Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet
Matt Day
the salesman who sells this guys 100,000 miles of string (cut up into
three inch lengths) in _All The Words_? The name of the advertisement
company is mentioned at the beginning of the skit, which goes something
like:
Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spawn, Wapcaplet, Looseliver,
Vendetter, and Prang.
I must have this skit! I must! Now! What are you waiting for?!
--
Matt Day - Sanyo Icon R&D <md...@icon.com>
Dave Schaumann
>Does some stupid git out there
I'm not a stupid git, but I'll reply anyway.
>know where I can find the skit about
>the salesman who sells this guys 100,000 miles of string (cut up into
>three inch lengths) in _All The Words_? [...]
Unless I'm very much mistaken, ATW only contains stuff that appeard on
the TV show. The sketch you refer to first appeard on the album
"Contractual Obligation", which appeared long after the TV show was
done.
However... to your benifit I do have a transcription available. Sorry,
I don't know where I got it... some FTP site, if I remember right.
**** The string sketch
**** from Monty Python's Instant Record Collection
**** Transcribed from tape by Malcolm Dickinson <CLARINET@YALEVMX> , 4/5/86.
Adrian Wapcaplet: Aah, come in, come in, Mr....Simpson. Aaah, welcome to
Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spong, Wapcaplet, Looseliver,
Vendetta and Prang!
Mr. Simpson: Thank you.
Wapcaplet: Do sit down--my name's Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet...
Mr. Simpson: how'd'y'do.
Wapcaplet: Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson... French, is it?
S: No.
W: Aah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder.
S: String.
W: String, washing powder, what's the difference. We can sell *anything*.
S: Good. Well I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two
thousand *miles* of it to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I
advertised it--
W: Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there.
S: Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the hundred and
twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it's not very
useful.
W: Well, that's our selling point!
"SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRINGETTES!"
S: What?
W: "THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR
STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!"
S: For what?
W: "A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!"
S: Such as?
W: Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh,
destroying household pests...
S: Destroying household pests?! How?
W: Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if
they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it!
S: Well *surely*!....
W: "DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED,
RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR
STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!"
S: 'Ospitals!?!?!?!!?
W: Have you ever in a Hospital where they didn't have string?
S: No, but it's only *string*!
W: ONLY STRING?! It's everything! It's...it's waterproof!
S: No it isn't!
W: All right, it's water resistant then!
S: It isn't!
W: All right, it's water absorbent! It's...Super Absorbent String!
"ABSORB WATER TODAY WITH SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL WATER ABSORB-A-TEX
STRINGETTES! AWAY WITH FLOODS!"
S: You just said it was waterproof!
W: "AWAY WITH THE DULL DRUDGERY OF WORKADAY TIDAL WAVES! USE SIMPSON'S
INDIVIDUAL FLOOD PREVENTERS!"
S: You're mad!
W: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Sex, sex sex, must get sex into it. Wait,
I see a television commercial-
There's this nude woman in a bath holding a bit of your string. That's
great, great, but we need a doctor, got to have a medical opinion.
There's a nude woman in a bath with a doctor--that's too sexy. Put an
archbishop there watching them, that'll take the curse off it. Now, we
need children and animals.
There's two kids admiring the string, and a dog admiring the archbishop
who's blessing the string. Uhh...international flavor's missing...make the
archbishop Greek Orthodox. Why not Archbishop Macarios? No, no, he's
dead... nevermind, we'll get his brother, it'll be cheaper... So, there's
this nude woman....
_
_ //\miga! | Dave Schaumann | I just hate it when people quote themselves
\X/~~\ | da...@cs.arizona.edu | in their own .sig - me^H^H er, Anonymous
David Scott McAnally
Actually, I think that this sketch may have originated on "I'm Sorry I'll
Read That Again", with John Cleese playing Wapcaplet, and Tim Brooke-Taylor
playing the owner of the string. Of course, it was probably not in the
final form as it appears in "Contractual Obligation".
BTW, anyone remember the "String" episode of "The Goodies", where the Goodies
have their own advertising firm, and start advertising string. Graeme and
Bill obtain the world monopoly on string, particularly Persian carpets in
the Middle East, and they become rich String Sheiks. They even do a
documentary on the string refining process (which looks remarkably like a
parody on that sort of documentary).
David McAnally *
kurims.kurims.kyoto-u.ac.jp * .*
"Rumour had it, and so did Rita, often, that she only got where she *
was by sleeping with producers and directors. This was not true.
She was _anybody's_!"
The Making of the Goodies Disaster Movie