after everything i said

[whorella mundane]

i can't help my son ... jim i am so lost

[seal]

Sorry. I shouldn't have left you hanging on this. I hope you're OK. I hope
HE's OK, however you define that. The opportunities for pain are so vast and
the possibilities for relief are so few, I don't know how any of us survive.
And then I remember. None of us do.


On 9/12/16, 07:55, in article
27d3785f-2497-4cd1...@googlegroups.com, "Whorella Mundane"

[whorella mundane]

On Monday, September 12, 2016 at 7:55:34 AM UTC-4, whorella mundane wrote:
> i can't help my son ... jim i am so lost

yea ... oh it's such a long story with what happened when i tried helping leo. $1,000 gone in two days - i don't even know where it went and am still financially recovering. i have no credit anymore. i have to live on what i make, which isn't that bad. but given all that stuff that comes out of my paycheck, it's like i make less than HALF - and i'm not including taxes.

i pay almost $8K a year in student loans ... and they are never paid. i pay and pay. arg. i can't afford to rehabilitate the loans. oh fuck it. i'm grateful to have such problems.

right now lolo is at my mom's ... so it's just been me and my son and he's actually clean. already stole hundreds off me but now i have my security system perfected. an alarm rings if someone opens my door. and my purse is in a closet protected by a padlock.

lolo is terminating a plague this weekend. still feel bad for her but the other person involved voted for trump and as so many of those types do, he bitches about the folks on welfare with "entitlement" issues but has no job and quit high school without getting a GED. he got fired from his bus boy job - he says mean things to my baby girl about it - he better never show his face around here. judgmental and clueless - pro-trump.

it's nice having leo here but he is going to die of boredom. i can't let him drive and have been too tired to take him to meetings and think the online meetings are a waste as he needs to be out there. he is totally social but has finally accepted that his jeff reed days are over and all he wants is a simple life. but when he's jacked up on xanax, he is the worst type of person.

but today, he's my beautiful boy again.

i worry, daily, about being old and poor with horrible credit but for now, i am praying i can get the drugs i need to cure my virus before it kills me.

if it does, i'm going to make next year GREAT!

[Ken]

In article <4064c1d8-37f7-49ce-8df5-
b43450...@googlegroups.com>

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

[whorella mundane]

On Thursday, September 29, 2016 at 2:49:25 AM UTC-4, seal wrote:
> Sorry. I shouldn't have left you hanging on this. I hope you're OK. I hope
> HE's OK, however you define that. The opportunities for pain are so vast and
> the possibilities for relief are so few, I don't know how any of us survive.
> And then I remember. None of us do.
>
>

OMFG ... THAT CRACKED MY ASS UP ... NONE OF US DO
oh and thank god this world falls away

anyway that wasn't funny, tho ... it's some shit.
the sad shit. the fucking death.

it takes it toll regardless if you know
the mind goes on, or not.

they are gone as you knew/percieved them.
and the silence is so long ... (i slurred my writing and orginally wrote "so slong")

anyway it's crazy to know that you can only meet yourselve through others
and we are being bambared with images - all false. all born of our greatest sorrow. our greatest fear. and yet, we face that and the face of god awaits.

once we forgive ... each illusion dissolves in the light ...
it's so beautiful that i weep in exaltation of what i've found
and what if i was right? what if i, alone, was right?

and yet failed to convince them all ... jesus never speaks
of his sorrow in the course of miracles but i believe it's him
and how wrong we are to condemn ourselves, especially in the name
of the greater glory! how do we not see the lie there?

the greater glory is inside ... and the outside, irrelevant.
and there, is peace.

nothing god created can be threatened.
nothing god didn't create, exists.
therein lies the peace of god.

but it sho feels like we existin'! ouch!
born in pain. born into pain. the miracle of what? birth!
but there is escape and it's not all "love each other" -
that is not going to work unless you understand
you are always meeting yourself. save them to save you.

and give up the pain we hold precious in our attempts
to push punishment from the saddest sin of separation
when we knew our father not

and so we wanted to do it our way
but didn't understand the darkness we'd demanded of god.
and loving us, he gave it to us. this world is not of God
but our own f'n minds

and to me, that's as deep as it f'n gets

out