanks.
Josh Harrison
Emmanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger, was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Whilhelm Freidrich Hegel
And Wichtenstein was a beery swine,
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothin Nietzche couldn't teach ya'
'Bout the raisin' of the wrist.
Socrates himself was permanently pissed....
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey ev'ry day!
Aristotle, Aristotle, was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink, therefore I am!"
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed...
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed.
Glad to be of service.
Josh aka "Hug a hedgehog"
--
|------------------|----------------------------------------| |
| Josh Harrison | "As your elf touches the doorknob, | \ \ | / /
|------------------| 70,000 volts course through his body. | \ \ | / /
| aka A.M. Hawke | What does your wizard do?" | --- O O ---
|------------------| | / C \
| har...@rpi.edu | "He calls the Dungeon Master a Jerk" | / m\_/m \
|------------------|----------------------------------------| "The Hedgehog"
Chipmunk
Here's the script to the entire Bruce sketch, which includes the
Philosopher's Drinking Song at the end.
Ronald aka "Rule Six: There is NOOOOOOO... Rule Six!"
**** The Bruces ****
**** From Monty Python Live at City Center, ****
**** Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl, etc. ****
**** Transcribed by EP50...@YALEVM.BITNET , 4/86 ****
Notes from the Transcriber:
"Abbos" is derisive slang for the aborigines.
"Pommeyland" is England.
"Pooftahs" are homosexuals.
G'day, Bruce!
Oh, Hello Bruce!
How are you Bruce?
A bit crooked, Bruce.
Where's Bruce?
He's not 'ere, Bruce.
Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.
Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!
That's a strange expression, Bruce.
Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's hot enough to boil
a monkey's bum in here, your Majesty," he said and she smiled quietly
to herself.
She's a good Sheila Bruce, and not at all stuck up.
Here! Here's the boss-fellow now!
'Ow are you, Bruce?
G'day Bruce!
Bruce.
Hello Bruce.
Bruce.
How are you, Bruce?
G'day Bruce.
Gentleman, I'd like to introduce man from Pommeyland who is joinin'
us this year in the philosophy department at the University of
Walamaloo.
(Everyone) G'day!
Hello.
Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce.
Is your name not Bruce?
No, it's Michael.
That's going to cause a little confusion.
Mind if we call you "Bruce" to keep it clear?
Gentlemen, I think we better start the faculty meeting. Before we
start,
though, I'd like to ask the padre for a prayer.
Oh Lord, we beseech Thee, Amen!!
Amen!
Crack two! (Bottles opening)
Now I call upon Bruce to officially welcome Mr. Baldwin to the
philosophy faculty.
I'd like to welcome the pommey bastard to God's own Earth, and remind
him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-bates here.
(Everyone) Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!
Bruce here teaches classical philosophy, Bruce there teaches Haegelian
philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism. And is also
in charge of the sheep dip.
What's New-Bruce going to teach?
New-Bruce will be teaching political science, Machiavelli, Benton,
Lockholm, Sackly, Millbo, Hasset, and Bernerd.
Those are all cricketers!
Aww, spit!
Hails of derisive laughter, Bruce!
(Everyone) Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you
amen!
Another two! (Bottles opening)
Any questions?
New-Bruce, are you a Pooftah?
Are you a Pooftah?
No!
No. Right, I just want to remind you of the faculty rules:
Rule One! (Everyone) No Pooftahs!
Rule Two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any
way at all -- if there's anybody watching.
Rule Three? (Everyone) No Pooftahs!!
Rule Four, now this term, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking.
Rule Five, (Everyone) No Pooftahs!
Rule Six, there is NO ... Rule Six.
Rule Seven, (Everyone) No Pooftahs!!
Right, that concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce.
This here's the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick it in
a bottle, you can hold it in your hand.
Amen!
<And now all four Bruces launch into the Philosopher's song>
Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.
Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could
think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel.
And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as
Schlegel.
There's nothing Nieizsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the
wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shanty
was
particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away, 'alf a crate of whiskey every
day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
"I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.
**** end of file BRUCE PYTHON 4/86 ****
Lord Skinny
Can I see your I.D. please?
proof of age?
Lord SKinny aka Yes I am bored.
Bionic Tapeworm
And I'd like to ask all the regular contributors what they would do if
they were Hitler.
OBPoint: Chipmunk writes:
>Here's the script to the entire Bruce sketch, which includes the
>Philosopher's Drinking Song at the end.
>
>Ronald aka "Rule Six: There is NOOOOOOO... Rule Six!"
>
>**** The Bruces ****
>**** From Monty Python Live at City Center, ****
>**** Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl, etc. ****
>**** Transcribed by EP50...@YALEVM.BITNET , 4/86 ****
>
>Notes from the Transcriber:
>"Abbos" is derisive slang for the aborigines.
>"Pommeyland" is England.
>"Pooftahs" are homosexuals.
Well, as an Australian, I'd spell "pommeyland" "pommieland" myself...
[Chunks removed]
>A bit crooked, Bruce.
Try "A bit crook, Bruce." (crook = off-colour, not perfectly well)
[More chunks deleted]
>Gentleman, I'd like to introduce man from Pommeyland who is joinin'
> us this year in the philosophy department at the University of
> Walamaloo.
Wooloomooloo. (From the Abbo term meaning "place of University about
which Monty Python will make a sketch".)
[Chunks deleted]
>I'd like to welcome the pommey bastard to God's own Earth, and remind
> him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-bates here.
"sticky-beaks" = toffee-noses, those who stick their noses into others'
business.
[More deleted]
>New-Bruce will be teaching political science, Machiavelli, Benton,
> Lockholm, Sackly, Millbo, Hasset, and Bernerd.
Lock, ???, Miller, Hassett and Benaud?
(All Australian cricketers of the early 60s except Machiavelli,
who, of course, entered the team in 1972).
>Those are all cricketers!
>Aww, spit!
>Hails of derisive laughter, Bruce!
Howls?
[Chunks deleted]
>Amen!
[The Drunken Philosophers' Song, is, of course, correct]
Despite my petty corrections, this transcriber did an excellent job.
It's not easy to decipher an Englishman's version of an Australian accent,
especially if you're not familiar with the ...
Oh....
(Idiom, sir?)
IDIOM! Not familiar with the idiom.
--
Bionic Tapeworm, who disclaims thus: "You leave my employer out of this",
and deliberately mention Kibo, Carasso, Lucifer, D&D and Communism
in his signature just to annoy those people who grep for such things
April N. Powell
: Can I see your I.D. please?
: proof of age?
: Lord SKinny aka Yes I am bored.
How did you get to be king? *I* didn't vote for you.
The Holy Pril
Mr D Bromage
>Could I begin by saying this is my first time on television?
No, there isn't time.
>And I'd like to ask all the regular contributors what they would do if
>they were Hitler.
I'd annex the Sudetenland, and alt.religion.kibology
>OBPoint: Chipmunk writes:
>Well, as an Australian, I'd spell "pommeyland" "pommieland" myself...
From the word Pom, original spelling POHM = Prisoner Of His Majesty.
>Lock, ???, Miller, Hassett and Benaud?
>(All Australian cricketers of the early 60s except Machiavelli,
>who, of course, entered the team in 1972).
As a replacement for Benaud who furthered his career by boring people shitless
for five days at a time.
>>Hails of derisive laughter, Bruce!
>Howls?
Just cacked myself laughing.
>Despite my petty corrections, this transcriber did an excellent job.
>It's not easy to decipher an Englishman's version of an Australian accent,
>especially if you're not familiar with the ...
>Oh....
>(Idiom, sir?)
>IDIOM! Not familiar with the idiom.
Sir David aka why do your block over a slack shiela who bangs like a dunny door?
Ethel the Frog
>tma...@ooldea.awadi (Bionic Tapeworm) writes:
>
>>Could I begin by saying this is my first time on television?
>No, there isn't time.
But that's his only line!
>
>>And I'd like to ask all the regular contributors what they would do if
>>they were Hitler.
>I'd annex the Sudetenland, and alt.religion.kibology
>
>>OBPoint: Chipmunk writes:
>
>>Well, as an Australian, I'd spell "pommeyland" "pommieland" myself...
>From the word Pom, original spelling POHM = Prisoner Of His Majesty.
>
>>Lock, ???, Miller, Hassett and Benaud?
>>(All Australian cricketers of the early 60s except Machiavelli,
>>who, of course, entered the team in 1972).
>As a replacement for Benaud who furthered his career by boring people shitless
>for five days at a time.
>
>>>Hails of derisive laughter, Bruce!
>>Howls?
>Just cacked myself laughing.
>
>>Despite my petty corrections, this transcriber did an excellent job.
>>It's not easy to decipher an Englishman's version of an Australian accent,
>>especially if you're not familiar with the ...
>
>>Oh....
>
>>(Idiom, sir?)
>
>>IDIOM! Not familiar with the idiom.
>Sir David aka why do your block over a slack shiela who bangs like a dunny door?
Dame Ellen aka I'm afraid I don't follow your banter sir.
Chipmunk
tma...@ooldea.awadi (Bionic Tapeworm) writes:
> Despite my petty corrections, this transcriber did an excellent job.
> It's not easy to decipher an Englishman's version of an Australian accent,
> especially if you're not familiar with the ...
Hey, I just post 'em, I don't write 'em. Thanks for the corrections,
though. I'll fix the file when I get a chance.
Ronald
Bionic Tapeworm
>Could I begin by saying this is my first time on television?
No, sorry, we haven't time.
>OBPoint: Chipmunk writes:
>
>>Here's the script to the entire Bruce sketch, which includes the
>>Philosopher's Drinking Song at the end.
>>
>>Ronald aka "Rule Six: There is NOOOOOOO... Rule Six!"
>>
>>**** The Bruces ****
>>**** From Monty Python Live at City Center, ****
>>**** Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl, etc. ****
>>**** Transcribed by EP50...@YALEVM.BITNET , 4/86 ****
>>
>>Notes from the Transcriber:
>>"Abbos" is derisive slang for the aborigines.
>>"Pommeyland" is England.
Of course, "Pommies" or "Poms" are the English.
>>"Pooftahs" are homosexuals.
>
>Well, as an Australian, I'd spell "pommeyland" "pommieland" myself...
>
>[Chunks removed]
>>A bit crooked, Bruce.
>
>Try "A bit crook, Bruce." (crook = off-colour, not perfectly well)
>
>[More chunks deleted]
>>Gentleman, I'd like to introduce man from Pommeyland who is joinin'
>> us this year in the philosophy department at the University of
>> Walamaloo.
>
>Wooloomooloo. (From the Abbo term meaning "place of University about
>which Monty Python will make a sketch".)
>
>>Crack two.
The TV script (see MP "All the Words") gives "Crack tubes", a "tube"
presumably being a can of beer. (nb. My part of Australia does not use
this terminology; such a thing is called, cleverly, a tinny.)
>[Chunks deleted]
>>I'd like to welcome the pommey bastard to God's own Earth, and remind
>> him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-bates here.
>
>"sticky-beaks" = toffee-noses, those who stick their noses into others'
>business.
>
>[More deleted]
>>New-Bruce will be teaching political science, Machiavelli, Benton,
>> Lockholm, Sackly, Millbo, Hasset, and Bernerd.
A quick check of the script reveals the list to be
Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke[sic], Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall,
Miller, Hassett and Benaud.
(As far as I am aware, there was never an Australian cricketer "Locke".
There was, however, a Lock. All the rest were/are Australian cricketers,
from various decades [Bradman = 30s & 40s, Miller = 40s, Benaud = 60s,
just for example].)
{Of course, the Hollywood Bowl version may differ.}
>>Those are all cricketers!
>>Aww, spit!
>>Hails of derisive laughter, Bruce!
>
>Howls?
>
>[Chunks deleted]
>>Amen!
>
>[The Drunken Philosophers' Song, is, of course, correct]
>
>Despite my petty corrections, this transcriber did an excellent job.
>It's not easy to decipher an Englishman's version of an Australian accent,
>especially if you're not familiar with the ...
>
>
>Oh....
Idiom, Sir?
Lord Skinny
>Lord Skinny (ske...@morgan.ucs.mun.ca) wrote:
>The Holy Pril
You don't *vote* for Kings!! The lady of the lake, her arm clad in the
purest shimmering samite, ...ahhhh you know how it goes.....
Lord Skinny aka signifying by divine providence...erm...sorry
Mr D Bromage
>In article <2cbmip$f...@harbinger.cc.monash.edu.au>, bro...@mdw030.cc.monash.edu.au (Mr D Bromage) writes...
>>tma...@ooldea.awadi (Bionic Tapeworm) writes:
>>
>>>Could I begin by saying this is my first time on television?
>>No, there isn't time.
>But that's his only line!
Can I just say that this is the first time I've ever written sponge on this
newsgroup?
>>>IDIOM! Not familiar with the idiom.
>>Sir David aka why do your block over a slack shiela who bangs like a dunny door?
>Dame Ellen aka I'm afraid I don't follow your banter sir.
Sir David aka sorry, I often lapse into High Cactarian.