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the parrot returns

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mw. C.A.E. le Clercq

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Apr 22, 1993, 2:31:58 PM4/22/93

To every Monty Python fan out there: GREETINGS!!

I posted the first two lines of the dead parrot skit some days ago, not
expecting the reactions I got. In return I post this.

I had a lot of fun trying to figure out the right words of
the MP DEAD PARROT skit. I've transcribed a live recording on tape
and I think it's from the Hollywood Bowl performance (in 1970-something).

However, I was not able to make everything out and would there-
fore welcome any correction or addition. Words I don't understand
or aren't sure of are between brackets.

If you - readers of alt.fan.monty-python - already discussed this
skit's (correct) lines, I am sorry, I didn't know about it.
I first got to read any of the usenet newsgroup articles
beginning this April...

Any personal remarks, please to my e-mail address:
S036...@let.rug.nl

THANKS!!

Carolien.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

THE DEAD PARROT

C: John Cleese - the complaining customer
P: Michael Palin - the pet shop keeper

C: I wish to register a complaint!
Hello, miss...

P: What do you mean, 'miss'?

C: I'm sorry, I have a cold.
I wish to make a complaint.

P: Sorry, we're closed for lunch.

C: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complaint about
this parrot, what I purchased not half an hour ago
from this very boutique.

P: Ah, yes. The, er, the Norwegian Blue.
What's er, what's wrong with it.

C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad.
He's dead, that's what's wrong with it.

P: No, no, he's er, he's resting.

C: Look mate, I know a dead parrot when I see one.
And I am looking at one right now.

P: No, no, he's er, he's not dead, he's, he's resting, you know...
Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, ain't it, hey?
Beautiful plumage.

C: The plumage don't enter in to it!
He's stone dead.

P: No, no, he's, he's resting.

C: Alright then, if he's resting I'll wake him up.
Hello, mister Polly parrot, (sound of cage being hit)
I got a nice fresh banana.

P: He moved.

C: No he didn't! I saw you hit the cage.

P: I never!

C: YES... YOU... DID!

P: I didn't.

C: HELLO POLLY!
WAKEY, WAKEY!
This is your nine o'clock alarm call! (sound of knocking)
Now that is what I call a dead parrot.

P: He's stunned.

C: Stunned?

P: Yeah, you stunned him, just as he was waking up.
Norwegian Blues stun easily.

C: Now look, don't play the slippery eel with me.
That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I purchased it
not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement
was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.

P: Well, he's er, he's probably pining for the fiords.

C: Pining for the fiords?!! What kind of talk is that?
Now why did it fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?

P: The Norwegian Blue prefers (kipping) on his back.
Remarkable bird ain't it, ay, Major? Beatiful plumage!

C: Look, tosh, I took the liberty of examining that bird
when I got it home, and I discovered that the only reason
it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it
had been NAILED there.

P: Well ofcourse it was NAILED there. Listen, if I hadn't nailed
that bird down, it would have (m..) out of them bars, bend them
apart with his little (b..) and VOOM!

C: VOOM?

P: VOOM.

C: Mate, this parrot would't voom if you put 4 million volts
through it. He's bleedin' deMIzed!

P: No, no, he's pining!

C: He's not pining, he's, he's passed on! This parrot is no more.
He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker!
He's a stiff. (...) of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed
him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies! He's up the (twig)!
He's curled up his tootsies! He's shovelled off this mortal coil!
He's (...) the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir (...)!
He fuckin' snuffed it!
Vis-a-vis the metabolic processes, he's had his lot!
All statements to the effect that this parrot is still a going
concern are from now inoperative! This is an ex-parrot!

P: Well, I better replace it then.

C: If you want to get anything down in this country you have to (...)
What's the news?

P: Well, I had a little look around the back. And we're right out of
parrots.

C: I see, I see. I get the picture.

P: I got a slug.

C: Does it talk?

P: Yep!

C: Right. I'll have that one then.

Simon Rooney

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Apr 23, 1993, 7:48:52 AM4/23/93

>To every Monty Python fan out there: GREETINGS!!

GOOD EVE'NIN'

>I posted the first two lines of the dead parrot skit some days ago, not
>expecting the reactions I got. In return I post this.

Parry, RIPOSTE (re-post?)

>I had a lot of fun trying to figure out the right words of
>the MP DEAD PARROT skit. I've transcribed a live recording on tape
>and I think it's from the Hollywood Bowl performance (in 1970-something).

Um.. what tape's it from?

>However, I was not able to make everything out and would there-
>fore welcome any correction or addition. Words I don't understand
>or aren't sure of are between brackets.

Orrite. Well, I can't say I remember the version you're atlking
about off, but I'll correct the stuff in brackets (if I can), and
I'll mention where words are missed out where I've never heard them
missed out before.

>If you - readers of alt.fan.monty-python - already discussed this
>skit's (correct) lines, I am sorry, I didn't know about it.
>I first got to read any of the usenet newsgroup articles
>beginning this April...

Well I've already got 2 (I think) version of this, but another one
never hurts.

>Any personal remarks, please to my e-mail address:
>S036...@let.rug.nl

>THANKS!!
Orrite...

>Carolien.
MSNsio

>*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

>THE DEAD PARROT

>P: He moved.

>P: I never!

>C: YES... YOU... DID!

>P: I didn't.

>P: He's stunned.

>C: Stunned?

... withme my lad???

> That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I purchased it
> not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement
> was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.

>P: Well, he's er, he's probably pining for the fiords.

>C: Pining for the fiords?!! What kind of talk is that?
> Now why did it fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?

>P: The Norwegian Blue prefers (kipping) on his back.

kipping

> Remarkable bird ain't it, ay, Major? Beatiful plumage!

>C: Look, tosh, I took the liberty of examining that bird
> when I got it home, and I discovered that the only reason
> it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it
> had been NAILED there.

>P: Well ofcourse it was NAILED there. Listen, if I hadn't nailed
> that bird down, it would have (m..) out of them bars, bend them

muscled up to them bars, bent 'em

> apart with his little (b..) and VOOM!

apart with his little pecker, and VOOM!

>C: VOOM?

>P: VOOM.

>C: Mate, this parrot would't voom if you put 4 million volts
> through it. He's bleedin' deMIzed!

>P: No, no, he's pining!

>C: He's not pining, he's, he's passed on! This parrot is no more.
> He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker!
> He's a stiff. (...) of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed

bereft

> him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies! He's up the (twig)!

twig

> He's curled up his tootsies! He's shovelled off this mortal coil!
> He's (...) the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir (...)!

He's run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invibule
(ie. invisible)

> He fuckin' snuffed it!
> Vis-a-vis the metabolic processes, he's had his lot!
> All statements to the effect that this parrot is still a going
> concern are from now inoperative! This is an ex-parrot!

>P: Well, I better replace it then.

>C: If you want to get anything down in this country you have to (...)

(In some versions, he just goes mad. In the original, he
sez "You have to complain 'till you're blue in the mouth")
> What's the news?

>P: Well, I had a little look around the back. And we're right out of
> parrots.

>C: I see, I see. I get the picture.

>P: I got a slug.

>C: Does it talk?

>P: Yep!

>C: Right. I'll have that one then.

MNSsio the pythomaniac.

Daniel P Johnson

unread,

Apr 25, 1993, 11:04:01 AM4/25/93

In article <s03616...@let.rug.nl> s036...@let.rug.nl (mw. C.A.E. le Clercq) writuals:

.To every Monty Python fan out there: GREETINGS!!

Hi.

.I posted the first two lines of the dead parrot skit some days ago, not
.expecting the reactions I got. In return I post this.

Gosh, the first two lines? The *whole* first two lines? Are you
sure? I only counted one and three-quarters.

.I had a lot of fun trying to figure out the right words of
.the MP DEAD PARROT skit. I've transcribed a live recording on tape
.and I think it's from the Hollywood Bowl performance (in 1970-something).

more likely 1970+something

.However, I was not able to make everything out and would there-
.fore welcome any correction or addition. Words I don't understand
.or aren't sure of are between brackets.

Here, I'll fill 'em in for you!

C: John Cleese - the complaining customer
P: Michael Palin - the pet shop keeper

[Ok, except that complaining (in this case) is spelled
"complwhompaining"]

C: I wish to regurgitate a doublemint!
Hello, miss...

P: What do you mean, 'miss'?

C: I'm sorry, I have a cold.
I wish to make a complaint.

P: Sorry, we're closed for lunch.

---------------aberration in time and space----------------

P: Well ofcourse it was NAILED there. Listen, if I hadn't nailed

that bird down, it would have (muscled) up to them bars, bent them
apart with his little (barnacle...no no, BEAK) and VOOM!

C: VOOM?

P: VOOM.

C: Mate, this parrot would't voom if you put 4 million volts
through it. He's bleedin' deMIzed!

P: No, no, he's pining!

C: He's not pining, he's, he's passed on! This parrot is no more.
He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker!

He's a stiff. (Bereft) of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed

him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies! He's up the (twig

[good question])!

He's curled up his tootsies! He's shovelled off this mortal coil!

He's (pushed) the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir (invisible)!

He fuckin' snuffed it!
Vis-a-vis the metabolic processes, he's had his lot!
All statements to the effect that this parrot is still a going
concern are from now inoperative! This is an ex-parrot!

P: Well, I better replace it then.

C: If you want to get anything down in this country you have to

(something to the effect of "complain 'til you're blue in the mouth")
What's the news?

&c.

.If you - readers of alt.fan.monty-python - already discussed this
.skit's (correct) lines, I am sorry, I didn't know about it.

At least 98147666650791347 times, but that's ok.

.I first got to read any of the usenet newsgroup articles
.beginning this April...

.Any personal remarks, please to my e-mail address:
.S036...@let.rug.nl

I've never seen your person, so I can hardly remark on it.

.THANKS!!

.Carolien.

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