Agot complete without a baby
Scooby
ADOPTION is not an option for Agot, who stars in "Baby," and her husband
Manu.
SHOW TIME
Agot complete without a baby
Updated 08:06pm (Mla time) Sept 02, 2004
By Leah Salterio
Inquirer News Service
Editor's Note: Published on page A34 of the September 3, 2004 issue of the
Philippine Daily Inquirer
AGOT Isidro gave up show business for two years, had surgery, and she and
her husband Manu Sandejas danced on the street, all so that they would have
a baby.
Agot and Manu remain childless after four years of marriage.
The pitter-patter of dainty little feet, a baby's gurgling laughter, a
baby's cooing, even its cries: They seem so ordinary and they're taken for
granted, but for Agot, they're only a dream, so far. She has been wishing
and hoping and praying to hear and to have and to hold her very own baby.
Agot says she has decided to leave it all up to God. Her husband has told
her, "We're still complete."
"I gave up show biz by choice, not because Manu wanted me to," Agot, 38,
shares. "He never imposes on me. I'm the one who really wants to have a baby
because I'm not getting any younger."
Getting pregnant, however, turned out to be a very complicated matter for
Agot. First, she discovered she had a retroverted uterus, "although it's not
very uncommon to women," she says. Then doctors suggested she take hormonal
shots. She did.
Agot and Manu, an advertising man, even went to Obando, Bulacan, and danced
on the street with other childless couples. Street-dancing in Obando is said
to be an effective way of asking the heavens for children. "You can ask the
people there because they saw us," says Agot.
Complete
In 2002, Agot found out she had a benign myoma in her uterus. Doctors took
it out by performing a Caesarian operation on her.
"After that, I was so depressed," Agot says. "I went through the whole
process of giving birth, except that there was no baby. When I was in
surgery, my husband was my rock and my anchor. He wrote me a letter and gave
it to me after my operation. He said, 'Having a baby is a blessing. For
people like us, it's a bonus. But if it doesn't happen, we're still
complete. We don't need another person to complete us.'
"My husband probably felt we had done enough trying to have a baby. We've
consulted three doctors already. Some of our friends suggested we try in
vitro or artificial fertilization, which costs $20,000, but we didn't want
to do it. It's not in the normal order of things."
Agot says she and Manu have learned to accept that a baby is what they
probably could not have. "Today, there's no pressure on us anymore to have a
baby," she says. "We just want to enjoy each other. We've become closer.
We're prepared to lead a life with only the two of us together. That's fine.
"Manu and I accept, and we're happy. I guess that's more important."
No anger
She makes it clear, however, that acceptance does not mean giving up for
good.
"We've made a paradigm shift in our lives. But it doesn't mean we've given
up on having a baby. After hearing Sunday Mass at St. James Church in Ayala
Alabang, we stay for a few more minutes just to pray. Maybe this is not yet
the time to have a baby. If it's God's will, He will give it to us. But we
will no longer go through what we went through in trying to have a baby."
Agot says not having a baby is not a reason for her to be angry at God. Her
strong faith in God has pulled her out of the depths of depression and kept
her going.
"There's really a God," she declares. "I'm not even angry at myself. I used
to get irritated when people asked me when I would have a baby. I guess they
got tired of asking. I always tell them, 'Ayaw pa ni Lord.' How can they
argue with that?"
Adoption is not an option for Manu and Agot. "We don't talk about it," Agot
says. "Some people are worried about us and I get so uncomfortable with
that. I assure you I no longer feel any longing for a baby, even when I
attend baptisms or children's parties."
Theater neophyte
Fortunately, Agot has found therapy to overcome depression: work. Last year,
she was in a musical for Trumpets, "Honk." Early this year, she took on the
role of a lawyer-mermaid in ABS-CBN's fantasy-drama series, "Marina,"
starring Claudine Barretto. And when Atlantis Productions offered her to
star with Lea Salonga in the musical "Baby," Agot did not pass it up.
Ironically, in "Baby" she plays the role of a gym teacher who tries
everything just so she will have a baby. Her character is married to a
basketball coach played by Jett Pangan.
The musical is directed by Bobby Garcia and runs until Sept. 5 at the
Meralco Theater.
"My role in 'Baby' is so true for me," Agot offers. "In our earlier
rehearsals, I would cry. But I accepted this musical because it's a
challenge. I'm the theater neophyte in the cast, compared with Lea Salonga
and Menchu Lauchengco-Yulo.
"I love everything I'm doing now," she adds. "What happened to me was really
a big awakening. I've realized that you cannot plan your life. I thought it
was so easy to have a baby. I made the right choice by leaving everything up
to God."
Agot says she and Manu are happy just having each other. God may yet decide
that they deserve to have more happiness.
PooKooHoo
Of course it's none of my business and it's a personal issue for everyone. But
I find it kinda sad that for Agot and her husband, adoption is not an option.
Especially because there are lots of children not only in the Philippines but
other parts of the world who need loving homes.
Also that statement she gave about in-vitro, how "it's not in the normal order
of things". I kinda find it judgemental. Good for her though for being
complete even without a child
Lea Salonga-Chien
"PooKooHoo" <pook...@aol.com> wrote:
> Also that statement she gave about in-vitro, how "it's not in the normal order
> of things".
Perhaps she meant that "in-vitro" is a bit more invasive and less natural in
its procedures. Even so, it's not up to anyone to criticize her and her
husband's beliefs.
But she definitely is complete without the baby, and I think doing this show
has been therapeutic for her. We cried along with her at those early
rehearsals, and feel for her every time she had to rehearse the more
heartbreaking scenes in the show.
--
If you ain't got nothing nice to say, just shut the f*** up.
Little_Dove_Feather
> Hmmm...
> Of course it's none of my business and it's a personal issue for everyone. But
> I find it kinda sad that for Agot and her husband, adoption is not an option.
> Especially because there are lots of children not only in the Philippines but
> other parts of the world who need loving homes.
I agree with you. This is EXACTLY the kind of thing that I say to
friends who want to have kids someday but don't want to adopt if ever
they don't "get" any. After saying so, I just shut my mouth or else,
we'd be in heated argument. I understand the importance of having
their own kids to other people. But I say becoming good parents goes
far beyond Biology. Some biological parents prove to be neglectful,
irresponsible, even abusive. Some adoptive parents prove to be caring,
responsible, and loving, and maybe so much more...
But like you said, it's a personal issue for everyone...Sadly.
PooKooHoo
I just felt she could have given a statement that would be a little bit more
tactful and without possibly offending those who have gone through in-vitro.
I'm not judging her in any way. Like I said...Good for her for being complete
without kids.
I know people who have adopted and people who have gone through in vitro and
who might get slightly offended by her statement.
claude
> I know people who have adopted and people who have gone through in vitro and
> who might get slightly offended by her statement.
Well, frankly, I don't see anything offensive about her statement.
It is her opinion and you should respect that! After all, she is
entitled to her own opinion and her own belief. Besides, even if she
had said she was against invitro, there's nothing wrong with it! Good
grief! Respect her and take it for what it is!
Little_Dove_Feather
My apologies as well, if I offended anyone, too. I was only commenting
about the adoption-thing. If people don't like adoption, I respect
that. I would like to say, though, that I never said anything about
invitro, pro- or against, in case I maybe misunderstood. Lastly, like
I said, I like Agot and have always had a high regard for her. It
doesn't change a damn thing if she adopts or not.
Tin Samson
news:BD5E3FCC.12FD2%bigs...@yahoo.com...
> But she definitely is complete without the baby, and I think doing this
show
> has been therapeutic for her. We cried along with her at those early
> rehearsals, and feel for her every time she had to rehearse the more
> heartbreaking scenes in the show.
Thank you for sharing this... =)
PooKooHoo
having friends who couldn't adopt due to legal technicalities and a sister
that has gone through in vitro. I guess in the beginning I was a little bit
iffy about the method but now after having two boys and a girl that literally
light up my sister's face not to mention adore their uncle...it hurts a little
when someone says it's not the natural order of things.
My only point with that is that it's a little tactless and she could have
approached her comment differently.
GREAT for you if you didn't find that statement offensive or whatever- and i'm
not trying to be sarcastic...really...GREAT for you.
It's just more personal for me.
Like if someone said (in front of inter-racial couples) that the idea of
bi-racial children is not natural.
esprit
> has been therapeutic for her. We cried along with her at those early
> rehearsals, and feel for her every time she had to rehearse the more
> heartbreaking scenes in the show.
Because she could relate, see her self and feel the pain of those scenes?
what usually were the more sensitive scenes for her?
the Brat Prince
Rico
Lea Salonga-Chien
30b06f61.04090...@posting.google.com, "esprit"
<my_e...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Because she could relate, see her self and feel the pain of those scenes?
> what usually were the more sensitive scenes for her?
I can't remember which scenes in particular, but all the ones where she and
her husband are trying to conceive, and the frustrations in conjunction with
the effort.