OT: Tom Swifties for all
Sally
"What do you mean St. Joan wasn't a real saint?" he said burningly.
"Tom moves like a robot," she said stiffly.
"Is my oboe fixed?" she asked, breathlessly.
"The fuse blew," he said, darkly.
"Why is there no air conditioning in here?" he asked hotly.
lpfeffa
What's the point?
Rusty
"lpfeffa" <lpf...@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
news:i49mnp$b0s$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
"What's the point? " She said smally.
Sally
> "lpfeffa" <lpfe...@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
Good try. I never head the adverb "smally," however. But you've got
the point, she said sharply.
Sally
Sally
Here the point:
Tom Swifties
A Tom Swifty is a sentence ending in an adverb that both tells how or
when Tom said something and applies to the meaning of his statement.
Here’s an example:
“Don’t sit in the back of the boat,” said Tom sternly.
Sternly describes Tom’s tone of voice. In addition, stern is another
word for “back of the boat.” So sternly is a particularly appropriate
word for ending the sentence. Make a Tom Swifty out of each of the
following sentences. The first letter of each adverb appears as a
hint.
“Does anyone have a hammer?” asked Tom s_________.
“I hope you like the gift I brought,” said Tom p__________.
“This poison ivy is making me itch!” exclaimed Tom r__________.
“I got first prize,” reported Tom w__________.
strikingly
presently
rashly
winningly
listlessly
James Langdell
Or to give this genre a Lettermanly twist...
"Where does the stage end?", Biff asked, edgedly.
"Is that my cue to start?", Anna Jack asked, circularly.
"Who are you going to phone next?", Barbara asked, pointedly.
"Did they put fresh cold cuts on the deli tray?", Nadine asked, hotly.
--James
Sally
James,
"I see," she said blindly.
A Lettermanly twist, eh?. This could lead to trouble. Bill Clinton is
coming down here to Florida to help a Democratic candidate soon. So
I'm thinking:
"I did not have sex with that woman," he said, crossing his fingers
behind his back and praying to the Virgin Mary to keep God from
smiting him.
(That's called me not getting the Tom Swifties.)
Or: "Jay Leno is a good, decent man," she said, biting her tongue as
she said it and planning to deny she ever did.
"Of course I'm a virgin," she said, despite the fact that everyone
knew she was the town slut.
Sally (I could call these the anti-Tom Swifties.)
James Langdell
>
> "I see," she said blindly.
>
> A Lettermanly twist, eh?. This could lead to trouble. Bill Clinton is
> coming down here to Florida to help a Democratic candidate soon. So
> I'm thinking:
>
> "I did not have sex with that woman," he said, crossing his fingers
> behind his back and praying to the Virgin Mary to keep God from
> smiting him.
>
> (That's called me not getting the Tom Swifties.)
>
> Or: "Jay Leno is a good, decent man," she said, biting her tongue as
> she said it and planning to deny she ever did.
>
> "Of course I'm a virgin," she said, despite the fact that everyone
> knew she was the town slut.
>
> Sally (I could call these the anti-Tom Swifties.)
These "anti-Tom Swifties" are making me think of another Letterman
segment: "It Sort Of Sounds Like A Joke".
I remember years ago a run of "serious answer jokes" where
riddleish questions were answered seriously. The grandparent
of the genre must have been this:
Q. Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A. To hold their pants up.
Or perhaps this classic:
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side.
I recall these others from decades ago in response to the "moron
jokes" genre...
Q. Why did the moron throw an alarm clock out the window?
A. That's something a moron might do.
Q. Why did the moron jump from the top of the Empire State Building?
A. That moron was also manic depressive, with suicidal tendencies.
Are there any other set-ups that sound like jokes to today's humorous
ear
that could get a reaction by de-joking the punchline?
--James
Sally
>
> - Show quoted text -
Hey, I like this idea a lot. I'll give myself a bit of time, though.
This is a new way of thinking, after all, and nobody but you has that
kind of mental dexterity. Great idea. Might hurt, though. They're that
kind of jokes. The giggles are starting to bubble up.
Sal
Sally
>
> - Show quoted text -
Here I go:
Q: "Knock, knock."
A. "Come in."
Q. A bum stopped me on the street and said he hadn't had a bite in
weeks.
A. I gave him a 20-dollar bill and shook his hand.
Q. "It hurts when I go like that."
A. "Why don't we run a few tests to determine the cause of the pain?"
Q. A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I need your help. Nobody
listens to me."
A. "And how does that make you feel?" says the doctor.
Q. Why did it take Moses 40 years to lead his people to Israel?
A. Considering all of God's other miracles, it is a very good question
to ask as to why He (or She) did not guide the route in a more speedy
manner.
Sally
R H Draney
>
>On Aug 16, 1:54=A0pm, James Langdell <jameslangd...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> I remember years ago a run of "serious answer jokes" where
>> riddleish questions were answered seriously. The grandparent
>> of the genre must have been this:
>>
>> Q. Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
>> A. To hold their pants up.
>>
>> Or perhaps this classic:
>>
>> Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
>> A. To get to the other side.
>>
>> I recall these others from decades ago in response to the "moron
>> jokes" genre...
>>
>> Q. Why did the moron throw an alarm clock out the window?
>> A. That's something a moron might do.
>>
>> Q. Why did the moron jump from the top of the Empire State Building?
>> A. That moron was also manic depressive, with suicidal tendencies.
>>
>> Are there any other set-ups that sound like jokes to today's humorous
>> ear
>> that could get a reaction by de-joking the punchline?
>
>
>Q: "Knock, knock."
>A. "Come in."
>
>Q. A bum stopped me on the street and said he hadn't had a bite in
>weeks.
>A. I gave him a 20-dollar bill and shook his hand.
>
>Q. "It hurts when I go like that."
>A. "Why don't we run a few tests to determine the cause of the pain?"
>
>Q. A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I need your help. Nobody
>listens to me."
>A. "And how does that make you feel?" says the doctor.
>
>Q. Why did it take Moses 40 years to lead his people to Israel?
>A. Considering all of God's other miracles, it is a very good question
>to ask as to why He (or She) did not guide the route in a more speedy
>manner.
Q: How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, and that's NOT FUNNY!
Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have ducked.
Take my wife, for example.
Gilbert Gottfried used to do a bit where he talked about meeting Jackie Onassis,
and as an icebreaker, asked her "do you remember where you were and what you
were doing...?"...by that point the audience was both laughing and gasping so
hard you couldn't have heard the rest of the sentence even if he had kept
speaking....r
--
Me? Sarcastic?
Yeah, right.
Robert Cohen
Hay, there is cognitive dissonance in creating Tom Swifties, I again
confusely post a la:
I just don't like to cluck-clack sexy porno pictures, I hornily lie
like hell
Obama's spending of a trilllion for futile stimula anger, I
Republicanly complain
Sally
>
> - Show quoted text -
The Gilbert Gotfried joke is indeed a killer, and I think James hit on
a variation on the theme. I also think that if we were drunk enough,
we could come up with straight lines to funny jokes instead of the
usual punchlines and laugh ourselves sick.
You came up with some pretty cute stuff yourself, r, but different.
There is no off position, as they say.
Sally